Sorry Son, You Were an Accident

“Th-th-this…”

Watching his father and mother, their fingers tenderly intertwined, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes as if no one else in the entire world existed, Ewan suddenly felt the distinct, bewildering sensation of having been kicked squarely in the teeth by a very large dog.

This was not how the plot was supposed to go.

Me, Ewan Campbell, am I not your deeply beloved, precious, one-and-only son?

Where is your legendary doting love?

Where is your meticulous, suffocating care?

And now you’re suddenly abandoning me, your only child, to run off together on a second honeymoon? Is this reasonable?

IS IT?!

And where in the seven hells did a little brother or sister suddenly come from?!

So the reason the original Ewan had such a miserable end wasn’t because he was a villain… it was because you two had a new, upgraded kid and just forgot about him, wasn’t it!

“Um… Father, Mother, if you both leave, what am I supposed to do?” Ewan felt he had to make one last, desperate attempt to salvage his beautiful, foolproof plan. At the very least, he had to convince them to take him with them and get him out of this dangerous, protagonist-infested hellhole of a city. “Maybe I could also…”

“Hm? What are you supposed to do?” Noas looked at him with a strange, almost pitying expression. “Aren’t you about to start school again, my little Ewan? Saint Marika Academy provides room and board. It’s perfectly safe and reliable. Is there anything to worry about? And if you’re worried about pocket money, you needn’t be. We’ve already entrusted your entire allowance to Anne’s care. You can just get it from her whenever you need it.”

“No, that’s not what I meant…” Saint Marika Academy has the protagonist and her entire party of overpowered friends, plus the Ice Witch who now has a very good reason to hate my guts! How is that in any way, shape, or form safe and reliable for me?!

“What I mean is… what if I’m assassinated again?” Ewan’s mind raced, searching for a plausible excuse. “That’s right! I was just lucky last time. If I’m attacked again, won’t I be completely done for?”

“Assassinated? Why would you be assassinated?” Rhun frowned, looking genuinely perplexed. “Is there any benefit to assassinating you?”

“Of course there is! I’m…” I’m the son of a duke.

The words died in his throat.

That’s right.

He was the son of a duke, but who in their right mind would bother assassinating him? Would it deal a blow to the Campbell family? No. The current Duke Campbell was his father, the “Lion King,” still very much in his prime.

And most importantly… Ewan’s gaze drifted to Noas’s stomach.

…The second-in-line to the Campbell family fortune and title was already on the way. Who would be stupid enough to risk the full, earth-shattering wrath of a ducal house just to assassinate a useless, profligate, and now redundant son like him?! Did they have nothing better to do with their time?!

“I know the incident with Celicia has left you with some trauma,” Rhun said, patting Ewan’s shoulder with an expression that clearly communicated, ‘You’re so useless, just lie back and enjoy the ride.’ “But don’t worry, no one is idle enough to waste their time assassinating you. And even if someone did try, they wouldn’t send anyone strong. I’ve reinforced the estate’s wards. There won’t be any problems.”

“…” Ewan wanted to weep, but he had no tears left. Are you comforting me? Or are you actively stabbing a knife into your son’s already broken heart?

“But…”

“No buts,” Rhun sighed, his expression turning serious. “I know you’re reluctant to see us go, but do you think this is easy for us?”

“Unfortunately, in this world, it’s hard to have the best of both worlds.”

“I, your father, must go to the front lines to command the troops. His Majesty has already shown great kindness by allowing Noas to return to the countryside to have her baby in peace.”

“As for you, Ewan, you can only remain here in Belland.”

“I was originally very worried about leaving you, but your recent performance has greatly exceeded my expectations.” Rhun gently punched Ewan in the chest, his voice full of genuine pride. “You’ve grown up, Ewan Campbell. You’re starting to become a real man.”

“Father…” Ewan was so moved by his father’s words that his eyes grew warm. But then his brain caught up with his heart.

Wait a minute. Isn’t this just leaving me in the capital as a political hostage while you go off to command a massive army? What if one day you get a big idea and say, ‘I have countless brave generals and a hundred thousand elite soldiers under my command! That dog of an emperor is incompetent and surrounded by treacherous officials! Why don’t we just rebel?’ Then wouldn’t I be the first one the emperor has publicly and messily executed?!

I absolutely do not want that ending!

But Rhun didn’t give Ewan a chance to protest. He swept Noas up into his arms with a flourish and strode onto the carriage.

“Well then, our little Ewan, we’re off! Be a good boy at school,” Noas called, leaning out of the carriage window and waving.

“Wait…”

“Ah, right.” Rhun looked at Anne, a conspiratorial glint in his eye. “Anne, I’m leaving Ewan and the ducal estate in your capable hands for a while.”

“Rest assured, Master.” Anne bowed respectfully, her face a mask of perfect servitude. “I will most certainly take good care of the Young Master. I will not let anyone harm him.”

“Haha, you’re as reliable as ever.” After saying this, Rhun suddenly winked at Ewan. His lips moved, but his voice appeared directly in Ewan’s mind, a telepathic whisper from a meddling dad.

“Ewan, my boy, if you can’t find any other noble ladies for a while, Anne is also an option, you know. I’m not like those stuffy old nobles. As long as you can produce a son for the Campbell family, I don’t care about her status. Besides, with your mother and I gone, you and Anne will have plenty of opportunities to be alone. The chances are huge, right? And Anne certainly won’t resist you!”

“Father, what in the world are you talking about!” Ewan blushed a furious, mortified red.

“Haha, no more talking! We’re off!” Rhun laughed heartily and snapped the reins. The griffin let out a deafening cry, spread its massive wings, and with a powerful downbeat, pulled the entire carriage up into the sky.

“Goodbye, little Ewan!” Noas was still waving enthusiastically.

“Goodbye, Mother.”

“Goodbye, Father. Be careful on the road.”

Ewan could only wave back, on the verge of tears, as he watched his greatest source of security, his one and only impenetrable shield, gradually disappear into the morning sky.

…

“Ah, fate, oh fate, why must you torment me so? Was the price for that one legendary gacha pull really this astronomically high?”

Staring at the now-empty gate, Ewan felt his heart become just as empty. With his father gone, his perfect, beautiful, foolproof plan was in complete and utter tatters. He was once again like a newborn baby, naked and exposed to all the hidden, terrifying dangers of the world.

“Does this world truly, deeply hate me, this disposable blond villain?” Ewan laughed at himself, the sound hollow and bitter.

“Young Master Ewan, what’s wrong?” Anne asked, her voice laced with concern as she noticed his desolate mood. “Are you sad?”

“I’m fine.” Ewan shook his head and started walking back toward the mansion, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

“What are your plans for the rest of the day, Young Master?” Anne followed him, her steps light and silent. “Would you like to have breakfast first, or perhaps take a look at the new tulips in the garden? It seems they’ve just bloomed.”

“No,” Ewan said, his voice flat. “Neither.”

“I’m going to the library.”

“Eh?”

Anne froze mid-step. She stared at Ewan’s retreating back with a look of utter, profound disbelief. The Young Master, who had never shown the slightest interest in books, who viewed reading as a form of cruel and unusual punishment, was going to the library on his own initiative?

“What about your breakfast…?”

“Bring it to the library.”