The Unscrupulous Priest

“Yexi, Yexi, wake up.”

This time, Yexi, deep in a heavy, leaden slumber, desperately wanted to find the fool who dared to disturb her and introduce his throat to her dagger. However, considering the exorbitant fee she would have to charge for such a high-profile service, she managed to restrain the urge.

She groggily opened her eyes to see a large hand waving incessantly in front of her face. I really want to chop off those big pig trotters.

“Yexi, you’re awake? We’ve arrived.”

Ard’s voice came from the side. Yexi blinked, the fog in her mind slowly clearing like a morning mist burning off a lake. She sat up, straightened the wrinkles from her maid’s uniform with a series of sharp, precise movements, and let out a long, slow breath.

“Thank you for your tolerance and for waking me, Mr. Guest. It must have been very difficult to restrain your wandering hands during our long journey. Please rest assured, I will not be so incompetent from now on. Let us go.”

In an instant, Yexi transformed from a frail, sleep-deprived beauty back into the capable, sharp-tongued maid he knew.

Ard was still trying to decide which of her two personas he preferred when Yexi began to hurry him along, her voice crisp.

“It’s already dusk, Mr. Guest. Please hurry. It would be rude to disturb people after the church has closed for the evening. Perhaps you don’t mind such social blunders, but I have the family’s reputation to consider.”

“Alright, alright.” Ard, still savoring the faint, sweet fragrance of her silver hair from where her head had rested on his shoulder, shrugged and stepped down from the carriage. He couldn’t resist one last tease.

“I was rather hoping the journey would be a little longer. That way, I could have continued to admire our perfect maid’s delicate, sleeping side.”

“Mr. Guest certainly makes no effort to conceal his base desires. That’s a sure way to be disliked by women, you know.”

“In front of a maid who has already seen through my ‘gentlemanly’ facade, perhaps being honest is a point in my favor.”

“A favorability score that has already hit rock bottom cannot be increased, Mr. Guest. It can only dig deeper.”

“You wound me so! And after I’ve tried so hard to be charming. Does this mean Yexi prefers a more subtle kind of confession?”

“Your efforts were misguided from the very beginning, Mr. Guest. And besides, I wouldn’t like any kind of confession from you.”

Bickering like a young couple on their first outing, the two of them walked into the Grand Cathedral. The church, built by the Grand Holy Church itself, was practical and simple, almost severe. The craftsmanship and materials, with the exception of a few finely detailed statues representing the Goddess in her various aspects, were chosen for durability and strength. It felt more like a fortress than a place of worship. In terms of scale and opulent style, the private chapels of wealthy nobles were often far grander.

“My, my, you two sure get along so well. It feels like it’s only been a year, and Yexi-chan already has a boyfriend. How time flies.”

As they entered the main nave, a scruffy, bearded man sighed with a profound, worldly weariness. If not for the faded priest’s robes he wore, no one would have guessed he was the clergyman of this Grand Cathedral.

“Yes, the passage of time not only brings growth but also seems to weaken certain people’s sensory organs, doesn’t it, Father Reiss?” Yexi shot back, her voice dripping with ice. “If your eyesight is failing, you should retire and leave opportunities for the next generation.”

Ouch, that’s harsh. Ard watched, breaking out in a cold sweat, as Yexi fired back without a moment’s hesitation. They were here to ask for a favor, after all.

Reiss looked crestfallen, clutching his heart dramatically. “Yexi-chan, you really hold a grudge. I only tried to trick you into being my bride when you were a child. If you were willing to take over for me, I’d retire in a heartbeat! I could spend my days admiring you in a nun’s habit… wow, I’d live for another few hundred years!”

“Absolutely not!!!” Before Yexi could unleash her venom, Ard objected, his voice full of righteous indignation. “It would be a crime against beauty to let a lecherous old man like you monopolize such a magnificent sight! Step aside and let a true connoisseur see that nun!”

“Hey, hey, hey! It’s not fair to keep her all to yourself, kid. Don’t you know how to respect your elders?”

“There’s no need to be polite to a disrespectful old man! I will defend the right to admire Yexi in holy vestments!”

“You… two… have… gone… too… far!”

Yexi silently picked up a heavy wooden broom from the side of the church and, with frightening speed, brought it down hard on the heads of the two men who were so engrossed in fighting over the right to see her in costume.

Reiss and Ard both clutched the rapidly forming lumps on their heads, obediently admitting their mistake in front of the furious maid.

“Sorry, I (the old man) got carried away.”

“!!!” Ard and Reiss glared at each other, sparks flying between them. “Don’t copy me, kid!” “That’s my line, old man!”

CRACK. CRACK.

Yexi tossed the two halves of the broken broom aside and addressed the two perverts, each now sporting two impressive bumps on their heads. “You two had better behave. Otherwise, next time, it won’t be a wooden broom.” She walked over to a statue of the Goddess of War, retrieved the stone-headed battle-axe from its grasp, and swung it menacingly toward their lower bodies.

A shiver of pure terror ran down both their spines. “Understood, understood,” they stammered in unison.

Only then did Yexi return the stone axe to its original place.

Ard gasped, then looked cautiously at Reiss, who seemed completely unfazed and was calmly lighting a cigarette.

“Isn’t that disrespectful to your goddess? You’re not going to stop her?”

Reiss said without a moment’s hesitation, “Her Ladyship is very tolerant. A cute girl like Yexi-chan will surely be forgiven. After all, beauty is justice!”

“…Are you really a priest? If a criminal were a pretty girl, would you just let her go?”

“I usually check their appearance when I take a case. The good-looking criminals, I pass on to my colleagues. So it doesn’t interfere with my work, don’t worry!”

I’m not reassured at all! Ard swore this was the most unreliable priest he had met in all his past lives and his current one. He takes cases? He sounds more like a hitman than a priest!

“Father Reiss, please refrain from tarnishing the image of the Grand Holy Church in front of outsiders.”

Perhaps even the Goddess couldn’t stand this perverted priest anymore. A nun emerged from the shadows of the confessional behind them to stop Reiss.

Great justice! That was Ard’s first impression. It was impossible not to notice the two prominent, bountiful features of her figure. But finally, a normal-looking member of the clergy. Ard breathed a sigh of relief.

“The truth should only be known by a select few. Spreading it indiscriminately is forbidden,” the nun added, her voice serene.

So much for normal. They’re all fake believers! So the real believers are all in the private chapels?

“Ah, forgive me, Sister Seleu, I have sinned. I must confess to you. Let us go to the confessional and be alone for a while,” Reiss said, his eyes gleaming.

SHINK.

A long, wickedly sharp stone spear embedded itself in the floor right between Reiss’s legs, the stone vibrating with silent power.

Sister Seleu smiled sweetly, a terrifyingly beautiful sight. “Reiss, would you like me to execute justice upon you?”

Reiss carefully extracted his leg and bowed his head in a perfect, formal apology. “I’m sorry, I was truly wrong.”

Ard noticed that the stone spear seemed to have come from the hands of another goddess statue in the church. I see. The real purpose of these statues is to conceal an arsenal of dangerous weapons! What kind of orthodox church is this?!

Yexi watched with cold, unimpressed eyes. “Are you done fooling around? Can we get to business now?”

Reiss said sheepishly, “Sorry, got a bit carried away. So, Yexi-chan, you brought a man here. You must want to witness your love before the Goddess, right? I’ll prepare the ceremony at once… Whoa!”

Reiss’s head snapped to the side as a white blur shot past his face and embedded itself deep in a stone pillar behind him.

“A pity,” Yexi said, lowering her hand. “This is a letter from my master. Please take it.”

“That was dangerous! If I hadn’t reacted quickly, you would have decapitated me!” Reiss shouted, but his body obediently went to retrieve the letter, which was pinned to the pillar by a throwing knife. “It’s stuck in there pretty good.”

Seleu said calmly, “Miss Yexi, please refrain from attacking the priest inside the church. It makes things very difficult for me. Cleaning up the church afterwards is too much trouble. Next time, please ambush Father Reiss when he is visiting the brothels. I will provide you with his itinerary.”

“My apologies. I was inconsiderate. I will be sure to do so next time,” Yexi replied with a solemn nod.

“Hey, I can hear you two!” Reiss protested from the pillar.

She’ll be sure to do so next time? Cold sweat dripped down Ard’s forehead.

“What could this be?” After much effort, Reiss managed to pull the letter from the stone pillar without damaging it. He casually tore it open, but with too much force, and an object from inside fell out—a silver emblem, engraved with an orchid that seemed to radiate a faint, holy aura. It was the sacred flower of this world.

Seeing it, Reiss’s frivolous expression vanished, replaced instantly by one of utter gravity. He quickly picked it up and examined it closely. He nodded at Seleu, whose face also turned serious and cold. She addressed Yexi and Ard, her voice now devoid of warmth. “Please, follow me.”

Yexi followed without hesitation. Ard glanced at Reiss, who was now closing and barring the main doors of the church, and then followed as well.

Seleu led them to the confessional. She twisted a crystal lamp on the wall, and a secret door opened with a low, grinding rumble. Ard marveled at the sight, but Yexi had already stepped through with Seleu as if she’d done it a hundred times. He quickly followed and found himself on a spiral staircase that descended deep, deep underground.

Ard suddenly understood where the Grand Holy Church’s funds really went. The surface was just a facade; the real activity, the real power, took place underground.

After descending for nearly ten minutes, the air growing cold and heavy, they stopped before a large, rune-etched stone door. The nun paused and turned to them. “You are about to see the true face of the Grand Holy Church, a place that must not be spoken of to the outside world. I hope you can both promise here, before the Goddess, not to reveal this secret.”

Yexi replied coldly, “No problem.”

“Alright,” Ard agreed, then asked, “Is a verbal promise enough? For something like this, I thought we’d have to sign some kind of binding magical contract.”

“Haha, you’re quite thorough, young man. But something like that isn’t necessary,” Reiss’s voice echoed from above. It was followed by the sound of a heavy landing as he dropped from the darkness above.

Reiss hadn’t taken the stairs like them but had jumped straight down, landing in front of them in a fraction of the time. The floor here was so sturdy that the massive impact left no mark.

The nun chided him disapprovingly. “Reiss, how many times have I told you to take the stairs like a normal person?”

“Next time, I promise, next time.”

“Honestly, you always say that.”

“Um, could you continue explaining why a contract isn’t necessary?” Ard asked, like a curious child who couldn’t let it go.

Reiss laughed, a low, dangerous sound that held none of his earlier humor. “You’re a curious one, aren’t you, young man? Sometimes, too much curiosity can lead to trouble, you know.”