Something unbearable

“…”
“I need time to think. To you, I might be second, but to me, you are the absolute first. No, in fact, there is no second or third, because to me, there is only you. So ranking is meaningless.”
Theron’s chest heaved with his breath.
“But there’s reality, isn’t there? I have responsibilities, so if I just leave everything and follow you to that distant continent, who will support you when we get married? Am I, as a man, going to let my wife and child starve?”
It was a thought that had never crossed Selene’s mind.
After all, she had more than enough money.
However, there was some truth to Theron’s words.
Not the future where they might starve, but the part about having responsibilities now.
Just as Selene didn’t want to give up her dream, she didn’t want to make Theron give up what he had worked so hard to achieve.
“Making a big concession, it might not be that far if we take a plane. But the problem is, I can’t be away for that long. Then I would only be able to see you once a month, and who wants to be tortured like that?”
For someone who was flustered, his words were quite bold.
Theron, who had been speaking without a break, finally paused and calmed his heaving chest.
“So, is studying abroad a definite plan?”
“Studying abroad will be decided by the results of the international competition held next spring. I can only go to study abroad if I win there.”
“Next spring…”
Theron mulled over that not-so-distant time.
Then he narrowed his eyes and said, “Then let’s both sort out our thoughts until then.”
“About what?”
“You never know. By then, you might like me so much that you’ll want to give up on studying abroad.”
It sounded absurd for now, but Selene knew that her relationship with Theron had grown close in a short period of time.
So, it wasn’t an assumption she could just ignore as if she hadn’t heard it, like in the past.
“What if I can’t give up on studying abroad even then?”
At Selene’s cruel example, Theron pulled at his tie knot as if frustrated.
“We’ll talk about that then. If it really doesn’t work out, I’ll just propose to you before you leave.”
Theron, while flapping his shirt collar as if he were about to burst with frustration, did not say he would end this strange relationship right away.
So, Selene could be relieved.
And she was glad.
‘…Glad?’
Selene was a little surprised at her own thought.
But as Theron was moving around restlessly in front of her, that impression quickly dissipated.
Selene asked Theron, who was still flapping his shirt, “Don’t you think it’s fussy of me to study abroad because of the piano?”
“Not at all. Your skill is worthy of such ambition. Besides, you even used me as a tool for the piano, so studying abroad is nothing.”
Theron retorted sullenly.
Although it wasn’t the kind of attitude that showed he completely respected her, as Gwendolyn had advised, it was an answer that was sufficient for Selene.
Selene, with a faint smile on her lips, said, “Yes. The reason I decided to sleep with you might have been just for the piano. But I don’t regret it. Theron Cox, because of that, I got to know you better.”
“…”
“That has a special meaning to me.”
Theron, who had been restlessly flapping his shirt, suddenly stopped his actions and looked at Selene.
His breathing, which she thought had calmed down, had quickened slightly.
“Ah, really…”
‘I was going to hold it in today.’
With a murmur she couldn’t understand, Theron pulled Selene’s head closer to his face.
Peck.
Their lips touched and parted.
Then, peck, peck, peck, two, three times.
Theron, who had been giving small kisses, finally pressed his tongue into Selene’s parted mouth.
The rough lips that touched her without warning were a little sudden, but not bad.
Especially Theron’s rapidly rising and falling chest.
Selene wrapped her arms around Theron’s neck.
The rough breathing of the two in the car did not subside for a long time.

Theron’s day began, as usual, in a normal way.
A normal schedule, a peaceful atmosphere.
Of course, to be precise, the peace was just the atmosphere of the company, and the most important member within it was somewhat unhinged.
That main character was Theron.
Gary, who couldn’t stand to watch any longer, stopped in front of his desk.
“You always seem to be in a daze after meeting Lady Ashcombe. Wouldn’t it be better not to meet her at this rate?”
Only then did Theron adjust the pen he had been holding loosely.
“…I’m thinking, thinking.”
“Yes, I’m sure you are. And then you’ll ask me again how many days are left until May 15th.”
“Yes… so how many days are left?”
Hmph.
Gary let out a sigh.
“The year has already passed and it’s past mid-winter, so there are about 102 days left.”
‘102 days…’
Theron nodded blankly.
The D-day that he would ask and confirm several times, even with Gary staring at him as if he were pathetic.
That day was the day of the international piano competition, and at the same time, the day Selene’s study abroad would be decided.
Theron repeated the same thought every time he thought of that day.
At first, it was, ‘Will Selene win that competition?’
‘She probably will. A person who plays the piano that well.’
‘If he hadn’t seen Selene playing seriously at the salon concert, he might have doubted it, but that perfect performance was already deeply engraved in his eardrums, unable to be erased.’
‘After winning, Selene would go to that distant continent for the study abroad she had dreamed of.’
‘Then what should I do…?’
‘Should I propose first and mark her as ‘mine’?’
‘No, if I propose, will Selene even accept?’
However, looking back, he found it strange that he was acting as if there was a time limit all of a sudden at Selene’s talk of studying abroad.
In the first place, the time Colonel Orlando had given him to seduce and marry Selene was one year, and that period roughly coincided with the time of the international piano competition.
And yet, the reason he was getting so anxious, as if a second hand were ticking away in his head…
‘It doesn’t make sense to be separated like this.’
Theron, while making all sorts of excuses, knew that they were all nonsense.
And yet, the reason he couldn’t give up on this ridiculous chatter was a defense mechanism.
Because he was so confused about whether he was acting like a person who had lost his mind because it would be difficult to get married if Selene went to study abroad, or because it would be difficult to meet Selene if she went far away.
In the past, he would have naturally concluded it was the former, but now he couldn’t, no matter how thick-skinned he was.
It was literally driving him crazy.
Theron went round and round and decided to gauge the probability of Selene not winning the international competition.
In fact, no matter how well she played the piano, strictly speaking, winning was by no means an easy task.
Because a competition had so many variables and was heavily dependent on a person’s condition.
Besides, it was an international competition.
It was on a much larger scale than the Velora competition that Selene had already won, so talents from all over the world would flock to it.
And yet, Theron couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that Selene would win and then fly away to that distant continent.
He habitually took out a cigar and put it in his mouth.
Hooo-
The hazy smoke flickered before his eyes after a long time.
The rising emptiness wandered helplessly in his chest.
Theron, who was staring blankly at the smoke rising in the air, found himself wondering when he had started to look at Selene playing the piano with admiration.
‘When he thought she was a hypocrite who pretended to be all passionate on the outside but secretly bribed the judges behind the scenes.’
Theron suddenly knew it was time to look into that matter he had been putting off.
The truth of that day.
The words he had heard from a client at the auditorium in Velora, where he had happened to stop by.

“But in the end, the winner of this competition will be Selene Ashcombe from the empire. It’s a settled matter, no matter how much the ants struggle.”

The way to find out the truth of that day was simple, without needing to think too deeply.
He just had to go to Colonel Orlando and ask him to confirm it.
And yet, Theron tried his best to turn his attention away from it, as if looking into a dusty box that he didn’t know what would come out of if he opened it.
It was because of a vague fear.
While being curious about what was in that box, he was afraid that something unbearable would pop out if he actually opened it.
Something unbearable.
Theron, holding the burning cigar in his hand, stared at the empty space.
It was probably the barrier surrounding his heart.
That barrier was the last device that drew a line in this feeling of helplessly falling for Selene.
So, Theron instinctively knew.
That if he confirmed the truth and the excuse to consider Selene a hypocrite disappeared, the place where he could retreat from this emotion, which had taken root deep in his heart and sprouted, would also disappear.