Back to square one

Preparation for the Full Moon Ceremony is Complete. Once You Enter, the Valtael Will Be Waiting.

He simply stood there, staring at you sitting on the bed.
I wondered if you’d act like some immature young male, clueless and reckless.

“…If it’s funny, you can laugh! I know it’s ridiculous too….”

Your chattering words didn’t reach me at all.

Sitting there with your face powdered pale and an aloof expression, you looked just like the cat you once drunkenly said you liked. You used to absolutely hate the lynx beast-kin that came charging in with sharpened claws.

…Yeah. I’ve come to like cats too. I hurriedly etched that sight into my eyes alone, rubbing it away lest anyone else should see.

“Ah, hhhng, wait… ah!”

The Full Moon Ceremony. I had never been this aroused before.

Clinging to the last threads of my fading consciousness, I embraced you. I had lost the memory of my first rut, but this time—this time I didn’t want to forget. With the last shreds of reason I could muster, I coupled with you.

“Slowly, ah! Don’t bite… ah, ngh!”

You whimpered pitifully, yet babbled with excitement. Even as you sniffled, saying you couldn’t handle it, your body in heat was a welcome thing.

B*stard, jerk, liar. I could listen to your whining all day without ever getting tired.

No matter how much I bit and sucked you, my thirst wouldn’t fade. Only after sending my rut away with a clear head did I finally realize—

You really are my mate.

Like your body, our relationship had been awkward and misaligned, hard to fit together. Yet in the end, you were my other half.

The thought that there would be countless full moons we could watch together.

That ridiculous wish that you’d be with me for each one. The daring thought that maybe—just maybe—I could spend my whole life with you.

“…What are we going to do from now on? About pretending to be mates.”

But then, as if to crush that fantasy before it could take root, you dragged me back into reality.

As if to say you and I were different from birth.

As if to remind me that you—a being blessed by the gods—could never be compared to me, a forgotten existence.

So before I could stop myself, I spoke harshly, knowing full well it would unsettle you.

“Is that the only thing on your mind?”

These days, whenever you saw me, that was all you ever talked about—

Contracts. The future. What lies ahead.

I had fewer and fewer words to answer with, so I spoke less and began avoiding you. But you would corner me with those round eyes of yours and wring an answer out of me no matter what.

“If I said I was leaving… would you help me?”

You asked what I’d do if your identity as an Awakener was exposed.

Would I help you escape?

Would I let you go?

“…Do you think I would?”

Why should I let you leave?

You’re already mine. You’ve become mine. Why should I send you away?

Backed into a corner, I finally bared my fangs. You looked at me with disgust, as if seeing the petty, cowardly side of the Plunderer I didn’t want to show you.

A frightened face. Eyes full of betrayal. The expression of someone who sees me as nothing more than a savage beast with whom no words can be exchanged.

Yes—this is my true nature.

Born into a race denied from the very beginning, I have no use for the rules, promises, or contracts of the world.

When the Full Moon Ceremony is over, Imprint Sickness disappears.

The Imprint Vein is only stimulated when one desires pregnancy, to hasten rut and copulation. Our race evolved that way to avoid going into heat too often and exhausting our numbers.

But maybe I was the one who was wrong.

The ceremony had ended, yet my sickness grew worse. I hadn’t even bitten your Imprint Vein, but every time I saw you, my lower body would stand like a rutting dog.

Shinbi.

Just the thought of that name made my chest churn and heat surge in my veins. Even when you were out of sight, the memory of you clung to me like a lingering warmth, tormenting me.

Perhaps you truly intended to destroy me.

I wanted to at least face you under the pretense of asking what trick you had pulled, but after the ceremony, you seemed so frightened you wouldn’t even look at me.

Fine. Maybe it was for the best. We were done with each other; you could stay there as if nothing mattered, and then leave.

I had turned away from you—until Tegen’s words kept echoing in my ears.

“You said you needed a Nemea claw.”

I knew you would foolishly rejoice if I brought it to you, so I went and captured a Nemea alive.

It wasn’t easy to find one after they had been hunted nearly to extinction for revenge, but I endured the hardship just for the excuse to speak to you.

That’s what an imprint is—two beings bound by fate from birth.

I had wanted to deny it. I had lived my life denying the fact that my race was one that should disappear, and I wanted to prove I could deny having a mate as well. Yet I kept being drawn to you like a dog on a leash.

To win your favor, I gathered the things you liked—or the things I thought you might like—and offered them to you.

“This is a gift.”

But when I returned, exhausted, I saw you chatting merrily with Mashak.

Even knowing no Sura would dare harbor improper thoughts, just seeing you talk to another male made my insides flare like they’d been set on fire.

And yet, when you smiled at me, my anger melted away like snow.

“Is there anything you want?”

Even in a voice meant purely out of kindness, I hid impure thoughts.

I wanted you. I wanted to know more about you, to be closer to you.

…But you—

“I can give you anything. Ex… except my life.”

—you only feared me.

You looked at me the same way you had the first time we met, when I had rutted and bitten you before coming to my senses.

You smiled so brightly at the Sura, but whenever you saw me, you looked uncomfortable. Even when you were at ease, the moment I appeared, you tensed up. Many times, I simply watched from afar.

Even though you made it clear you hated me, my lower body still twitched with the urge to hold you, making me feel like nothing but a beast. I left without a word, afraid of frightening you again.

And yet, all my senses were focused on you. I followed you when you left your chamber to wander.

Somehow, you had found the gift I had intended for you and were now flirting while offering it to someone else. No doubt this quick-witted woman had given the Nemea exactly what it wanted in exchange for the claw.

So why was I angry?

It was for you from the very beginning. It was always meant to be your gift.

And yet, there you were, laughing while holding the hand of some male you’d never met before. My vision went red. Were you going to seduce him like you had begged me to imprint on you?

I tore the heart out of that fool who didn’t know his place.

…And again, you looked at me as if I were a monster.

But it didn’t matter. No matter how much you feared or denied me, you were mine.

“Give the Valtael anything she needs, but do not speak to her.”

In a fit of anger, I tightened my control over you completely.

I hated seeing you avoid my eyes while smiling at the Sura, so I drove them away and forbade you from speaking to anyone except when necessary.

Because you are mine.

My mate—who only I can hold.

“Ah, hhng, ngh…!”

You looked only at me, clinging to me just the way I wanted.

“Ah, n-no… don’t suck… hhng! Ah!”

“Even if you don’t like it, you can’t help it… Awakener.”

I even spoke the forbidden word I had never uttered aloud, yet you only cried beneath me, knowing nothing. Watching you take my manhood so well, even outside of rut, made the base of my cock swell again.

I couldn’t understand why you kept pushing me away.

I went into heat just from looking at you—so why were you so indifferent? Why did you keep saying no? Petty anger made me bite your Imprint Vein, and that was all it took.

Even when you didn’t bite, I thought of you all day. But you only rutted when your vein was bitten, and once we were done, you returned to your cold distance—watching me cautiously, avoiding my gaze.

I wanted you to want me all day.

To wait only for me, to be in heat for me alone without end.

But if I dared to speak such a base desire aloud, I feared you would look at me again with those disgusted eyes. I feared you would dismiss me as nothing more than a primitive beast.

All I knew was mating. I had learned that once the body opened, the heart would follow, so I poured my seed into you without end, hoping at least a bond of the flesh would grow.

“She’s been staring off into space all day. Occasionally gesturing or talking to herself….”

I heard a report that you were feeling depressed. Concerned, I put Tegen back at your side.

A woman like a dandelion seed.

Grip her too tightly and she’ll crumble; let her go, and she’ll fly away. What was I supposed to do with you?

I fiddled with the soft pet collar you had given me.

Just as I had spent the whole day like a dog on a leash, circling endlessly around thoughts of you, I wished you could be leashed to me too.

The urge rose to clasp it around your neck and hold you in my grasp. Just as the Awakener had once brought the Varg to ruin, I wondered if I could break your wings and make you fall into my arms.

Yet when I came to my senses, I was once again holding an armful of the things you liked.

You liked things that resembled you—cherry blossoms, honey candy, peaches. Soft, sweet things that seemed as if they would crumble if squeezed. I brought them all to you… but you weren’t there.

“You said you wanted abalone, but perhaps I was too late, and you got bored…!”

Tegen said you had been there until just now, looking flustered.

I thought perhaps you had gone for a walk. Maybe you had taken off the robe hanging on the tree behind the main hall because it felt stuffy.

Even when I saw the desperate traces of you climbing a rocky mountain, I simply assumed it was your usual odd behavior—acting on curiosity.

Salmon instinctively return to the place they were born, without being taught. In the same way, I could only go back to you.

So naturally, I followed—and you looked startled to see me.

“Why are you here?”

The way your eyes looked at me, as if I were being watched by an outsider, made my blood run cold.

If I hadn’t followed you here, would you have ended things forever? Was I nothing more than a tool for your survival? To you, was I just a means to an end?

“I’m not going back.”

I was relieved that you no longer looked at me with fear in your eyes, but anger burned in me at the thought that you were looking at me like that only because you planned to leave.