Chapter 3 – The Crustacean Conundrum: A Magical Girl’s Meal Ticket

Dragging a magic wand along the ground, I walked down the apartment stairs and headed in the opposite direction of the convenience store.

“There it is.”

The plush teddy bear’s right arm pointed forward.

“Hahaha! Come at me! Where is the magical girl?!”

In the middle of the road, a nuisance of a monster was loudly yelling, oblivious to the world.

So absorbed in its own theatrics, it didn’t even react as I walked up from behind.

It looked like a crustacean standing on two legs.

What a perfect size to steam and eat.

But finding a steamer big enough for that thing would be a task in itself.

“If you dawdle, I’ll punch this city to…!”

“Hey.”

“Hahaha! So you’ve arrived, magic gir—”

Suddenly, a wave of irritation washed over me.

Because of this half-crustacean, my chicken delivery was delayed.

Before it could fully turn around, I leaped gracefully and sent it crashing to the ground with a single kick.

“Kuhak!”

“I’m in a really bad mood right now. So, what’s it gonna be? Steamed or grilled? Pick one.”

“A sneak attack? How cowardly…!”

The monster struggled to lift itself up with what looked like a fist or perhaps just a front leg. It definitely resembled a crustacean, but its color was off, so I couldn’t tell what kind it was.

Let’s just call it a green crab bastard for now.

Anyway, the crab bastard propped itself up, saw my face, and pointed a trembling leg at me.

“Y-You’re…! The notorious Masked Girl!”

The crab bastard called me Masked Girl.

Am I some kind of celebrity in the monster world?

Not that I care.

I tapped the ground twice with the magic wand I was dragging and urged it on.

“Whatever… Just pick one already, crab bastard. Steamed or grilled?”

“I’m not a crab! Have you never heard of a mantis shrimp? Feel the power of this punch that no one can withstand!”

‘Mantis shrimp?’

The name sounded vaguely familiar, so I stroked my chin in thought for a moment.

I was sure I’d eaten something by that name before.

Isn’t it not a punch but more of a claw shape?

“Huaah!”

A loud shout.

A dull thud as its punch connected with my head, but I was too busy thinking about what a mantis shrimp was.

Wasn’t it just brown?

I can’t remember exactly, but I definitely steamed and ate it.

I grabbed its punch with one hand and shoved it away. The monster took a few steps back, trembling in fear.

It seemed scared, but with those completely black eyes, it was hard to tell what expression it was making.

“Y-You monster…!”

“Are you done?”

Relying on old memories, this guy was headed for the steamed course.

Dealing with an opponent who’s lost the will to fight is too easy.

“Kraaah-!”

I barely tapped it with my wand, but it collapsed backward without any strength.

It was just a single blow, but the creature seems too burdened by its own weight to get back up on its own.

Sitting firmly on its seemingly sturdy chest, I look straight into its hideous face.

Who on earth first thought of eating a creature like this?

“To handle a crustacean, first you need to—”

Humming to myself as I think about going back to devouring some chicken, I securely pin down the creature’s flailing arms with my legs.

“G-get away…!”

Grabbing the staff, now red-hot, with both hands.

As I mentioned before, it’s hard to distinguish its expression, so all I see are its black eyes shifting around.

As its struggle intensifies, I can tell it’s desperately resisting.

“Do you know how to handle a crab?”

Twisting the middle of the staff’s handle to activate it, I begin to talk one-sidedly.

The staff, starting to glow with a foreboding red light, radiates an ominous aura.

What must a crab think as it watches a blade approach its mouth, just before it’s thrown into a steamer?

I suppose that curiosity will be answered today.

…With a distant, echoing scream.

“First, you have to thrust the knife deep into its mouth and twist it in one motion to kill it instantly…”

“S-stop….”

“But unfortunately, I don’t have a knife sharp enough to make it quick….”

I trail off with a sarcastic tone, as if genuinely regretting it.

Along with the comment that I don’t have such a knife, I lifted the glowing red staff to show it to those black eyes.

Its movements become more frantic, but sadly, there’s nothing the creature can do while its belly is exposed and its arms are sealed.

With a slight grin, I decide to give it a nightmare it will never forget.

“Make sure it hurts as much as possible, okay?”

“Y-you devilish torturer…!”

“Make sure to tell your fellow monster friends not to come near here.”

Ignoring its insults, I aimed the red-hot staff at the creature’s mouth, which looked like a door tightly shut from both sides.

“No, don’t! Cr-krahhhhh….”

“Assuming you can still talk after this.”

The protective covering on its mouth broke helplessly.

As the staff entered its mouth, white smoke and a boiling sound ensued.

Even though it knows it’s too late, its instinctive resistance is meaningless.

The staff pushed through the bubbling foam, inching deeper into its mouth.

As the desperate struggle started to fade, I couldn’t have felt more satisfied.

“Phew!”

I pulled the staff out of its mouth.

Though it was damp, the end of the magic staff wasn’t stained with blood.

Come to think of it, I remember hearing that crustacean blood is clear.

It was a good decision not to bring Siyeon along.

Whether the blood is clear or red, this scene isn’t something to show kids anyway.

After confirming that the monster was completely disintegrated, I left my spot.

I’ve heard that other magical girls have had trouble because some monsters play dead.

On the way home, I suddenly brought my sleeve to my nose, noticing a foul smell coming from my body.

A pungent, fishy stench pierced my nostrils.

“Ugh, damn it, that reeks.”

“Ugh, make sure you wash up as soon as you get back.”

The bear-like voice, impossible to argue with.

I sighed briefly and thought about the cold chicken.

“Sigh, the chicken must be cold by now.”

I decided to handle the stinky monsters from a distance next time, swallowed my disappointment, and returned to the apartment.

Beyond the unpleasant fishy smell emanating from my body, a fragrant and greasy aroma filled my nose, making me happy.

Chicken, it’s chicken.

There’s no way this intense smell could be coming from cold chicken.

What on earth is going on?

“Mari, you’re back? Whoa! That smell!”

“Don’t come near me right now, just start eating without me.”

As soon as I came in, I took off my shoes and headed straight for the bathroom.

The fishy smell was so strong that even after practically scrubbing myself with bubbles, I was still uneasy.

The boneless chicken was still steaming hot.

Even though I had dealt with the monster quickly, it must have taken some time before people started passing by.

I wondered what had happened since the chicken arrived so quickly and asked Siyeon.

“The shop owner fried it again and personally brought it over.”

“Oh, really.”

That was it.

Since the delivery had been delayed once, the chicken that had been given to the rider was just given to someone else, and they fried a whole new one for us.

Although the process got a bit tangled, we ended up getting to eat hotter chicken than if it had visited several houses before finally making it here.

Well, it worked out in the end.

“What kind of monster did you fight?”

“A weird lobster.”

As I took a big bite of the crispy, freshly fried chicken, my bad mood immediately lifted.

I even started to think maybe I had been too harsh earlier, thanks to this feeling of relief.

I grabbed the cola bottle with both hands and filled a tall cup that reached up to my knees when sitting.

My hands were so small that I couldn’t comfortably pour with just one hand.

If I spilled it on the floor, it would be a hassle to clean, so I filled Siyeon’s cup for her as well.

I twisted the cola cap back on, then gulped down the fizzy drink, letting the sound of bubbles popping accompany my swallowing.

“Ahh!”

I let out a sound that mirrored the refreshing sensation I felt.

Seeing this, Siyeon made a face like she was watching a strange person and quietly held her cup with both hands as she drank.

“You look like an old man…”

“You’ll understand someday.”

With nothing but the sound of eating filling the quiet room, it felt lonely, so I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

Most of what’s on TV these days is just commercials, commercials, and more commercials.

I flipped through the familiar news and cartoon channels, looking for something worth watching.

In reality, 70% of the news channels are just broadcasting updates about magical girls.

Well, it’s because there’s not much else that happens regularly that can be covered in the news except for sudden monster appearances and equally sudden flashy girls dealing with them.

All the news channels are like this.

This region’s monster, that region’s monster, and another monster from another region.

Some magical girl named “整理 (Seiri)” dealt with that or whatever.

“What a waste of the license fee.”

“Huh?”

In the end, I pressed the remote button, moving away from the news channel.

“It’s nothing, let’s just watch a cartoon.”

Siyeon, who had heard my complaint, tilted her head and asked again, but I dodged the question and punched in the numbers for the cartoon channel.

Channel 94 to 98.

Siyeon seemed to have something specific in mind and held out her palm as if asking for the remote.

“Is ‘Magical Girl Pretty’ on? Ah, it is!”

“You’re a magical girl yourself, and yet you’re watching magical girl anime….”

“Because it’s fun!”

Siyeon rarely gets emotional when speaking, but I still don’t get it.

Seeing them fight monsters using rebar from a construction site makes me wonder if that’s even possible.

Watching this magical girl anime, where they now fight purely with hand-to-hand combat without even a wand, I let out an exasperated sigh.

Then, a sudden thought crosses my mind…

“Could I do that too?”