A Forced Smile Isn’t a Real Smile

“Boring.”

The leader, now fully dressed, sat back on the sofa, looking down at me with eyes full of annoyance.

I lay limply on the floor, my body covered in red marks and bite marks.

Today, the leader had been more violent than ever before.

Wearily, I closed my eyes.

My clothes were scattered around me.

I grabbed the damp hem of my dress and managed to cover my upper body.

“Is this how you please me? Not saying a word, like a doll. Give me a reason why I should keep you instead of just getting a doll.”

She picked up a stack of books from beside the sofa and threw them at me, making me cry out in pain.

“I’m sorry.”

I understood why she was angry.

I had just let her do as she pleased, without responding, without even making a sound.

I wanted to please her, but I just didn’t have the strength.

I apologized in a low voice, my throat aching so much that I could barely hear myself.

My body felt like it was about to fall apart.

“…”

She was silent.

She stood up from the sofa, came over to me, and bent down to pick up the scattered books, putting them back in their place.

“…”

She didn’t speak, so I didn’t either.

I pushed myself up, my legs unable to support my heavy body, so I leaned against the bedroom wall.

Slowly, I gathered my clothes from the floor and put them on, one by one.

Even with the heating on, it was still cold without clothes.

“Wipe that miserable look off your face. It’s annoying.”

She watched me.

There was no coldness in her eyes, but her words were still sharp.

“Hah… is this better?”

I took a deep breath and forced the smile that I usually wore.

I didn’t know what I looked like, so tired, but apparently, the leader was satisfied.

“Just like that. Don’t move.”

She opened the drawer of the bedside table, took out a four-year-old phone, fiddled with it for a moment, and pointed the camera at me.

A moment later, the sound of a shutter clicked.

The flash was blinding, and I instinctively closed my eyes.

Before I could wonder why the leader still had such an old, useless thing, her reprimand came.

“Didn’t I tell you not to move?”

“I’m sorry.”

I apologized again.

Even though I didn’t think blinking was a big deal, I knew that my life was in her hands.

I couldn’t argue.

If she said it was my fault, then it was my fault.

She didn’t say anything else, just brought the phone over and showed me the picture she had taken.

The girl in the photo was me.

Wearing a wrinkled maid outfit, one hand on the wall, the other clutching the hem of my dress.

I had just put it on, so it was messy, and the skin underneath was covered in a patchwork of kiss marks and bite marks.

My pale, clean face was etched with exhaustion.

The forced smile didn’t look cheerful at all; it was a picture of helplessness.

My gray-brown almond eyes were half-closed, as if I couldn’t bear the weight of them.

My golden hair was a mess, strands of it sticking to my warm forehead.

The first impression was of a prostitute from a period drama, just in a different outfit.

Did she like this humiliated look?

I didn’t know, but if this was my final photo, I would die with my eyes open.

“Not as good as when you’re trying to please me, but not bad.”

She commented, turning off the phone screen.

“So, what are you going to do with a picture like that, Leader?”

I kept the smile on my face, remembering the torn stocking in the photo.

Was it… sexy?

It was ridiculous to use such a word to describe myself, but it was fitting.

In my current state, I probably could attract some lustful people.

“I don’t know. I just felt like taking it.”

“Ha…”

I couldn’t come up with a proper response, and I could see her face darken at my reaction.

I’m so sorry I couldn’t please you.

“Your last chance to live.”

She paused, then took my head in her hands, pressing me against the wall, looking down at me.

“Kiss me.”

She said.

I thought I had misheard.

I couldn’t understand her logic at all.

But it didn’t matter, because I couldn’t refuse, could I?

I stood on my tiptoes and lightly kissed her lips, then pulled away.

“Ngh…”

But she wasn’t going to let me go that easily.

She held my head and kissed me again, deeper this time.

The oxygen was being stolen from my lungs, and my consciousness began to fade.

My hands hung limply at my sides.

I couldn’t resist anymore.

Her arm was around my waist, and I lay limply in her embrace, all my strength gone.

A long time later, our lips parted.

“Hah… hah…”

I gasped for air, looking at her moist, pink lips, my feelings a mix of confusion and something else.

I had kissed my ex-girlfriends like this before, but this was the first time since I had become a girl.

And this time, I wasn’t the one in control.

I didn’t like being the weaker one.

The feeling of having my breath stolen still lingered.

But I couldn’t refuse.

“Pretty sweet.”

She let go of me, licking her lips with a casual comment.

And without her support, I collapsed to the floor.

“I’m glad you liked it, Leader.”

I forced another smile.

The dizziness from the lack of oxygen hadn’t faded yet.

I was so tired, so sleepy.

My stomach ached.

How long had it been since I had eaten?

“Don’t let it happen again.”

A short sentence, but I understood her meaning.

I had survived.

“Th-thank you.”

I thanked her humbly and slowly pulled myself up, leaning against the wall.

I lowered my head, wanting to ask for some food and water.

It was a bold move.

“Leader, um, can I have some water and food?”

My voice was still so hoarse.

I didn’t think she would agree, and I was right.

“Hmm? Qin Yue, you’re greedy. I’ve already spared your life, and you’re asking for more?”

“Ha… I, um, never mind… see you tomorrow, Leader.”

I tried to explain, but I realized I had nothing to sway her.

Should I tell her I had been unconscious for days without eating?

She wouldn’t feel any sympathy for me.

I lowered my eyes, turned, and limped toward the door, leaning on the wall for support.

On a snowy day like this, I couldn’t go out to forage.

Where was I going to find food?

I didn’t know.

“I’ll come to your place tomorrow.”

She didn’t ask me to stay, just gave me an order I couldn’t refuse.