As the dew lingered, the morning’s chill held the oppressive heat at bay, a delicate coolness emanating from the rising sun.
At the station entrance, Bai Sha bid farewell to the father and daughter. Unwilling to embark on a long drive, she decided to leave the car for them, opting instead to take the high-speed rail back herself.
Clad in simple white attire and wearing a baseball cap, Bai Sha sat alone by the window, enveloped in silence. It was just as he had been all those years ago.
Once, he had departed his hometown in a similar fashion; now, she was returning to it.
The previous day, Bai Qing had sent her Bai Anguo’s medical records. Upon reviewing them, Bai Sha found a daunting list of ailments, many of which she had never even heard of—indeed, a veritable litany of diseases.
In her memory, that old man had always been robust and full of vitality, his voice booming louder than seven or eight people combined when he scolded. She couldn’t fathom how he had accumulated so many chronic illnesses.
The scenery outside flashed past, surging before her eyes like fleeting shadows. ‘What did he look like again?’ Bai Sha wondered aloud.
As a deeply traditional and patriarchal man, in Bai Sha’s recollections, he was always out. Even when he returned home, he remained unsmiling, his presence stern and commanding without needing to raise his voice.
Over the years, the rigid features of his face had long since blurred in her mind. Bai Sha rested her head against the window, dozing off. ‘Enough,’ she thought. ‘No need to dwell on it.’
****
The train’s booming roar echoed through the air. Stepping out of the station, Bai Sha felt a sense of disorientation; the landscape here had undergone a drastic transformation, leaving only faint, elusive shadows of its former self.
Bai Sha first sent a message to Zhou Haochen, assuring him of her safe arrival, then took out her phone to call her sister.
–Hello, Sis. I’ve arrived at the station. Can you come pick me up?–
After hanging up, Bai Sha surveyed the high-speed rail station, comparing it to her memories from years past. The fractured concrete ground had been replaced by pristine tiles, and the faded vermilion high walls had been torn down and repainted in a vibrant azure. Where the street in front of the station once teemed with elderly people, noisy and shrouded in smoke, it was now clean and quiet.
The changes over these past few years were truly immense, Bai Sha reflected with a sigh. The once dilapidated little station now gleamed with splendor.
She, too, was returning home in triumph, having undergone no small transformation herself; indeed, things were no longer as they once were, and neither was she.
It wasn’t long before Zhao Dingzhuo pulled up in a car before her. The passenger window rolled down, revealing Bai Qing’s slightly haggard face. “小白 (TL Note: A common affectionate nickname, literally ‘Little Bai’), get in.”
Bai Sha settled into the back seat, asking with concern, “Sis, are you alright? Don’t wear yourself out.”
Bai Qing waved a dismissive hand, her voice faint with exhaustion. “I’m fine, just mentally drained.”
“That old man is as stubborn as a mule; he refuses to go to the hospital no matter what. Every time I ask, it’s ‘Ah, don’t waste money,’ or ‘Ah, if I’m alive, I’m earning; if I’m dead, so be it.’ ”
From the city to the countryside, Bai Qing ranted for the entire duration of the drive, clearly exasperated by her father.
Bai Sha listened intently, her gaze simultaneously drawn to the passing scenery.
People are always nostalgic, especially when they return to places they once inhabited, often experiencing a thrill of recognition: ‘This is the path I walked, the place I played, the past I once owned.’
As the distance dwindled, towering skyscrapers gave way to low-rise buildings, and bustling plazas and streets were replaced by fields, intensifying that sense of familiarity.
“Sis,” Bai Sha suddenly interjected, cutting off Bai Qing’s incessant chatter.
“Huh, what is it?”
“It seems to have changed, yet it also seems unchanged.”
“You mean here? It’s just been renovated; the difference isn’t that big compared to before.”
Seeing Bai Qing launch into another explanation, Bai Sha clamped her lips shut. What she had meant wasn’t just this place, but herself as well.
The Bai family’s gate, part of a remarkably modern self-built house, was nonetheless a solemn, date-red hue. Even from a distance, Bai Sha felt a pang in her chest.
Her sister and brother-in-law walked ahead, while Bai’s Mother stood waiting at the entrance.
Bai Sha’s heart felt as though it were being squeezed by an unseen force, tightening with every step closer until she found it difficult to breathe.
Her steps gradually slowed, leaving her far behind. This was not S City; this was the place where she had grown up, the place she had abandoned everything to escape.
Now, she had returned. Bai Sha’s pace gradually picked up again; she had been invited, not slunk back in shame. She had her own family, her own foundation, and nothing to be nervous about.
She was no unfledged chick, but an eagle that had soared over the world’s highest peaks.
Bai Sha caught up, reaching the front door.
Bai’s Mother’s eyes seemed perpetually filled with tears. In recent days, whether it was her ailing husband on his sickbed or her child returning home, tears streamed down her face.
“It’s good you’re back, it’s good you’re back. He insisted on going to the fields, but he couldn’t manage for long. Now he’s lying inside; you two should go see him.”
Bai Qing was at a loss for words to describe the situation. How many hours had she been gone? And already, he had managed to put himself back in bed.
“Let’s go see him, then.”
On the decaying, old wooden bed, a creaking sound accompanied the old man’s rising and falling chest with each cough. Tightly drawn curtains blocked out the sunlight, plunging the room into oppressive gloom.
Bai Sha found the sight familiar. After a moment’s thought, she realized, ‘Isn’t this just like the room I lived in in my dreams?’
The old man on the bed, whom she remembered with thick black hair, now had his tresses streaked with white. His bark-like face was covered in spots, and his frail, swaying figure made time itself seem to materialize before Bai Sha’s eyes.
The old man raised his eyes, no longer sharp but hazy and clouded, and gazed at Bai Sha.
Before him was a young woman, her face like peach blossoms, her willow-like brows as delicate as water, and her lip gloss a vibrant, eye-catching shade. Even beneath her baseball cap, her hair flowed elegantly—a true beauty.
Though he wasn’t wearing his reading glasses, the old man unequivocally recognized her. This was his son—no, his son with whom he had severed ties.
Although he couldn’t comprehend why his son had transformed in such a manner, the old man parted his lips, his fingers lifting slightly before falling back down. He said nothing.
He closed his eyes, sighing, “So, you really came.”
Bai Sha gently spoke to her sister, “Sis, could you step out? I’d like to talk to him alone.”
Bai Qing nodded, then took Zhao Dingzhuo by the hand and left the room.
Bai Sha placed a small stool beside his bed and sat down, asking, “You’re sick. Why aren’t you getting treatment?”
The old man’s eyes remained closed as he spoke in a hoarse voice, “It’s a waste of money. I’ve lived long enough.”
Bai Sha nodded. “Alright. However, I am not short on money. If you’re unwilling to go to the hospital, I’ll simply bring the doctors and a ward here.”
“What’s the point?”
“To be honest, I don’t care. You and her—as of now, I still don’t care. I wonder if they’ve told you…”
Bai Sha opened her phone; her screen saver displayed a photo of her little one sleeping. She placed the phone before the old man, regardless of whether he opened his eyes.
“I have my own family, my own child. The reason I’ve returned isn’t because of my identity as your child, but because I am a mother.”
The old man opened his eyes, first glancing at the little one, then turning his head to scrutinize Bai Sha.
She was dressed much as he remembered from the year he left home, yet her appearance was utterly unlike his. A mother? Had technology advanced to such an extent? Or was the child adopted?
He dismissed the thoughts. Whether she was male or female, a husband or a wife, a father or a mother—what did it matter to an old man like him, in the twilight of his years, with no significant connection?
“I don’t want Sis to be sad. You say you’ve lived long enough, but what about Sis? I don’t know your thoughts, but I know she loves you, and in the future, her child will love you. Is that reason enough for you to keep living?”
The old man turned over, presenting his back to Bai Sha. No, that reason was not enough for him.
Bai Sha fell silent after speaking, and a long quiet settled between them. Only the old man’s persistent coughing broke the stillness.
The old man turned back around. Since she believed it was enough for him, he thought, he would concede this once.
“Go to the hospital and prepare for surgery.”