The Weight of an Unimagined Past

As Bai Jingjing walked Luo Xuan through the hospital corridor, she took the opportunity to briefly recount a significant period of her past life.

When a family crisis struck, she had to suspend her studies early to dedicate herself to caregiving within the hospital walls.

For three arduous years, her entire adolescence unfolded amidst the pervasive, sterile scent of disinfectant.

Bai Jingjing recounted this period with stark simplicity, her few understated words sketching the bare outline of three years’ worth of life.

‘Are you telling me you spent… all that time here, without going to school or anywhere else?’ Luo Xuan asked, utterly stunned. ‘You just remained here, constantly tending to patients?’

Luo Xuan refrained from asking Bai Jingjing about the ultimate fate of her ailing parents.

However, Bai Jingjing’s consistent silence on the matter, coupled with her current living situation, painted a starkly clear picture.

‘It wasn’t as hard as you might think, really,’ Bai Jingjing said, a faint curve gracing her lips. ‘One simply adjusts over time.’

‘But to remain here, continuously, for such an extended period…’

‘It was alright, truly. Had this not occurred, I would have been stuck in school, attending classes regardless,’ Bai Jingjing chirped, blinking innocently. ‘I often see high schoolers in group chats lamenting how agonizing their lives are, describing classes as sheer torture, and so on.’

Luo Xuan offered a wry smile. ‘Even that can’t compare to your constant vigil here…’

‘Well, that’s how I rationalized it to myself,’ Bai Jingjing declared, puffing out her cheeks. ‘High schoolers genuinely have it tough.’

‘They had to suffer; it was her mental anchor, after all.’

After a brief turn around the corridor, the two girls took the elevator, departing the hospital.

Luo Xuan remained unusually quiet thereafter, a subdued air clinging to her, clearly still reeling from the profound shock.

She could never have conceived that the girl she lived with day in and day out had endured such an unimaginable life before ever stepping foot into her home.

‘Empathy had fully taken root, leaving her heart heavy with sorrow.’

Conversely, Bai Jingjing chattered on, making a concerted effort to lift the somber atmosphere.

‘Don’t let my constant presence in the hospital mislead you; some spots were quite tranquil.

For instance, that third-floor balcony we just passed—I adored painting there.

With enough practice, I even started taking commissions.

Had I attended a formal art class, I surely wouldn’t have honed my skills this effectively.

Not only would I have been forced to learn exam-oriented techniques I despised, but I’d also have spent my days goofing off with classmates, neglecting my true calling.’

‘Without these experiences, I’m certain my drawing wouldn’t have improved, I wouldn’t know how to cook, my academic performance would have been abysmal, and my life would have resembled nothing more than a listless, salted fish.’

‘The hospital was actually quite pleasant.

Dr. Chen and the others always took such good care of me, frequently bringing me food and supplies.

It felt as though they’d almost adopted me as their own child.’

As Bai Jingjing uttered these words, Luo Xuan finally stirred. ‘They treat you as their own child, so didn’t I just…’

‘Didn’t I just meet Bai Jingjing’s family?’

Bai Jingjing gazed at her with pure innocence. ‘Didn’t what?’

‘No, nothing at all. I merely felt a little nervous,’ Luo Xuan stammered, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. ‘Let’s go now; we need to fetch your belongings from your apartment.’

‘The girl mused, thankfully, they had only met as friends today, and her conduct seemed to have been impeccable.’

‘Mm… alright.’ Bai Jingjing murmured, tilting her head slightly in bewilderment.

Though she couldn’t quite grasp what had transpired, at least Sister Luo had managed to shake off her previous melancholic mood, which was undeniably a positive outcome.

‘All good things indeed.’

Despite her mental preparation, the sight of Bai Jingjing’s tiny rented room, when they finally stood before its door, still sent a sharp pang through Luo Xuan’s heart.

‘You live here?’

It was merely a small studio, barely a dozen square meters, where every essential living space was compressed into one.

Rising from the bed, a single step and a turn led to the cooking area; a glance back revealed the dining spot.

There wasn’t even enough room for an additional chair.

The sole small table doubled as a bedside cabinet, upon which rested Bai Jingjing’s most cherished possessions: her laptop and drawing tablet.

‘But, but it must be terribly inconvenient for a young woman like you to live in such a cramped space,’ Luo Xuan’s voice dropped, laced with renewed concern.

Bai Jingjing recognized the return of Luo Xuan’s empathy, and a faint sense of helplessness stirred within her.

She found herself at a loss for how to explain.

When she had first moved in, she had been a slender boy, and while the space was indeed compact, it hadn’t felt quite so inconvenient then.

Luo Xuan’s gaze fell upon the wooden plank bed, slightly narrower than a dormitory cot, and her heart ached anew. ‘You sleep in a place like this? Your… your chest is so ample; if you even turn over, you’ll be practically falling off the edge!’

‘…’

‘You see, it truly wasn’t so inconvenient back then.’

In essence, the melancholic mood Luo Xuan had so painstakingly shaken off was now firmly back in place.

Having placed her laptop and drawing tablet into the car, Bai Jingjing settled into the front passenger seat, awaiting Luo Xuan to take the wheel.

However, once Luo Xuan settled into the driver’s seat, she remained utterly silent, even depressing the accelerator with a palpable sullenness.

Bai Jingjing shifted slightly closer to her, momentarily at a loss for words to lift Luo Xuan’s spirits.

Perhaps letting Sister Luo glimpse her thigh would bring a flicker of joy.

‘Wait, a sudden thought struck her: Oh no, today she wasn’t wearing hot pants, but a short skirt paired with thigh-high stockings.’

After a moment’s contemplation, Bai Jingjing subtly hiked her skirt hem upwards.

‘She had done her utmost; this was the extent she could go.

Any higher, and her panties would be revealed.’

‘That wouldn’t do.

Sister Luo was driving, and such a distraction posed a safety risk.’

The car eased forward for a short distance before Luo Xuan suddenly stomped on the brake pedal, bringing the small car to a screeching halt at the roadside.

Bai Jingjing flinched, quickly glancing down to check if she had pulled her skirt too high, revealing her panties…

She couldn’t see them; they were thoroughly obscured by her ample chest (TL Note: ‘Tuantuan’ here refers to her large breasts, humorously implying they block her view).

‘Bai Jingjing,’ Luo Xuan declared loudly, her gaze fixed straight ahead, ‘My house is quite spacious!’

‘Incredibly spacious, a two-hundred-square-meter luxury apartment in an upscale community, with a supermarket conveniently nearby!’

‘…?’ Bai Jingjing tilted her head in confusion.

‘I said, my house is quite large, perfectly capable of accommodating one or two more people,’ Luo Xuan stated, struggling to keep her trembling gaze from straying sideways. ‘So, you can live at my place indefinitely.’

Bai Jingjing paused, slightly taken aback. ‘Indefinitely?’

‘Yes, and besides, we’ve already agreed: if you live at my place, you’ll… you’ll cook for me.’

Luo Xuan was overcome with nervousness, barely managing to enunciate the words clearly.

‘That particular word, “cook,” had to be pronounced with absolute clarity, not mistaken for anything else, especially not any suggestive terms.’

‘Otherwise, Bai Jingjing would transform into Sayu Ogiwara (TL Note: A character from a Japanese light novel/anime known for running away from home and living with a stranger).’

‘But, Sister Luo,’ Bai Jingjing chirped, blinking innocently, ‘I can’t possibly cook for you for an entire lifetime.’

Overwhelmed with emotion, Luo Xuan felt a sudden rush of blood to her head, blurting out impulsively, ‘Why not?

Even if you cook for me for an entire lifetime, what, what, what, what, what, what, what’s wrong with that?!’

‘After all, you’re bound to cook for someone eventually, so why shouldn’t it be for me!’

‘Because I have to cook for Sister Xia (Xia Chu) on weekends,’ Bai Jingjing stated with a perfectly straight face. ‘If I failed to go, it would be a breach of contract.’

‘Oh, I see, I thought…’ Luo Xuan let out a long, shaky breath, her earlobes flushing crimson. ‘I… I certainly didn’t mean *every* day!

Anyway, just come live at my place for now!’

With that, she stomped on the accelerator, and the car sped off once more.

Bai Jingjing discreetly stole a glance at her.

‘It wasn’t just Xia Chu; next month, she’d need to set aside time for tutoring with Teacher Liu Wanqing.

And then, perhaps, there would be even more…’

‘However, Sister Luo (Luo Xuan) seemed so overjoyed that Bai Jingjing decided against mentioning anything further for the time being.’