Haejin looked directly at Beomwoo and asked his wish of him.
Normally, Beomwoo called me by ‘Mr. Jung Haejin.’
But he also often used the term ‘you’.
In this current life, even though we’ve known each other for a while now, it hasn’t been that long.
So it wouldn’t be strange for him to use that term.
But it was the same in my previous life.
Even after we were married and had lived together for years, Beomwoo stubbornly used the term ‘you’ for me.
Calling me ‘you’ might not have held much meaning for him.
But for Haejin, every time he called me that, it felt like a wall was forming between him and me.
In this current life, I’m actually the one trying to keep a wall between us and avoid developing any special relationship.
But in my previous life, when I wanted to become closer and have a special bond with him, it was endlessly saddening.
And I hated it.
Even though we were husband and husband, it was practically a contract marriage.
So I was too mindful to ever ask him to stop.
But this time was different.
Was it because Beomwoo’s attitude toward me had changed from my previous life?
Now, even though I had no need to get closer, I found myself able to ask him to change how he addressed me.
When Haejin spoke, Beomwoo’s eyes widened.
He had a surprised face, as if he’d never expected this to be his wish.
Beomwoo blinked.
As the silence grew slightly awkward, he hesitated before opening his mouth.
“You disliked it?”
“Of course I disliked being called that.”
“It’s not like I’m an object, calling a person ‘you,’ ‘you’…”
“When I called you ‘you’… I did that because I thought it might be burdensome otherwise.”
“I didn’t know you would dislike it.”
“……”
“If you had said something, even if it wasn’t a wish, I wouldn’t have called you that.”
“I’m sorry.”
When Haejin, uncharacteristically, honestly answered that he had felt bad, Beomwoo seemed surprised that he would care.
Then he flusteredly apologized.
I don’t know in what sense he had been calling me ‘you.’
But it seemed he had been calling me that in his own attempt to be careful.
I hadn’t said it to get an apology.
In truth, regarding this issue, he hadn’t done anything wrong.
It was just a matter of my feelings.
Somehow, I ended up receiving an apology.
Just as Haejin was starting to feel a bit awkward, Beomwoo, looking dazed as if he hadn’t expected this, opened his mouth again.
“Is there anything else you want me to change?”
“Let’s get it all out now, while we have the chance.”
“Ah, n-no.”
“It’s fine.”
“The address issue was something I could have done even if it wasn’t a wish.”
“As I said before, I don’t want to do things Haejin dislikes.”
“I’m curious about what you like and dislike.”
Beomwoo said that what I just mentioned was something he could have done even without it being a wish.
As if another complaint had come from an unexpected place, he pressed further.
It was as if he was telling me to lay out all my other grievances.
Just now, I could say it because a wish was on the line.
But now that he was openly asking me to speak, it felt burdensome.
I wanted to say it was fine.
But the Beomwoo before me was waiting for my answer.
He seemed as if he genuinely wanted me to tell him.
Grievances?
Of course, there had to be some.
In my past life, because he treated me so coldly and didn’t even give me love, I felt like I’d die of loneliness.
Even setting aside the infertility issue, we were like mismatched gears.
There were so many things that didn’t fit between us.
Now, since I’m the one pushing him away, I can’t bring up his past indifference as a complaint.
Haejin hesitated, then haltingly opened his mouth.
“Th-These days you don’t do it as much, but… the coerciveness…”
“I dislike that too.”
Actually, it was a complaint I didn’t really need to unload on him.
At first, he clearly forced the marriage.
He showed up in front of my workplace without asking.
He made me talk about things I didn’t want to.
But now, that coercive side had mostly disappeared.
He was much more accommodating to me, like he is now.
Since I could see him changing, I didn’t need to say it.
But the more I saw him trying to accommodate me, the more selfishly my greed grew.
With the memories of my past life, I knew he was pretending to like things to get what he wanted from me.
If I wasn’t going to marry him, I shouldn’t expect anything from him.
But perhaps it was the disconnect between the him I knew and now.
Or perhaps it was because I still hadn’t let go of my feelings for him.
I found myself wanting from the present him what I had wanted before.
Just like now, drunk on the atmosphere, impulsively spilling my true feelings.
When Haejin spoke, Beomwoo blinked again.
He looked flustered this time too, before cautiously asking me.
“Was I coercive?”
“You usually just do things your way, don’t you?”
“Ah, just earlier too.”
“When choosing the menu, I picked something, but you said another was better and ordered that…”
“Ah……”
When he reacted as if he didn’t remember doing that, Haejin answered curtly.
Of course, the menu item he said was better was an excellent choice.
But no matter how right the choice was, changing it on a whim like that after I’d picked something felt like disregarding my opinion.
Suggesting is one thing, but the earlier situation wasn’t like that.
Even though Haejin had said he doesn’t do it much these days, he immediately pointed out what happened today.
This made Beomwoo let out a small sigh.
It was another thing he hadn’t considered.
Beomwoo moved his lips as if thinking for a moment.
Then he seriously explained to me that wasn’t his intention.
“I… Hmm, I thought you would like the other one more.”
“It seemed like you weren’t choosing it, whether because of money or not wanting to feel indebted to me, so I changed it.”
“I can see how it might have felt that way.”
“I didn’t mean to disregard you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Y-You don’t have to apologize.”
“Th-The one you picked… was better, after all.”
“It’s just, that’s how it felt…”
“Regardless of my intention, if my actions hurt your feelings, Haejin, then I should apologize.”
It was something I said out of my own greed, not to get an apology from him.
So once again, I felt burdened by his apology and waved my hands dismissively.
But Beomwoo apologized again, insisting he was in the wrong.
Seeing him, who seemed like the type who would never willingly take emotional blame from anyone, apologize to me again was strange.
He promised to correct himself.
My feelings became strange.
It was awkward, but rather than dislike.
It was a feeling that made a corner of my heart tingle and feel like crying.
Why do I have these complicated feelings?
As Haejin slightly furrowed his brow with a subtle expression, Beomwoo, who had been apologizing, returned to the original topic.
He asked me.
“Is there anything else?”
“Ah, no.”
“That’s all now!”
“You can tell me without feeling burdened.”
“Really, there’s nothing else now.”
“Truly……”
Beomwoo pressed for an answer, perhaps thinking I was holding back out of consideration.
But Haejin adamantly shook his head, saying no.
I couldn’t say my feelings of hatred for him had completely disappeared.
But as I thought earlier, since I wasn’t going to have a special relationship with him in this life, saying this much was already being greedy.
The resentment in my heart was accumulated from my past life, not this one.
And, ridiculously, seeing his slightly changed demeanor was also making the resentment from my past life gradually fade away.
I still didn’t understand why he could only act that way when I received the infertility diagnosis in my past life.
But anyway, it wasn’t something to protest to the present him about.
Even if I said it, it wasn’t his fault.
He’d probably feel wronged, wondering why he had to hear such things.
He might even treat me like I was crazy.
As Haejin, his face full of thought as he recalled his past life, refused to answer further, Beomwoo’s expression grew even more serious.
He seemed convinced that there were more grievances I was refusing to voice.
As I just thought, it was something I couldn’t expect from him.
No matter how much he urged me to speak, Haejin kept his mouth shut.
For a moment, silence flowed, making the air awkward.
……If I had no other complaints, I shouldn’t have given off that impression.
This really was my fault.
Haejin, thinking this awkwardness was his fault, wondered what to do.
Then he remembered a topic to change the subject and opened his mouth.
“B-By the way, if you had won, Beomwoo, what were you going to wish for?”
It was a question to change the subject, but I had been curious about it the whole time.
Just what was he going to wish for from me that he suddenly proposed a wish-staked game?
He had said earlier that he suggested it because a game needs a stimulating motive.
But he must have had something he wanted to wish for from me, which is why he said it.
He said it wasn’t marriage.
So was it to increase opportunities for connection?
What could it have been?
As Haejin asked curiously, the expression of Beomwoo, who had been watching me intently, tinged slightly with panic.
“I……”
Beomwoo opened his mouth as if to answer, then trailed off and glanced at Haejin.
He had a look in his eyes as if he had something to say.
If he was going to ask for something simple, there’d be no reason to hesitate like this and check my reaction.
What could it have been?
As Haejin watched his lips, waiting for the rest, Beomwoo let out a small breath and shook his head.
“It’s a secret.”
“……”
Ah, what the…
He acted like he was going to tell me.
Calling it a secret and burying the topic left me feeling empty.
This way, it felt like only I had revealed all my cards.
He was leaving without giving anything in return, walking away unscathed.
Clearly, in this conversation, the one who should be accommodating more is Beomwoo.
But somehow Haejin felt like he was the one who had suffered a loss.
I was starting to feel unfairly treated.
Then Beomwoo averted his gaze to look at the clock on the wall and spoke.
“It’s already gotten this late.”
“I should probably get going now.”
“Ah……”
I had been about to press for an answer.
But hearing him, I checked the time and it really was very late.
Thinking about it, we watched a movie, had dinner, came home, washed up, and played a game with a wish at stake.
So it’s no wonder we lost track of time.
Looking outside, the pouring rain had already stopped.
While Haejin looked outside for a moment, Beomwoo got up from his seat.
He tidied up, and asked me.
“Can I borrow these clothes?”
“The ones I came in still aren’t dry.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Of course.”
At his words wrapping up the situation, Haejin nodded hurriedly.
Yet he felt an inexplicable bitterness.
……So, it’s time to part now.
There’s no reason to hold him back anyway.
Haejin, thinking the date was now over, felt regret.
Then he caught himself.
We weren’t lovers.
This wasn’t a regular date we planned.
It was an obligatory meeting.
So why was I feeling regret?
‘This isn’t the time for these feelings.’
Haejin steeled himself against the regretful feelings.
Beomwoo, having gathered his things and even put on his shoes, looked back at me.
He spoke.
“I’ll wash them and return them next time we meet.”
“And……”
“……?”
“I enjoyed today.”
As Beomwoo paused mid-sentence, Haejin looked up.
He finished his words belatedly.
That he enjoyed the date.
Haejin was a little surprised and stiffened slightly at those words.
They weren’t particularly grand words.
But I never dreamed he would say something like this.
In reality, since he spent the day with someone he probably doesn’t even like, it could just be a nice closing remark.
It could be to leave a good impression on me.
But now, it didn’t seem like he was saying something he didn’t mean.
‘Me too.’
Because those words had risen to my throat too.
Beomwoo said this meeting was different from the previous times we met.
Even though we grandly called it a ‘date,’ Haejin, while looking forward to meeting him today, also harbored doubts.
He wondered, ‘Will we really do anything special just because it’s called a date?’
The him I knew seemed so far removed from such things.
But actually experiencing the date today, it was utterly ordinary.
Unlike in the past, he didn’t leave in the middle of the movie.
We shared our thoughts.
We played games together.
It was a day full of actions that didn’t seem to suit him.
But it was similar to the kind of ideal date I had most wanted and hoped for.
Even though I didn’t desire a special relationship with him like in my past life and had no expectations, it was an ideal date.
I had enjoyed it too.
Being with him felt this unburdened and enjoyable for the first time, I think.
So I wanted to say I enjoyed it too, to answer him.
But I feared it might unnecessarily give him hope regarding marriage.
So I could only swallow my words.