With just over ten minutes remaining until class, the first lesson of the morning was scheduled to be Zhang Wei’s math class; however, he had yet to make an appearance.
Unlike their older counterparts, first-year students at Nanshi High were only required to attend morning self-study. Second and third-year students, however, faced an even more rigorous schedule, with morning reading commencing at 5:55 AM until 6:10 AM, followed by morning self-study from 6:10 AM to 6:50 AM. This regimen epitomized the ‘Hengshui model,’ where academic pursuit was glorified above all else. It fostered the curious illusion that segmenting a single class into two distinct periods would somehow double its efficacy. In truth, most of these baffling arrangements were merely the arbitrary brainchild of leadership, conceived on a whim and executed with little foresight.
Typically, homeroom teachers were expected to supervise both morning self-study and morning reading sessions. This obligation was precisely why Zhang Wei had consistently shied away from becoming a homeroom teacher for the second or third-year students. After all, a middle-aged man rising too early might well jeopardize his future pension. Nevertheless, as the homeroom teacher for one of the school’s elite classes, Zhang Wei commanded a certain degree of prerogative.
These privileges included, for instance, his leniency regarding tardiness or early departures from self-study, and his infrequent morning meetings. Having been an ‘old hand’ for an extended period, he had cultivated a familiar camaraderie with the grade director and several vice principals, often engaging in casual banter and boasting. Indeed, one might even venture to say that if Zhang Wei were to truly vie for it, the position of grade director would not be beyond his reach.
Yet, Zhang Wei was simply too indolent.
In the end, everyone merely sought to earn a living within the public school system. As long as the students achieved good results, that was sufficient. He had witnessed countless instances of people painting grand, deceptive pictures to manipulate others. Furthermore, his personal life demanded attention; he had flowers, birds, fish, and plants to tend to, and a regimen of kidney-fortifying tea to brew. A slight delay in his arrival was inconsequential, especially since he did eventually appear. They were all adults, after all, and there was little need to excessively scrutinize abstract matters of attitude.
For Zhang Wei, a middle-aged man who felt he had seen it all, ‘slacking off’ had become an indispensable part of his work routine. Without this philosophy, he certainly wouldn’t have been able to simply placate his class with CCTV’s ‘It’s Time for School!’ on the first day, while all other homeroom teachers conducted energetic orientation meetings.
As it happened, the majority of students demonstrably favored such a teacher, for in his classes, those disinclined to listen could openly and unashamedly shirk their duties.
Qin Zixin cautiously retrieved her phone from the desk drawer, observing that Fang Qiyun had already accepted her friend request. She surmised, however, that the recipient was likely too shy, as no message accompanied the standard system notification: [I have accepted your friend verification request, we can now start chatting.]
A playful smile graced Qin Zixin’s lips as she sent him a ‘Dui Mo Ren Xue Feng’ greeting sticker, followed by a simple [Qin Zixin]. With that, she promptly logged out of her student QQ account.
‘During their brief exchange, she had already discerned that this boy was far from innocent. Sending that particular sticker, she mused, would surely send the silly fatty into a spiral of wild conjectures for the entire day.’
Qin Zixin subtly lifted her head, her gaze cautiously narrowing towards Zhang Wanbai, who sat beside her.
At that very moment, Zhang Wanbai was diligently previewing the mathematics content for their first class. Qin Zixin let out a silent breath of relief, then, after meticulously concealing her phone screen, logged into her ‘Grand Master Hunyuan’ account.
Immediately upon logging in, she noticed a flurry of @-mentions within the ‘Chusheng Family’ group chat. Engrossed in ‘Minecraft’ the previous day, she had neglected to participate in the group, leading her to suspect that some scoundrel in ‘Chusheng Family’ was once again using her for amusement.
With less than five minutes until class commenced, Zhang Wei, that incorrigible slacker, still remained absent.
She tucked her phone away even deeper, then surreptitiously opened ‘Chusheng Family’. The sheer volume of 99+ messages caused her device to lag noticeably as it struggled to refresh.
She rapidly scrolled upwards, her eyes skimming the messages for any @-mentions. It appeared ‘Muzigu’ had Photoshopped her QQ avatar onto a manatee, complete with an accompanying news link.
Just two days prior, Qin Zixin had reported him in the work group, leading to his forced logout. It had taken him a considerable effort to get back online. Li Feifei, along with several other group members, had collectively realized that this was not the first time Qin Zixin had engaged in such antics. Earlier that year, ‘Mr. Pickles’ had his shared resources tampered with by ‘Grand Master Hunyuan’, and Old Fang had suffered a similar fate, their accounts having received multiple warnings.
‘Li Feifei, who had enjoyed a life of uninterrupted ease since childhood, could scarcely tolerate such an affront. Consequently, he and Muzigu were now relentlessly hounding ‘Grand Master Hunyuan’.’
Upon spotting the link, Qin Zixin warily lowered her phone’s volume to its minimum setting, anticipating a potential跳转 to something unsavory.
Ever since she had unleashed a grotesque Trojan, cleverly disguised as a magnet link, upon the group, several members she had pranked harbored a deep-seated resentment. Consequently, they would periodically send malicious programs masquerading as legitimate links. While common sense dictated one simply refrain from clicking such dubious links, this girl possessed an irrepressible curiosity, akin to a mischievous cat; her heart would simply ache with unfulfilled desire if she didn’t at least glance at them.
‘Clicking it might, at worst, lead to social humiliation, yet failing to click would leave her in a state of discomfort for the entire day.’
Qin Zixin firmly pressed her finger over the speaker, determined to muffle any potentially loud sounds, then, with a slight tremor, clicked the link. To her surprise, it led to a legitimate news article.
[Recently, a manatee in Florida, America, unexpectedly passed away. Investigations revealed it had engaged in a full day of fervent activity, but with a same-s*x partner. Image, image, image…]
[The Florida Department of Agriculture stated that ‘Hugh’ (the manatee’s name) engaged in a full day of fervent activity before its death, ultimately succumbing to a 17.5cm laceration in its *redacted* area and other external injuries. Image, image.]
[Manatees typically engage in fervent activity with the opposite s*x only during mating season; ordinarily, they will engage in activity with same-s*x partners, but…]
The subsequent group chat erupted in a cacophony of jeering and crude jests. When she failed to respond, the content they concocted grew increasingly vulgar, with an indiscriminate barrage of grotesque GIF stickers clipped from bizarre films, rendering the feed utterly unwatchable.
“Oh?” Qin Zixin murmured softly, a hint of disgust in her voice. Her delicate brows furrowed tightly, and her alabaster cheeks flushed crimson. Disgusted yet undeniably captivated, her alluring face displayed a complex tableau: eyes that held both flirtatious charm and profound disdain, and crimson lips tightly pursed in a mix of amusement and suspicion. She was truly more amused than angered. ‘These scoundrels possess such limited talent,’ she thought, ‘daring only to Photoshop images. At worst, I’ll simply change my avatar.’
[What kind of news is this? Not looking would plague me all day, yet looking also plagues me all day.]
Despite herself, Qin Zixin couldn’t resist clicking the link once more, compelled to take another look.
[A double-ended plug sounds rather… stimulating.]
[Ah, my dear, you simply don’t grasp it. The more intelligent the animal, the greater its propensity for prolific fervent activity.]
The system, too, found this highly entertaining. In its previous existence, while enjoying a vibrant social life, it would often regale its wife or confidantes with such tales after their intimate moments.
Such salacious topics were its absolute favorite to discuss. Now, the impudent old system continued to enlighten Qin Zixin with its ‘wisdom.’
[Manatees, dolphins, and similar creatures all exhibit this tendency. On land, the prime example is the bonobo. Bonobos, in particular, use intimate acts as a means of greeting and conflict resolution. They might engage in such acts multiple times with each individual they encounter in a day; it’s common for them to do so dozens of times daily.]
[Oh, wouldn’t merely engaging in such acts consume several hours?]
Despite her profound disgust, Qin Zixin’s curiosity remained piqued. The system, in its implantation of her memories, had prudently excised all details concerning ‘her previous life’s’ intimate encounters with her confidantes. While the system harbored no voyeuristic inclinations, Qin Zixin had nonetheless gleaned from fragmented remarks made by some of its ‘confidantes’ that ‘she,’ in her former existence, had been known for prolonged sessions.
‘In ‘her previous life,’ she had been an absolute titan of virility!’
[Bonobos differ from humans; their acts typically last only a few seconds. Thus, while you might perceive it as a lengthy endeavor, the cumulative time barely amounts to ten minutes.]
[If they engage so frequently, wouldn’t bonobos procreate prolifically? Would not such an inflated population inevitably lead to food scarcity?]
[Their reproductive cycle is quite arduous; they produce only one offspring every few years. Furthermore, many bonobos carry AIDS, though the disease appears to have little detrimental effect on them. It is rumored – and I stress, *rumored* – that humanity’s patient zero for AIDS contracted the disease after engaging in fervent activity with a bonobo.]
[Oh!]
A sudden surge of excitement coursed through Qin Zixin. She pulled her phone from the desk drawer, launched the browser, and, with keen interest, began searching for ‘AIDS’ and ‘apes’.
[Ugh! How truly repulsive! Do these filthy creatures, once aroused, feel compelled to explore every crevice they encounter?]
[Ahem, there are indeed instances of Indian individuals engaging in acts with exhaust pipes, which even garnered news coverage. I would scarcely be surprised if, one day, reports surfaced of an Indian individual coupling with a lizard. Truth be told, with broader exposure, you’ll come to understand. Historically, many fishermen would utilize fish to satisfy their urges, seeking the mouths of toothless varieties, while deep-sea sailors often turned to sheep.]
The system continued to pontificate, much to Qin Zixin’s amusement. She immediately searched for ‘India’, ‘exhaust pipe’. Discovering an article featuring the arrested Indian man and photographs of the ‘victim’ vehicle, she promptly downloaded them. Using her phone’s photo editing software, she Photoshopped ‘Mr. Pickles”s avatar onto the car, then sent the image and link to ‘Chusheng Family’, tagging him.
Muzigu, that scoundrel, was undoubtedly still asleep at this hour. The group primarily consisted of university students, and asking them to wake up at seven in the morning was akin to a death sentence. At this time of day, ‘Grand Master Hunyuan’ reigned supreme in the group!
Qin Zixin’s expression grew increasingly playful, a mischievous, charming demeanor blooming on her exquisitely beautiful, jade-like face. It exuded a sweet allure, simultaneously pure and seductive—an utterly fatal temptation.
[Are walruses intelligent? I feel like this one looks stupid; isn’t comparing it to a chimpanzee giving it too much credit?]
[Walruses are quite intelligent, I suppose, given their sheer size. I recall your godfather once brought you a pen, the shaft of which was made from a walrus’s *redacted* bone.]
The system was not well-versed in such matters; these animals typically only appeared in ‘Animal World’ or various bizarre films, always depicted as ugly and strange.
[Huh? Old Zhang gave me that? He only ever gives me weird stuff.]
[He absolutely did, it must have been around when you first started junior high. He brought it back during his leave, but you were too engrossed in gaming at the time.]
Qin Zixin suddenly felt a peculiar discomfort, shifting restlessly on her seat.
[What kind of decent person gives that kind of thing as a gift! No wonder that old guy is so inappropriate.]
[Heh, you know, you’re not wrong, your godfather really is improper. Last time he told your mom he got someone pregnant in South America and just skipped out without taking responsibility.]
Qin Zixin nearly choked, her almond eyes widening in astonishment.
[Zhang Yunting is that awesome? No, he told my mom this? Does he just say anything when he’s drunk? Didn’t he used to pursue my mom?]
[Alas, it’s probably fortunate your mom didn’t agree. He’s been sailing the world for years, finally becoming a first mate, and who knows how many more years until he’s a captain. That kind of job isn’t suited for settling down.]
The system’s words sounded regretful, yet carried a subtle undertone of schadenfreude.
[But he had a blast! In South America, a young maiden costs mere pennies for a day, and human lives there are worth even less.]
Qin Zixin felt a pang of envy. Zhang Yunting’s carefree, jovial life held an inexplicable appeal for a child who disliked school, not to mention the countless ‘trinkets’ and tales from around the world he brought back whenever he returned.