The Price of Kindness

“I miss my grandma.”

Lin Yu took a small spoonful of bird’s nest congee, its silky texture making him struggle several times before he could swallow it.

His voice held a plea. “Could I please go back to see my grandma first, and then return to work for you and repay your money?”

Having spoken, an embarrassed expression settled on his face. He lowered his long, thick lashes, his voice dropping low. “Using the salary you pay me to cover my medical expenses… it feels as though you’d be at a loss no matter how you look at it.”

“Where was your grandma buried?” Jiang Yan asked. “I’ll take you to see her.”

Lin Yu shook his head. “In our village, there’s a plot of land allocated for her grave. It’s very far. I can just take a bus back myself.”

He swallowed another mouthful of congee with difficulty. “I’d have to transfer buses three times, and it would take over four hours to get there. The village has no proper roads, so once I reach the town, I’d have to find someone heading to the market with a tricycle, pay them a little, and ask for a ride back.”

As he spoke of his grandma, Lin Yu’s expression grew increasingly sorrowful, his eyes brimming with tears he desperately tried to hold back.

He kept his gaze fixed on the window, where bare branches were cast in a solitary glow by the streetlights. Occasionally, a few withered leaves, swirling in the wind, would tap against the glass pane.

The faint tapping sounds were eerily clear in the pre-dawn hours.

Jiang Yan’s heart was struck by each successive tap, an inexpressible tightness coiling within him.

He quietly watched the person struggling to swallow spoonful after spoonful of bird’s nest congee, his expression filled with tenderness and pity.

After a moment’s thought, Jiang Yan pulled out his wallet, took out his ID card, and placed both his ID and wallet on Lin Yu’s duvet.

“I hope that after you visit your grandma, you’ll truly come back to look after my villa for me, alright?” he said. “I don’t usually carry much cash, but there should be over a thousand here. The card has enough money, and the password is…”

“I don’t want it!” Lin Yu exclaimed, his dull eyes suddenly alight with agitation. “I don’t want to spend your money anymore!”

“Then how will you take the bus home?”

“I…” Lin Yu lowered his head, looking at his ID card, momentarily startled. Jiang Yan had actually… A surge of gratitude filled his heart; without it, he wouldn’t be able to buy a bus ticket. He had initially considered finding an unlicensed taxi to get back, determined to see his grandma no matter what.

“I’ll find a few part-time jobs first, and once I’ve earned enough for the bus ticket, I’ll go back. Thank you for getting my ID back for me.” Fearing Jiang Yan might insist on giving him money, he quickly added, “When I was in high school, I tutored for people, and they always paid on the same day. I can earn the money myself.”

“Hmm, sounds like you were a model student,” Jiang Yan affirmed, then addressed the current reality. “During your school days, parents would trust you. But once you graduate, with only a high school diploma, parents might prefer someone with a university degree or higher qualifications…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, confident that the intelligent Lin Yu understood his unspoken meaning.

In modern society’s competitive landscape, it’s difficult for high school graduates to find employment.

He had learned from Cai Xinyu that Lin Yu had been with him for the past three years.

That meant he was deceived by that scoundrel at 19, right after high school graduation. The boy hadn’t attended university and was essentially disconnected from society.

Upon hearing Jiang Yan’s words, the usually docile Lin Yu visibly clouded with worry.

He understood.

“I truly am useless, a burden,” he murmured, clutching the congee bowl, his eyes suddenly vacant. Yet, he refused to give up on seeing his grandma. “I can work as a cleaner. Once I’ve earned enough money, I’ll go back.”

He knew that the hospital where Cai Xinyu worked, and the cleaning lady who tidied Cai Xinyu’s home, didn’t require academic qualifications—just strength and diligence.

“Lin Yu,” Jiang Yan gently took the congee bowl from his hands and placed it on the bedside table. It pained him to see the boy struggle so much with eating. “I’m not telling you this because I think you’re useless or a burden. I just want you to know that I want to take care of you, and if I do, you’ll be treated like royalty.”

Lin Yu slowly glanced at him, unable to comprehend why Jiang Yan was being so kind. He shook his head, refusing.

He felt he wasn’t worthy, that he didn’t deserve it.

Yet, something deep within him had been fiercely ignited, like a wind suddenly swirling up from flat ground, trembling ceaselessly.

“Please, don’t take care of me anymore,” he pleaded, already worried he wouldn’t be able to let go of such kindness.

“I have a rehearsal tomorrow. If you’re not in a hurry, wait a few days, and we can go see your grandma together. If you really can’t wait, I’ll arrange for bodyguards to take you.” Jiang Yan wasn’t about to let someone so naive and inexperienced go out and find odd jobs, only to be bullied.

“You have to give me a reason…” Faced with Jiang Yan’s almost relentless kindness, Lin Yu dared not accept it. He began to feel a form of rejection, almost like a stress response, because he couldn’t repay it.

Moreover, he kept recalling the period when Cai Xinyu pursued him. It had been just like this: unconditional attentiveness, an emotional expression that felt utterly genuine, which had once made him believe he had met the right person.

Initially, he had only agreed to be Cai Xinyu’s boyfriend for the sake of his grandma’s illness. Before they moved in together, he had gradually been moved by Cai Xinyu’s false affection, believing he could accept this man, eleven years his senior, and live a good life with him.

But later, he understood that Cai Xinyu’s intentions were clear: to possess his body, control him into obedience, parade him around, and treat him like a trained dog.

That way, Cai Xinyu would derive immense satisfaction.

Lin Yu knew everything, yet for his grandma to have her medicine, he willingly endured all the humiliation Cai Xinyu inflicted upon him.

Now, looking at Jiang Yan, a person who had suffered too much couldn’t help but compare him to Cai Xinyu.

Who could guarantee that Jiang Yan truly had no ulterior motives?

He craved Jiang Yan’s kindness immensely, yet his profound insecurity prevented him from accepting it. The torment of three years with Cai Xinyu made him unwilling to believe Jiang Yan had no agenda.

He fell silent for a few minutes, his mental state beginning to crumble.

If Jiang Yan’s intentions were the same as Cai Xinyu’s, he could tell himself, ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Lin Yu’s emotions quickly cooled again.

Despair enveloped him entirely. He suddenly began unbuttoning his pajamas, his voice calm and indifferent. He said to Jiang Yan, “If you don’t mind that I’m dirty, I can accept your help.”

Exchanging his body for money, though it made him feel sick to the point of wanting to die, was still money. With money, he could buy a bus ticket to go see his grandma.

He had already been used for three years; wasn’t he rotten to the core by now?

Jiang Yan watched Lin Yu’s actions, a layer of ferocity darkening his brow. The source of this ferocity was his understanding that the person who had driven Lin Yu to this point was Cai Xinyu.

An utterly helpless sigh escaped near the bed. Lin Yu watched as Jiang Yan, without a word, his face exceptionally cold, left the hospital room.

The scent of late autumn dew and wind he had carried in still lingered in the room.

The moment the door softly closed, a single tear fell from Lin Yu’s eye.

He clutched his ID card tightly, his fingertips white, his mind a chaotic mess.

‘What was he doing? He couldn’t believe he had said such hurtful words, words that would wound a gentleman like Jiang Yan.’

He didn’t know when Jiang Yan had retrieved his ID card. All he knew was that he wasn’t worthy, and Jiang Yan, who had appeared like a deity, had no obligation to care for him in this way.

He dared not believe he would encounter such a good person.

‘Why did I think so badly of you? I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.’

He felt so wretched.

Before, no matter how Cai Xinyu treated him, he wouldn’t react, wouldn’t feel sad, wouldn’t get angry, because his entire world revolved around his grandma alone.

Lin Yu got out of bed and opened the door, intending to apologize to Jiang Yan, who was leaning against the doorframe, clearly upset.

Outside the door, Jiang Yan turned to look at him, but said nothing.

Jiang Yan didn’t know how to express that while he wasn’t entirely immune to Lin Yu’s beauty, he would never do anything inappropriate because of it.

Being kind to someone without any reason was indeed unrealistic.

He had no reason he could offer that would make Lin Yu abandon his past trauma-induced reservations.

“Jiang Yan…” Lin Yu spoke softly. “You’ve met Cai Xinyu.”

The one who had intended to apologize had suddenly changed his mind.

‘Why apologize? Just because I crave Jiang Yan’s kindness, should I tell him I’m not an easy person?’

He ought to let Jiang Yan believe he was a shameless, base wretch who sold his body for money; only then would Jiang Yan stop trying to take care of him.

“Yes, I have. I also retrieved your phone, but I wasn’t planning on giving it back to you.” Jiang Yan tried to open the door, but Lin Yu reached out to block it.

The countless ‘thank yous’ on the tip of his tongue were forcibly suppressed.

Lin Yu adopted an indifferent expression, then spoke words that would make anyone’s blood pressure rise. “Then you should know that I was only after Cai Xinyu’s money, using my somewhat attractive face to live a comfortable life. Since you don’t want to engage in a physical transaction with me, please don’t waste my time; let me go find other rich people.”

Jiang Yan stared, utterly bewildered.

After hearing those words, his heart felt as though it had been violently struck.

He, himself, had played out such contradictory scenarios countless times.

Having grown up alongside his parents in the cutthroat business world, Jiang Yan had encountered all sorts of shrewd individuals since childhood. While he might not discern truth from falsehood at a single glance, he at least knew who was worth associating with.

A naive young man like Lin Yu, trapped by a scoundrel right after high school, could absolutely not be the type to sell his body for money.

If he were, how could he be grieving so profoundly over his grandma’s passing?

Shouldn’t he have stayed with Cai Xinyu, continuing the act for money?

Lin Yu’s desperate, pleading gaze, clutching at his clothes, was enough to explain everything.

“Lin Yu… I need to get some sleep, or my rehearsal tomorrow will be affected. You should go to sleep too; it’s getting late.” Jiang Yan was a person whose personal emotions were never swayed by external factors.

Normally as calm as a robot, he was now emotionally distraught and deeply unhappy.

Because he knew Lin Yu was suffering immensely, he found himself affected.

Affected so easily.

“You… you’ve shown me what a true nemesis is.” Indeed, Lin Yu’s every action tugged at his heartstrings.

Whatever Lin Yu did, he wanted to indulge him, driven by a feeling of ‘I’m willing, I want to, and no one can stop me.’

With that, he put his hands on his hips and walked away.

His retreating figure conveyed a deep sense of helplessness; he didn’t know how to help Lin Yu.

Lin Yu’s unreasonable behavior was a desperate attempt to make Jiang Yan disgusted with him, to drive him away.

“Jiang Yan!” He took a few steps after him, hoping Jiang Yan would harshly scold him for his shamelessness.

“It’s cold outside, go back to sleep.” Jiang Yan quickly closed the living room door, blocking the cold draft from the corridor.

“I still need to go home and review the script, figure out how to best convey the lines for stage effect,” he said gently.

Lin Yu’s eyes instantly reddened.

‘Why could Jiang Yan be so kind?’

If it weren’t for him, Jiang Yan wouldn’t be wasting all this time.

To leave an even worse impression on Jiang Yan, Lin Yu abruptly pushed open the door and rudely declared, “I don’t want to see you at all! Who cares if you look after me? If you keep bothering me, I’ll call the police and report you for harassment!”

With that, he shoved Jiang Yan out, slammed the door shut, locked it, and leaned against it, covering his mouth as he struggled to calm his emotions.

He couldn’t accept Jiang Yan’s kindness anymore; he had no way to repay it.

“Lin Yu.” Jiang Yan, who had been pushed out, looked utterly dumbfounded.

No one had ever dared to lose their temper with him. Everyone treated him with deference, and those who defied him rarely fared well.

He wasn’t incapable of anger; it was just that anyone who could provoke him had already been suppressed.

He understood that Lin Yu no longer wanted to accept his baseless intervention.

Then he would give him a reason. He, too, had been provoked.

“Open the door. I have something to tell you.”

Lin Yu didn’t open it. Jiang Yan, without further ado, used the strength honed by years of martial arts training. With a swift, decisive motion, he simply twisted off the doorknob and entered forcefully.

Lin Yu stared in disbelief, for a moment seeing Cai Xinyu lunging at him in a rage, and his entire body trembled. Tension, anger, disgust, excitement—a maelstrom of emotions crashed within him. Unable to control himself, he grabbed the vase from the nearby cabinet, ready to confront Jiang Yan.

“Lin Yu, don’t be nervous.” After entering, Jiang Yan closed the door and remained still.

He said, “No one is unconditionally kind to another, right? You think I must have an ulterior motive, so then I do.”

Jiang Yan took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts once more. After three seconds of consideration, his expression grew very serious. He said, “I think I like you. It’s just that we haven’t known each other for long, and I’m afraid my feelings might be an uncertainty I can’t quite distinguish. But I want to continue being good to you. Could you please accept my kindness, for now, by trying to be my boyfriend?”

Having spoken, he felt a flicker of nervousness, like a child awaiting exam results, anxiously watching Lin Yu, whose entire demeanor radiated resistance.

Lin Yu held the vase aloft, staring warily at Jiang Yan, seemingly not comprehending the meaning of his words.

His mind had crashed.

“If, if at any point you feel uncomfortable being with me, I won’t pester you. I will respect your decision, I promise,” Jiang Yan added.

His anticipation deepened; he was terribly afraid of rejection.

This speech, not quite a confession, was more akin to a contractual agreement for a relationship, as he didn’t want to put too much pressure on Lin Yu.

The two men looked at each other in silence for about three minutes before Lin Yu suddenly let out an extremely self-mocking, cold laugh.

His eyes slowly filled with intense emotion, congealing into a chilling aura that sent a shiver through Jiang Yan’s heart.

Despair enveloped Lin Yu entirely.

“How much am I worth? You rich people can just trade with my body and soul. Does a poor person’s dignity even matter? If it doesn’t, you all give me money because I’m poor and can’t earn it myself. If it does, then it’s just the incredibly filthy money I’ve earned with my body and your proud faces. Jiang Yan… fundamentally, are you any different from Cai Xinyu?”

A sharp pain pierced his heart, the scales rapidly tipping towards the endless abyss and suffering he had experienced after being assaulted by a sugar-coated bullet.

Could ‘liking’ someone be determined in just a few days?

He didn’t believe it.

Jiang Yan watched Lin Yu’s eyes grow increasingly frantic, and his heart sank. ‘Damn, I’ve agitated the child again!’

*CRASH!*

Before Jiang Yan could salvage his misspoken words, Lin Yu had violently smashed the vase on the floor, picked up a shard, and glared at Jiang Yan with extreme emotional instability.

His entire body trembled with rage, his eyes filled with alarm and disgust.

Lin Yu roared, “Let me go! Let me go!”

He could no longer distinguish who he was speaking to, his mind filled with Cai Xinyu’s ugly face.

“Alright, throw away what’s in your hand, and I’ll let you go. Don’t cut yourself.” Jiang Yan quickly retreated a few steps. “Put on your clothes before you leave; it’s cold outside.”

“I don’t want you to care, I don’t want you to care, I don’t want you to care…” Lin Yu repeatedly recalled the scene of Cai Xinyu’s confession, the intense stress response pushing him to the brink of collapse, causing him to repeat the phrase neurotically.

He flung the door open and rushed out with stumbling steps.

Jiang Yan said nothing more. He took off his own clothes and chased after him. The moment he caught Lin Yu and draped the garment over him, Lin Yu reacted with extreme violence, unhesitatingly slashing wildly with the sharp vase shard.

Jiang Yan remained perfectly composed, dodging flawlessly, but Lin Yu’s movements instantly turned towards himself, and a bloody gash appeared on his neck.

Blood streamed down Lin Yu’s neck, the sound alarming the nurses in the adjacent duty room. They emerged, startled.

“Lin Yu!” Jiang Yan cried out in alarm.

“Get lost!” Lin Yu felt no pain. After his grandma’s passing, he had always used self-harm to find temporary peace whenever Cai Xinyu forced himself upon him.

It was the only way he could protect himself.

“You’re just like Cai Xinyu! Don’t force me anymore! Grandma always hoped I’d earn money with my own hands. I don’t want to be a pathetic person who commits suicide; I want her to see me bring glory to our family! But living is so tiring! I’ve failed Grandma’s expectations!”

Choosing death was a contradiction for him, a desperate act, for he too wished to live a good life.

In his agitated state, he slashed towards his neck again.

Jiang Yan, desperate and angry, didn’t utter a word. He took off his wristwatch, flung it, and knocked the shard from Lin Yu’s hand.

In a few quick strides, he moved swiftly, seizing both of Lin Yu’s wrists with one hand and covering the bleeding wound on his neck with the other, his manner both anxious and sharp. “Lin Yu, I am not like Cai Xinyu.”

Nurses quickly gathered around, checking the wound.

The moment Lin Yu was restrained, all his emotions were like a floodgate suddenly closed, the surging waters abruptly ceasing.

Resistance was meaningless, wasn’t it?

He stared at Jiang Yan with extreme coldness, like a lamb awaiting slaughter, completely indifferent to the nurses’ examination.

The pale-faced man suddenly let out a faint, hollow laugh, like a living corpse, his gaze vacant. “Heh… Cai Xinyu never let me go, and neither will you. You’re no different, not at all.”

Jiang Yan looked at the lifeless person, his heart feeling as though it had been pierced by several icy thorns.

He exhaled sharply, utterly speechless.