The Troubles of Being Handsome

Zhou Yi quickly finished his shower and dressed. He observed his skin in the mirror, noticing it was noticeably paler—a clear sign he hadn’t been in the sun for too long.

He was suddenly reminded of the kilometers he still owed on his running app. Tomorrow, he absolutely had to go to the track and log some data, or his physical education participation grade would truly suffer.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Zhou Yi found Jiang Chen just finishing a game. Jiang Chen took off his headphones and stretched his somewhat stiff neck.

When Jiang Chen’s eyes lifted to meet Zhou Yi, who had just emerged from the bathroom, his movements abruptly froze.

Water droplets traced paths from Zhou Yi’s hair, past the faint flush at the corners of his eyes. His porcelain-white skin glowed with a delicate pink, making him appear as fresh and dewy as a bamboo stalk after rain.

Was it merely the steam from the bathroom, or was Jiang Chen’s vision blurring from too many games?

He quickly turned back to face his screen. ‘It must have been an illusion from pushing too hard in the game,’ he reasoned. ‘Otherwise, why would I find my roommate… rather eye-catching?’

“The bubble tea money has been transferred to you,” Jiang Chen mumbled, grabbing his phone. “Consider the extra a delivery fee.”

The familiar chime of a phone notification sounded at that moment. Zhou Yi opened it to see the transferred amount was more than triple the cost of the bubble tea.

[ZY: Did you slip?]

[JC: Take it or leave it.]

[ZY: Thanks, boss.jpg]

Zhou Yi couldn’t help but grin, looking at the tough-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside reply and the generous sum on the screen.

Just then, Jiang Chen’s phone, which he had only just put down, suddenly rang.

He picked it up, glanced at the screen, then let out a long sigh, pressing a hand to his forehead. With a frustrated gesture, he flipped the phone face down on the desk.

The phone screen quickly lit up again, and a barrage of incessant notification sounds pierced the quiet of the dorm room.

“Your phone…” Zhou Yi leaned closer to Jiang Chen, carrying the fresh, damp scent of his recent shower. “Why has it been ringing like a death knell these past two days? Don’t tell me… your love-at-first-sight crush is hounding you?”

“What crush?” Jiang Chen turned his head away, though a hint of sweet jasmine brushed past his nose. “Did you change your shower gel?”

The unfamiliar yet strangely familiar scent gently scratched at a deep corner of his memory.

“No, it’s still the same bottle.” Zhou Yi pulled at his collar, sniffing it himself, then looked at Jiang Chen’s retreating form with confusion. “Fine if you don’t want to show me, but why are you acting disgusted with your brother now?”

“It’s not disgust…” Jiang Chen’s Adam’s apple bobbed slightly as vague fragments flashed through his mind. “It’s just that this scent is too… never mind.”

“Too what? Don’t try to change the subject!” Zhou Yi shook his shoulder vigorously. “If it’s not a crush, then is it some little succubus?”

“You really want to know?” Jiang Chen unlocked his phone, opened the chat, and pushed it towards him. “See for yourself.”

Zhou Yi’s eyes widened with each line as he scrolled through three full pages of chat history.

Apparently, a guy was pursuing a girl, but the girl had taken a liking to Jiang Chen and wanted his WeChat. When Jiang Chen ignored her, the guy started pleading with Jiang Chen to add her.

For the past three days, he had been sending over a dozen messages daily, without fail.

Jiang Chen had already politely refused, stating clearly that he was busy with his studies. Yet, the other party relentlessly clung to him.

[Li Yanze: Senior, just add her! She really likes your cold, aloof type!]

[Jiang Chen: Dude, what are you even trying to gain?]

[Li Yanze: Senior, to be honest with you, it’s rare for her to ask me for a favor, and I even guaranteed her it would be no problem.]

[Jiang Chen: I’m genuinely not interested, sorry about that. If there’s nothing else, I’ll just delete this chat?]

[Li Yanze: She’s my goddess, can you help me out?]

[Li Yanze: Senior…]

[Li Yanze: Is two hundred yuan enough?]

Seeing the transfer amount on the screen, Zhou Yi nearly choked, his fingers trembling as he pushed the phone back. He felt his entire worldview shaking.

‘This guy’s thought process is so twisted, even a deity would have to bow down to him.’

He pointed at the screen incredulously. “Is being a simp really this competitive now? You even pay out of your own pocket to help your ‘goddess’ pursue another man?”

“So,” Jiang Chen slowly retrieved his phone, “who was it just now saying this was my crush?”

Zhou Yi cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, uh… the weather’s really nice today!”

“Don’t even start.” Jiang Chen slapped his phone face down on the desk. “This kind of ‘little succubus,’ if I gave it to you, would you want it?”

“No!” Zhou Yi crossed his arms in front of his chest. “If I accepted that blessing, I’d die young!”

“Good that you know.” Jiang Chen scoffed softly.

“But really,” Zhou Yi couldn’t fathom it, “why don’t you just block him and be done with it?”

“Block him?” Jiang Chen’s finger traced across the screen. “Look closely.”

“He keeps adding me with alternate accounts, and he even knows how to time it. The moment I reject one, a new account immediately sends a message. Dude, he’s even using a VPN. It’s a tactical harassment strategy, switching accounts.”

Zhou Yi stared at the relentless string of friend requests, utterly speechless for a moment. “……”

“Offline, it’s even worse. He directly stakes out fixed positions on the basketball court.”

At this, Zhou Yi suddenly understood, and his gaze towards Jiang Chen couldn’t help but carry a hint of sympathy.

He pondered for a moment, then a surge of excitement rushed through him. Snatching Jiang Chen’s phone, he declared, “Let me handle this! I’ll show you what professional online exorcism looks like!”

Jiang Chen was amused by his bravado. Crossing his arms, he leaned back in his chair with interest. “Oh? Alright, then. Just don’t chicken out immediately. I warn you, this guy’s persistence could outlast a tortoise. Don’t end up getting dragged into his mess yourself.”

“Ridiculous!” Zhou Yi rolled up his sleeves. “Watch me work!”

He grabbed the phone and began typing furiously:

[Jiang Chen: Since you call me Senior, listen to my advice.]

[Jiang Chen: Can you really feel at ease with a girl you got with the help of your romantic rival?]

The reply came instantly:

[Li Yanze: But Senior… she really likes you.]

[Li Yanze: She said if I just get your WeChat, she’ll give me a chance!]

[Jiang Chen: And you believe that?]

[Li Yanze: Please, Senior, she said it’s really hard for her to feel moved by a man. Crying.jpg]

[Jiang Chen: It’s not ‘moved,’ it’s ‘impulsive.’]

[Li Yanze: Senior, can you bear to ruin someone’s fate?]

[Jiang Chen: I just don’t get it. You’re helping the person you like pursue someone else?]

[Li Yanze: Another two hundred yuan red packet, please!]

Zhou Yi stared at the screen, dumbfounded, his finger hovering above it, unable to form a single punctuation mark for a long time.

‘This guy’s thought process… ‘unique’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.’

“I surrender…” He shoved the phone back into Jiang Chen’s hand in defeat. “You do it… This guy’s logic is like a bypass highway! How does it keep looping back to the starting point?!”

“I told you already, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Jiang Chen took the phone, and immediately a new message popped up:

[Li Yanze: How about you name your price, Senior! I’ve been working part-time for three months, I have money!]

Zhou Yi saw the message and let out a heavy sigh. “He’s beyond saving! I suggest sending him straight to a research institute!”

He instinctively touched his own ordinary yet undeniably safe face, suddenly realizing that having an average appearance was a blessing.

Jiang Chen gave a wry smile, then simply long-pressed the power button to shut it off. He tossed the dark-screened phone onto the desk. “Now do you understand the troubles of being handsome?”

The two exchanged a look, seeing the same helpless expression on each other’s faces, and burst into laughter in unison.

Some things, when absurd to the extreme, simply become humorous.

****