The Ultimate Simp Challenge

“Class is starting, everyone.”

A hush fell over the entire classroom instantly.

The students, who had just been whispering amongst themselves, straightened up in unison, their phones vanishing into their desk compartments in a flash.

The moment the dismissal bell rang, the students scattered like startled birds.

Having suppressed his urges throughout the entire lesson, Zhou Yi had already concocted his ultimate finishing move. With an air of confidence, he snatched Jiang Chen’s phone. “Watch me! This time, I’ll make sure that ‘goddess’ experiences the harsh realities of the mortal world!”

Jiang Chen raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure this will work?”

“Don’t worry!”

[Jiang Chen: What if I kiss her at the school gate?]

The instant the message was sent, the other party’s status immediately displayed “typing…” This lasted for a full minute, yet no reply came through.

“Mission accomplished!” Zhou Yi triumphantly tossed the phone back to Jiang Chen. “See? This move is called ‘Shrimp and Pork—'”

Before he could finish, a new message popped up:

[Li Yanze: Senior…]

[Li Yanze: Could you please not kiss her too hard? Her lips tend to chap easily.]

Zhou Yi snatched the phone back, ready to continue his onslaught.

[Jiang Chen: What if I take her to a hotel?]

This time, the reply came almost instantly:

[Li Yanze: Senior, remember to choose a room with good soundproofing; she’s a light sleeper.]

[Li Yanze: Do you need me to recommend a few hotels that include breakfast?]

The phone clattered onto the desk with a soft thud.

All three of them fell silent simultaneously.

Chen Hao mumbled, “I think I want to build a shrine for him…”

Immediately afterward, another message from the other party followed:

[Li Yanze: So, Senior, does this mean you’ve agreed to add her?]

Jiang Chen picked up his phone and, without a trace of expression, instantly replied:

[Jiang Chen: No. But for now, I’ll block you. It won’t matter if you create a hundred new accounts.]

In less than two seconds, the other side began frantically spamming the chat:

[Li Yanze: Senior, I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong!]

[Li Yanze: I promise I won’t mention adding WeChat again!]

[Li Yanze: Please don’t block me! I’ll kowtow to you! [Thump, thump, thump]]

“See that?” Zhou Yi exclaimed, pointing at the screen in awe. “This level of dedication—if he’s not in ‘Moving China,’ I’m not watching!”

[Jiang Chen: Brother, your mindset is truly wasted if you’re not running a pyramid scheme.]

[Li Yanze: Pyramid schemes are illegal, but my feelings for her are genuine.]

Jiang Chen couldn’t help but laugh in exasperation. “This guy is a benchmark in the industry, a model worker among simp-kind.”

Just then, a system prompt suddenly sounded in Zhou Yi’s mind:

[Ding! Ultra-high-risk target detected: Li Yanze.]

[Status: Late-stage Simp Syndrome.]

[Urgent Mission: Immediately implement rescue plan.]

Zhou Yi’s face darkened instantly. “No saving him! This type should be taxidermied and hung at the school gates as a cautionary tale!”

[Darling~ Complete the mission, and a 1000 RMB cash reward will be immediately credited to your account~]

“Hmph,” Zhou Yi sneered, crossing his arms. “Am I the type to abandon principles at the sight of money?”

[Additional Reward: Unlock Limited Skin “Partner of Justice”!]

“…” Zhou Yi’s lips twitched slightly. “Are you running a video game over here?”

The system fell silent for a rare moment, then a crisp sound of coins dropping into a bag suddenly chimed.

[Final Offer: 1000 RMB cash reward + 3000 RMB SS-tier difficulty allowance!]

This figure was truly too tempting to refuse.

Feeling the affectionate summons of those prize funds, Zhou Yi suddenly stood up, clenched his fist, and gazed into the distance. “He must be saved! Absolutely! Every ATM… no, every lost soul deserves to be saved!”

Jiang Chen looked at Zhou Yi with confusion. “What’s gotten you so fired up all of a sudden?”

A light of mission ignited in Zhou Yi’s eyes. “I’m going to redeem that four-digit soul…”

Chen Hao reached out to feel his forehead. “You don’t have a fever. How did you suddenly achieve instant enlightenment?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Zhou Yi said, his face showing a benevolent expression. “I just received a divine oracle.”

Jiang Chen gave him a bewildered glance. “Alright, you go slowly save all sentient beings. I’m heading to the basketball court.”

“Bring the ball!” Chen Hao also packed his bag, preparing to follow. Before leaving, he deliberately waved a hand in front of Zhou Yi, asking with concern, “Buddy, are you really okay?”

Zhou Yi replied earnestly, “I’m fine. You two go do your thing.”

The moment the classroom door closed, he immediately lowered his voice. “Xiao Qi! When will the bonus be credited? Send me the mission details! And by the way, is the bonus before or after tax?”

[Darling~ It’s the after-tax amount! System rewards are all genuine~]

“Alright, I’m taking this SSR mission!”

Fireworks erupted on the phone screen: [Order accepted! A prepayment of 500 RMB base reward has been issued. Please check~]

Zhou Yi looked at the SMS notification of the credited amount on his phone, then devoutly pressed his palms together.

“Amitabha, since the patron is so sincere, this humble monk shall now go forth to vanquish demons and evil spirits.”

He carefully polished his phone screen. “Xiao Qi, retrieve the target’s complete data. I need to analyze his simp behavior patterns, his financial capacity, and…”

Li Yanze’s consumption records, past simp history, and social media activity scrolled rapidly across the screen.

[Target: Li Yanze, first-year, School of Economics and Management, Dongda University.]

[Status: Achieved Sainthood in the Simp Dao (99.9%)]

[Innate Skill: Universal Salvation Simp Method]

[Core Simp Events]:

During his second year of high school, he was disciplined for using a rearview mirror to act as an “artificial mini-sun” for his goddess.

While hospitalized after the college entrance exam, he still thought of his goddess, posting on Moments as soon as the anesthesia wore off and officially declaring her get-well fruit basket a “token of their love.”

After university began, his service spirit further sublimated. Within a week, he helped 12 people—his goddess’s current boyfriend, ex-boyfriends, and ambiguous acquaintances—complete their homework, earning him the nickname “Dongda’s Shared Ghostwriter.”

…

Zhou Yi watched the continuously scrolling achievements, slowly clasping his hands in deference. “I concede defeat; this fellow Daoist has likely cultivated to the Nascent Soul stage of the Simp Path.”

When the holographic projection displayed the surveillance footage of the cafeteria at noon, Zhou Yi abruptly stood up. “Wait! Isn’t that the Coriander Sister and her exclusive servant?!”

“Good heavens! This isn’t someone who needs saving; this is someone who needs a Rebirth Incantation to be sent off directly!”

He had truly witnessed it: in this day and age, there really were people who could simp so freely, so thoroughly, so superlatively, reaching a realm unparalleled by predecessors.

[Darling, do you need to activate the exorcism package?]

“No rush,” Zhou Yi said, adjusting his collar. “Let’s first observe the depth of this fellow Daoist’s cultivation.”

[Entering simulation…]

The system interface shimmered with light, and Zhou Yi was instantly teleported into the simulated scenario.

A basketball court, the same old place, the same old feel.

Zhou Yi blinked. “Huh? Why here again?”

He surveyed his attire: a simple pure white T-shirt paired with slim-fit jeans and a clean, sharp pair of skate shoes.

Zhou Yi nodded in satisfaction. “Hmm, not bad, not bad. At least this time you didn’t give me those gaudy little dresses, Xiao Qi. Your understanding is truly commendable.”

She scanned the surroundings and, sure enough, spotted Li Yanze kneeling devoutly by the side of the court, clutching two bottles of mineral water and a towel, gazing longingly at Jiang Chen as he ran back and forth on the court.

“This service mentality… Haidilao would have to hand him a business card!”

A system notification sounded, and three option boxes, glowing with different effects, popped up in the air:

[A. Gentle Senior Route: Like a spring breeze and timely rain, subtly nourishing all things (Estimated success rate: 60%)]

[B. Venomous Tongue Attack Route: A single word to awaken the dreamer; highly effective but might make an enemy (Estimated success rate: 55%)]

[C. Magic Duel Route: Pull out a towel and duel Li Yanze! See who Jiang Chen chooses (Estimated success rate: 75%)]

Zhou Yi’s gaze slowly swept over the options. The system, as expected, did not disappoint her; the three options were as consistently terrible as ever.

She wrinkled her nose in disdain. “Give me custom mode.”