Chapter 54: Miracles and Misgivings

While walking along the road, I chatted with the girls continuously.

Song Chae-hyun and Yoo Ji-eun were extremely curious about my meeting with Lee Seong-hyun today.

They kept asking all sorts of questions.

What did we eat?

What did I think of the editor?

Did I plan to meet him again?

I was busy answering their barrage of questions.

The part that drew the most intense reaction from them was this:

“Did he keep calling you cute and pretty?”

“Yes, he kept saying it,” I replied, slipping it in almost as if bragging.

I hoped it would make them feel a little envious.

Receiving compliments from a man has a unique charm, after all.

However, instead of envy, they both let out a long sigh, just like before.

Then, Song Chae-hyun spoke.

• “I-hyun, listen. I know a bit about these things. I’ve had a lot of friends who’ve dated… well, let’s just say casually.”

“Uh… okay.”

• “From now on, if you meet him privately, make sure to tell me first. Promise me you won’t meet him without letting me know.”

“Uh… okay.”

• “…Tell me too, please.”

“Uh… alright.”

I wondered why they were being so cautious, but since it wasn’t a difficult thing to do, I nodded.

• “Especially you, I-hyun… you absolutely cannot be left alone with him.”
• “I agree.”

They exchanged incomprehensible remarks before Song Chae-hyun continued.

• “And I-hyun, there wasn’t any physical contact, right? Like holding hands or accidentally brushing against each other…?”

“Uh…”

For a moment, I remembered how he had tried to pat my head.

I debated whether to bring it up or not.

“…No, there wasn’t,” I finally said.

I decided not to mention it.

Since I had avoided the touch, it technically wasn’t a lie.

…

I felt that if I mentioned the attempt to pat my head, it might escalate into something serious.

Afterward, we continued chatting about various things as we walked toward my home.

As I spent more time with them, I felt a renewed sense of gratitude for how much they cared.

“I’m here now,” I said as we reached my doorstep.

• “Alright. I think I’ll go to bed soon too,” Chae-hyun replied.
• “Be careful and get inside safely,” added Ji-eun.

Smiling, I waved at them through the call before hanging up.

I climbed the stairs, entered the door code, and stepped into my home.

After walking in, I collapsed onto my mattress still fully dressed.

Staring at the darkened ceiling, I replayed the day in my mind.

The meeting with Lee Seong-hyun had been enjoyable.

After Song Chae-hyun and Yoo Ji-eun, I had met another benefactor.

Someone with such experience and skills working for minimum wage, treating me to a meal, and being so kind.

…

Is it okay for everything to go so smoothly?

Lately, I feel as though only miracles are happening.

Life is usually a mix of ups and downs—it’s impossible for only good things to keep happening.

…

I feel a little uneasy.

How far will I fall this time?

Do I even deserve to be this happy?

Once again, images of my mother and younger sister flashed through my mind.

It always happens when I’m in high spirits.

I tried to avoid the sudden nosedive of emotions by covering my face with a pillow.

The pillow carried my scent, and I breathed faintly through it.

Suddenly, an emptiness began to fill the small room.

A sense of being alone.

The familiar feeling of solitude.

As always, it was just me in this silent room.

My breathing started to grow shallow.

The pounding of my heartbeat reverberated through my entire body.

I moved the pillow slightly away from my face and shifted my gaze diagonally downward.

On the lower shelf of the stand beside my mattress, barely visible in the dark, were tissues and a small utility knife.

I stared at them intently, only able to make out their outlines in the darkness.

As I reached out toward them—

The ringtone of my phone broke the silence.

With trembling hands, I picked up my phone.

The screen displayed Lee Seong-hyun’s name.

I hesitated about whether to answer or not.

Eventually, I did.

I didn’t want to be alone right now.

“Hello…?”

A slightly cracked voice escaped from me.

• “Ah, I-hyun. Did you make it home safely?”

“Yes…”

His voice was soothing.

In contrast, my own voice lacked any strength.

• “Is something wrong?”

Noticing this, Lee Seong-hyun asked.

“Ah, no…”

I tried to brush it off but hesitated and fell silent.

…

I shouldn’t be like this.

I shouldn’t act this way in social situations.

But then, his kindness from earlier came to mind.

So, in the end—

“Seong-hyun.”

• “Yes?”

“If you were going through something so hard that you couldn’t escape no matter what you did… what would you do?”

It was such a sudden and heavy question.

I couldn’t believe I was bringing this up with someone I had just met.

Lee Seong-hyun paused briefly before speaking cautiously.

• “I don’t know the details of your situation, so I have to be careful in what I say, but if it’s truly something unavoidable…”

He continued speaking.

His voice was calm and sincere.

He said things like how sometimes, changing the way we think is necessary to endure tough times.

I understood his words but couldn’t fully internalize them.

My guilt didn’t seem like something that could be resolved just by shifting my perspective.

Still, his effort wasn’t in vain.

The mere fact that he was trying to comfort me warmed my heart.

“Seong-hyun.”

• “Yes?”

“Thank you, really. Your words were comforting… I hope I wasn’t bothering you…”

• “No, not at all. If it helped you, then I’m glad. If you’re ever having a hard time, please call me first.”

“Thank you for saying that…”

After exchanging a few more words of gratitude, we said our goodbyes and ended the call.

I lay there for a while before sitting up.

I felt much more energized than before.

“Time to start the stream.”

I had promised.

My voice, slightly steadier than earlier, echoed in the room.

“Phew…”

I stood up and spun in a circle.

I had been addressing all the relentless requests from my viewers, one by one.

Comments about kiss marks, bruises on knees—

Honestly, it felt like they were writing a novel.

“Alright, satisfied now?”

• “No way, is someone hiding under the desk?”
• “Show the bathroom, show under the desk, show the drawers—I’m not believing anything until you show them all.”

“Geez, seriously?”

• “Don’t ruin your unicorn image, you f*ck*ing piece of trash.”

I let out a deep sigh.

Why are people so sensitive about things like this?

“Seriously, I’m telling you there’s no one here…”

I linked my webcam to my phone and showed them everything—the bathroom, under the desk, inside the drawers—just as the spammer demanded.

“Happy now? No more doubting, okay?”

• “Wow, you actually showed it.”
• “Lolol, another renewal of the purity certificate, season 3,624.”

Honestly, if I wanted to, I could just ignore these comments.

I could just continue the stream as usual.

But… I enjoy this too.

The obsession people have with me is always entertaining.

It gets overwhelming if it goes too far, but…

• “User ** has donated 1,000 KRW.”
• “So, how was your day?”

“Hmm…”

It was probably a question about my meeting with the editor.

I hesitated for a moment before answering.

“He was very kind. Treated me to a meal, had great manners…”

I deliberately avoided saying things like “He’s handsome” or “He has a nice voice,” which highlight male attractiveness.

If I did, they’d get jealous.

I’d once thought it might be fun to subtly imply such things to provoke a bit of jealousy…

But I realized that’s something my viewers really hate, so I decided against it.

…

• “Why’d you say he’s kind? Damn it.”
• “Jealous, jealous, jealous, jealous, jealous!”

Skratch-skratch (the sound of biting nails).

• “What’s with that expression? Damn it.”
• “She looks so smug… the world is unfair.”
• “I’m going to study video editing now.”

…

I shouldn’t compliment the editor anymore.

• “Great job on today’s stream.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes after the stream ended, I got a KakaoTalk message from Lee Seong-hyun.

I quickly replied.

“Did you watch it?”

• “I always keep your stream on.”

“Hehe…”

I chuckled out loud.

Chatting with him always felt like getting a closer glimpse of a fan’s reaction, which made it even more enjoyable.

But then—

• “Today’s stream doesn’t seem like it needs to be included in the edits.”

Ah…

“Hahaha, yeah…”

To be fair, most of it was just bickering with viewers.

The stream wasn’t even that long.

We chatted a bit about today’s stream, and as we did, a feeling of gratitude welled up inside me.

I typed it out.

“Seong-hyun.”

“Thank you so much for today.”

“For giving me such comforting words during the call… I’m really grateful.”

Lee Seong-hyun paused briefly before replying.

• “I’m glad I could help.”

Such kind words.

A smile crept across my face.

I was lying down, shifting my crossed legs when another KakaoTalk message arrived from him.

• “I-hyun.”

“Yes?”

• “Do you have time next week?”

“Ah?”

I paused for a moment, my fingers frozen, before another message came.

• “About editing—remember we planned to discuss that?”
• “But we ended up just eating and forgot… ^^…”

“Ah!”

That’s what felt missing.

I had completely forgotten about it…

But the fact that he’d forgotten too—

Thinking about that unexpected side of him made me chuckle.

I quickly typed back.

“I’d forgotten too…;;”

“Sure.”

“But this time, I’ll treat.”

After sending that, I put my phone on the nightstand and lay down.

I felt sleepy.

With all the tension gone and my tasks completed, drowsiness took over.

I lay on my mattress without even turning off the lights.

My eyes gradually began to close.

At the edge of my dimming vision, I saw something black and large moving.

It was a cockroach.

A disgusting insect.

I wanted to get rid of it, but my already half-asleep body felt too heavy to move.

So I simply stared at it absentmindedly through my blurry vision.

The cockroach twitched its antennae and wandered around the room before scuttling out.

And that’s when I fell asleep.