The Things We Endure in Silence

Come to think of it, it was natural that Hanbyeol thought he had to learn composition.
Compared to most children who give vague answers like “My dream is this, I’ll become famous” when they develop a dream, Hanbyeol’s dream was very firm.

He needed a computer.
And it would be better if he had a DAW.
Audio equipment might be too much for now, so maybe he could get that later if he went to an academy?
That was his line of thinking.

The ones who didn’t understand Hanbyeol choosing arts and physical education were his parents.
While they respected their sons’ decisions and let them handle most things, they strongly opposed arts and physical education.
They judged that life would be difficult later on.

At that time, Yuseong helped as if he had been waiting.
He even cited the reason that the song Hanbyeol made in a school music composition class was being sung by students everywhere.

Looking back, it was surprisingly smooth.
There were no obstacles in reaching his current skill level.
As if he was absorbing the skills he was supposed to achieve.

“I must have been more of a genius than I thought.”
“Seems so.”

When Taeha answered with a laugh, Hanbyeol actually felt embarrassed.

Shouldn’t you normally call someone out when they get carried away with self-admiration?
At Taeha’s kind demeanor, always nodding no matter what, Hanbyeol dropped his head as if giving up.

“I’m more embarrassed for saying it.”
“Why?”
“It’s true you’re good.”
“You’re even faster than what I saw when recording at my former agency.”
“……R-really?”

While praise makes even whales dance, it wasn’t familiar to Hanbyeol.

Still, he was happy.
He didn’t necessarily crave recognition from adults.
Sometimes, a friend’s recognition could also fill him with the reassurance that he was doing well.

“So, once we finish editing this, we’re done?”
“Yeah.”
“We just need to put this in.”

For a moment, Hanbyeol thought it might be okay even if he didn’t get to apply to his desired university.

Going to university didn’t guarantee it would help his dream.
Conversely, not going didn’t mean he’d drift away from his dream either.

There were many people active as composers without going to university.
Hanbyeol simply had the greed to try and grab both.

“Taeha, how many applications are you going to submit?”

Having nothing to do while the file converted, Hanbyeol leaned back in his chair and asked Taeha.
It was a question asked with the thought that since he did well on the CSAT, he’d probably go to university, right?

Taeha seemed not to have thought about it.
He rolled his eyes before asking Hanbyeol back.
“Hanbyeol, what about you?”
“Me?”
“I’ll only apply to three places.”
“If I don’t get in, I just won’t go to university.”

Even the work he did now, though entered with Taeha due to rumors, was something he needed to do for his portfolio.

He had considered asking Yuseong, hoping someone he knew would request a song.
But he couldn’t use an idol as a guide vocalist for an amateur’s song, so he dropped that idea early on.

“This is the song you said you’d submit to the company, right?”
“Yeah.”

Who would buy a song from a complete rookie with no history?
But he still had to try.

There were many agencies recruiting songs.
Hanbyeol planned to take it step by step, even if it was a small place.

“I should do it after the contract ends.”
“Right.”
“The company will absolutely try not to miss it.”
“Will you sing my song later too?”
“……Huh?”
“You have to debut too.”
“I’m not anyone special, but Taeha, you can definitely succeed.”
“Is that your feeling?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s my feeling.”
“You can believe it.”

He was still too young for a failed life.
Even if he was released for unwanted reasons and his dream was thwarted, he didn’t need to stop.

The Taeha Hanbyeol saw had more than enough potential to soar.
So he hoped his confidence wouldn’t be broken.

“Let’s go to a better company.”
“Aren’t the idol ratios around you getting too high?”
“Honestly, I’d be grateful for that.”
“Maybe they’d include at least one of my songs on an album?”
“It’s hard to be involved in A&R before establishing yourself.”
“We just need to succeed enough for that.”
“But Hanbyeol-ah, shouldn’t I be the one asking you for a song first?”

Their exchanged words were full of playfulness.
But sincerity was mixed within the playfulness.
Mixing hopes that each other would do well, they held onto each other to keep from sinking.

The conversion percentage, which started from 0, had passed 70 and was now at 80.

“Once the conversion finishes, we can go…”

Buzz—

As Hanbyeol stretched his arms to stretch, he lowered his hand again at his phone’s vibration.

Taeha kept his phone on silent mode most of the time, so it must be Hanbyeol’s.
The company, no doubt.
It was now a quickly predictable routine.
Honestly, if they were this obsessive, wouldn’t people get scared and quit halfway?

Reading Hanbyeol’s tired expression, Taeha looked troubled.
He checked between Hanbyeol and the phone.

“Can you hold on for a month?”
“If it gets really bad, we can refuse early.”

The talk about the agency debut lineup’s dynamics was something Hanbyeol couldn’t know about.
Therefore, he couldn’t play the card of ‘it would be difficult because I’m an Omega.’

He had gained access to visit the agency and dorm under the pretext of thinking positively about it.
But he planned to stop going around once Yuseong’s health improved.

“Brother, you’re still going to the hospital regularly, right?”
“Yeah.”

Taeha, who had been looking at Hanbyeol, bowed his head.
His face came close.
The breath that had lightly touched Hanbyeol’s neck moved away again.

“By any chance, is it a lot?”

Hanbyeol, who had been quiet for a moment, asked Taeha with a serious expression.

“At this level, most people wouldn’t notice.”
“But a little still remains.”
“What about me?”
“You’re fine.”
“Yours is hardly noticeable.”

Taeha had immediately noticed the scent of Yuseong’s pheromones subtly mixed with Hanbyeol’s clothes or body scent.
Fortunately, Hanbyeol’s own pheromones were well-regulated.

If only Yuseong’s pheromones remained, it would actually be fortunate.
It would be problematic if both were noticeable and someone caught on.
The possibility was low since he’d never met anyone as sensitive to pheromones as Taeha.
But there’s always that one-in-a-million chance.

“Should I buy something like pheromone perfume or something?”
“Wouldn’t that be more of a problem?”
“Well, they’d probably mix.”

Worry filled Taeha’s face.
Of course, health-wise, he was worried about Yuseong.
But he was most worried about Hanbyeol getting caught up in the mess.

“The Cha.N members still don’t know, right?”
“Right.”
“I wondered why they’re hiding it to this extent.”
“But thinking about it, it must be a situation they had to hide from the company too.”
“If the company pushes Alphas this much.”
“Right…”

So that’s why his brother didn’t want to reveal he’s an Omega?
Hanbyeol fell into thought.

“……I don’t get it.”
“I can only think the company is just sh*t.”

At the profanity that slipped out immediately, Taeha laughed.
It was profanity Taeha had reduced among friends since becoming a trainee.
And Hanbyeol had been carefully choosing his words since his brother became an idol.

But as the situation tangled, his true personality kept popping out.
Please just leave me alone.

As Hanbyeol, who had been ruffling his hair, lifted his head, Taeha raised a hand to tidy the disheveled strands.

Hanbyeol decided to do what he could and what he should do.

“Ah, I really don’t get it.”
“Can you just help me look over the emails I send to agencies?”
“Of course.”

Taeha smiled happily.
Hanbyeol also smiled lightly.
He decided to pretend not to notice the coffee coupon that had just been sent to his phone.

****

Hanbyeol deliberately didn’t show it.
They said he couldn’t act, not that he had a varied range of expressions.

Without posting about being a facial expression acting failure like reading from a textbook, just maintaining his usual blank expression was enough.

He really endured hard for a month.

After confirming through Taeha that there was no member capable of producing within the formed debut lineup, Hanbyeol deliberately played his own composition for the Cha.N members.
He did it in front of the managers.

‘At the company level, they won’t want to miss a producing member either.’

Naturally, the company’s eyes lit up.
But as time passed, Hanbyeol gradually and clearly drew a line with the company.
Because Yuseong’s condition had mostly improved.

“So they said I don’t need to come at all now?”
“That’s not it…”
“Ah, damn it—”
“They said to still be careful.”
“It’s not a complete cure.”
“But regulation is going well now, so it’s okay.”

Deceiving the members was also reaching its limit.
Since his heat cycle, thrown off by Yuseong’s pheromones, might suddenly hit again, he couldn’t have Yuseong’s pheromones cling to him like before.

Moreover, a month had already passed since Hanbyeol’s CSAT ended.
So his body should be better by now.
But since he kept saying he wasn’t well, they even suggested going to the hospital together.

The day Danyeong seriously suggested Hanbyeol try a different hospital.
In the end, Hanbyeol exploded in anger at Yuseong.

‘How much longer do I have to be treated like a patient!’
‘I’m perfectly fine!’
‘The other day, Yunsoo hyung was even looking for herbal medicine for me!’
‘I-I’m sorry—!’
‘If it comes, you eat it all, Choi Yuseong!’

Hanbyeol grabbed Yuseong by the scruff again, avoiding people’s eyes.

Currently, with Cha.N’s contract expiration issue, their relationship with the company wasn’t great.
In such a situation, with even Hanbyeol entangled with the company, Yuseong became even more cautious.
To the point it felt incredibly burdensome for Hanbyeol.

–Hanbyeol-ah.
Today, we decided to order various things and have dinner together at the dorm.
Won’t you join us?

“Huh?”

Today’s not a workday.
Are you making me, who doesn’t even work at the company yet, come in on my day off?

Of course, the refusal was refused.
It was because of Yuseong’s earnest request that he come, just in case.