The Lie I Chose to Tell

Countless thoughts stormed through his mind in an instant.
As expected, it seemed Kazen and Harold were indeed lovers.
However, he had deliberately staged that incident because it seemed like Eren was showing interest in Harold and he wanted to warn him.

Eren couldn’t understand why Kazen would go to such lengths, which only deepened his confusion.
After all, Eren was of low birth, and he couldn’t even dare to covet someone as precious as Harold.
Was it because his feelings for Harold were that great?

‘I hate my things getting dirty.
So get your filthy hands off immediately.’

A faint memory of Kazen’s words surfaced from the distant past.
If Kazen was saying he felt displeased by Eren daring to desire Harold, it was a situation he could understand.

Having deduced the answer, Eren closed his eyes for a long moment before opening them.
His chest prickled as if he had swallowed dozens of needles.
His heart beat low and hard, and heat rose to his face, making it burn.

That was all he was to Kazen.
A bothersome, insignificant being who dared to covet his lover.
It was a fact he already knew, so why did it feel like a fresh wound now?
He felt unbearably ashamed and embarrassed that he had even harbored a sliver of hope for such a Kazen.

“I see, I understand.
Lord Harold is far too noble for someone like me to dare harbor feelings for, so you need not worry.”

“I wasn’t worried.
I just didn’t like it.”

It had been okay no matter how harshly Kazen spoke to him or even insulted him.
But for the first time, each word he spat felt like a sharp blade piercing his chest.

Having run out of things to say, Eren bit his lip hard and bowed his head deeply.
Kazen gazed down at him for a moment, then abruptly turned away.

“I’ve changed my mind.
I won’t go to the tavern, so you can leave now.”

Frankly, Eren also didn’t want to be with him anymore, so he thought it was just as well.
Before Kazen could change his mind again, he bowed his head.

“Yes, Your Grace.
If you need anything, please call for me immediately.”

In case something was needed right away, Eren hurriedly opened the bedroom door and rushed out into the corridor as if fleeing.

Coming out into the quiet corridor, the breath that had been stuck in his chest finally released.
Eren walked down the dark corridor, then suddenly stopped and looked out the window.

A first-quarter moon, feeling exceptionally cold, was hiding among the clouds.
The air felt damp, as if rain was coming.
Perhaps because of that, Eren’s body also felt limp and soggy, like waterlogged cotton.

With steps that felt heavier than usual today, he headed toward his room.
He didn’t want to think about anything.
He felt that any thought right now would only lead to devastation.
He just wanted to get to his room and fall asleep as soon as possible.

He was exhausted to the point where even the paperwork he had pushed aside no longer crossed his mind.

‘Because I disliked you daring to covet Harold.’

Kazen’s voice seemed to keep chasing him, and without realizing it, Eren kept glancing back.

How had Kazen come to think Eren held feelings for Harold?
Perhaps the suspicion had started from the handkerchief incident.
Maybe Kazen had misunderstood that Eren had approached Harold first.

But Eren swore he had never once intentionally tried to get close to Harold.
He felt so unfairly wronged that his chest tightened.

Rather, the person Eren held feelings for was Kazen.
For a very brief moment, he wondered if telling that truth would clear up the misunderstanding.
But he immediately could only shake his head.

There was no way Kazen would willingly accept such irreverent feelings from Eren.
No, rather, he might be displeased and drive Eren out of the Ducal household for good.
In fact, that very situation was what Eren feared.

This Clifford Ducal estate was the first ‘home’ Eren had ever had.
It was the only sanctuary where he, who had spent his life wandering the streets, could stay.
If Kazen were to find out about his feelings and make it impossible for him to remain in this mansion, then Eren would have nowhere to go.

So he had to ignore those feelings himself, and Kazen had to remain ignorant of them as well.

“You, there.”

Just then, a person’s voice abruptly emerged from the darkness, startling Eren so much he nearly fainted on the spot.
He jumped, his shoulders trembling, and turned toward the source of the sound.

“Your name was Eren, wasn’t it?”

From the end of the corridor, he could see Aila walking slowly toward him.
Since he hadn’t heard her footsteps, she must have been standing there for a while—how long had she been watching him?

“Yes, Eren Lloyd.
Is there something you need?
Why are you standing in the dark without a light…”

“You just came from the Duke’s room, didn’t you?”

What was the intention behind this question?
He needed to understand that to decide how to answer.

Eren stared intently at Aila.
She possessed an exotic beauty.
Her curly brown hair had a glossy sheen, and her delicate, precise features were as beautiful as a beauty from an old masterpiece painting.

The day he first met her still came vividly to mind.
Kazen, having returned victorious from war, became engaged to Aila that winter.

The King of Felosia wanted Crown Prince Harold or another Imperial Prince as the marriage partner for the princess as part of the peace treaty, but the Emperor put forward Kazen, the war hero.

As the defeated nation, Felosia could not protest the Emperor’s demand.
Thus, it was Aila, the eighth in the line of succession and the most remote, who stepped forward.

Catherine, who also had ties with the Felosian royal family and judged that the Clifford Ducal household, having suddenly lost its master, needed stability, actively intervened in the marriage talks.

Kazen had acted coldly toward Aila from their first meeting, but Eren had thought very highly of her.
Although she was finicky, she at least did not mistreat the servants.

‘You are the one who serves the Duke of Clifford most closely, I was told?’

‘Yes.
That is correct, My Lady.’

‘What does the Duke like?’

Thinking about it, Aila had still made her own efforts for this marriage.
She tried to find out what Kazen liked to give him gifts, and she visited the Ducal residence like this on his birthdays to see him, even if briefly.
She had even taken Catherine, who had settled in the Felosian palace, as her lady-in-waiting.

“Yes, I attended to His Grace’s preparations for retiring.”

“Is it you who attends to His Grace’s retiring every day?”

He wasn’t entirely sure, but she was probably concerned about what Kazen had said earlier.

“Yes, My Lady.
Might I ask the reason for your inquiry?”

Aila walked slowly down the corridor and stopped face-to-face with Eren.
Only then could he make out the expression on her face, but he couldn’t discern any particular emotion.

“The Duke and I are promised in marriage, but we do not hold affection for each other.
You already know that, I assume?”

He did know, but it also felt rude to say so, so Eren just remained silent and still.

Aila narrowed her eyes and peered down the corridor past Eren’s shoulder.
Upon confirming it was Kazen’s bedroom, she furrowed her brow.

“So, I’ll say it again.
Even if you truly are the Duke’s lover, I won’t mind.”

No matter what was in Eren’s heart, he could not be Kazen’s lover.
He was far too noble for Eren to dare hope for such a thing.
Naturally, he tried to explain that it was an absurd notion.
But Aila was one step ahead.

“Are you truly intimate with him?”

“No, I am not.”

Eren answered hastily, waving his hands.
However, Aila took another firm step forward, pressing him with a strong tone.

“I promise you I will hold you to no account, no matter what answer you give.
If the Duke has truly broken our agreement and been intimate with you, I intend to break the engagement, so answer me honestly.
I will not disclose this fact to anyone, including the Duke.”

For a moment, Eren hesitated over what to say.
Of course, he should tell the truth, but why was an irreverent thought dominating his mind?

He wanted Aila to break off the engagement with Kazen.
The reason was likely a selfishness so ugly he couldn’t even begin to fathom it.
The thought of watching Kazen marry someone else, build a family, and live happily from the sidelines felt like it would tear his heart apart.

“I…”

“Tell me the truth, for my sake.
I will not forget this favor.”

But then Aila suddenly took Eren’s hand and spoke.
Her tone was as if she were pleading for him to confirm it was true.

In truth, Aila also secretly wished to break the engagement with Kazen, and this matter seemed to have become her trigger.
For his own sake, and for Aila’s, Eren willingly decided to participate in the lie.

“Yes, it is true.
I have been intimate with His Grace.”

The soft hand holding Eren’s let go.
After a very brief silence, Aila nodded quietly.

“…I see.
Thank you for telling me the truth.
Take good care of the Duke for me.
He is no longer my concern.”

Aila looked remarkably lighthearted.
She gently grasped Eren’s shoulder, then turned her body as silently as she had appeared and disappeared into the darkened corridor.

‘What…… have I just done?’

It was only after she had completely vanished that Eren suddenly came to his senses.
He realized he had just recklessly spouted a lie to Kazen’s fiancée.

Feeling nauseous, Eren clutched his solar plexus.
He felt as if he were going to vomit, just like the day he suffered from a hangover.
Once the words were spoken, he couldn’t take them back.

Eren glanced back once at the quiet door to Kazen’s room and then stepped into the pitch-dark corridor.