Understand

[Ning Rou…] (I roll over in bed.) [Teacher Ning Rou…] (I cover my face with my hands.) [Shall we trade desserts?] (I curl into a helpless ball.)

Late at night. Inside my lonely dormitory.

I haven’t been able to sleep for a long time. It has been a week since that explosive argument with Xiao Yue Hua in the performance hall. Come to think of it, that was the second time we’ve clashed like that. The last time was also in the performance hall, and also because of the Professor…

The Professor.

My insomnia is his fault too. When I close my eyes, he’s there. When I cover my ears, he’s there. Even when my mind drifts into a blank stare, the clouds in the sky remind me of him.

Since that day, the Professor has become my living nightmare—not because I fear him, but because I fear my own cowardice. My own incompetence.

The Professor has continued my tutoring sessions since then. That is one of the primary sources of my agony. I truly cannot forget him, and I crave the time we spend alone.

But.

That woman, Xiao Yue Hua, will not allow it. Now, her silhouette is a permanent fixture in the performance hall during our daily sessions. She refuses to let me be alone with him. In fact, it’s already beyond my expectations that the tutoring was allowed to continue at all. I don’t know what kind of promise the Professor made to that woman, but at least I can see him every day.

However, if these meetings are exchanged at the cost of the Professor’s suffering, I would rather not see him at all.

With every observation, I can see clearly that the Professor’s condition is deteriorating. The shadows under his eyes grow darker, his complexion paler; his expression is permanently clouded by a lingering, inescapable gloom. He looks like a man under immense pressure, starved of rest.

Is the Professor being tormented by nightmares just like I am?

Beyond that, he has become increasingly withdrawn. He has turned into a fragile little animal, forever cautious and treading on eggshells. He has developed an extreme fear of communicating with strangers. Even… even the logic in his speech is beginning to crumble. He speaks less and less.

I can feel it. The Professor’s ability to care for himself is being dismantled, bit by bit. It is being destroyed—on purpose.

The day after our argument, Yue Hua moved out of the dorms. She made the Professor rent a house off-campus and moved in with him. According to her, she wanted to “take care” of him. She said the Professor couldn’t live without her.

Lies!!! It is a total lie!!!

The reason the Professor has fallen into this state is entirely due to her machinations! I can see it—she is intentionally destroying his independence. She wants him to become her parasite. She is ruining him.

And yet, I am powerless to stop it. She was right about at least one thing: the Professor truly cannot leave her now. I want to help him, but I don’t know where to start. Now, the Professor breaks into a cold sweat just talking to me, constantly stealing glances at Xiao Yue Hua’s face. That cowering, careful look of his makes my heart bleed. It’s a pain that feels like my internal organs are being twisted in a meat grinder.

The only sliver of comfort is that she hasn’t taken the final step with him yet. She claims the Professor is too fragile right now and needs time to recover his spirit. Moreover, she wants to save her “precious Professor” to be “devoured” on their wedding day. The light in her eyes when she says those things is terrifyingly bright; it stings my eyes to look at her.

How arrogant. Is she so certain she’ll be the one laughing at the end?

But of course, that’s easy to say. At the time, I was truly in despair. The future Xiao Yue Hua described—a beautiful future with no place for me—nearly crushed the breath out of my lungs. My emotions were so chaotic I couldn’t understand them; I frantically threw myself at the Professor’s feet, clutching his legs, begging him to return to the way he was.

I didn’t want this Professor whose world revolved entirely around Xiao Yue Hua, who could only survive by leaning on her! I wanted the Professor who was stern, who was cold, who cracked jokes, who treated people with a hidden gentleness, and who cared for me with such refined sensitivity!

I pleaded earnestly, my tears soaking a large patch of his clothes, hoping for a miracle.

But there was no miracle.

The Professor looked conflicted, sitting there restlessly under my touch. Now, any contact with a woman other than Xiao Yue Hua causes him to tremble incessantly in a stress response. Yet, he still endured the torture to stroke my hair, to soothe me, to tell me to calm down and go back to my dorm to rest.

You’re so gentle, Professor. Even in such pain, you only think of others. But it’s exactly your gentleness that makes me unable to let go…

That day, Xiao Yue Hua’s expression was horrifyingly dark. She forcibly pried my hands away and pulled the Professor roughly into her arms. As if to retaliate against me, she flaunted her possession by kissing him deeply right in front of my face. Her lips wandered between his face and neck, caressing him with a persistent, possessive hunger.

“Tsk… chuu… mnh…”

Lunatic! Pervert!

It was the first time in my life I had witnessed such a wild kiss. My mind went white from the sheer shock of it. I clenched my fists tight, gritting my teeth, staring with a mix of jealousy and resentment at her every movement. I wanted to rush forward and pull that woman off him, but I couldn’t find a spark of strength in my entire body.

“Yue Hua… don’t be like this…”

The Professor let out a muffled groan, thick with suppressed desire, looking at me with a mix of embarrassment and vulnerability. For some reason, seeing that fragility in his eyes made my own heart flutter uncontrollably.

But his weak resistance was useless. He tried to stifle the moans that were escaping him, but Xiao Yue Hua took it as a signal for flirtation, meeting him with even more forceful demands. She grabbed his chin firmly and pressed her lips against his, trying to invade his mouth.

The Professor only looked at me with a face full of shame, seemingly trying to maintain the last of his dignity as a teacher (even though it had long since vanished), resisting as best as he could.

But Xiao Yue Hua only sneered. She crudely forced her thumb between his lips, her nail prying his clenched teeth apart to allow her tongue to invade. Tangled in her embrace, the Professor couldn’t close his mouth; he was forced to inhale her scent through his nose.

“Tsk… chuu… mnh…”

Yue Hua sought him out greedily, a sickly-sweet smile on her face. Watching the Professor like this—watching the two of them in such intimate contact—a massive wave of sorrow hit me. My tears flowed without stopping, and my whole body shook with sobs.

Yue Hua seemed satisfied by my grief. After a long while, she finally pulled her lips away, wearing a sinister grin.

“How was it? Did you feel it, Professor? Yue Hua’s love for you?”

Her eyes burned as she stared at the Professor, but her peripheral vision was definitely—no, certainly—fixed on me.

“Mnh! Cough, cough!“

The Professor breathed in ragged gasps. His expression of endurance had completely shattered from a single kiss; his pale face was flushed a sickly red from the lack of oxygen.

I stared at that erotic, vivid flush, unable to look away. Suddenly, a strange heat surged through my heart. A massive wave of goosebumps broke out across my skin.

I hate to admit it, but… I was turned on.