The Weight of Words and the Comfort of Distance

Though I rarely spoke to others, it wasn’t for lack of desire. Rather, I understood the power of words to wound, prompting me to curtail any unnecessary speech. Similarly, while I had few friends, it wasn’t due to an unwillingness to connect; I simply found human relationships unduly intricate, compelling me to maintain a careful distance.

For a long time, I found myself unable to draw near, yet equally incapable of truly distancing myself. This persistent sense of limbo within me endured to this day. Unsure how others perceived me, and equally uncertain how I ought to perceive them, I invariably retreated to a comfortable space, observing and contemplating, until at last, an answer crystallized:

‘People are, after all, destined to gravitate towards one another.’

“I am the sort of person who will not act without a compelling reason, and as most things in this world strike me as rather dull, I typically prefer to do nothing at all, or only act when absolutely compelled. During my elementary school years, my parents would provide me with a carton of breakfast milk and bread each morning; consuming breakfast was merely another mundane chore. Then, a girl in my class also began bringing her breakfast daily. She disliked plain milk and suggested we swap our cartons. I agreed, and from that day forward, we exchanged milk every morning. Her presence transformed my mornings entirely.”

I recounted this calmly, and though the petite girl before me betrayed no particular reaction, I still fretted that I had spoken too much. I paused, considering how best to conclude my thoughts.

“Yu Tianman and I have known each other for barely a few days, yet she never seems to mind if I misspeak or misstep. I genuinely enjoy our interactions, and because of that, I wish to foster good relationships with all of you, and to learn from these experiences—a possibility that only exists here.” I had laid bare every one of my reasons.

I faced Dorothy, awaiting her reaction. I couldn’t discern if I had successfully conveyed my intentions to her, nor if my reasoning held enough sway to convince her, yet I had held nothing back.

“Oh,” she simply stated. “In that case, I’ll be heading back now.”

As she spoke, Dorothy returned to her former spot, retrieved her book, tucked it into her shoulder bag, and then headed towards the door.

“Leaving already, Dorothy?” Yu Tianman called out.

“Didn’t you suggest we come meet the new member?” she replied, though her steps never faltered. “I’ve met them. I’m going home to read.”

With that, she truly departed, leaving behind a subtly awkward atmosphere in the activity room. It wasn’t until the sound of her footsteps had completely faded down the corridor outside the door that Yu Tianman finally spoke.

“My apologies, Student Yi,” Yu Tianman explained, sidling up beside me. “Dorothy has a rather peculiar disposition; she’s not usually like this. When we discussed you over the weekend, she didn’t express such strong objections. Perhaps she’s simply in a foul mood today, or perhaps I interrupted her reading just now. In any case, I hope you won’t take it to heart.”

“No, it’s quite alright; her words were insightful,” I replied. ‘Her questions had, in fact, offered me a new direction, prompting me to delve into matters I had previously overlooked.’

“At any rate, Dorothy ultimately accepted you,” Yu Tianman declared, joyfully seizing my hand. “You must get along well with all of us, alright?”

‘I felt a profound gratitude toward Yu Tianman, even though I hadn’t voiced it. Her willingness to befriend someone as uninteresting as myself, and her acceptance of my joining their club, had bestowed upon me… such an invaluable opportunity. My gratitude was immense, yet I found myself at a loss for words, unable to articulate my feelings with the same candidness of expression and gesture that came so naturally to her.’

“So, I suppose my opinion isn’t required?” Mei Ruolan, who had been overlooked for some time, interjected abruptly, causing Yu Tianman to release my hand instantly and nervously put distance between us.

“Eh, oh dear, Mei, you’re still here!” she exclaimed, realizing she’d likely uttered something rather foolish. She clapped a hand over half her face, then, as the full mortification set in, both hands flew up to cover her entire visage.

Mei Ruolan found her antics quite amusing. However, she swiftly redirected her attention to me, casually pulling out the nearest chair to sit. “I don’t harbor as many convoluted thoughts as Dorothy, but I find you, as a person, quite intriguing.”

“Is that so?”

“Quite the indifferent response,” she remarked with a faint smile. “You neither resist nor particularly welcome a girl’s proximity, truly, just as you claimed, quite uninterested.”

“I have attempted to change, yet I remain at a loss as to how.”

“It’s not that I’m telling you to change, per se,” she clarified. “It’s simply that you strike me as quite different from other boys.”

“Isn’t it though!” Yu Tianman interjected suddenly, dragging a chair over to sit beside Mei Ruolan. “Student Yi’s utterly nonchalant demeanor towards everything is quite cool, wouldn’t you agree?”

“What precisely are you so pleased about?” Mei Ruolan asked, her expression one of amused exasperation. “Surely you haven’t excluded yourself from that assessment?”

“He did say he was very happy interacting with me,” she countered, her smile radiating an exceptional brilliance. “As his very first friend, I’m certainly afforded a special status.”

‘Was there? I wasn’t entirely certain.’

“According to his own account just now, Student Yi Chang’s first friend would logically be the girl from elementary school with whom he exchanged milk. You, at best, can claim to be his first in high school.”

‘While I failed to grasp the significance of distinguishing between a ‘first’ and ‘second’ friend, Yu Tianman was visibly deflated. She began playfully pummeling Mei Ruolan’s sturdy arm with her delicate fists, chiding, “Why do you two always utter such hurtful remarks these days?”‘

Mei Ruolan merely chuckled, “You’ve been so utterly buoyant lately, I simply couldn’t resist a little teasing.”

Yu Tianman’s playful blows intensified, while Mei Ruolan, enduring the assault, smiled and pleaded for mercy—a scene that could have been lifted directly from a slice-of-life manga. From my seat in the corner, I remained unsure whether to watch or what words to offer.

“Let’s call it a day for now, Tianman.” Mei Ruolan’s words brought Yu Tianman’s actions to a halt, prompting her to await what came next. “Since Dorothy left early, and I have a Disciplinary Committee meeting shortly, let’s save any further discussion for tomorrow.”

Yu Tianman lowered her gaze, pondering Mei Ruolan’s suggestion for a moment before turning her eyes to me. “Indeed, let’s simply get acquainted today,” she affirmed, rising from her chair and approaching me.

“We’ll be counting on you from now on, Student Yi,” she said, her eyes crinkling into a smile. “I promised to wait for Mei today, so when you head back, you’ll have to ponder carefully how to cultivate good relationships with both Mei and Dorothy.”

With that, she picked up her bag and followed Mei Ruolan, who was already at the doorway, out of the room. I was left entirely alone in the activity room, the only sounds being the distant shouts of students on the sports field and the gentle hum of the air conditioner. A subtle undercurrent of lively clamor was oddly comforting, yet the ensuing quietude and stillness proved equally so.

“Ah, I forgot to give you the key!” Yu Tianman exclaimed, jogging back. “From now on, you’re free to use the activity room as you please.” She pressed the key into my hand, then departed in a rush once more. Through the echoing corridor, I could faintly discern Yu Tianman offering apologies to Mei Ruolan.

I lingered for a brief moment in the activity room before switching off the air conditioner, locking the door, and departing. As I walked from the school gate towards the main road, I recalled the substantial amount of leftover lunch from earlier. Given the recent heat, returning home sooner would spare me the effort of reheating everything. Consequently, I, who had initially intended to walk, altered my course towards the bus stop.

Upon reaching the bus stop, my gaze was immediately drawn to a shock of red hair within the waiting shelter. It required no thought to identify its owner; truly, such a mass of fluffy crimson was impossible to overlook.

Dorothy sat engrossed in a book on one of the shelter’s chairs, just as before, utterly oblivious to my presence. Even though no other students remained at this hour, her immersion in reading was absolute; the slightest stir from the outside world held no bearing on her.

Even when the electronic display board explicitly announced the imminent arrival of the next bus, she remained utterly unresponsive. While I had no idea which bus she intended to take, I couldn’t help but worry she might miss it due to her intense focus on her book.

“Which bus are you waiting for?”

She appeared not to have heard, prompting me to repeat the question.

“Which bus are you waiting for?”

Dorothy, with an exasperated sigh, lowered her book, then turned to glare at me. “Can’t you just use my name? With all your ‘you, you, you,’ how am I supposed to know who you’re addressing?”

‘Indeed, it was an oversight on my part; seeing no one else nearby, I had assumed there was no need for specific address.’

“So, which bus are you waiting for, Student Dorothy?”

“Number six, number six! Stop asking, it’s infuriating!” She picked up her book again, ready to resume reading. I, on the other hand, turned to consult the electronic display board’s schedule.

“Bus number six departed three minutes ago,” I informed her, turning back. “The next one is in half an hour.”

“What!?” Dorothy slammed her book shut, agitated. “Newcomer, check which bus is arriving soonest!”

“Number 15, which is the one I intend to take.”

“Does it pass by Hongqiao Tower?”

“It does.”

“Fine then, that’s the one,” she declared, settling back into her chair to resume reading. “Tell me when the bus arrives, newcomer.”

I couldn’t quite discern if she was truly in a hurry or not. The electronic screen on the display board estimated a four-minute arrival time. I, too, sat on the long bench, maintaining a comfortable distance from Dorothy, to rest for a moment. In this city, the further one moved from the city center, the quieter it became. My school and home were situated in precisely such an area, with only a sparse scattering of vehicles on the road and students riding small electric scooters home. ‘Speaking of which, how old do you have to be to get an electric scooter license? My mom has an old one she no longer rides.’

“By the way, I’m surprised you even dared to speak to me,” she said, one hand holding her book open while the other turned a page, speaking to me simultaneously. “Are you a masochist? Ah, or is this perhaps to fulfill what you just said, about wanting to get along with me?” A sarcastic laugh escaped her lips as she finished.

But I failed to comprehend.

“Does that truly foster good relationships?” I inquired, genuinely puzzled. “Merely worrying someone might miss their stop, a simple reminder, a small act of kindness—can that truly improve one’s relationship with another?”

Dorothy looked up, her expression equally perplexed, as if confirming something, before letting out a soft scoff. “You consider such an act to be a matter of course? I tell you, newcomer, what you call a ‘small act of kindness’ is precisely the most precious form of goodwill in this world… If someone is treated that way by the opposite s*x, it’s very easy for misunderstandings to arise.”

I didn’t understand, and was about to voice my question. Yet, she shook her head with a sigh, her mocking smile receding as she lowered her gaze back to her book. I turned to the display board; the bus was now a minute away. I patted my pockets and backpack, ensuring I hadn’t left anything behind, then stood to await the bus.

Just as I was about to turn and remind Dorothy, I saw her close her book and stand up as well, silently positioning herself behind me, already forming a queue. Though, for only two people, there wasn’t much need for one.

“Didn’t you go back with Yu Tianman today?” Dorothy said from behind me. “Ah, was it because you had to wait for Mei Ruolan? What a shame, your friend chose her better friend, and you’re stuck taking the bus home with someone like me.”

I heard her cold chuckle from behind, but my heart held only a flicker of curiosity. “Is there a difference?”

The laughter behind me ceased. I continued, “Is there a difference between going home with Yu Tianman, or going home with you?”

The person behind me remained silent. The entire bus stop was eerily quiet; I couldn’t even confirm if she was still there. It wasn’t until I spotted the bus approaching at the end of the road that I turned, telling her, “The bus is here, Dorothy…”

Looking down, I saw her standing directly behind me, her face obscured by her book.

“Don’t turn around, you idiot, just get on the bus.”

The bus came to a smooth stop before me, its doors hissing open. After being scolded, I obediently boarded, no longer looking at her. I settled into a window seat on the right. As the vehicle moved, I gazed at the passing scenery—all too familiar and utterly uninteresting. Losing myself in thought, I noticed Dorothy through the hazy reflection in the window, seated on the left, also by a window. She, too, was facing outward.

‘She must be looking at the scenery outside as well, I suppose.’