The Weight of Memories

“Are you happy at work?”

“Not at all.”

“Right, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you happy.”

‘I couldn’t remember the last time I truly laughed, or even how to laugh anymore.’ ‘Everything felt mundane, each day a repeating farce, devoid of interest or meaning.’

I glanced at my sister, who was intently driving. Despite her feigned ignorance, I took her question as an invitation to converse, feeling obliged to contribute something myself. Even if I was mistaken, it hardly mattered.

“Sister Yi Shi, haven’t you worked before?” I mused. “As a waitress, I recall?”

“Ah, that,” she said, a hint of sarcasm in her smile. “Calling it waitressing is a stretch; most of the work was just my beauty attracting customers at the front desk.”

“Were you happy?”

“If you mean earning money for such little effort, then yes, I was somewhat content,” she replied, just as we stopped at a traffic light. Her hand left the steering wheel, her finger repeatedly tapping her lips.

“But remembering how the manager would boss me around still makes me sick. I was the face of the place, attracting customers for him, and I can’t count how many guys asked for my WeChat. Dealing with them didn’t even get me extra pay. It was infuriating.”

‘I recalled how many bubble tea shops employed attractive young people as servers.’ ‘They clearly believed that handsome men and beautiful women would encourage customers to spend more.’

‘In fact, I had experienced something similar myself.’ ‘When I was in elementary school, someone spread the rumor that I had a beautiful older sister, and her school also learned she had a younger brother.’

‘Before I knew it, my classmates and some older boys started treating me to meals, promising to look out for me and even calling me ‘little brother-in-law’.’

“Why so quiet?” she prodded. “Thinking about games again, aren’t you? More interesting than listening to your sister brag, huh? Is that what you’re thinking?”

‘She began to playfully tease me again, though I knew she wasn’t truly angry.’

“No, Sister Yi Shi, you are indeed very beautiful.”

‘Was there a standard answer to what constituted beauty? Like, at what angle a nose should be sculpted, or the precise millimeter separating the eyes, the proportions of features, or face shape?’ ‘I knew others had no exact standards either; ultimately, beauty was simply a face that brought comfort to one’s eyes, a physiological pleasure in appreciating something lovely.’

‘Thinking this way, my sister’s and mother’s faces were the most pleasing to my sight, making them undeniably beautiful.’

“To be praised as beautiful by you,” her expression became a complex mix of emotions for a fleeting moment. “It feels… strange.”

“Is it odd for me to compliment someone?”

“No, I mean, before…” Her voice trailed off, then she turned to look at me. “Have you truly forgotten what happened before, or are you deliberately avoiding the topic?”

“What are you referring to?”

‘Of the past, some things I had genuinely forgotten, while others I simply preferred not to recall.’

“When we both attended the same boarding school…” Her expression soured. “Never mind, let’s not talk about it.”

‘I had always disliked seeing her sad, ever since we were young.’ ‘Yet, the world was filled with so many sorrowful things, and what I could do for her was painfully limited.’

“A boarding school, you say…”

‘It was a school near our hometown, offering education from elementary to university levels; most children from our village were sent there.’ ‘At the time, the relatives I lived with moved away, forcing me to transfer schools.’

‘My father had just lost his job, and my mother was in the midst of a career ascent, leaving her no time to arrange my schooling.’ ‘So, I was sent to the boarding school, where my sister had already advanced to the middle school section.’

“I only remember studying there for two years, then passing the entrance exam for a different middle school.”

“Is that all?” My sister’s eyes held a complex mix of emotions: guilt, apprehension, sorrow, and the deep affection from our childhood. “Didn’t it leave any… unpleasant memories?”

“Unpleasant memories?” I pondered that period. There was indeed one memory. “I only recall one truly pleasant thing.”

“Oh…” She seemed unconvinced, and with a heavy sigh, she turned back to the road and resumed driving. Then, she murmured, “I understand you less and less these days.”

‘I often mused about the social ties of blood relatives.’ ‘Though our personalities were vastly different, our views divergent, and our roles often discordant, even harboring hidden intentions at times, we were irrevocably bound by blood.’

‘Whether through a tender embrace or a cruel slight, the depth of one’s feelings, be it intense dislike or profound affection, would ultimately be conveyed to the other in some peculiar way.’

“Where are we eating? We’ve been driving for ages.”

“To People’s Square.”

“Why there?”

“The movie tickets are cheaper there.”

‘I hadn’t even known we were going to see a movie.’ ‘Ever since my sister discovered I would agree to anything, she had largely disregarded my opinions concerning my own affairs.’ ‘Still, since I genuinely agreed to everything, it made little difference.’

‘After a short nap, we arrived at People’s Square.’ ‘True to its name, it was indeed a grand square, only a few blocks from our usual pedestrian street, placing it firmly within the bustling downtown area.’

‘Yet, there were significant differences as well.’ ‘The surrounding area was dominated by old buildings, devoid of towering skyscrapers, and the shops were mostly restaurants, eateries, and street food stalls.’ ‘Their signboards were typically garish, in loud reds and greens, appearing rather rustic.’

‘The square itself was a bustling marketplace of street vendors and snack carts.’ ‘The variety of goods sold by vendors was too vast to categorize, while the snacks seemed to be regional specialties, though I wasn’t very familiar with provincial cuisine, having rarely tried it.’

‘In short, as one could plainly see, it was a very down-to-earth entertainment spot.’ ‘Young people were noticeably scarce here, replaced by a multitude of middle-aged individuals and their families.’

‘There were elderly men and women with heavy makeup dancing in the square; others wielding swords and spears, exercising their bodies; and still more, surrounded by their grandchildren, chatting beneath the trees.’ ‘Indeed, the place teemed with seniors.’

“What should we eat?”

“Let’s head to the cinema first,” she said, opening her phone’s navigation. “We’ll be going in in about fifteen minutes.”

“The movie will be at least two hours long. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Whose fault is it that you finish work so late and your workplace is so far away?” she chided playfully. “But it’s fine; this cinema allows food. We can eat while we watch and just take our trash out afterwards.”

‘Bringing food into the cinema to eat… that seemed a bit *too* down-to-earth.’

‘Yet, that’s precisely what we did.’ ‘She entered the cinema carrying a bag of roadside-bought sliced meat and stinky tofu, then found our seats, while I merely held a bucket of popcorn and a bottle of mineral water.’

‘The movie itself proved quite dull.’ ‘My sister had bought the tickets, so I had no idea what we were seeing before we entered.’

‘Predictably, given her taste in films, it was another idol drama adapted from a novel, lacking both substance and appeal.’ ‘It was utterly uninteresting, and I felt myself drifting towards sleep; watching such a tedious film after a long day of work made it impossible to fight off the drowsiness.’

‘The young couples around us, however, chattered away, seemingly engrossed.’ ‘But upon closer listening, they were merely discussing which actor was attractive, or who had ‘CP chemistry’ with whom, and similar trivialities.’

‘As for my sister, Yi Shi, did she even enjoy this kind of movie?’ ‘It turned out she wasn’t watching either; after taking a few photos upon entering and posting them to her Moments, she spent most of the time on her phone.’

‘After more than an hour, the first major plot point finally arrived: the male lead fell into a flashback.’ ‘In his childhood, an enemy clan had sought revenge, slaughtering his entire family.’ ‘Ultimately, his mother sacrificed herself to allow him to escape.’

‘This should have been a pivotal scene, revealing the character’s core motivation within the plot, yet the male lead’s indescribably terrible acting made it impossible to connect emotionally.’ ‘Nevertheless, the girls around us in the cinema all grew melancholic, beginning to sob quietly, stifling their tears.’

‘It wasn’t just them; my sister, Yi Shi, was also moved to tears by the scene unfolding on the screen.’ ‘Was it because the actress playing the mother delivered a superb performance, or because the musical score was exceptionally powerful?’ ‘Whatever the reason, even the male lead’s comical acting couldn’t prevent my sister’s emotions from being stirred.’

‘Alright, I knew why.’

‘My sister, Yi Shi, would always shed tears whenever she witnessed a poignant scene featuring a mother—be it one of sacrifice or suffering, bravery or boundless love.’

‘When my sister was still a toddler, her mother had tragically died in an accident.’ ‘Perhaps it was this absence of maternal love in her memory that caused her to weep uncontrollably whenever she saw a mother’s devotion to her child, a display of profound maternal instinct.’

‘Though I was born to a stepmother, I had heard about that accident from relatives.’ ‘At the time, both our parents were working tirelessly in another city, leaving my sister in our hometown to be cared for by her maternal grandparents.’

‘Then, one day, my sister developed a high fever that wouldn’t break.’ ‘Her grandmother contacted our mother, urging her to return immediately to see her, and it was during this journey that my sister’s mother passed away.’

‘If, at that time, the local government hadn’t embezzled funds meant for road repairs…’

‘If the driver hadn’t drunk away his sorrows over meager earnings…’

‘If my sister hadn’t fallen ill with a fever…’

‘If her grandmother hadn’t contacted our mother…’

‘If our family had been wealthy enough to own a car…’

‘If our mother hadn’t chosen to rush back out of worry for her child…’

‘My sister would likely be living a much happier life now.’

****

“Ah, that movie was truly touching.”

‘Watching my sister wipe away her tears with a tissue, I found myself unable to empathize.’ ‘The film itself was too poorly made, its intentions too obvious, with absolutely no redeeming qualities.’ ‘Beyond the movie, I was even less able to comprehend my sister’s mood or feelings.’

“Can we go now?” I asked. “Do you even remember where you parked the car?”

“Don’t rush, we’re not going back yet,” she said, pulling out her car keys. “I’m taking you to get a haircut. Your sideburns are a bit long; aren’t they bothering your ears?”

“They are a little,” I admitted, looking around. “So, here then…”

“Let’s go to the pedestrian street; I know a good place there.”

‘My family members all had a peculiar habit: they were meticulously frugal when spending on themselves, yet extravagant when it came to others.’ ‘My mother was a prime example; aside from necessities for her work, she rarely spent money on cosmetics or clothes for herself.’

‘However, every time she went shopping, she would buy branded clothing for both my sister and me.’

‘Was this tenderness, or cruelty?’

‘My sister seemed to have inherited this family tradition.’ ‘She led me to a barbershop that looked decidedly high-end, or perhaps a hair salon—I wasn’t quite sure.’

‘I watched her pull out a rather thick cardholder, which, besides her ID and bank cards, contained a stack of inexplicable discount coupons and VIP cards.’

As she handed the card to the receptionist, I inquired, “How many times have you used this card?”

“Hmm?” She pondered for a moment. “About twice, I think? Mom got this card, and she gave it to me when she said she didn’t need it anymore.”

‘If you don’t need it, don’t buy it.’

“I do use my other cards frequently, though,” she continued. “Over in Daxia, the membership cards for bubble tea shops and foot massage parlors are quite a good deal.”

‘I remembered that a cup of bubble tea in Daxia cost over twenty yuan.’ ‘Whether it was a ‘good deal’ or not, I couldn’t say, but the prices there were certainly alarming.’

“Hello, just one haircut for the gentleman, correct?”

‘After completing the procedures, the receptionist returned the card to Yi Shi and then made a call on the landline.’ ‘A young, stylish hairdresser emerged from the salon to lead me away.’

“Since it’ll take a while, I’ll go explore outside. Call me when you’re done.” With that, she disappeared.

‘The interior space was quite elegant, adorned in purple and gold, with golden lighting that exuded comfort.’ ‘A pervasive milky fragrance filled the air.’ ‘I was first led to a room with a row of shampoo beds—evidently, the pre-haircut wash.’

‘Besides me, there was one other person having their hair washed in the room.’ ‘Their thick hair and the lather it produced filled the entire basin, as they lay with closed eyes, clearly enjoying the service.’

‘As soon as I lay down, I quickly realized this was less of a hair wash and more of a head massage.’ ‘The staff member skillfully massaged my scalp with various techniques.’ ‘It was incredibly comfortable, I had to admit.’

‘The massage continued for almost half an hour, by which point I was nearly asleep.’ ‘When I finally sat up, the other person in the room was rinsing the lather from their hair, seemingly having just finished as well.’

We met each other’s gaze.

“Fancy meeting you here!” As the foam was rinsed away by the showerhead, the girl’s water-soaked, tangled red hair became visible. “You’re getting your hair done here too, new guy?”

I was momentarily at a loss for words.

“Good evening, Dorothy.”

‘Gazing at the petite girl before me, as delicate as a porcelain doll, her curly hair, looking like soaked wool, was a surprisingly fresh sight.’ ‘The person washing her hair gathered it, squeezing water from front to back, which also lifted her bangs, revealing her entire face.’ ‘Upon closer inspection, she resembled a Barbie doll even more.’

“Do you usually come to this salon?” She chuckled at her own question. “Actually, that’s impossible. Who brought you? Tianman?”

‘For some reason, she always enjoyed using Yu Tianman to tease me.’ “I’m out with my sister; she brought me to this place.”

‘This city, while vast, I hadn’t truly explored despite living here for years.’ ‘Yet, it also felt small, with only a few popular spots, making it easy to run into acquaintances.’

“Going home after your haircut?”

“Yes, I’ll head home after the haircut,” I replied. “You too?”

“I’m just getting a wash,” she said, pulling out her phone. “If nothing else comes up, I’ll head home afterwards.”

‘The conversation felt awkward and strained, and we both fell silent.’ ‘Our relationship and understanding of each other hadn’t yet reached a point where we could speak freely.’ ‘The staff’s service was impeccable; only when they sensed the uncomfortable atmosphere did they speak up.’

“What kind of haircut would you like, sir?”

“Just a trim,” I replied, then looked at Dorothy. “I’ll be going now.”

“Bye-bye,” she simply said.

****

“Still not done?” My sister stood behind me, munching on dozens of skewers of duck intestines from a plastic cup, watching me.

“Just started,” I replied.

‘She had intended to sit down and wait for me to finish, but a staff member approached her.’

“Excuse me, patron, but strong-smelling food isn’t allowed in the salon, as it can disturb other customers. So, we kindly ask you to…”

My sister’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh, right, I didn’t realize. I’ll go outside now.”

‘Though I had anticipated it, witnessing my sister’s awkward predicament firsthand was still hard to describe.’ ‘And what’s more…’

“Is that your sister?” Dorothy, whose hair was now being blow-dried, happened to witness the scene. “What a cheerful person. Your family won’t just have you as the annoying one, will they?”

‘Perhaps.’

‘Through the mirror, I watched Dorothy watching me, her eyes and mouth betraying a mischievous grin, as if a new idea had sparked.’

“You don’t mind if I go say hello to your sister, do you?”

****

“Yi Chang?” Yi Shi said, a little surprised. “I never thought I’d see the day a girl would ask about my little brother.”

She feigned deep emotion, wiping away tears that weren’t there.

“It’s not ‘asking about’ him,” Dorothy hastily clarified. “How should I put it? I just want to know some embarrassing stories to tease him with at school, that’s all.”

“Is that so?” Yi Shi said, eating her duck intestines. “Embarrassing stories, hmm, let me think…”

Suddenly, real tears welled in her eyes, leaving Dorothy flustered, wanting to say something but unsure what was happening.

“I’m sorry,” Yi Shi sobbed, unable to open her eyes. “Some chili sauce from my hand just got into my eye during that act. Do you know where there’s water?”

“Ah, the restroom should be…” Dorothy was thrown off balance by her.

“I can’t open my eyes. Take my hand and lead me there.”

‘So, Dorothy genuinely took her hand and led her all the way to the restroom.’ ‘Two beautiful women walking hand-in-hand on the evening street made for an exceptionally pleasing sight, but Dorothy was not in the mood to notice.’ ‘She had intended to gather some intel from Yi Chang’s sister to playfully tease him, only to find herself being toyed with instead.’

‘Yi Shi cleaned her hands and eyes at the sink, while Dorothy dutifully stood behind her, waiting.’ ‘Afterward, Yi Shi began to reapply her makeup, a process that felt agonizingly long.’ ‘Dorothy stood there, unsure what to do, already regretting having sought this trouble.’

“I haven’t lived with Yi Chang for very long. I don’t know what he usually does, what he thinks, or when he developed this personality.”

Yi Shi’s and Dorothy’s gazes met in the mirror.

“However, I do know a thing or two about him,” she said, putting away her makeup and turning to face Dorothy. “It might take a while to tell, but do you want to hear it?”

Dorothy lowered her gaze in brief thought, then shrugged. “I’m not in a rush to go home anyway. Take as long as you need.”

“Then…” Yi Shi’s heart pounded, memories flooding her mind, her expression too complex to describe. “Yi Chang is not my brother.”

“Eh?” The words took Dorothy completely by surprise.

“He’s my little hero.”