Rut

“Senior, let go of my hand for a second.”

Yoon Dae-eon whispered, eyes darting to avoid the professor lecturing diligently in the distance. He saw Seon Ji-ha flinch beside him. Taking advantage of the gap, Dae-eon tried to slide his hand out from under the desk.

But the moment Seon Ji-ha realized the hand was slipping away, he followed it like a ghost. He wrapped his hand around Dae-eon’s even more tightly than before. What had started as a simple overlap of fingers had turned into their hands being firmly interlaced, palms pressed together.

“Ugh, Senior, that hurts. Gentle. Okay?”

Giving up on escaping Seon Ji-ha’s grip, Yoon Dae-eon whined, asking him to at least hold it without causing pain. At those words, Seon Ji-ha’s ears flushed red as he gave a slow, rhythmic nod.

The pressure finally eased. His fingertips were tingling; it felt like the blood flow had been cut off for a moment. While Dae-eon wiggled his fingers to get the sensation back, Seon Ji-ha picked up his tablet pen with his free hand.

Neat characters appeared on the screen.

[You can’t let go.]

The way he even placed a proper period at the end was very typical of Seon Ji-ha. Yoon Dae-eon covered his mouth with his free hand, feeling strangely bashful at the sentence written on the tablet.

Even if this was a lecture where you just had to listen without taking notes, holding hands throughout the entire class was a bit… didn’t it feel too much like they were dating?

This brought back the things Oh Dong-cheol and Kim Ye-jun had said. Their questions about who he was seeing. Yoon Dae-eon let out a deep, unconscious sigh.

…Should I just tell them he’s a Beta?

The resolution he had made—that he wouldn’t date anyone who wasn’t a Beta—was slowly fading every time he met Seon Ji-ha. Yoon Dae-eon only just realized that his heart was tilting toward Seon Ji-ha, bit by bit.

Even if, by some miracle, they were to start something serious, he had to tell him that he was a Beta first. Yoon Dae-eon felt his mouth go dry.

A Beta. Could Seon Ji-ha, a Dominant Alpha, truly accept that?

It was a given that Dominant Alphas, who went through more intense ruts than others, required an Omega’s pheromones. They had to spend nights with Omegas periodically. This was something expected of all Dominant and even ordinary Alphas.

He might be able to have a brief, passionate fling with Seon Ji-ha, but they couldn’t spend their lives together. Even if he liked him now, the risk of revealing that he was a Beta was far too great.

Realizing the reality of the situation, Yoon Dae-eon rolled his eyes to the side to check on Seon Ji-ha before pulling his hand away. Their eyes met. Beneath his shaggy hair, Seon Ji-ha’s eyes crinkled into a smile.

The moment he saw that smile, Yoon Dae-eon forgot about pulling his hand away and slammed his head onto the desk with a thump. As his cheek touched the cool surface, he realized just how hot his face was. This is driving me crazy.

“Let’s take a short break before we continue.”

Fortunately, the professor announced a break. As if he had been waiting for it, Yoon Dae-eon pulled his hand out of Seon Ji-ha’s. Seon Ji-ha let go submissively, seemingly not intending to hold on even during the break.

“Senior, I’m going to the restroom for a bit.”

Yoon Dae-eon spoke urgently and hurried out. He bolted as if he were in desperate need of a bathroom, but as soon as he cleared the lecture hall, his pace slowed. Wanting to go to the restroom was just an excuse.

Exhaling a ragged breath, he headed not for the restroom but to the vending machine a short distance away. When he tapped his card, a beep sounded. He didn’t even think to press a button, staring blankly at the drinks behind the plastic.

He had too many thoughts to organize. No, he already knew the answer, but he couldn’t bring himself to face it.

“Dae-eon, what are you doing here?”

At the gentle voice from beside him, Yoon Dae-eon turned his head. There stood Jeong Yun-gi, smiling softly.

Yun-gi reached out and pressed a button with a thunk. A drink dropped from the machine with a loud clatter.

“Oh, Yun-gi. Hey.”

“Yeah. Why do you look so troubled?”

“Just… a bit. I have a lot on my mind.”

Jeong Yun-gi silently reached in and grabbed the drink. Then, he pulled a card from his wallet and tapped it against the machine. As soon as it beeped, the red lights beneath the buttons lit up.

Yun-gi gestured for him to pick one.

“What’s on your mind?”

Yoon Dae-eon, picking out a drink and taking it out, bit his bottom lip. Since he had his back turned, Jeong Yun-gi couldn’t see his expression and asked in a voice still laced with a smile.

“Is it romance troubles?”

“Yeah.”

“Want me to listen?”

At Yun-gi’s offer, Yoon Dae-eon nodded slowly. After struggling to find the words, he eventually threw out a question.

“If you’re an Alpha… I guess it’s hard during ruts, right?”

“Well, if you don’t have a partner. But these days, plenty of people spend them alone. The suppressants are quite good now. I got through my last one with just an IV drip.”

“…Then what about for a lifetime?”

“Huh?”

Yoon Dae-eon squeezed the ice-cold drink in one hand.

“What about spending your whole life alone?”

“That would be hard.”

Jeong Yun-gi answered without hesitation. Even though Yoon Dae-eon had heard the answer he expected, his chest felt strangely tight. No, perhaps it was because he had heard the answer he least wanted to hear.

While Yoon Dae-eon remained silent, Jeong Yun-gi watched him quietly before speaking slowly.

“Still, if it were for someone I really liked, I’d do it.”

“…What?”

“Even if it seems impossible. Wouldn’t everyone feel that way?”

Jeong Yun-gi finished with a grin. He nudged Dae-eon’s arm and said in a light tone.

“But why are you talking about ‘a lifetime’ already? We’re only twenty. Do you like them that much?”

Yoon Dae-eon couldn’t answer the teasing question of whether he liked the person. And then he realized. I really do like Senior. More than just a normal crush.

That’s why he was already worrying about things like this. Yoon Dae-eon let out a heavy sigh, his expression complicated. Meanwhile, Jeong Yun-gi looked at him and suddenly spoke up.

“By the way, Dae-eon.”

“Yeah?”

“…Do you lose things often lately?”

“How did you know? Yeah, a bit. I’ve lost pens and erasers.”

He wasn’t usually like that, but it had been happening frequently lately. To a degree that was truly strange.

Then, Yoon Dae-eon realized that the pen he was currently using was the 0.38mm pen Seon Ji-ha had lent him during the last class. Since it was the exact same model he usually used, he had been using it without returning it.

“The thing is, I saw something a bit strange recently…”

“Something strange?”

“You know, at that bar we all went to last time.”

“Dae-eon.”

A heavy voice cut off Jeong Yun-gi’s words. Turning his head, he saw Seon Ji-ha looking down at them from a slightly higher vantage point.

“…Class… has started…”

“Oh, right. Let’s go quickly. Yun-gi, you come too. Tell me the rest via text later.”

“…Ah, okay.”

Jeong Yun-gi was in the same class as Yoon Dae-eon. As soon as they entered the lecture hall, Yun-gi disappeared to the opposite side. It was far from where Yoon Dae-eon and Seon Ji-ha were sitting.

However, for some reason, Jeong Yun-gi kept glancing back at Yoon Dae-eon as he headed to his seat, as if he had something more to say. Just as Dae-eon was thinking he should text Yun-gi after class, his hand was seized.

“…….”

Seon Ji-ha, having taken his seat, had silently grabbed his hand under the desk. Yoon Dae-eon looked down at the hand with complicated eyes, unable to shake it off.

Then, the pen in his pencil case caught his eye. He pulled it out and slid it toward Seon Ji-ha. Keeping an eye on the professor, he whispered briefly.

“Senior, here. I forgot to give this back to you last time.”

“Ah.”

Seon Ji-ha stared blankly at the pen Dae-eon offered. Then, clack. He pushed it back toward Yoon Dae-eon. The pen rolled and stopped in front of Dae-eon’s pencil case.

Seon Ji-ha gazed at the pen with an indifferent look, then finally said:

“You don’t have to give it back.”

After class, Seon Ji-ha and Yoon Dae-eon naturally left the lecture hall together. They ran into Oh Dong-cheol and Kim Ye-jun, who watched them with narrowed, suspicious eyes, but Yoon Dae-eon was led away by Seon Ji-ha before he could even make an excuse.

…They’re going to grill me so much tomorrow morning.

Judging by their expressions, they wouldn’t let it slide easily. Yoon Dae-eon seriously considered skipping his morning class tomorrow. If he skipped that, he wouldn’t have to see them until after the weekend.

Then, Yoon Dae-eon looked up at Seon Ji-ha, who was walking silently beside him. Since the lecture ended, Seon Ji-ha had been strangely quiet. He was usually the quiet type, but this felt different.

“…Senior.”

“…….”

“Senior, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”

Seon Ji-ha turned his head and gave Yoon Dae-eon a long look. He wasn’t smiling at all. Only then did Yoon Dae-eon realize that Seon Ji-ha was very upset.

Come to think of it, he had been like that ever since the break ended. Though he had kept holding Dae-eon’s hand, the innocent smiles he would occasionally give him during previous classes had completely vanished.

What’s the problem? Did I do something wrong?

Fortunately, Seon Ji-ha provided the answer.

“…Why… did you lie…?”

“What? A lie?”

“You said you were going to the restroom…”

Ah.

Yoon Dae-eon, who said he was going to the restroom, hadn’t returned until the ten-minute break was over. Of course, that was because he had been standing in front of a vending machine, agonizing over a hopeless dilemma. And chatting with Jeong Yun-gi, whom he’d run into by chance.

“…I hate lies…”

“Um, well, I had something on my mind… and ended up talking to Yun-gi.”

“Something on your mind?”

Yoon Dae-eon faltered at Seon Ji-ha’s low question. Should I just say it? If he intended to truly date Seon Ji-ha—no, even if they were just in a “some” stage—he had to be honest. Seon Ji-ha needed to know he was a Beta so he could weigh the situation too.

But on the other hand, he wondered how long a relationship like this with Seon Ji-ha would last.

Even imprints, which were supposedly promises of eternity, were surgically removed these days if they hadn’t lasted very long. Divorce was even easier. So, how shallow would a relationship formed in the early spring of university be?

In such a fleeting relationship, was it okay to reveal he was a Beta? And what if he did? Would he say, “Since I’m a Beta, you’ll have to deal with certain things? If you want to see me, you’ll have to live like that from now on?”

How could he say something like that?

“It’s just… I haven’t been smelling any pheromones lately. Since Yun-gi is an Alpha, I was curious and asked him. About what it’s like during ruts.”

The lie came easily. Yoon Dae-eon suddenly thought that maybe it was okay like this.

They were only going to see each other for a short time anyway. He liked him, and this small crush he felt for Seon Ji-ha wouldn’t last long—he was sure of it. That’s just how dating in your early twenties was.

“…I’m an Alpha too.”

“What?”

Seon Ji-ha looked at Yoon Dae-eon with a gloomy expression. There was a sense of resentment in his eyes, asking why he had asked Jeong Yun-gi instead of him. Catching his eye, Yoon Dae-eon gave a short laugh.

“I get it. Next time I’m curious about something, I’ll ask you, Senior.”

Satisfied with the answer, Seon Ji-ha’s mood brightened.

Soon, they arrived at their destination: Seon Ji-ha’s house. Letting Yoon Dae-eon lead the way, Seon Ji-ha reached out and used his fingerprint to unlock the door. Come to think of it, Seon Ji-ha’s sister, whom he’d seen last time, had entered using a passcode.

“Senior, does this work with a passcode too?”

“Yes… should I tell you?”

“Huh? No, I’ll be coming with you anyway, Senior.”

Seon Ji-ha broke into a wide grin, seemingly pleased by Yoon Dae-eon’s answer. As the door opened, Yoon Dae-eon ran inside. As always, Seon Ji-ha tidied up the shoes that had been kicked off.

In Seon Ji-ha’s house, which had become quite familiar, Yoon Dae-eon sat quietly on the sofa. He had visited so often recently that it felt like his own home.

Entering a moment later, Seon Ji-ha headed straight for the kitchen, as he always did. It was to pour the juice that Yoon Dae-eon liked. Yoon Dae-eon leaned his head against the armrest of the sofa and watched him.

Then, something strange caught Yoon Dae-eon’s eye.

“Oh, Senior.”

“Yes.”

“Where did the security blanket go?”

Come to think of it, it was gone. The security blanket Seon Ji-ha said he kept there because he felt anxious and restless if he couldn’t see it.

Was it missing last time I came to play too? He tried to remember, but nothing came to mind. Last time, he had been so busy having fun that he hadn’t even checked if the blanket was on its usual spot on the sofa.

Having finished pouring the juice, Seon Ji-ha approached Yoon Dae-eon and offered him the glass. He spoke in a casual voice.

“I threw it away. I don’t need it anymore.”