The Worst Bodyguard and the Dad Jokes

“It’s because you don’t know what kind of bastard he really is, Hyung!”

“Selim said today was the first time he ever met you.”

“…….”

I was left speechless. He was right; in ‘this timeline,’ today was our first meeting. But….

‘Does Hyung have that pendant right now? And does he know what it can do?’

My guess was that he probably didn’t. Testing the waters, I asked him, “Hyung. What if… time could be…?”

But Hyung cut me off before I could finish.

“Oh, right. Because of that, Selim said he’s going to try and get close to you within a month.”

“……What?”

“He asked me to give him some time. So I said okay. If he does anything weird, you tell me immediately.”

“……This is….”

“If you really hate it, I won’t let him near you. But, if you want to go over to ‘the other side,’ I’ll only let you go if you’re with Selim. Otherwise, the answer is no. What’s it gonna be?”

I immediately protested this ridiculous tyranny, but Hyung was firm.

Me, a C-rank, and Yu Selim, an R-rank.

From the start, Hyung had essentially baited Yu Selim just to protect me. And since Yu Selim wanted into Hyung’s party, he had volunteered to act as a bodyguard for a mere C-rank like me.

The moment I realized how the board had been set, I told Hyung I absolutely refused, but….

“Isn’t it up to Selim if he wants to drop by the house? And technically, this is my house.”

“Isn’t—isn’t that playing dirty!?”

“You shouldn’t condemn someone just because the first impression was bad. You have to get to know a person.”

Damn it! I’ve known him more than enough—I’ve been through hell because of him! I clenched my fists with all my might to keep from screaming at my brother.

Then, Hyung spoke again.

“And about Baek Heedo.”

“……!”

“I heard he’s been staying on ‘the other side’ ever since he awakened.”

“……!”

“They say the only way to find his whereabouts is over there. So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to go over there with Selim to find Baek Heedo, or are you just going to sit here and wait for whatever news trickles in?”

“…….”

In the end, I had no choice but to bite the bait.

“I look forward to working with you.”

“…….”

Yu Selim greeted me with his characteristically blank face. Naturally, I ignored him on purpose.

‘I’m being this cold; surely he won’t pull that crap where he takes a truth serum and tells me he loves me again.’

Firmly resolved to make Yu Selim hate me, I began to carefully consider what he disliked.

‘Back when we were in the same party, the atmosphere always turned icy whenever I was a hindrance or didn’t follow his orders properly….’

Perfect. From now on, I would either disobey him or give half-hearted responses to everything he said to stress him out.

I decided to implement the “Green Frog” strategy (doing the opposite of what is asked). Of course, I didn’t forget the baseline rule: total disregard for anything that came out of his mouth.

What are the odds of an R-rank Awakened falling for an arrogant, self-centered C-rank whom he has to babysit? Close to zero. I was never going to let “that” happen to me again.

However, even though I ignored his greeting, Yu Selim approached me without hesitation and handed me a box containing a gold bracelet artifact.

“What is this?”

“It’s an artifact with a health regeneration buff. I… picked it up on my way here.”

“Excuse me?”

The box literally had the authentic seal of a retail shop stamped on it. Picked it up? What kind of nonsense was he talking about?

But Yu Selim just stared steadfastly at a distant mountain, waiting for me to put it on. Naturally, I had no intention of wearing anything he gave me. It felt disgusting.

So, instead of putting it on, I grabbed his wrist—shuddering as I did so. I snapped the bracelet onto Yu Selim’s own clean wrist as his shoulders gave a slight jolt.

“Why would I wear something you ‘picked up’? This looks much better on you.”

“…….”

“I have the necklace Hyung gave me, so I don’t need this. To be honest, anything you give me just makes me feel sick, so don’t bother giving me anything ever again.”

“……I see.”

Strangely enough, Yu Selim didn’t seem particularly bothered by my sharp words. The man I knew would have radiated a chilling aura by now.

Seeing the tips of his ears and cheeks turn red, I felt a foul mood begin to creep over me. It was like a strange, unwanted sensation was hovering around me.

‘Picked it up, my foot….’

I kept chewing on his words, mocking them in my head, until I reached the point where I wanted to crack his skull open just to see what he was actually thinking. Of course, I decided against it, reminding myself he wasn’t worth the effort.

Afterward, I opened the gate to “the other side” and stepped onto the snowy fields once again.

Yu Selim soon followed. Standing in the snow, he seemed to blend into the surroundings so perfectly he was hard to see—as if he’d only stand out if the moon hit the snow at night.

Only his violet eyes stood out regardless of the light; they looked like they were floating mid-air as he watched me silently. I considered telling him to stop staring, but I felt like being that sensitive would be like losing a fight, so I just let it be. It was better to ignore him.

‘I heard the Baek Heedo you’re looking for went North. There’s a large town called Deborah up there—it’s the most famous one. A gate won’t open unless you’ve been there or know someone there, so ask Selim to guide you to Deborah.’

I decided to take Hyung’s advice. I motioned with my chin toward Yu Selim, who was still staring at me.

“Yes.”

Yu Selim answered submissively.

“Can you lead the way to Deborah?”

“I can.”

“Let’s go.”

“Yes. This way.”

As he spoke, Yu Selim reached out a hand to me, but I naturally ignored it. He glanced at his rejected hand and stiffened for a second as I brushed past him, but even after such a snub, he didn’t seem to mind and began to lead the way with steady steps.

The problem was that after being embarrassed once, he should have stopped—but he persistently reached out his hand at every single bump in the road.

“I don’t want to hold your hand.”

Annoyed by his tireless reaching, I finally spelled it out for him. Only then did Yu Selim stop trying to take my hand.

But then, he started acting even weirder. Out of nowhere, he began to ask bizarre questions.

“Do you know what it’s called when ten thousand cows bow?”

“What?”

“I asked if you knew what it’s called when ten thousand cows bow.”

“What is it?”

“A ‘Mo-o-o’ment of silence.” (Note: In Korean, the pun is Man-u-jeol/April Fools/Ten Thousand Cows Bowing)

He stared at me while spouting this nonsense, and it irritated me because I felt like he was actually expecting me to laugh.

I scowled, and Yu Selim muttered to himself while watching me.

“Han Sol-nim, you only ever scowl when you look at me….”

He sounded genuinely hurt, which made my anger flare. Forgetting my rule about ignoring him, I snapped back.

“It’s because you’re talking absolute bullshit about April Fools.”

Yu Selim blinked a few times at my outburst and answered softly.

“It was a joke from ‘The Ultimate Joke Book, Vol. 4.’”

“So what?”

“Don’t you read ‘The Ultimate Joke Book’?”

He spoke as if he were asking why I didn’t read classic literature. I let out a deep sigh, realizing that Yu Selim had always been a freak, even at this age.

However, from that point on, he only got worse. Once he realized I had no immunity to this nonsense and clearly hated it, he doubled down.

“What do you call a pouting pine tree?”

“Stop it.”

“A ‘Toothbrush.’” (Note: In Korean, ‘Pine tree’ is Sonamu, ‘Pout’ is Ppijida; the pun is Sol-ppijim/Toothbrush)

“Oh, for f*ck’s sake….”

I cursed at him, thinking I needed to find every copy of that joke book and burn them all. But even after being cursed at, Yu Selim seemed to find it amusing and continued to babble those pathetic jokes.

I thought I’d be subjected to this “No-fun” joke attack all the way to Deborah.

[Kwoooooooar!]

“Haa… thank god.”

When a ‘Snow Yeti Ogre’ appeared in front of us, a sigh of relief escaped my lips.

Swish—Crack!

Yu Selim, who had been talking nonsense until a second ago, finally shut his mouth and unfastened the whip from his waist.