Do You Like Girls or Boys?

Do you like girls or boys?

Xu Shuche had already guessed long ago that he wouldn’t be able to resist asking this question, but he hadn’t expected the moment to arrive so quickly.

He resisted telling the truth.

What if Jian Yixun hadn’t heard what he said to Wang Shimei?

Xu Shuche knew he shouldn’t hold onto such luck, but when he looked into Jian Yixun’s eyes, he suddenly remembered the “Aifulai” drink Jian Yixun had queued for two hours to buy for him before.

If he told the truth, he wouldn’t have any friends in this school anymore.

After finally having friends, Xu Shuche couldn’t imagine what life without friends would be like again.

“I…”

He avoided Jian Yixun’s gaze, his voice very soft.

“I like girls.”

Jian Yixun quietly looked at him.

“Really?”

Xu Shuche bit his lip and nodded nervously.

“Alright.”

Jian Yixun’s tone was calm, making it impossible to tell whether he was angry or not. He only raised his head and looked toward the rest of the basketball team.

“I’m done asking.”

“Come on, let’s continue.”

The others didn’t know what the two had secretly said to each other. Since it was someone else’s private matter, they didn’t ask further and simply started organizing another round of Truth or Dare.

Xu Shuche kept staring at a stain on the tablecloth, as if that stain had suddenly become something extremely fascinating that demanded all his attention.

Jian Yixun tilted his head and looked at him, no longer in the mood to continue playing Truth or Dare. Even when the bottle occasionally spun toward him, he only asked a few perfunctory questions as a formality.

Why didn’t Xu Shuche tell the truth?

Jian Yixun couldn’t understand.

The initial shock he felt upon learning that “Xu Shuche is gay” had already faded.

What replaced it was sadness and guilt.

Was Xu Shuche unwilling to tell him the truth because Jian Yixun had spoken so badly about gay people before?

If only the things he had said back then weren’t so unpleasant.

Jian Yixun had never liked hiding things from friends. Most of the time he would speak his heart openly and honestly.

But now, for the first time, he found himself at a loss for words.

Looking at Xu Shuche, it seemed clear that he didn’t want anyone to know about these things. Jian Yixun had originally thought he wouldn’t care, but the more he thought about it, the more restless he felt.

The gathering eventually ended.

Everyone left noisily and cheerfully.

They still had classes tomorrow, so even though they drank alcohol, no one dared to drink too much. Slightly tipsy, they shouted their goodbyes to one another.

Xu Shuche maintained the proper politeness while saying farewell to everyone else.

Just as he was about to quietly leave alone, someone called out to him from behind.

“Senior.”

Jian Yixun stood not far behind him.

The shop sign cast half a shadow over his face, making his expression difficult to read.

“What is it?”

Xu Shuche suddenly tightened his grip on the plastic bag in his hand, producing a faint rustling sound in the quiet night.

“I’ll walk you back,” Jian Yixun said.

“It’s late. It’s not safe.”

“There’s nothing unsafe.”

Xu Shuche lowered his head and looked at the ground.

“We’re still inside the campus anyway. I…”

“Let’s go together.”

Jian Yixun looked at him deeply, then turned and began walking toward the school.

The hotpot restaurant where the basketball team had dinner was only a few hundred meters from the campus gate.

If they walked, it would take about ten minutes to return.

It was already past ten at night.

There were fewer students on the road now, and the shops on both sides had closed. Only the streetlights remained, stretching their shadows longer and longer on the pavement.

Xu Shuche endured the suffocating silence for a while before finally speaking.

“What do you want to ask me?”

Jian Yixun paused slightly and slowly stopped walking.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to talk about it? Then I won’t ask anymore.”

“But you already asked.”

Xu Shuche suddenly stopped walking, his voice rising slightly.

“You already asked me.”

“I did ask you.”

“But you didn’t tell me the truth.”

Jian Yixun was already in a bad mood. Being snapped at by Xu Shuche only made him feel worse.

“If I ask and you still don’t tell me the truth, what difference does it make whether I ask or not?”

“Is that so?”

Xu Shuche suddenly laughed softly.

“What exactly are you curious about? Whether I like boys or girls?”

His voice was no longer as agitated as before.

It sounded calm now.

Yet that calmness suddenly gave Jian Yixun an uneasy feeling.

“Is this very important to you?”

Xu Shuche asked quietly.

“Whether I like boys or girls—what does it have to do with you?”

“That’s not it.”

Jian Yixun stammered awkwardly.

“I just… I…”

“You hate homosexuals.”

“So you’re anxious to find out whether I’m one or not, so you can decide whether to stay friends with me in the future. Right?”

Xu Shuche slowly stepped closer, his eyes fixed firmly on Jian Yixun.

“What if I am gay? Would I become the kind of disgusting person you think—someone scheming to get close to you by pretending to be your friend?”

Jian Yixun’s lips moved for a long time, but he couldn’t say a single word.

He had to admit that Xu Shuche had guessed most of what was in his mind.

But the remaining half… even Jian Yixun himself didn’t understand.

“I am gay.”

The autumn night in B City was cold.

Occasionally a chilly wind slipped up through their pant legs.

Only one pharmacy nearby was still open, casting a cold white light onto the ground.

Xu Shuche let out a soft breath.

This secret—one that had once been impossible for him to say aloud, a secret that had brought him an entire year of bullying in high school—was now spoken so easily under these circumstances.

“I like boys.”

“At least I’ve known that since middle school.”

“When I was in high school, I met a boy who made my heart race.”

His speech gradually quickened, as if he were desperate to pour everything out so the heavy stone pressing on his heart could finally be lifted.

“But at that time, I didn’t know that in his eyes… this was a capital crime.”

Xu Shuche laughed softly.

“I confessed to him. He accepted me. He said it was the first time someone had liked him, so he was very happy.”

“Every night we walked home together after school.”

“He said he didn’t know how to do his homework and couldn’t solve exam questions. I stayed up late at night organizing notes for him.”

“But he didn’t want the notes.”

“He said notes were useless and that it would be better if I just let him copy my homework.”

Xu Shuche’s voice began trembling.

“I… let him copy my homework.”

“Later I couldn’t resist his pleading, so during exams I let him copy my test paper too.”

“During one monthly exam we got caught.”

“He pushed all the responsibility onto me.”

“That was the first disciplinary punishment I’d received in seventeen years.”

“I was terrified.”

“I didn’t know what to do, so I went to find him.”

“But when I arrived… I heard him talking with his friends.”

Xu Shuche slightly raised his head and looked at Jian Yixun.

“Do you know what they were saying?”

Jian Yixun swallowed and subconsciously shook his head.

“He said I was an idiot.”

“He said I didn’t even know how to let someone copy answers without getting caught.”

Xu Shuche’s lips curled slightly into a bitter smile.

“When someone asked him if he was really dating me, he said, ‘How could that be?’”

“He said he was a straight man of steel, that he thought homosexuals were sick and disgusting.”

“He said liking me was a lie.”

“Dating me was also a lie.”

“It was all just so he’d have homework and exam answers to copy.”

“After that, he and his friends started bullying me.”

“They beat me.”

“They stole my money.”

“I almost died.”

Jian Yixun moved his lips before finally speaking.

“That person… was he the one who came looking for you this afternoon?”

“Yes.”

The pharmacy staff leaned out to glance at them before pulling down the shop’s shutter door again.

The rattling sound became the final noise in the silent night.

Even the light disappeared.

Xu Shuche’s expression was completely hidden in the darkness now.

Jian Yixun couldn’t tell from his tone whether he was angry or not.

“Didn’t you already see everything?” Xu Shuche said.

“You went to such lengths to ask me. Were you hoping I’d tell the story again so you could go tell it to your friends as a joke?”

“That’s not it,” Jian Yixun said quietly.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Do you think I don’t know how straight men think?”

Xu Shuche sneered.

“You once told me that many gay people become friends with you just to get close to you.”

“So now, in your eyes, I’m that kind of person too.”

A truck with glaring headlights suddenly roared past on the road beside them.

For a brief moment, its light illuminated Xu Shuche’s face.

His eyes were red.

But he bit his lip tightly, desperately holding back the sound of crying.

Jian Yixun wanted to say that he didn’t think that way.

But the words felt powerless once they reached his lips.

He had seen Xu Shuche act spoiled.

He had seen Xu Shuche angry.

But he had never seen Xu Shuche like this.

When Xu Shuche was bullied in high school…

Did he also endure it like this, silently refusing to cry?

Yet the same person who would act so soft and clingy around him…

The one who would complain about pain even from holding hands…

How had he survived those days?

“I’ll move out of your dormitory as soon as possible.”

Xu Shuche spoke calmly.

“I won’t bother you anymore.”

“After all, the mistake was mine first. I knew you hated homosexuals but still shamelessly kept getting close to you. I’m sorry.”

After saying that, he paused.

The calm tone he had forced earlier finally trembled with emotion.

“These past few weeks… I was very happy.”

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“From now on…”

“Let’s just be ordinary classmates.”

After saying that, Xu Shuche turned and hurried away down the quiet street.

Jian Yixun came back to his senses and chased after him for two steps, but he had already lost sight of him.

That wasn’t it.

The truth was…

He hadn’t been angry because he thought Xu Shuche had ulterior motives.

Jian Yixun slowly crouched down and held his head.

For the first time in his life, he felt as if the sky had collapsed.

When he heard the filthy things Wang Shimei said behind the door earlier, Jian Yixun’s first reaction wasn’t disgust toward Xu Shuche.

It was rage.

An indescribable rage.

And after that anger came another thought.

Whether Xu Shuche was straight or not…

He still wanted to remain friends with him.