If You Stay With Me… I Won’t Hold Back

“You look like you’re feeling better now….”

“You had a hard day today?”

At Haeyoon’s careful question, Jeongha readily nodded.

“Yeah. This… acting is more exhausting than I thought.”

“Acting?”

At the unexpected word, Haeyoon questioned back, and only then did Jeongha release him from his embrace and straighten up.

“Hyung.”

“…Huh?”

At the suddenly heavy tone, Haeyoon’s shoulders stiffened. Not out of fear, but because he couldn’t predict what was coming, and it made him tense.

Whenever Jeongha called him with such a weighty voice, Haeyoon felt as if a tight, unbreakable rope was coiling around his body. The frightening part was that he didn’t dislike the sensation.

Jeongha continued, addressing Haeyoon, who quietly waited for his next words.

“I… I don’t want to tell you exactly what I’m going to do from now on.”

“…….”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to know… It’s that if you knew, you might get sick of me… or stop liking me.”

Jeongha never dreamed the day would come when he’d utter such pathetic words from his own mouth. Baek Jeongha was never one to care about others’ opinions or his reputation.

But Seo Haeyoon’s heart alone frightened him. What if Haeyoon thought he was scary for so persistently digging into things he didn’t want, determined to tear them apart? Honestly, Jeongha was afraid. Just imagining it made his heart ache.

“Still… but hyung….”

Jeongha’s voice took on a pleading tone again. He wanted Haeyoon to see him as vulnerable. To see him as a young, immature junior, so that he would generously understand everything Jeongha did.

“Still, I hope you trust me. Even if you find out everything about me, I hope you don’t think I’m scary.”

In that moment, Haeyoon understood. That what Jeongha was planning to do was related to this mud fight—to himself, and to Ahn Seonwoo and Oh Jaeyeol.

He didn’t know exactly what he was planning, but meeting Ahn Seonwoo today likely wasn’t unrelated. Haeyoon clenched his fists. Whatever it was, Baek Jeongha was surely doing it for him.

From the beginning, Jeongha had no grudge against them. If Haeyoon hadn’t dragged him into this, he would be living well, loved by better people, without getting tangled up in this dirty mess.

But because of Seo Haeyoon. Because of Seo Haeyoon, struggling to salvage his measly pride, Baek Jeongha had stepped into this filthy mud pit and was now worried that Haeyoon might judge him or be disgusted by him.

This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Baek Jeongha.

“Don’t say that, Jeongha.”

Haeyoon, who had been listening silently, finally spoke. His voice was tinged with worry and sorrow.

“You don’t have to go that far. It’s all because of me, so why… why are you going through this hardship?”

It was wrong from the start. If he wanted revenge, Seo Haeyoon should have done it himself. He shouldn’t have borrowed someone else’s hand, pretending to be innocent, pretending to be clean.

“You… you started this for fun, Jeongha. So only do as much as you enjoy. That’s okay, Jeongha.”

But contrary to his intention, Haeyoon’s words pierced Jeongha’s heart painfully. If Haeyoon’s initial mistake had been dragging Jeongha into this, then Jeongha’s initial mistake was this:

Underestimating Seo Haeyoon’s pain. Thinking of what he went through as mere entertainment. And shamelessly telling that to Seo Haeyoon.

“That… I….”

Jeongha stammered, at a loss for words. At first, Seo Haeyoon had seemed so easy to him, but now he was the most difficult person in the world. Even uttering a single word in front of him required caution.

He hesitated, afraid of being disliked. He grew anxious about inadvertently hurting him. So Baek Jeongha had to admit it. Seo Haeyoon had won. Now, at least in front of Seo Haeyoon, he held no power, he was not strong.

The frightening part was that he didn’t dislike the feeling of being so utterly weak. With a willing resignation, Baek Jeongha spoke.

“As long as you’re okay, hyung, I find this enjoyable.”

It wasn’t forced. It wasn’t some great sacrifice for Seo Haeyoon’s revenge. The only thing he feared was how Haeyoon would see him. Breaking down Oh Jaeyeol and Ahn Seonwoo would be pure enjoyment for Baek Jeongha.

“If you tell me you’re rooting for me, I could probably do it even more joyfully.”

In that moment, Haeyoon could have stopped him. He could have told him, like an adult, that revenge was meaningless, that they should live their own lives now. He could have advised him against wasting any more time on Oh Jaeyeol and Ahn Seonwoo, who had become insignificant in his life, like he had originally intended to just let it all go without any retaliation.

But he didn’t want to. Saying such things to Jeongha would be repeating the mistake he had just realized.

He had dragged Baek Jeongha into this to protect even a shred of his already crushed pride, so he had to take responsibility for it. He couldn’t just stand back, hands behind his back, pretending to be the mature one.

“…It’s for me, isn’t it.”

Haeyoon spoke.

“It’s me who should be asking you, not you asking me, Jeongha.”

“…….”

“I want to get better. I want to feel more relieved.”

It was a path Haeyoon had never walked before, but with Jeongha, whatever it was seemed like it would be quite an enjoyable adventure.

“If you’re really okay with it… then keep helping me.”

It was another beginning.

* * * *

“Sir, you must have had some good news.”

Jeongha, sitting in the back seat of the taxi, gazing out the window at the rapidly passing night scenery, turned at the taxi driver’s voice. The driver, making eye contact through the rearview mirror, continued.

“You’ve been smiling the whole time. I was tired because it’s late, but it’s making me feel good too.”
“Me?”
“Yes. I don’t know what it is, but congratulations.”
“Yes, well….”

Jeongha awkwardly gave a slight nod of acknowledgment and turned his gaze back. This time, he looked not at the scenery outside, but at his own reflection in the window. As the driver said, the corners of his mouth were turned up. He realized he had even let out a few chuckles.

Jeongha raised a hand and touched his lips. He tried to compose his expression, but it was hard. So he just let it be. He wanted to savor this feeling.

He and Haeyoon had parted without discussing anything further. Haeyoon was worried about Jeongha, who looked tired, and Jeongha was worried about Haeyoon, whose work he had interrupted.

While waiting for the taxi, they hadn’t exchanged much conversation. Yet Jeongha found that time incredibly pleasant. It was the first time he had a companion he felt comfortable with even in silence. He usually didn’t like people who wasted his time without saying anything.

Even without explicitly defining their relationship, he could tell that from today onward, his connection with Haeyoon had grown deeper.

All of this was new and fascinating to Jeongha. Everything he felt was a first. Although there were always many people around him, Seo Haeyoon was the first to make him feel this way.

For Jeongha, to whom everything had been easy and trivial, even boring, Haeyoon was the first person who made him look forward to tomorrow. Who made things unpredictable, yet gave him the assurance that everything would be okay.

How could someone like this exist? How did he ever meet him? Even as it was happening, he couldn’t believe it.

Once, he had been afraid to name this feeling, but now it didn’t matter. Whatever it was called, whatever it was, Jeongha simply wanted to get a little closer to Seo Haeyoon.

To do that, there were still things he needed to handle properly.

Jeongha took out his phone and opened the message window. At the very top was a message he had exchanged with Ahn Seonwoo after they parted.

[Got home safe?]

Jeongha had replied to Seonwoo’s message quickly for the first time.

[Yeah. You got home okay too? Get some rest.]

These words might seem ordinary to others, but to Seonwoo, used only to a cold Baek Jeongha, they would look different.

Just then, Jeongha’s phone buzzed briefly with a new message. A beautiful smile once again graced his lips.

[Are you on your way?]

Feeling a sense of longing despite having parted so recently, Jeongha quickly pressed the call button. He had no way of knowing that the driver, hearing his voice on the phone, concluded it wasn’t good news but a lover’s doing.

* * * *

Seonwoo, lying on the sofa with a sheet mask on his face, checked his phone at a short notification sound. It was an alert that someone he knew had posted on social media for the first time in a while.

As he was checking the content with an indifferent expression, Seonwoo suddenly sat up and looked more closely. The person who had posted after a long time was none other than Seo Haeyoon. Checking Haeyoon’s account, he saw that Haeyoon was still following him.

He had left it as is because unfollowing first would make him seem overly concerned and feel like a loss, and also because he wanted to keep an eye on Haeyoon. Seeing that Haeyoon had also kept following him made him think Haeyoon was as stupid as ever.