The Things That Were Too Easy to Lose

Yoo Sowon’s love was simple.

To a kid who had been pushing his own life downhill over a few measly coins, Woo Jaeyoung shoved a card into his hand and cheaply pitied him.

Maybe, in that shabby back, Woo Jaeyoung had read the past he was sick to death of.

He hated seeing the chill of those days—something he had cut off and pretended to forget—clinging messily to a stranger boy.

‘Take the card. What would someone like you even do with it.’

The more he belittled Yoo Sowon’s poverty, the more it felt like proof that he himself had come far.

There was a certain sense of superiority in knowing that his whims and kindness had become salvation to someone who had no room to breathe.

‘Kid. Do you even know who I am to like me?’

‘You don’t have to know everything to like someone, right?’

‘You’ve got no fear. What are you gonna do if I turn out to be a scary bastard?’

‘There are things that scare me more, so I’m fine.’

So when he found out that Yoo Sowon loved him, he accepted it easily.
Because loving someone came as naturally to him as breathing.

A kindness that wasn’t anything special became fondness, and when that fondness turned into love, he was satisfied.

After all, if he was going to receive something, his principle was to get something better out of it.

‘Let me say this first—hyung doesn’t do that dating nonsense. Be satisfied with how much I already take care of you.’

‘Can I ask why? It’s not that I dislike it, I’m just curious.’

‘Crying and sniveling over whether it’s love or whatever the hell—it’s not a good look.’

‘……’

‘If you don’t like it, quit now. Playing with a brat like you is only seasonal. I don’t plan on putting in more effort.’

Yoo Sowon was easygoing in proportion to how simple he was, never overstepping his place, and Woo Jaeyoung enjoyed that as if it were a convenience prepared just for him.

Back then, he didn’t know.

What it meant to lose something that had been so easy to have.

What kind of thirst would torment him when he saw the empty space left behind by Yoo Sowon, who had abandoned that ‘easy thing’ and run away—when he realized nothing was more absurd than something once taken for granted collapsing.

He didn’t want to know.

He believed it was fine not to know.

He had trusted a love that was given easily, so the betrayal that came just as easily tasted bitter.

‘He’s nowhere to be found, hyung-nim. His trail completely cuts off around Gangwon Province.’

‘Do you know where Yoo Sowon’s hometown is? Maybe he went back there?’

‘A person can’t just vanish like they’ve been cleanly cut off like that… Haven’t you heard anything, huh?

Even as a joke—like saying he wanted to go somewhere, or that some place would be nice? He didn’t say anything like that?’

‘He had a kid? And still didn’t leave any words behind? No, why?’

To every question about Yoo Sowon, Woo Jaeyoung had no answer.

What he knew was less than what Yoo Sowon himself had, so among the countless questions, he couldn’t give a single satisfying answer—and for the first time in his life, he felt at a loss.

As time passed and the seasons changed for the first time, there was one thing he came to understand.

‘Hyung-nim. Do you think that bastard will come back?’

Amid devastation, Woo Jaeyoung had no choice but to admit it.

‘No.’

That even something so easy had been lost—and how heartless he had been.

How barren a land Woo Jaeyoung had been to Yoo Sowon.

His regret began only after his hands were completely empty.

“You seemed used to being alone.”

After dinner, a brief fever had risen, and only as I was about to fall asleep did the dreadful chills finally subside.

Lying still with my eyes closed in a fatigue that felt like being dragged under by sleep, Woo Jaeyoung—who had been gently brushing my forehead and hair—spoke as if murmuring.

“No. I guess it’s more like… it seemed natural to you.”

At his words, I let out a faint laugh.

“There’s no such thing as that…….”

There’s no such thing as someone who’s used to being alone.

Loneliness is a kind of pain—you can pretend to be okay, but you can’t actually become okay.

I yawned long and muttered.

“……I was probably just pretending.”

A long silence followed.

If it weren’t for the faint noise of the machine beside my bed sending out vital signs, I might have drifted off completely.

It seemed that ‘Yoo Sowon’ had loved ‘Woo Jaeyoung,’ but had never felt at ease by his side.

Part of it was because Woo Jaeyoung hadn’t allowed him that closeness, but perhaps he wasn’t the type to relax easily to begin with.

So even while loving, he had to remain composed.

Even if he clung to someone, saying he was lonely, it didn’t seem like there was anyone who would accept that.

Though… maybe it’s a little different now.

“So you’re saying you deceived me?”

“Is there any need to put it that dramatically? I just pretended to be composed, pretended to be fine. Acting, basically. And…”

I looked at Woo Jaeyoung, who was sitting slanted on the cot, and added jokingly,

“After running away and all, do you really think deceiving you would’ve been hard?”

“You’re getting cocky. Says the one who didn’t even last half a year before getting dragged back.”

“Yessir. Hyung’s amazing. You’re really good at finding people.”

His loosely clenched fist lightly tapped my forehead.

“Don’t think about tricking me again and running off.”

“If you promise to treat me well, I’ll consider it positively.”

“You little—?”

“Why? What? Don’t you feel even a bit sorry for someone whose whole body hurts and who doesn’t even remember anything? Who knows?

If you treat me well in advance, maybe once I get my memories back, I’ll treat you insanely well too.”

Of course, ‘Yoo Sowon’ regaining his memories would mean everything had returned to its rightful place after reaching a happy ending.

If he’d even gone as far as giving the baby in his belly a ticklish name like ‘Somang’ (Hope), then of course he’d treat Woo Jaeyoung well once things were set right.

And Woo Jaeyoung, who had already experienced losing him once, would probably pay more attention too—if only out of pity for someone who had no one else in the world.

“And then?”

“What do you mean, ‘and then’?”

“What kind of person was I, to you?”

Might as well gather some data while I’m at it.

If the ‘Yoo Sowon’ he knew and the current me were too different, he might realize something had been swapped out inside.

Amnesia was convenient—and technically true—but I’d really rather avoid psychiatric evaluation if possible.

“Didn’t you do a background check or something? You know, like in movies—gangsters digging into people’s pasts, finding their homes and stuff.”

“…What kind of movies are you even watching? Do gangsters look that free to you?”

His answer came just a bit too late.

“So you did?”

Maybe because it wasn’t my business—or maybe because I’d expected it—I just found it amusing and smiled.

“So? What did you find?”

“Why are you even curious about that at this hour? Go to sleep instead.”

“I slept a lot during the day.”

“I’ll check everything with Dr. Jang in the morning.”

“Have you always been this gullible?”

“Says the guy who secretly ran off?”

Woo Jaeyoung let out an irritated sigh.

He pressed his thumb firmly between my brows like he was venting, so I groaned dramatically, “Ow, ow,” and his touch quickly softened.

The absent-minded way he smoothed down my messy hair felt nice.

“I did look into it.”

After a long while, Woo Jaeyoung spoke again.
His voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear it.

“But nothing came up.”

“…Huh? You mean you couldn’t investigate?”

“No. I did. There was just nothing.”

His fingertips slid from my hair to my forehead, then down along my drowsy eyelids, to the tip of my nose, and slowly to the curve of my lips.

With slightly bent knuckles, he brushed under my chin, then rested the back of his hand against my neck for a long time, as if checking my pulse.

“No parents. No siblings. No hometown, nowhere to go. Even digging through distant relatives, there wasn’t a single family member—or even a neighbor he was close with.

They said he stayed at some facility until high school, but even when we tracked down people from there and asked if they knew Yoo Sowon, they all said they didn’t remember him……”

Hearing about Yoo Sowon’s past—living like an isolated island—I felt a strange sense of relief.

‘He’s different from me.’

It was similar in that he had no parents, no familiar neighbors, no dependable adults.

Of course, even these memories weren’t entirely reliable, but somehow, I felt certain it was true.

But I had younger siblings.

There was a time when I wasn’t lonely at all because I was surrounded by them.

Even if they all grew up and flew off into their own worlds, I think I could endure loneliness with the strength of those memories.

‘Hyung. I’m always grateful, and I love you. I really mean it.’

‘I might not understand all your choices… but just promise you’ll stay healthy and happy. That’s enough. I’ll listen to you.’

Every time voices that weren’t in my memories surfaced, something in my head throbbed.

I couldn’t tell if it was longing, anxiety, or sorrow—but I could feel it slowly gnawing away at my patience.

Without realizing it, I let out a faint groan, and Woo Jaeyoung shot up.

“Sowon. Does it hurt?”

Just as I tried to say I was fine, a sharp sting shot through the inside of my skull, and I curled up instinctively.

As I hunched over and clutched my head, Woo Jaeyoung reached for the wall, trying to call medical staff.

“…Don’t call them.”

I hurriedly reached out with my unconnected hand and grabbed his wrist.

The grip was so weak it was embarrassing to even call it that, but he stopped immediately, as if it were magic.

“I’ll tell them in the morning. I just want to rest right now.”

“Is it hard?”

“Yes.”

“Not that.”

“…What?”

The hand that had been about to press the button fell away and touched my forehead.
Cool, firm, and strangely comforting, it wiped away my cold sweat.

“Other than that—what do you want?”

“……”

“Try making a wish. This time, I’m really confident I’ll listen to you.

I thought I’d never be able to fix my temper even if I died, but every time I think of your face after you came back from the brink, I wonder if that shitty temper is really worth more than your life. So I’ll do anything.”

“Hyung.”

“So ask me to do something. Be unreasonable, make requests, force me if you have to……”

“……”

“I told you to use me.”

The way he told me to ask for anything sounded almost like a plea.

So I felt like I had to say something—even something trivial, even something that didn’t make sense—and I opened my mouth hastily.

“……I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m here right now.”

“You said you have to leave in the morning.”

“Hang out with Gamja, that bastard. He was calling himself your hyung and all.”

“Gamja hyung looks at me with such… moist eyes, it’s a bit……”

“What the hell kind of eyes are those?”

Woo Jaeyoung, who had asked harshly out of habit, muttered, “Ah, f*ck, that’s not it,” and ran a hand through his hair.

“Friends.”

“……”

“You just need a friend, right? Someone around your age.”

“Huh? Yeah……”

“I’ll take care of it, so just get some sleep. Your head?”

“It feels a bit better now.”

“…If it hurts more, wake me up no matter what. No—actually, I’ll just stay up, so you sleep. I’ll tell Dr. Jang in the morning before I go, so get a proper examination.”

I’d already had more tests than I could count these past few days—again?

But he said it so seriously that I couldn’t bring myself to refuse.
I hesitated, then nodded.

Even when I suggested he get some rest, Woo Jaeyoung stubbornly refused and kept stroking my face until I fell asleep.

I wanted to refuse out of guilt, but honestly, having him there made me feel at ease, so I ended up dozing off without even realizing when.

When I opened my eyes, the sun was already high in the sky, and Woo Jaeyoung was, of course, gone.

I had just begun to slowly sit up, my upper body stiff and sore—

Bang—!

With a deafening crash, the sliding door flew open.

It had been yanked so violently that it slammed into the wall and bounced halfway shut again.

“Yoo Sowon!”

Yeah, I get it, I’m Yoo Sowon.

Startled, I clutched my pounding heart and looked toward the door.

A guy around my age stood there—handsome, no, pretty enough to be called beautiful.

Could that be the ‘friend my age’ Woo Jaeyoung mentioned?

While I was still dazed, the stranger pointed at me and snapped,

“Hey, you bastard! Are you even human?!”

…Huh? Bastard?

Me?