The Art of Self-Detonation

Calming himself, Xiyue ceased his relentless assault. His voice was low and serious.

“09, what in the world are you playing at? Do you like me?”

“Uh, well… yes, that’s right. I like you, which is why I’ve been pestering you.”

An eerie silence descended.

Both the guild players and the livestream viewers were struck dumb by my explosive declaration.

Even the fatty fell silent.

If art was an explosion, then self-detonation was the art of all arts.

No one knew Xiyue’s true identity, but his fans, through meticulous psychological analysis of his actions and posts, had deduced he was an ice-cold heartthrob. Consequently, he had a multitude of female admirers.

Turning his fans against him would be simple. I could either expose his true face or force him to publicly acknowledge a relationship.

I had, after all, studied the intricacies of commercial operations. Building a persona took a considerable amount of time, yet destroying it required only a minor incident. Ruin was far easier than creation.

Come on, reject me! Let everyone see the true face of this heartless ice king, this scumbag. After all, we’re frenemies. If you reject me, I’ll become the disadvantaged party, garnering sympathy from onlookers. Those guild members will likely leave me alone to avoid trouble.

If Xiyue accepted, he would face the online wrath of his anti-fans, and his persona as an ascetic god would crumble without a fight.

Under these circumstances, Xiyue would be caught between a rock and a hard place. If he ignored my fake confession and continued his objective to make me quit the game, he would be branded the worst kind of abusive partner.

To devise such an open conspiracy on the spot, I truly was a genius.

However, this seems to be my first confession… Why isn’t my first time for the Goddess, but for this scoundrel instead?

Yet, looking at the Four Heavenly Kings currently trapped beside me, I knew I had to make a small sacrifice.

See? It’s simple, isn’t it? A world where no one gets hurt, achieved.

Now, choose, Xiyue! Will you avenge yourself, or will you remain loyal to me?

Xiyue: “Then there is only one answer…”

“Evil-Slaying Slash!”

I was instantly killed.

Then, my necklace was dropped!

Damn it! It’s a priceless treasure, a divine artifact that could fetch at least several hundred thousand in soft currency on the auction house!

I painstakingly borrowed this equipment from a demon lord. If I don’t return it, my favorability with Chaos-aligned NPCs will plummet into the negatives.

I’ve already offended every faction. If I become a stray dog on top of that, I really will have to quit the game!

Xiyue, do you hate me that much?

Isn’t this a bit too cruel to me?

“There’s no need for mercy against an enemy. Do you truly believe I wouldn’t recognize your cunning scheme? 09, you’re a man, aren’t you? And the kind of iron-straight man at that. After spending so much time with you, how could I not know what kind of person you are?”

The livestream’s bullet comments immediately flooded the screen.

“Love-hate relationship.”

“Stop, friend, don’t spread gay vibes here.”

“Ah Wei is dead!”

“Smiling like an old aunt.adj”

“Get together, get together.”

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahah…”

A black line appeared on my face. You people shouldn’t just egg me on like this; now I’m starting to regret it a little.

Was I too hasty? I’m not the shut-in I used to be; I can’t treat confessions as casual jokes anymore. After all, it’s fun for guys to say they like each other to gross out their friends, but when a girl confesses, even if it’s meant as a joke, it’s easily taken seriously.

If Xiyue actually considered it seriously and accepted my confession, wouldn’t I be unable to back out?

This was my miscalculation.

I naturally resisted anything related to social interaction, let alone online dating, which I had never experienced. I still couldn’t understand why, despite the internet barrier, people could fall for someone on the other side of a screen.

Online, it was difficult to truly get to know someone who had layers of disguise. At best, one might find a fleeting, cheap psychological comfort. If genuine emotions were invested, or even the thought of meeting arose, the initial romance could quickly turn into a nightmare.

I steadfastly refused to make any investment without a return. If I knew a prior investment had gone sour and continuing would only bring deeper pain, I would immediately abandon the sunk cost, knowing to act decisively and cut my losses.

Of course, my old habit was a mismatch between thought and action. Take my fawning over the Goddess, for instance; in a way, it was a gambler’s fallacy at work, but I couldn’t turn back now. Being a simp was like licking something… it was addictive.

In short, don’t be a simp like me, brothers! Simps deserve to die, that’s all!

However, if Xiyue truly was that kind of outwardly cold, inwardly warm ice-cold heartthrob, it seemed acceptable. We both loved games, so we should have plenty in common. Most importantly, he must be very rich…

“…”

Hm?

Did a rather unsettling thought just flash through my mind?

Was my thinking starting to become feminized?

Although I knew that continuing down this path would lead me deeper into trouble, for the sake of my equipment, I had to endure this humiliation a little longer.

So, I replied sorrowfully, “Xiyue, what must I do for you to believe me?”

“It’s simple. Turn on your voice chat.”

That’s a high difficulty!

And don’t you know there’s such a thing as a voice changer in this world?

“What’s the point of voice chat?”

“Someone as cautious as you wouldn’t dare reveal even a hint of information related to your true identity. Even if you used a voice changer, you’d be afraid someone could process your real voice.”

“Ultimately, you’re just a pathetic coward who only dares to scheme from behind the scenes. If I’m not mistaken, you’re also a pathetic virgin.”

Xiyue’s words made my mouth twitch uncontrollably. Countless wonderful expletives began to brew on my tongue; it seemed I had no choice but to unleash a barrage of colorful language!

Did virgins eat your rice? From your tone, are you some kind of social butterfly?

Alright, you’ve successfully enraged me!

You can insult me, but you cannot insult virgins!

I knew this world was full of prejudice against virgins.

In the eyes of conservatives, virgins were uncompetitive men, failures in society—a typical old-world logic. In the eyes of liberals, virgins were even more heinous, old-fashioned conservatives, stubborn old fogeys hindering what they considered “progress.”

Yet, they would never know that men of communism cared nothing for their corrupt and decadent lives; they dedicated their youth to fighting for humanity’s most noble cause. Even if they died virgins, noble people would shed tears over their ashes.

Anyone who discriminated against virgins was a reactionary! Xiyue, this social butterfly, should accept the people’s wrath!

I don’t know where I found the courage, but I opened my microphone and retorted directly, “Xiyue, even if I give myself away today, I want to say three words to you.”

“What the f***, are you really a b******?”

The bullet comments immediately erupted with joy, like New Year’s Eve.

“Are those three words?”

“Such a pleasant voice, is she really a young lady?”

“Based on my experience, she probably didn’t use a voice changer.”

“It’s over, I’m already imagining a cat-girl X ice-cold guy scenario.”

“Miss, can you date me?”

“Feisty older sister, I love her, I love her.”

Xiyue seemed to have suddenly disconnected, his game character frozen in place.

“Now’s your chance!”

Nice, having revived, finally completed the cast of his Mass Teleportation spell. The fatty, taking advantage of Xiyue’s immobility, snatched my equipment and dragged my corpse through the teleportation gate, making their escape.

Perfect! Although my voice was exposed this time, no one should discover my true identity, and the topic had successfully been hyped up.

Tomorrow’s forum headline would absolutely be: “Shocking: Why did the Demon King publicly confess to the Hero? Netizens: Go get married!”

Long after I had escaped, Xiyue finally snapped back to reality. He glanced at the equally stunned guild players, then logged off at lightning speed without a word, closing his livestream as well.

Hahaha, I knew it! This guy is the real virgin! What’s he so cocky about?

Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!

Excited, I couldn’t help but hum a battle anthem:

“Hope’s flower~ The bonds we’ve forged~”

“Sister…”

The breath on my ear made me shiver. It seemed my ears were sensitive points…

Turning my head, I realized Ling Chen had woken up at some point. He was glaring at me with a resentful expression, his gloomy, tired look akin to the little boy from Ju-On.

The brightly lit screen of his phone clearly displayed the time: 2:46:35.

“It’s almost three o’clock. Can Sister finally go to sleep? You’ve woken me up three times already.”

“I’m sorry.”