The Echo of a Fading Voice

“What’s the most memorable birthday gift you’ve ever received? Actually, I’m curious too. Go-un isn’t really the greedy type.”

“When I was little, my mother gave me a judo belt with my name embroidered on it. That’s the one I remember most.”

[His nickname is Bear but his answer is so delicate T_T touched]

[HAPPY BIRTHDAY GO-UN]

[I almost lost my man to the sports world]

[tiamo yodo man tiamo yodo man tiamo yodo man ♥♥♥]

[Go-un doesn’t usually talk about his athlete days, does he? He must be in a good mood since it’s his birthday.]

“Then what about among the gifts you received this time? You know you have to answer carefully, right, Go-un?”

“…The wallet Se-han Hyung gave me.”

When Se-han laughed while emphasizing Go-un’s stage name, the fans reacted with the enthusiasm of a comedy skit.

[Our Go-un!!]

[He said ‘Our’… ]

[Ohhhhh]

[Look at Go-un’s face LOL]

[loooool]

[That answer was so forced hahahaha]

[Ha-un, why are you looking at him with such pity?]

The atmosphere of the live stream was cheerful throughout, but strangely, Ji-ho found it difficult to chime in. The most he could do was force a smile and offer reactions. It was only toward the end of the scheduled 20-minute broadcast that Ji-ho was finally mentioned.

“Someone is asking: ‘Did you eat seaweed soup this morning?’”

“I had radish soup.”

The brief period where Go-un gave long answers was already over. As Go-un’s replies turned curt again, Ha-un stepped in expertly. Even though he was a giant standing nearly 185cm tall, the way the youngest member acted cute brought smiles to the fans’ faces.

“Ji-ho Hyung made it for him. Ji-ho Hyung is seriously good at cooking!”

[What do you mean ‘at least’ he’s good at cooking? He’s your Hyung, Ha-un lol]

[They said last time too that Ji-ho does breakfast]

[noah! too sexy for his shirt]

[What about the dorm auntie? Is Jo pushing a ‘housekeeper’ concept?]

[Did he give him radish soup because he forgot the birthday? T_T]

[Its live? so handsome!!!]

[Something feels off though]

[They’re the same age but those two don’t seem close lol]

The reactions in the chat to this harmless topic weren’t great. Most of them were likely Go-un’s fans who felt sorry he didn’t get to eat the traditional seaweed soup on his birthday, but for Ji-ho, who was trying to scan every fast-moving comment, it was hard to brush off.

He had just been warned that his own greed could cause a rift in the team. If a misunderstanding arose among fans because of a birthday meal Go-un hadn’t even asked for, Ji-ho felt like it would all be his fault. He attempted to clarify.

“Yes, that’s right. Go-un actually dislikes seaweed. He’s a picky eater, but as you can see, he’s still very… sturdy.”

Bothered specifically by the comment saying they didn’t seem close, Ji-ho moved toward Go-un and touched his right arm. His intention was simply to praise his muscle mass, but Go-un reflexively shrugged Ji-ho’s hand off.

[Look at the size difference when Ji-ho stands next to him lol]

[He’s not called a Bear for nothing]

[A picky eater? So cute ♥♥♥♥]

[Did Go-un just brush off Ji-ho’s arm?]

[(Laughing emoji) (Laughing emoji) (Laughing emoji)]

[Seaweed soup is banned from now on!]

Fortunately, it didn’t seem too obvious on screen, but Se-han—noticing the tension—quickly diverted attention by teasing Go-un about his picky eating. Ji-ho quietly hid his hand behind his back, where a sensation that was somewhere between a tingle and actual pain remained.

A memory from the past surfaced vividly.

‘Jung Ji-ho, stop clinging to me.’

‘Sorry. It’s… the company told me to show a close bond with you more often.’

Fans who liked male idols were often obsessed with the relationships within the group, so they enjoyed seeing members being affectionate. There was even a public abundance of fan-created content depicting deep romance between members.

“Business Gay Performance”—or “Bi-Ge-Peo” for short—was one of the basic marketing tactics used by idol agencies.

And Go-un hated it more than anyone.

‘That stuff is disgusting, so if you’re going to do it, do it with the other members.’

Go-un’s command-like words, spat out harshly even though it wasn’t Ji-ho’s fault, came back to him. Seeing the usually stoic Go-un lose his temper was as intimidating as his massive frame.

Since that day, Ji-ho had tried his best to avoid physical contact with Go-un. The only time he got close was in the mornings when he had to wake Go-un up from his strange sleeping habits.

Perhaps that was why suspicions were growing among fans that the two weren’t actually close.

‘I made another mistake.’

After the birthday live ended, Ji-ho let out a long-held sigh. Go-un didn’t specifically mention what happened during the stream afterward, and Ji-ho couldn’t tell if that was a relief or not.

********************************

Ji-ho didn’t have the luxury to dwell on his complicated feelings. Their schedule at the agency, which was hard to visit during busy promotion periods, wasn’t over yet.

Even though the live was finished, the smartphone cameras weren’t taken down. The decorations in the practice room remained, with only the balloons spelling out “birthday” removed. The only things that had changed were that the other members had left to find a place to rest, and even the manager, Yong-ha, had stepped away, saying he trusted Ji-ho.

Only Ji-ho and one PR staff member remained in the empty practice room, but Ji-ho didn’t mind. Since this shoot was solely for him, his only thought was a determination to do well.

It was time for the video call fan signing event.

Unlike offline fansigns where fans meet idols in person to get autographs, this was an event conducted via video call. This format, fitting for a modern society where many things are handled remotely, had become a staple of idol activities.

“The number of applicants for your turn was higher than expected, Ji-ho. We selected 1.5 times the original planned number of people.”

“What? There were a lot of applicants?”

“Surprisingly, yes. So the time per person is a bit tight. It’s supposed to be a maximum of two minutes, but please try to keep it to just a few words and move on.”

Fan signings were usually done with the whole group, but there were cases like this where they were done individually. Simplified video call signings were even more frequent. Between busy schedules, applications were taken for different members on different dates. Ji-ho had been worried since his was scheduled for late afternoon on Go-un’s birthday.

‘I was worried what I’d do if we didn’t even meet the quota, but to hear there were more than expected…’

A sense of anticipation rose naturally.

Of course, Ji-ho had been an idol for three years; he knew that not everyone who applied would be his “solo” fan. There were fans who applied for Ji-ho because the competition for other members was too high, and even transactions where people paid others to ask Ji-ho about the status of their favorite member.

Even so, Ji-ho decided to stay positive. Just the thought of having short conversations with fans who loved him felt like it would heal the gloom he had felt all day.

‘Will we be too rushed for the evening schedule? Fans will hate it if I hang up quickly.’

Thinking he should hold out as long as possible, Ji-ho put the earphones connected to the phone into his ears and began the fan signing.

As expected, the video calls started by making Ji-ho smile automatically.

[Hello! I’m so happy to see you, Oppa. Wait… I have a question, a question I wrote down…!]

“Haha, take your time. I’ll wait. A hand heart? Like this small one? Or a cheek heart? Which do you prefer?”

[Eek! I really wanted to win this. I kept failing. Can you sing for me just once? Even a very short bit is fine.]

“Of course I can. Which one do you want to hear? ‘We We’? I love that song among our B-sides too—I guess we’re on the same wavelength. Ahem… In the time we spent together—”

Even though they weren’t meeting in person, the fans whose voices trembled with nerves were adorable, and because Ji-ho knew how much they’d miss him, he was the first to act cute. Seeing the fans’ happy reactions felt like his empty heart was being filled.

[But why is only our Ji-ho’s signing time so early? I even took a half-day off work for this. Doing this right after another member’s birthday live… the scheduling is really bad. Should Noona send a bomb of emails to the agency?]

Despite the notice that all calls were recorded and that the staff could disconnect if necessary, there were tough fans who didn’t care at all. Ji-ho glanced at the PR staff member, who merely tapped his smartwatch, signaling him to keep it short.

“No, don’t. The staff are all doing so much for us. We’ve just been so busy lately… I’m sorry. I’ll ask them to schedule it at a more convenient time next time.”

The fan, who had seemed tough, suddenly became flustered, saying she was the one who was sorry. A moment later, when Ji-ho posed for a “selfie” together as she requested, her joyful laughter was no different from the shy fans, bringing a smile to Ji-ho’s face as well.

In truth, Ji-ho also felt it was a shame his signing was placed at such an awkward time. He felt a slight sense of catharsis at the fan’s sharp observation. He felt sorry for the fans who couldn’t apply because of school or work.

‘I should definitely ask them to set the time better next time. They said it’s okay to make suggestions through Yong-ha Hyung.’

But his genuine laughter only lasted for the first few calls. As he had feared, the following calls mostly consisted of people asking about other members.

[Why are you alone when you were all just doing a live together? The balloons in the back are the same as the live background—Noah Oppa is nearby, right? Call him over!]

[A question? Ah, what was it… I had one but I forgot. But anyway, can you let me say happy birthday to Go-un? I’ll do it quick and hang up.]

Even though the company had filtered the applicants to some extent, people who seemed like Ji-ho’s anti-fans appeared as well. Their sarcastic tone was clear, yet the staff member running the event didn’t seem to notice and didn’t intervene.

[I missed the birthday live earlier. You guys usually did lives in the evening… Did you move it up because of this signing event today? Sigh, I really wanted to see Go-un’s birthday live. I mean, it’s just great that there are back-to-back schedules.]

[Mentioning other groups isn’t banned, right? Ji-ho, I just saw the challenge you did with N-Heim—are you still in touch with Jay? You’re not in touch with Jun-o, are you?]

There were many times during fan signings where Ji-ho was hurt without it being obvious. People would skip his turn without getting an autograph, or he’d be the only one not to receive gifts like headbands and props, or he’d be the only one not asked for a pose during photo time.

He had thought this signing would be okay since it wasn’t a group event, but Ji-ho realized that hearing only a voice was even easier to get hurt by than a face-to-face event.

The subtle irritation and sarcasm in their voices scraped at Ji-ho’s tattered heart. Wherever the happy time had gone, Ji-ho soon found himself wishing the fan signing would just end.

Fortunately, the final person in line was a fan of Ji-ho. At least, that’s what he thought.

[…So I’ll ask one more question! Please? Yes? I’ve been a solo fan for a really long time.]

Yong-ha, who had returned at some point, signaled to Ji-ho with a gesture. It meant they couldn’t delay any longer because of the next schedule. The PR staff member also gave a hand signal to cut it short.

His initial determination to hold out for his fans was gone. Completely exhausted, Ji-ho forced a smile to hide his sinking mood and spoke.

“I’m sorry. I think I have to stop here. I’ll remember your voice, so if we get another chance, I’ll ask for more time then. The call will end soon. You know I always love the Glories, right? Have a happy rest of your day!”

Just as the video call was about to end following Ji-ho’s closing greeting, the participant—the one he thought was his fan—muttered something, thinking the call had already disconnected. A voice, completely different from before, traveled through the earphones and into Ji-ho’s ears.

[Ah, damn. I picked him because he doesn’t have many fans so I thought he’d be good value for money, but has he changed now that he’s a bit more famous? Only one minute? This is so f*cking annoying.]

Immediately after, the beep-beep-beep of the disconnected call rang out.

‘Do my other fans think like that too…?’

Fearful of that assumption, Ji-ho couldn’t even respond to Yong-ha, who was urging him to move quickly. While he reflexively stood up to follow Yong-ha, and while he listened to the other members in the van complaining about why he was so late, he continued to replay that last fan’s voice in his head.

What was even sadder was the fact that he would never be able to forget those words that had just brushed past him.