Chapter 14: But I’m a jerk, right? Okay, trash.

[Virtual YouTuber, Thread 29 on Kai no Izumi]

32. Will Mei-chan do well in today’s collab?

33. From what was said yesterday, it really seems like they dislike collabs.

34. 33 << Rather than disliking it, it feels like they think it’s beyond their capability.

35. They lack tact, stutter, and seem awkward every time they do something, so I can understand why that might be the case.

36. Just how severe is their social anxiety to be like this?

37. 35 << But the awkwardness is partly induced by the Izutomo, which is unfortunate.

Honestly, Mei-chan is cuter when they’re nervous.

There are too many abuse enthusiasts among the Izutomo.

But isn’t Mei-chan also enjoying it in a way?

Still, it’s good that they seem mentally strong.

I hope they don’t graduate. They’ve been the most enjoyable to watch recently.

70 << Their self-esteem seems incredibly low, but having been through so much, they appear to have strong mental resilience.

But when such people start to break down, it happens quickly. I’ve seen it more than once.

73 << I’m also worried about that recently, so I’m trying to comfort them as much as possible.
So, will there be awkwardness in today’s collab?

95 << I think it’s almost a given…

Nevertheless, Mei-chan’s channel growth is partly due to the awkwardness, so they should make good use of it.

Well, even if there is awkwardness, it hasn’t caused any major issues yet.

[Virtual On-Tuber Minor Gallery]

Title: Mei-chan – If there were no people on Earth, bad things wouldn’t happen in the first place.

Posted by: CreepySmilingGirlMei-chanIsTooCute
It’s true
[https://ontu.be/XXXXXXX]
[Upvotes 49 / Downvotes 2]

• ᄋᄋ: Why is this true?
• Izutomo: What kind of life has Mei-chan led?
• ᄋᄋ: Is this true?
• Loo: Then wouldn’t it be fake?
• oo: It’s not wrong, though ᄏᄏ
• ᄋᄋ: Is this… a current JK?

Title: Looking forward to today’s StarFlu Season 2 Collab – upvote if you are ᄏᄏᄏ
Posted by: ᄋᄋ

Especially Kai no Izumi << I’m really curious about how they’ll create awkwardness ᄏᄏ
[Upvotes 68 / Downvotes 6]

• oo: A master of awkwardness acknowledged even in the home country ᄏᄏ
• ᄋᄋ: But they’ve been trying to stick to RP lately.
• ᄋᄋ: Isn’t it proof that no matter how hard you try, the essence of a person doesn’t change?
• Mei-chanLove: Don’t slander our Mei-chan, you assholes
• ᄋᄋ: But honestly, among the second-gen, they’re top in terms of fun ᄏᄏ
• ᄋᄋ: The taste is definitely acknowledged by everyone.

.

“Ugh.?”

The group collab starts at 5 PM.

And the current time is 2 PM.

Even though there are still 3 hours left until it starts, the enormous pressure inside my heart is making me feel

nauseous.

So I asked the manager honestly if there was any way to get out of the collab, but they scolded me seriously for such

nonsense and I had no choice but to give up.

The collab will take place on StarsFlow’s official channel.

Content details?

I don’t know.

Really don’t know.

They said they would let me know after the collab starts because knowing in advance would make it less fun.

Lies.

They’re doing this because it’s easier to induce awkwardness and attract attention when I don’t know anything.

They probably told all the other participants everything.

StarsFlow, you’re the embodiment of evil, so it makes sense.

“OO….”

I know.

This is just the typical victim mentality of an outsider.

But if I don’t rationalize it this way, I feel like I’m really going to throw up.

I had a hard time when collaborating with just Yang and me, but now I have to converse with four people at once?

It’s like asking an ant to talk to a human.

I’d rather be killed….

[Natsune Nanase: Are you okay? If you’re struggling, let me know. As your senpai, I’ll do my best to help!]

Looking at Nat-chan’s DM, my heart calms down a bit, but it’s only temporary.

The sudden surge of anxiety made my back drenched in cold sweat in an instant.
[Koga Suzuha: Are you okay, Izumi? If it’s tough, maybe we can have a chat together in advance?]

• Should I call them my first friend?
  As I was caught in a cycle of negative paranoia and my head was turning white from hyperventilation, Koga-san sent a DM with perfect timing.
  They must have noticed that I was flustered just like last time.
  Indeed, Koga-san was my precious friend.
  [Kai no Izumi: S-Should we?]
  Tada-da-da-dan, tta-ra-ra-ran~.
  As soon as I sent the reply, Koga-san called me on Miss Code’s private line as if they had been waiting.
  “Ah, hello, K-Koga-san.”
  [Izumi? You sound out of breath.]
  “W-Well, to be honest, I feel overwhelmed and want to turn off my computer right away, but the manager said I can’t do that, so I don’t know what to do… I’m really…”

[Koga-san: Hey, hey, hey, hey? Izumi? Wait, it’s okay to speak slowly!]

As I poured out my true feelings without taking a breath, Koga-san, seeming flustered, interrupted me and tried to

calm me down.

[We definitely know you’re scared, so let’s think of a way to handle this. After all, it’s concluded that skipping the

collab is impossible, right?]

“Y-Yes, that’s right.”

Even though I must have looked awful just now, Koga-san continued the conversation as if nothing was wrong.

• …Indeed, isn’t Koga-san truly an angel?
  [Then Izumi, may I ask why you’re so shy?]
  “…Yes?”
  An ominous premonition crawled up my back.
  My instincts were screaming at me to hang up and run away immediately.
  But why?
  Koga-san is my precious friend.
  There’s no way they would do anything bad to me, right?
  It must be needless worry. My instincts aren’t always right.
  [Izumi, you don’t dislike us, do you?]
  “W-What? Of course not…”
  Rather, if I had to choose between liking or disliking, I like them.
  Considering the connections in my life, aside from family, this is probably the only significant one.
  Classmates at school are tied to a limited period of three years, and even if I’m not an outsider or have community issues, I can’t be friends with everyone in a group of almost 30 people.
  However, with StarsFlow, as long as no one graduates, we can stay connected, and there are only four of us.
  Well, if you broaden the scope to StarsFlow’s virtual YouTubers, Nat-chan or first-gen seniors could be included, but the sense of being among peers is special.
  It means I like them equally in a different way than my beloved Nat-chan.
• Ah, maybe that’s not the case.
  [It’s really a relief that’s not the case. But, you don’t dislike people in general, do you?]
  “Of course not!”
  [But you did say on yesterday’s stream that all bad things happen because of humans…]
  “W-Well, that wasn’t what I meant…”
  [I know. I’m just kidding.]
  “Yeah…”
  Since Koga-san started speaking to me casually, they occasionally tease me like this.
  Now, I can easily picture Koga-san’s avatar giggling.
  [So, Izumi, can I ask why you’re so shy?]
  My shyness.
  First of all, whether I can simply say I’m shy or not is another matter, but it’s certainly something that would make others curious if they see my situation.
  But unfortunately, it’s a bit difficult to tell Koga-san about this.
  This story includes aspects of my past life that I can’t reveal to anyone.
  In my past life, I was a relatively lively boy.
  There were always people around me, and I thought everyone cherished and liked me! …or so I thought.
  But when was that?
  Was it in fifth grade?
  I was late by about 30 minutes for an appointment because I overslept.
  I was sure everyone would be angry.
  So, feeling sorry, I intended to apologize.
  But the moment I arrived at the meeting place, what I heard was:
  ‘Isn’t he too annoying?’
  ‘I’m getting tired of meeting him.’
  ‘Does he still think he’s in the lower grades?’
  “Don’t call him for appointments anymore.”
  What I heard as the price for being late was the true feelings of people I thought were friends.
  I felt nauseous.
  I could have gone out with my usual big smile and pretended not to hear, but I didn’t want to.
  In the end, I turned back and went home.
  And that was the beginning of my isolation.
  The next day.

Of course, I didn’t go to school and talk to them.

They treated me as if I didn’t exist in the first place.

At first, there were people who tried to approach me, but I rejected them myself.

I thought they must have some ulterior motive or that it was a scheme to mock me.

In the end, the only ones left around me were my family and a childhood friend I had known since I was young.

Come to think of it, I wonder how they are doing.

Did they grieve a lot when they heard the news of my death?

I don’t know.

Honestly, after that day, I distanced myself from them to some extent as well.

Anyway, since that day, I began to avoid people.

Looking back, I was really foolish.

It was just a relationship of a little over 2 years, starting from the 2nd grade of elementary school.

But at that time, they were precious friends, so the sense of loss was overwhelming, and the wound I received didn’t

heal even after I realized how foolish I was.

It had become a perfect part of me, so I never formed new relationships until the end.

And now, in this reincarnated life.

I’m just naturally shy.

No, it’s far beyond that level, right?

Just looking at the situation, it’s much worse than in my past life.

At least in my past life, I didn’t stutter, and I could look into the other person’s eyes during a conversation.

Even when I try to remember my past life and have a normal conversation, I naturally shrink back.

What’s wrong with me now…

Well, the conclusion is that my current situation is a complicated mix of various factors.

Internally, I’m still entangled in my past life, and externally, inherent issues are holding me back.

In other words, the worst of the worst combining means I’ve surpassed the typical socially awkward person…

Heh, I’m scared of myself…

[So, Izumi, can I ask why you’re so shy?]

In any case, in response to Koga-san’s question, I could only answer:

“B-Basically, it’s just my nature…”

[That’s a bit of a troublesome question if it’s really like that. Sorry.]

“Ah, no. I would probably be curious too.”

[Thanks for understanding. So, it’s okay to conclude that Izumi doesn’t dislike us, the 2nd-year peers, right?]

“Yes, yes! If I had to choose between liking or disliking, I’d say I like you.”

[I see. Then, it’s fine, right?]

“Yes?”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

At the same time as Koga-san’s words, notification sounds echoed through my headphones in rapid succession.

[Koga Suzuha has added Utsumi Ayaka, Akabane Yukari, and Aki Nekoto to the group.]

[What? Were you two already on the call?] Huh?

[To invite suddenly like this. I’m surprised.] Hmm.

[Ah…]

“…Eek!”

Overwhelmed by the storm of incoming messages, I made a pathetic sound, took off my headphones, and fled the

room.

How could you, Koga-san.

Using my true feelings like this!

I’ve been betrayed!

You’re not an angel; you’re a little devil!