Fluctuating Emotions and Unspoken Feelings

The distinctive blue-purple flames of the underground city flickered wildly, much like my own fluctuating emotions, blooming with a touch of melancholy and a hint of dizziness……

I returned to my princess’s chambers, gazing out at the castle that towered over the vast, shadowy expanse of the underground world. The layers of mist obscured the towering cliffs beneath the castle, and I sometimes wondered why such a grand and imposing structure belonged to someone as fragile as me, a mere princess?

Is it really appropriate for a boy to identify as a princess?

Won’t it seem strange over time?

Yet, despite my ability to contemplate these things, I am powerless to decide or change them. What kind of fate or curse has transformed me into this state? Have I incurred the wrath of something extraordinary? Or perhaps, this isn’t a punishment but a reward for my overly bitter and lonely life as a shut-in?

Reward? I think not!

“What are you thinking about, little princess?”

The voice behind me was both unsettling and captivating, belonging to my senior.

Yes, in the corner of my bedroom, I had set up a special magic array that allowed her to teleport directly from her room to mine at any time. Whether I was in my private quarters or even in the bathroom, she could enter without permission, and I was not allowed to lock the door.

This was a rule she had set for me in the dungeon, and I had no choice but to obey. At the time, I had agreed to her terms…… Regardless of the methods she used, I was a girl with a boy’s soul, and this was the last shred of dignity I had as a man. A man must keep his promises, even if they are forced upon him……

The aroma of my senior enveloped me before she even arrived. Why was her body so fragrant, and it clearly wasn’t from any external perfume? It was her own body, her hair, even the intoxicating sweat from her battles, mixed with an unknown secretion of female hormones that drove anyone who inhaled it to lose their senses.

Though my body had completely transformed into a girl’s, my mind remained that of a boy, and I was instinctively drawn to her scent, unable to resist it. Can you blame me?

But then……

My senior expertly wrapped her arms around me from behind, her soft, deep breasts pressing against my back, her face nuzzling my ear. With each word she spoke, I could feel her breath on my skin.

“Little darling, you did well today…… in the grand hall, you followed my instructions perfectly and handled everything naturally. You have a natural talent for political strategy, and you’re worth training……”

My face flushed scarlet, unable to bear her deliberate breathing against my ear. Senior, you’re making it impossible for me to think!

“Uh, um, Senior, please stop for a moment. Don’t blow in my ear, it’s so ticklish I can’t speak. Please, just listen to me……”

“Hmm, what do you want to say?”

Before stopping, she playfully licked the inside of my ear……

“Uh…… Okay, listen to me……”

I forced myself to calm down, and fortunately, she didn’t continue to tease me.

My gaze drifted to the distant, profound depths of the underground city. “Actually, Senior, you didn’t have to do this. At least for this matter, even if you hadn’t blackmailed me, I would have done it anyway.”

“Eh?”

The softness pressing against my back trembled slightly, and even through the distance, I could hear her heart racing.

“Why?”

Her voice was low and intense.

“Because…… I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

“What? I’ve treated you like this, deliberately letting myself get caught, then turning the tables to blackmail you, holding a knife to your throat, bullying you, playing with you, humiliating you, and you still think I’m not a bad person?”

“But…… you never really hurt me! And your goal was just to rescue someone you care about, right? Because you sympathize with those who share your fate, you want to save them, right?”

Suddenly, my senior pushed me forcefully, almost pinning me against the glass window.

“Little girl, have you misunderstood your position!”

She pressed me firmly against the window. “Yes, sometimes I truly see you as a human little sister because you look just like a human girl, inside and out. But don’t forget, you’re a demon, and I’m human. From a human perspective, I might not be a bad person, but from the standpoint of our races, you and I are sworn enemies! Yes, I’m not a bad person, but I’m the most dangerous existence for you. If necessary, I might even…… kill you!”

I couldn’t tell my senior that I had known her before I became the Dark Princess. Though my memories were fuzzy, for some reason, my memories of her were clear.

I remembered her, her long black hair flowing, her white neck exposed, and her beautiful earlobes, as she walked beneath the teaching building window where I stood.

Why is it like this? Why can’t I remember my own name, but I can remember her? How could I possibly see her as an enemy?

“Senior…… though I can’t tell you the reason, or even explain it to myself, even if you truly pierced my heart with your blade, I couldn’t hate you. Perhaps, in your eyes, we are on opposing sides of light and darkness, but in my heart, there are only sisters……”

My senior’s breathing became more erratic.

“Who! Who considers you a sister?”

Suddenly, my senior grabbed my hair and pulled sharply, her action more desperate than playful. “Don’t think that because I teased you and called you ‘little sister’ a few times, you can actually consider yourself my sister! I have my own sister, and she is irreplaceable! Don’t think that just because I’ve had some physical contact with you, I like you or want to be sisters with you!”

She pushed me onto the glass window. “I’m just using you, blackmailing you! I kissed you only to humiliate and conquer you! Coolie, know your place! You’re just a victim of my skilled manipulation of girls, a weak-willed and sensitive little girl! Just follow my orders, submit to my methods, and feel what I tell you to feel! Who allows you to think? And don’t you dare mention real sisters to me! Don’t you feel ashamed? Being bullied and blackmailed by your enemy, and you still have feelings for me? You have no principle, no shame, you’re so…… low!”

Tears welled up in my eyes, not from the pain of my hair being pulled, but from my senior’s passionate words and the scorching breath that left me feeling weak and pitiful. Why, even though you scold me, I can’t be angry, only sad and filled with an indescribable darkness and happiness.

At least, I have a goddess-like woman who has feelings for me, even if they are resentment and contempt!

That’s better than just watching you walk past the window like a lady!

At least, I can see your other side, the side you never showed to me before.

When I was a boy, I could only watch you from afar, admiring you but too afraid to speak.

Now, you’re right in front of me, your emotions raw and exposed, but I still admire you, the real you, with all your love and hate, joy and anger! I can’t speak, but you’re forcing me to!

“So what if I have feelings for you! You’re so beautiful, so tall, so feminine! And you’re so skilled at romancing girls. You’ve made me feel strange! Then what? Are you going to throw me away after using me? Or kill me with one swift strike after you’re done? I’ve given you my first kiss! How much experience do you have with girls, Senior? You must know that this would make me fall for you! Are you going to stir up my emotions and then crush them? You can use me, and after you’re done, you can throw me away in this dark, cold underground city, but please, don’t call my feelings for you ‘low’! Is it ‘low’ to fall for you after being kissed by you?!?”