Not a Mistake

“Let’s do this while I’m still asking nicely.”

“…”

Shin Jooho’s face had turned bright red.

His lips parted with difficulty.

Without even looking at me, he muttered under his breath.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s fine.
Just go.”

I was the one who answered.

Han Gangun released his grip on Shin Jooho’s shoulder.

After hesitating for a moment, Shin Jooho finally turned completely around and walked away from the doorway.

Then he broke into a full sprint, disappearing out of our apartment building.

Even after he was gone, I could still hear the sound of his footsteps pounding against the asphalt.

It felt as though I’d suddenly woken from a dream.

I stared blankly at the person now standing before me.

“F*cking asshole.”

Even though Shin Jooho hadn’t actually done anything to him, Han Gangun muttered the curse while looking at the space where he’d disappeared.

“Why are you here?”

I snapped at him despite not meaning it.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“…”

“Didn’t you see my texts?”

The messages asking if I was home.

The missed calls.

Whether I answered him or not, Han Gangun had planned to come here anyway.

“Why was he here?”

“…I didn’t ask him to come.”

“So what’s all this?
Did that bastard do this?”

Han Gangun crouched down.

He picked up the food containers scattered across the floor and put them back into the paper bag.

Silently, I watched him moving at my feet.

It wasn’t often I got to see the crown of Han Gangun’s head.

I bit down hard on my lip.

“We need to talk.”

After putting away the last container, Han Gangun stood up.

The paper bag sat by his feet, and once he straightened to his full height, he seemed impossibly tall again.

“If you came to apologize, then just leave.”

“Why are you so desperate not to hear an apology over something like that?”

“…”

“How do you even know what I was going to apologize for?”

His voice was completely flat.

I slowly raised my head.

My expression refused to cooperate.

Like a broken machine, my emotions creaked stiffly inside me.

Han Gangun looked down at me with an unreadable face.

His hands settled on both my shoulders.

His voice came from frighteningly close.

“Listen carefully.”

“…”

“I’m going to apologize to you now.”

Our eyes met.

Han Gangun wet his lips before speaking slowly.

“What happened over the weekend…

I made the first move.

Yeah, I know I acted weird.

But I wasn’t trying to pretend it never happened.

…I just couldn’t bring myself to look you in the face all day today.

Because it was my fault.

That’s why I couldn’t talk to you.”

I hadn’t been wrong.

What happened that day hadn’t disappeared.

I knew this would happen.

There was no way Han Gangun would simply pretend it never happened.

The warmth I’d remembered so vividly…

He remembered it too.

That’s what he was telling me.

His words kept spilling out, sounding more and more like excuses.

After falling silent for a moment, Han Gangun let out a short breath.

My throat suddenly felt dry.

I forced myself to stay calm.

“What happened then…

That was a mistake.

I’m sorry.”

It felt as though cracks spread across my vision.

That…

That was the one thing I hadn’t wanted him to say.

“If that’s what you came here to say—”

“Let me finish.”

Han Gangun cut me off firmly.

I’d never seen him breathing so heavily before.

My own chest felt just as tight.

Every second stretched endlessly.

My heart pounded.

“I’m sorry for what happened over the weekend.

I’m sorry for pretending not to know you today.

And…”

“…”

“There’s something I want to ask you.”

His hands around my shoulders burned hot.

It felt as though I were being soaked in heat.

I was terrified he’d hear the frantic pounding inside my chest.

Han Gangun swallowed hard.

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

After a brief pause, he finally spoke.

“Why were you avoiding my apology?”

“…”

“Were you scared I’d apologize…

and then pretend nothing had happened?”

Then he asked,

“Do you like me?”

My eyes flew open in shock.

I met Han Gangun’s unwavering gaze head-on.

I had never imagined—

never even dared hope—

that he’d ask so directly.

I did like Han Gangun.

But I had never intended to admit it.

That’s why, more than ever, I needed to stay calm.

But once our eyes locked…

once his reddened lips parted…

there was no hiding my panic.

Everything I felt was laid bare before him.

Han Gangun waited.

He waited for me to answer.

Waited for me to open my mouth.

Waited for my voice.

I swallowed.

And then—

“I like you.”

“…What?”

“I said I like you.”

“You.”

If the world were a cassette tape…

I would have stopped it right there and pulled the tape out.

If I could listen to those words over and over again…

I’d rewind them until the tape wore thin.

His voice was precious enough for that.

“I kept thinking about it all weekend.

No matter how much I thought, I couldn’t sort it out.

My head hurt all day today too.

Before school ended, I wanted to say something to you.

That’s why I called out to you.

But then you just left.”

Han Gangun frowned.

“And I thought everything had gone completely to hell.”

“…”

“So…

doesn’t that mean I like you?”

Those simple words pierced straight through my heart and spread through every part of my body.

The end of Han Gangun’s voice trembled.

That unmistakable tremor shook even his eyes.

“…Hey.
Han Gangun…”

The only thing I managed to say was his name.

His dark eyes poured down onto me.

I’d grown used to loving someone all by myself.

This turn of events came far too suddenly.

It wasn’t even a matter of whether I liked it or not.

The shock hit me like a blow to the head.

The back of my skull throbbed.

A chill crawled beneath my shorts, beneath my sleeves.

Goosebumps spread across my skin.

So…

telling the person you liked that you liked them…

could actually be this easy.

That was the first thought that came to me as I looked at Han Gangun.

All those days I’d spent desperately trying to hide my feelings…

Han Gangun erased them with a single confession.

I couldn’t make sense of it.

I’d tried so desperately to bury what I felt for him.

“That doesn’t make any sense…”

It couldn’t be true.

“You can’t just think about something like that…

and mistake it for love.”

It had to be a misunderstanding.

“Then let’s find out.”

“…”

“Whether it’s a misunderstanding…

or not.”

Han Gangun stepped closer.

The back of my head pressed against the hard concrete wall.

My breathing turned uneven.

The hallway light flickered once—

then the motion sensor lost us, and everything went dark.

In the darkness, Han Gangun became nothing more than a silhouette.

I reached out unsteadily and held onto the outline of his body.

“I will.”

His voice was low.

My throat tightened.

Something drew closer.

His breath gradually washed over my lips with burning warmth.

I grabbed his forearm tightly.

I could feel the fine hairs on his skin standing on end.

Feeling them brush lightly against me…

I accepted the lips that sealed over mine like a stamp.

For a long time, our lips remained together.

The hallway light never came back on, as though it had broken.

His lips rested against mine.

His breath slipped between them.

My lips felt as though they were on fire.

In the darkness, nothing existed except our uneven breathing.

When Han Gangun finally pulled away…

the hallway light clicked back on.

We were still so close that our foreheads nearly touched.

He’d only drawn his lips back.

He let out a quiet breath.

I was just as breathless.

My hand still clung tightly to his arm.

Sweat trickled down my spine.

A strange ticklish warmth spread through the pit of my stomach.

“Well?”

Han Gangun whispered.

“What do you think?”

“…”

“Does it still not make sense?”

None of it made sense.

This moment.

The breath we’d just shared.

Our foreheads almost touching.

Han Gangun standing in front of me.

“Ijae.”

“…Yeah.”

“Want to go out with me?”

Han Gangun asked again.

“Will you date me?”

My thoughts were a complete mess.

My swollen lips still hadn’t recovered.

My mind had gone completely blank.

It felt as though it would take forever before I could think normally again.

Even hearing those words felt unreal.

Han Gangun was asking something so extraordinary as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world.

For a moment, I almost answered with a dazed, “Yeah.”

“We’re both guys.”

For the first time in my life…

being who I was felt like an obstacle.

The moment he heard me, Han Gangun snorted.

“Then what?
Are we girls?”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

“When you kissed me…

did it disgust you?”

“…No.”

Han Gangun took another step closer.

Our foreheads were almost touching.

From beneath the shadows, his gentle voice reached me.

“Then how did it feel?”

“…”

“Tell me.

How did it feel?”

He was relentless.

He looked as though he had no intention of backing down until I answered.

“You said it wasn’t disgusting.”

“…”

“So what was it?”

“…It felt good.”

“It felt good?”

I watched the corner of his lips curl upward.

I’d never realized admitting that something felt good could be this embarrassing.

“Ijae.

I’ve been thinking.”

Han Gangun spoke quietly.

“No…

Actually, I heard this somewhere.

They said that if you want to know whether you like someone…”

“…”

“…you should imagine kissing them.”

“If you imagine it and think, ‘No way. Absolutely not,’ then you don’t like them.”

“But if…

you’re like you…”

Han Gangun looked at me with quiet intensity.

“If it gives you good feelings…

then that means you really do like them.”

“…”

“Did kissing me feel good, Seo Ijae?”