Chapter 38: Your Idol

When the stage began, Natchan was wearing an outfit I had never seen before.

It wasn’t the seven stars she wore during her debut broadcast, nor was it the starry night that came out for her

birthday celebration.

She wore a pure white dress, the complete opposite of the starry night, with black stockings.

On her chest, there was a star decoration in platinum blonde, and a thin red ribbon was wrapped around her waist.

[Even if it’s a dark night, the stars shine bright.]

“… It’s amazing.”

I muttered those words without realizing it.

Dancing and singing in her new outfit on the brilliant stage was the idol she always talked about.

To me, it was an incredibly dazzling sight.

[So don’t hesitate and move forward.]

Natchan’s movements had no hesitation, just as the lyrics of the song suggested.

I could tell without saying that this was possible for her.

Unlike me, who didn’t even try, she had built endless effort and believed in that effort.

[No matter how hard it gets, even if you want to fall, in the end, that too will pass.]

It truly was a radiant stage.

The gorgeous lights and the outstanding band sound created a captivating performance that was hard to look away from.

But within it all, the one shining the brightest didn’t need to be mentioned.

[If it’s too hard to stand up alone, I’ll reach out my hand to you.]

As the song’s highlight passed, the fast-paced band sound that had created an exhilarating feeling slowly calmed down, signaling the end.

Then, countless lights shone on Natchan in an instant.

[I am your idol.]

With that final lyric, the first performance came to an end.

Natchan was reaching out her hand toward us, just like she had sung.

Her bright smile while extending her hand was…

[Hurry and apologize to everyone and graduate.]

[How pathetic are the members who have someone like her in their group?]

[The worst VTuber ever.]

Unlike me, who was alone in a dark room, she shone too brightly.

“I don’t want to….”

I wanted to close my eyes.

Next, Natchan showcased the stage for “Milky Way,” the title track of her first album, released on June 30 as part of

her birthday celebration.

The screen went completely dark, then slowly brightened again, revealing a quiet stage.

[Wow! Finally, it’s the 1st anniversary! How is everyone? Are you having fun?!]

In the MC part that started like that, Natchan was still smiling brightly.

[I’m reading all the chats, so don’t worry and say whatever you want!]

• I was really touched.

[Wow, I knew it! It’s only natural since I’m an idol, everyone’s star!]

With a clap, Natchan showed the ease that only someone who had worked hard for their dreams could display.

[Hmm. By the way, how was the first song? It’s a new song I’m revealing for the first time in today’s live.]

• It was amazing!
• The lyrics are so touching!
• Is there a PV?

[Hehe. I’m really glad everyone liked it. I really wanted to sing this song for the 1st-anniversary live. Oh, the PV? It’ll be revealed after the live ends, at 9:30!]

Her breath was slightly ragged, but her bright voice didn’t sound tired at all.

Watching her talk about various things with that voice, I unconsciously left that chat message.

• Aren’t you tired?

Of course, it wasn’t under Kaino Izumi’s account.

I always used my personal account when watching other broadcasts.

And since countless chats were flowing at an incredible speed, I didn’t even think Natchan would see it.

“… What am I doing?”

Just let it go.

Anyway, since I’ve watched until now, I think it’s fair to say I kept my promise.

Once I calm down, I’ll definitely watch again…

Justifying myself like that, I tried to take off my headphones.

But.

[… Aren’t you tired? Hmm, actually, I wanted to talk a bit about that today.]

It felt like fate; it seemed Natchan had read that chat.

[Right now, I’m feeling extremely tired. I’m sweating a lot, and my breath is super heavy! But!]

Natchan spoke slowly and deliberately, catching her breath.

[That makes it all the more enjoyable.]

The high-pitched voice with high tension from just a moment ago suddenly shifted to a low, serious tone.

“Enjoyable…?”

With my mind going blank, I questioned her alone.

[Do you know? I’m really extremely weak, right? When I was young, I couldn’t even be outside in the sunlight for more than 30 minutes. Being able to dance and sing like this now is all thanks to my hard work in StarsFlow.]

And with that, she suddenly began to confess her past.

• ? Suddenly?
• Really?

The chat was filled with questions, unable to keep up with Natchan’s flow.

[Yeah, really! The very weak me happened to see idol videos on YouTube and had a dream. But they told me that if my body was this weak, it would be tough to be an idol with a daily schedule. Still, I didn’t want to give up. The idols I saw were people who brightened the stage with smiles, even when it was hard.]

However, Natchan continued speaking without a care.

[Then I learned about the industry of virtual YouTubers. I could solve almost everything indoors without going out. So, I thought maybe I could also be active as an idol! With that thought, I recklessly went to StarsFlow, which was recruiting people at the time, and applied. But even though there are a lot of indoor activities, being weak is definitely not an advantage for the company. I spent most of my childhood in the hospital, so I didn’t know anything about the world. I almost got rejected because of that.]

“I remember the opinions were very divided when they were selecting Nanase.”

That was definitely a story I had heard from my mom.

[But in the end, here I am standing now. I’ve faced many tough times and heard a lot of insults. But now, being able to sing and dance like this in front of you all, having realized my dream, makes me super~ happy.]

In fact, Natchan’s broadcast received a lot of criticism in the early days.

No broadcasting sense. No common sense. Doesn’t understand society. Just nodding doesn’t mean everyone will like

it. It’s certain that the company’s first virtual YouTuber will fail, etc.

In the last week, the amount of malice directed at Natchan was enormous compared to the minor criticisms I had received.

[So, the new song revealed in today’s first stage is… well, I don’t know if I can say this honestly, but it’s a song sung for my juniors.]

“…Huh?”

[You’ll probably face a lot of tough times while being active as a virtual YouTuber. There will be times when you hear bad things for no reason. You’ll definitely get tired.]

However, Natchan continued.

[But don’t give up. Even on nights that seem only dark, there are shining stars, and in the end, everything has an end. Well, if you know that but still feel like giving up because it’s tough, just look at me. Honestly, I’ve faced difficulties that can’t even compare to yours, yet here I am smiling, right? Hehe.]

• True. Natchan has really worked hard.

[See? I’m not lying! I’m a frail-looking idol, but I’ve had a super tough time!]

Something indescribable swelled up in my chest.

[To make sure you can see and follow, I’ll always be running ahead. I’ll shine brightly in front of you, where you can never lose sight of me! I am your idol!]

Negative thoughts don’t easily disappear.

So, if you start having those thoughts, it’s best to shake them off as soon as possible.

But that’s never an easy task, and usually, a catalyst is needed to do so.

[So next time, we’ll stand on this stage together. Got it? It’s a promise!]

And for my past self, that catalyst was you.

Last year. In my third year of middle school.

I had no friends, and the homeroom teacher was causing a ruckus, trying to correct my personality.

Moreover, my mom was on business trips almost every day, leaving me home alone more often than not, and I felt a

bit awkward with my older sister at the time.

I think that was the period when I was regaining memories from my past life and it was the hardest.

Games were boring, I was losing interest in drawing, and YouTube and animation felt tedious.

A vicious cycle of stress leading to helplessness, which in turn created more stress.

At that time, I would come home and sit in front of the computer, doing nothing but wasting time until I laid on my bed.

Then one day.

Watching the broadcast with the title “First Broadcast! Please take care of me!” set as the waiting screen, I clicked on

it as if mesmerized.

The broadcaster. No, the virtual YouTuber’s name was Natsune Nanase.

At first, I liked her appearance.

But I only focused on her looks for a brief moment.

The more I watched your broadcast, the more you truly became my idol.

You responded kindly to the audience’s malicious pranks, and despite struggling with anxiety, you could still smile

brightly, clearly becoming my admiration.

Wanting to be like you, I was able to stand up again.

I could enroll in a private high school with a high deviation score and resolved to start anew.

…Well, the latter ultimately failed.

Still, during the break, I had a nice conversation with Tateyama, whom I met by chance, and now I have a friend named Koga.

And all of that is because you, Natchan, were there.

Someone might say I’m too immersed in an internet broadcast.

They might laugh, saying I can’t overcome my troubles with just that.

But a catalyst to shake off negative thoughts can be something so trivial.

Everything begins with just one small thing.

[So next time, we’ll stand on this stage together. Got it? It’s a promise!]

“…Yes.”

Before I knew it, I found myself nodding with tears streaming down my face.

Of course, Natchan wouldn’t hear me, but for some reason, I felt like she would.

Natchan is my idol, after all.

[Wow, it’s such a fun day, but I ended up talking about heavy stuff for too long! I’m sorry, everyone!]

• Actually, are you just dragging things out because it’s too hard?

[Ah, you got me! Then, shall we move on to the next song right away? Are you all ready?!]

The chat started to ignite in a good way.

Everyone was cheering for her, and of course, I was part of that.

Swallowing my wish to stand on that stage with Natchan someday.

[Here we go! The next song is Stardust!]

I quietly captured the dazzlingly beautiful scene in my eyes.

[Then, everyone, goodbye! See you next time! Thank you all! I love you!]

With those words, Natchan’s first anniversary live ended.

“Haa…”

Even now, the malice of people is frightening.

But I won’t just sit idly anymore.

Because my idol shines in front of me for my sake.

Even if I’m scared, I’ll move forward now.

“…First, I should contact Koga, right?”

I wanted to thank Koga, who had noticed my situation to some extent and worried about me.

I should also apologize for breaking too many promises.

So, after sending a DM filled with those feelings to Koga, I rewatched Natchan’s live video once more.

And an hour later.

“You idiot! Don’t scare people like that!”

“Uh, h-huh? I, I just wanted to say, th-thank you, so….”

“Why are you sending thanks like this?!”

For some reason, I got scolded a lot by Koga, who came to me in the middle of the night.

• …What on earth?

[ Izumi: Thank you so much for everything, Koga] Kaino

[Koga Suzuha: Izumi? Is something wrong?]

[Koga Suzuha: Izumi? Answer me. Quickly.]

[Koga Suzuha: You’re not thinking anything strange, right?]

[Koga Suzuha: Izumi?!]