Chapter 7: Scars and Comfort

A dark scab, like a barcode, ran a hand’s length down my pale wrist.

“What is this, Hyun-ah?”

I swallowed hard.

Careless.

I usually covered it with long sleeves or a wristband. But after months of not going out, my vigilance had faded, and now, here I was.

I needed to change the subject somehow.

Since Moon I-hyun and Song Chae-hyun had just met, I thought maybe if I showed a desire to shift the topic, they’d back off.

I forced a smile and answered, “Oh, this? I just did it out of curiosity. Anyway, you said you were leaving, right? Let me see you off. Haha…”

But Song Chae-hyun wasn’t buying it. She looked at me, scrutinizing my body as if trying to find something. Her face twisted, wrinkling like paper burning up.

“Hyun-ah, excuse me for a second.”

She moved closer and casually lifted the short sleeve that lightly covered my upper arm.

“Ah…”

I tried to stop her reflexively, but my weakened muscles couldn’t fend off her firm grip.

What was revealed was my upper arm, slashed and slashed again. A thick scab in the shape of steps ran along my deltoid, larger than the other scars.

It wasn’t from a cutter but a larger blade.

Unlike the cuts on my wrist, these wounds might never heal—a hideous scar.

Song Chae-hyun’s face, now hardened and much different than before, matched her current appearance.

She looked at me and spoke.

“Did you do all this… by yourself?”

“Hah… No, there’s no way he would have done something like this…”

After saying that, she took off her hat and brushed her hair back as if the heat was getting to her. Then, she turned her gaze back to me.

“Hyun-ah.”

She grabbed both of my arms and stared deeply into my eyes.

Those brown eyes, now swirling with a storm, were the same soft eyes from her youth.

After what felt like years, she spoke slowly, as if chewing on every word.

“Are you… thinking bad thoughts, by any chance?”

“I…”

I wanted to say “no.”

But the words wouldn’t come out.

Why?

Am I hoping for some stupid help at this point?

Me, who belongs in the filth?

She kept her lips tightly sealed, staring at my silent face.

Then she grabbed my wrist and started pulling me somewhere.

“W-wait! What are you—”

But my strength was no match for hers. Unable to put up any real resistance, I was dragged along.

“Let’s go.”

Her voice was low, almost locked.

“We need to get out of here.”

Her blunt words stirred something inside me, and suddenly, I was overwhelmed with emotion.

My fragile body, which no longer did what I wanted it to, and my unusually emotional state in recent days collided.

A spark of fiery resentment flared up against Song Chae-hyun, who was pushing her own will onto me.

I felt a sudden wave of annoyance.

It was that immense, almost shocking anger you feel towards people online who pretend to be humble, or maybe it was more like a deep-seated resentment.

“Why…”

Why now, of all times?

I muttered words inside my head that I knew she wouldn’t understand, even if I spoke them aloud.

Sure, I pushed everyone away back in high school, but if you were going to look at me this late, you might as well have just ignored me and walked away.

Such absurd, contradictory thoughts swirled in my mind as the anger continued to grow.

“… Hyun-ah?”

But, sadly, I didn’t have the resolve to brush off the concerned look on her face—the face I had secretly longed to see again while I was holed up in my room.

Seeing that I wasn’t resisting with my head hung low, Song Chae-hyun led me outside.

The sky was awash in the evening glow. The closer to the sun, the redder the sky was, while further away, the dark navy of twilight crept in, like the tail of a comet.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t gone outside since I became a woman.

Though it wasn’t too surprising—I hadn’t left the house for months even before the change.

We walked in silence for a few minutes. I had no idea where we were headed. I simply followed her hand.

After a while, Song Chae-hyun stopped and gazed at the sunset just like I did.

Standing under a streetlamp, her eyes inevitably fell on the outline of my chest, which was clearly visible through my shirt.

She was visibly startled and instinctively wrapped herself around me, covering me with her body.

“Oh, oh! I’m so sorry, Hyun-ah. I should’ve told you to wear something before coming out.”

Even though I had only been a woman for a short time, I could tell what she was referring to.

I spoke the truth.

“Ah, I don’t have any.”

“What?”

“I… don’t have one.”

“You mean, you don’t have a bra at all?”

She was shocked and looked up at the sky, her expression mixed with anger.

“Ugh, seriously…”

She sighed, then looked back at me more softly.

“Did your brother… not take care of things like this for you?”

“I told him not to worry about it.”

“… Ah… Even so, still…”

Song Chae-hyun sighed deeply, her face filled with helplessness.

For a moment, she held me close, her breathing shaky with concern.

“Ah, seriously. What should I do…”

She seemed strangely distressed for someone else’s problem.

Even though it wasn’t my intention, I felt bad for causing her so much concern—likely due to her habit of looking out for others. So, I opened my mouth to reassure her.

“Really, it’s fine. It hasn’t been uncomfortable or anything…”

“Hyun-ah… No, that’s not the issue…”

Now she looked like she was on the verge of tears, as she pulled me into a tight hug.

Her warmth seeped through the tracksuit she was wearing, comforting me somehow.

For some reason, I felt a little more at ease.

“Here, put this on. I’m sorry. It’s a bit big, but is it okay?”

“Oh… yeah…”

Without hesitation, Song Chae-hyun quickly slipped off her black tracksuit and draped it over me.

Underneath, she was wearing a tight black shirt.

… She had grown in more ways than one.

After putting the tracksuit on me, she zipped it all the way up to my neck.

Her tracksuit had a warm scent to it.

“Sorry, I just came from working out. Does it smell?”

She asked awkwardly.

“No, not at all. It doesn’t smell.”

“Well, that’s a relief. Let me know if it’s uncomfortable, okay?”

“Okay.”

We continued walking for a while.

Since it didn’t seem like the right time to talk, I stayed quiet, just holding her hand as we walked.

After a few minutes, she finally broke the silence.

“Do you think I’m being nosy?”

“A, no…”

Startled, I asked the question that had been bothering me for a while.

“I know I’m still young, but whenever I see someone younger than me, I keep thinking about my younger siblings. Especially with you.”

“And maybe because I’ve always been more concerned with what’s behind me than what’s in front, I can see it.”

Song Chae-hyun spoke as she looked down at me with a sympathetic expression.

“I can tell who’s secretly holding on, who’s silently enduring loneliness.”

Feeling embarrassed and frustrated, I reflexively blurted out,

“That’s not…”

But I couldn’t finish my sentence.

Her hand, as if telling me I didn’t need to say more, gripped mine a little tighter.

I stayed silent, simply feeling the warmth in her hand.

I missed warmth.

Even though I didn’t want to admit it, her kindness wasn’t unwelcome.

Then, out of nowhere, I asked,

“By the way, where are we going?”

“Well, we just stepped out, but I just decided.”

“Decided what?”

“We’re going to buy a bra.”

“W-what?”

“Come on, don’t be shy. Hoho…”

In a lingerie shop at the department store, I found myself struggling with the store clerk.

However, compared to her, who had an average build, I had less muscle and a much smaller frame, so it wasn’t much of a struggle – more like I was being dragged along.

Song Chae-hyun insisted on buying me some underwear, even though I tried to decline as politely as possible. She dragged me to the store despite my protests.

At first, I resisted out of embarrassment, but eventually, I gave up and let her guide me.

But… I didn’t know they were going to take my measurements!

I had forgotten all about it…

“Unnie…! Help me…!”

As the store clerk took my hand and led me away, I reached out to Song Chae-hyun for help.

But she only watched me with a satisfied expression, as if reminiscing about her younger sibling, finding me adorable.

**

In the fitting room, I finally had my measurements taken.

The store clerk helped me take off my tracksuit (I repeatedly insisted on taking it off myself, but she ended up doing it for me) and began measuring me.

While doing so, she gave me a curious look and said,

“You’re not wearing anything?”

She was staring at my chest.

Feeling a bit ashamed, I shrunk back and replied,

“Uh, yeah… I’ve never worn one before.”

“Really? You look quite young, but never worn one before? You look like you could use a size…”

“Uh, yeah… It’s just uncomfortable.”

I mumbled and lifted my arms as she slid the measuring tape under my armpits.

“You shouldn’t go without one. You’ve probably noticed already, but it can cause chafing, and with your size, it’ll affect your posture. It’s not good for your shape either. Your posture isn’t great right now.”

“Right…”

She can see everything.

Well, viewers figured it out from just one picture.

Honestly, even if I set aside the whole masculinity issue, it seems like it would be better to wear one.

Even if the shape… doesn’t matter much, chafing and posture are starting to bother me.

I nodded slowly, following her instructions.

To be honest, it’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but I do care about the shape too.

If I’m going to be a woman, I might as well take care of it.

Just a little.

“You’re a 70E cup, so you can choose from here.”

I followed her out of the fitting room, still dressed in my tracksuit, with Song Chae-hyun following us as well.

In front of us were rows of colorful, ‘feminine’ underwear.

“What would you like to choose?”

…

“I’ll go with the plainest one.”

I picked a black bra with the least amount of patterns.

“…”

“Thank you so much again, unnie.”

Now, the word “unnie” is starting to roll off my tongue easily.

Song Chae-hyun, feeling accomplished, patted my head as she bought me four sets of matching underwear (even the colors matched!).

I definitely felt comfortable wearing them.

My waist didn’t hurt, and I felt less hunched over.

It felt like wearing something protective, so I didn’t feel much resistance.

“Don’t worry. I’m buying these because I want to. But you have to wear them regularly, okay?”

“Is there anything else you want to buy?”

“Uh…”

In that moment, I imagined sanitary pads.

But since I had received so much already, it didn’t feel right to ask for more. I shook my head firmly and said,

“Oh, no. I really don’t need anything else. I’m grateful just for the underwear.”

As I vigorously denied it, Song Chae-hyun looked at me intently and spoke in a slightly husky voice.

“I Hyun-ah.”

“Y-yes?”

Her tone made me feel a bit anxious.

With a slightly stiff expression, Song Chae-hyun knelt down to meet my gaze.

Looking at me, she spoke slowly, as if adjusting to my level.

“Unnie can spot lies from younger ones, even if she can’t with older ones.”

She smiled kindly as she said this.

“Can you tell me? What else do you need?”

She really meant it when she said I didn’t have to feel pressured.

With that, she patted my head again, and I couldn’t help but smile at the warmth that felt slightly overwhelming.

In the end, I spoke up.

“Uh, sanitary pads…”

“What…?”

She looked down at me in disbelief.

“I… I don’t have any sanitary pads. I can’t afford them…”

Song Chae-hyun lowered her head for a moment, tightly closing her lips before pulling me into an embrace.

And she didn’t let go for a while.

I could feel her warm scent from her chest.

Today, her warmth felt more comforting than ever.

“Let’s go back and buy you some sanitary pads. Unnie will get you a big pack… But, you do know how to use them, right?”

“Oh, no! Absolutely not! I can do it myself!”

I couldn’t let that happen! I shouted and waved my hands frantically.

She looked at me, almost piercing through my facade, and said in a cold voice,

“Then explain to me how it’s done.”

“Uh, uh…”

I stammered, ultimately unable to answer.

In the end, I learned how to use them from her in the department store’s restroom.