Chapter 6: Being a ‘female’

Mimicry.

I’ve seen a wolf in human clothing. Whether it was a dream or reality didn’t matter. I’d seen it. Whether it was yesterday or today, the fact remained. I’d seen it.

Knock, knock, knock

“Semin! What are you doing?! Aren’t you going to school?! What’s wrong?!”

I’d lived a deficient life. A life where I felt like I had to operate with a few screws loose, just to cope. Every choice had been mine, and even when circumstances were beyond my control, my choices were still intertwined with the outcome.

Mimicry, mimicry. If only I could mimic, if only I were a wild animal, an anomaly capable of evolving centuries in mere hours…

Shiver, shiver, shiver

“…”

I’m scared, scared, scared. I can’t sleep. I want to sleep. I want to see the fox, be held in her arms, buried in her ample cleavage, lost in the fluff of her tails. I need to sleep. I need to sleep, but…

“…”

I clutched the blankets, trembling in bed. Two days had passed, and I hadn’t slept a wink.

“…”

My lips were dry. The memories kept flashing back. On that sofa, trapped in that basement… If I’d woken up even 10 seconds later, if I’d hesitated for just a moment, I would have lost my virginity in the real world. No, virginity or not, it didn’t matter. I… I almost… Hyeji… My friend… My trusted friend… And she’s… she’s a girl… No, a woman… No… No, no, no… This isn’t right. This isn’t right.

“…What…”

What am I? What am I even? I’m not a man. I don’t have… you know… So, am I a woman? But then why did Hyeji…? Hyeji likes guys, right? That’s common sense. Does she really like me? Even now? Did she become a lesbian? This is insane.

“…”

My skin felt cold, prickly, like ice. I couldn’t stop shaking.

The fear of being raped consumed me, gnawing at my insides.

I’m so scared.

“Are you okay? Semin, please, what’s wrong?!”

I heard Mom’s worried voice. Even in my panicked state, I could still hear her.

“…”

The trembling stopped.

“… “

Right. Work. I need to earn money.

Click

“Semin?! Are you okay?!”
“…Yeah.”

Emotions are fleeting illusions. Only results matter. Mom needed me. My family needed money. I almost got raped, but I didn’t. That’s all that mattered. I was okay.

I need to go to school. I’m not late yet.

“Tell me if something’s wrong…”
“I’m fine. I’m leaving.”

Click, beep

My body still shivered with a lingering chill, like I had a cold, but I knew it would pass. I was just cold.

Hyeji was still my friend. And nothing happened to me.

Tap, tap

Tonight, I could see the fox. Tomorrow would come. My life would go on.

Just… just…

“…Haa…”

It’s hard to breathe.

***

Slide

I arrived at school and entered the classroom. Hyeji sat at her desk, her face dark, her shoulders slumped. She avoided my gaze as soon as I walked in.

“…”

She looked like a criminal awaiting sentencing. Did the model student actually have a conscience? What was I supposed to do?

Tap

“Huh?”
“Morning! Did you eat something weird? You look pale.”

I approached Hyeji, nudged her shoulder, and greeted her cheerfully.

“…How…”

She remembered. She remembered everything.

“Did something happen?”

I pretended like nothing was wrong. Hyeji stared at me, dumbfounded, then…

“…N-no…”
“Right?”

…her face relaxed.

“Whatever happened, don’t let it get you down~”

I turned to leave.

Grab

“Aaaaaah!!!”

But when Hyeji grabbed my wrist… I screamed.

“…”

I immediately schooled my expression and asked what was wrong, but…

“You’re… different…”
“…”

Hyeji’s voice was filled with unease.

“…I didn’t… forgive you…”

I tried to argue.

“What—”
“Why… is your arm shaking…?”

But my hand… the hand that had touched Hyeji… was trembling.

Drip

“…”
“…Why… are you sweating so much…?”

I was drenched in cold sweat.

“…Why… are you pretending like you forgot…?”
“…”

This was absurd.

“…Why? Did you want me to remember?”

Slap

The person who should have wanted me to forget the most was now demanding I remember. It didn’t make sense.

“Did you want me to keep suffering…? To keep hurting…? To be scared and trembling, curled up in a ball, cursing you…?”

I snapped. Again. And again. And again.

I couldn’t control it. Was it because of my changed body, or… or…

“Did you want me to hate you?! Huh?!”

I knew. I was terrified of Hyeji. I was convinced, deep down, that she could r*pe me right here, right now, and no one would know. That’s why I’d screamed when she grabbed my arm.

But we weren’t late for school. And the classroom was empty. That’s why I could yell at her, unleashing my anger.

“…I… I…!”

But my eyes were unfocused, darting around the room. I tried to steady my trembling hands, but I couldn’t.

“…I hate you…!”

And finally, the words burst out.

“You rapist…! You…!”

Overwhelmed by a surge of emotions, I forgot my earlier resolve, the mantra I’d repeated on my way to school. I hurled insults at Hyeji, who stood there, frozen.

“Go to hell…!”
“…”

Tap, tap, slide

I ran.

Tap, tap, tap

I ran out of the classroom, out of the school.

Click

I arrived home.

“…”

Thud

I collapsed on the floor.

“…”

I didn’t want to do anything anymore. Just two hours ago, I’d felt fine. But now… I couldn’t. I didn’t have the energy.

“…”

Facing my fears was impossible. I thought I could do it. I thought I could act normal, finish school, go to work, come home, and find comfort in the fox’s embrace, letting her heal the wounds of the past.

I’d planned to.

“… “

It’s hard to breathe. I unbuttoned my shirt, ripped off my bra, but the pressure on my chest wouldn’t go away.

It hurts, it hurts.

Help me. Someone, please.

I’m suffocating.

Rustle

“…You’ll catch a cold sleeping here, Semin~.”
“……….”

I wasn’t asleep. I was…

“…”

…gasping for air, clutching my chest, crawling on the floor. And then…

“…Fox…!”

Hug

I don’t know. I don’t know if this is a dream or reality. Just seeing her face is enough to wash away the pain.

I ran to her, hugging her tightly.

“Mm~ What’s wrong? You didn’t even sleep last night. What were you doing~?”
“Sob… Sob…”

The tears came pouring out. The pain, the exhaustion… I didn’t want to burden Mom. Or maybe I thought I couldn’t rely on her. I had to be the strong one, the provider. My siblings didn’t care. I was the only one looking after Mom. That’s what I had to do.

As soon as the fox appeared, I broke down.

“…It was hard, wasn’t it?”
“Sob… Sob… Mm…”

The fox wrapped her arms around me, stroking my hair.

“…I knew it.”
“Sob… Sob…”

Slide

She touched my neck.

“…The scent… Let me erase it…”
“Huh…?”

She leaned in, her lips brushing against the exposed skin of my neck…

Bite

“Gah…!”

…and bit me.

“Ow…! Sob…!”
“Chuwp…”

A hickey. She was covering the other hickeys with her own.

“…”

Wait… Wasn’t this… Weren’t all these problems because of the hickeys? If they hadn’t been there…

“…Ugh…”

Was this a dream? Reality? I hadn’t fallen asleep. I hadn’t fainted. So… could the fox…

Could she manifest in the real world? She never said she couldn’t. Then the hickeys… They were hers. My suspicions were confirmed.

Push

“…Hmm…?”

I pushed her away.

“…You… You left these on me… didn’t you…?”

I asked.

“…Indeed, but…”

She admitted it, unfazed by my tone or expression.

“…Let’s erase the scent first… I don’t like it…”

She tried to get close again.

“Get away from me…!”

Slap

I slapped her.

“…”

It connected. This was real. The fox had manifested in the real world, and I had slapped her.

And I was furious.

“Because of you… I fought with my friend…! I traumatized the person who cared about me the most…! Do you think that’s okay?! And then you… you…!”

Her nonchalant expression, her refusal to acknowledge the slap… It was infuriating. I hated her so much, I wanted to deny that I’d ever loved her.

Grab

“Ugh…!”
“What are you talking about? At least one leech is gone, isn’t it…?”

She grabbed my wrist, the one I’d slapped her with, and twisted it upwards.

Crack

“Ow…!”

She held both my wrists in one hand, pinning them above my head.

“Flies are always drawn to sweet things… You’re my sweet dessert… You’re all mine… I’ll have you all to myself… Semin… Isn’t that right…?”

She whispered.

“…Sob…!”

This was bad. This wasn’t a dream. This was real. But the fox didn’t understand. She didn’t see anything wrong with this. And I… I couldn’t stop her.

If this continued…

“Let go of me…!”

No, no, no, no! I… I’m going to change completely?

Deep down, I still hadn’t accepted becoming a girl. Just like I tried to forget about almost being raped, I was avoiding reality, running away. That’s all I knew, all my father had taught me.

“Shut up. You’re mine.”
“…Sob…!”

No. No, my last shred of identity… It’s going to disappear. Here? After running away from school? Is this my karma? No, no, no! Not like this! Not my first time…

“Haa…”
“Mm…”

My arms were pinned. I couldn’t fight back. I was never athletic to begin with. I couldn’t even kick her. I tried to turn away from her lips, but she grabbed my chin, forcing her kiss on me.

“Chuwp, chuwp, chuwp…“
“Mmmph… Gasp…”

This was different. Different from the dreams. In the dreams, it was hazy, sweet, like being high. But this…

“Chuwp, chuwp, chuwp…“
“Mmmph…!”

…this was too wet, too slimy, too much. Her tongue, coated in thick saliva, ravaged my mouth. It was bitter. The forced invasion of another person’s saliva was disgusting. But I couldn’t stop swallowing. Her saliva filled my mouth faster than I could swallow, forcing its way down my throat.

“Gasp…”

I gagged, my vision blurring, about to pass out. The fox finally pulled away.

“Haa…”
“Gasp… Cough… Cough…”

A string of saliva connected our lips.

“…Haa… Ah… That’s good… Manifesting is the best… Thank you, Semin… It’s all thanks to you… You’re my one and only… You’ll be mine forever…”
“Sob… No…”

This felt wrong. Being forced like this, having everything taken away… Having her take everything from me like this…

I really hated it.

Thump

“Ow…”

She threw me onto the bed.

“Haa…”

Slide

“Gah…”

I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t even struggle. I was too exhausted.

I couldn’t fight back. I just…

“Haa… Haa… Heehee…”
“Mm… Ugh…”

The fox buried her face in my stomach, her breath hot against my skin. It tickled. It was uncomfortable, but my body started to react.

I was getting aroused against my will.

“*Chuwp… Heehee… Your scent… It’s so strong… Semin’s scent…”
“Ugh…! That’s disgusting…!”

She licked my navel, muttering to herself. I squirmed, mortified.

Bite

“Ow…!”

She bit my stomach, leaving another mark.

“…Perfectly ripe.”
“Sob… Stop it…! No… No…!”

She easily pulled off my pants and moved lower.

“No, please, please…! Haa… Sob…!”
“Heehee… Now you’re completely mine, Semin…”

And then… I lost it.

Rip

“Aaaaaah…!”

“Haa… Good… Ahh… So good… So soft… This untouched form… So small… so tight… Haa… Heehee…!”
“Sob… Ugh…”

Tears streamed down my face. But… it felt good. Her tails rubbed against my legs, so soft, so pleasurable. She teased and tormented me, her touch sending shivers through my most sensitive areas.

I couldn’t resist. She took my virginity.

“Haa… You’ll be with me forever, okay…? You’re mine, Semin… You’re mine…!”

Thrust, thrust, thrust

Her movements became more forceful.

“Gah… Hngh… Haa… Ahh…!”

Thrust, thrust, thrust

Like in my dreams, my body writhed, my back arching, unable to contain the waves of pleasure. Even though it was my first time, I climaxed again and again.

“No… No, no, no… Aaaaaah…!”
“Heehee… Chuwp…”

The fox covered my mouth with hers, filling me with her saliva, while her other fluids flowed out of me. For hours, she claimed me, my first time in the real world stolen.

Thrust, thrust, thrust

“I’m… I’m a… Gasp… Man… Haa…”
“What are you… Haa… Haa…”

Maybe I hadn’t given in completely. Maybe some of my male stubbornness remained, and I’d fought back. But…

Drip

“…Haa…”
“Heehee…”

…as she caressed my face, her fingers teasing my tongue, my body had already surrendered.

“I love you…”

I was no longer a man. I no longer had the body to pursue love.

I had no friends.

I was just the fox spirit’s toy.

“N-no…”