A Marriage That Expected Nothing of Me

“Even if you don’t need me, I definitely need you. So sit back down.”

Beomwoo said, grabbing me.

I could feel the strength in his hand gripping my wrist, as if he was tense while speaking.

Forcing me to stay as I tried to turn away, and now speaking—it was still that high-handed attitude of demanding what he wanted.

But the energy was different from before.

In my past life, he had proposed the deal in a way that emphasized mutual benefit and that I had no reason to refuse.

Now, he was the only one clinging on.

His lips beneath his serious eyes trembled slightly, as if from anxiety.

This was a stark contrast to the simply arrogant man from my past life.

I couldn’t understand why his attitude had changed, or what he was thinking.

It felt different from back then, but Haejin, after a moment of puzzlement, dismissed it.

His own actions and the situation were different from his past life, so it made sense.

Beomwoo must be desperate to maintain the marriage, hence his anxiety.

Although the sight of his anxious self was unfamiliar, Haejin steeled his heart once more and shook his head.

“I don’t need this, so let me go.”

He would not repeat the nightmare of his past life in this one.

He never wanted to experience a loveless marriage again.

Haejin spoke to him firmly, then grabbed the wrist that was holding him and pushed it away.

As he tried to coldly release the hand and turn his body, he saw Beomwoo’s face.

His eyes were wide and blazing, his brow furrowed as if stung by the sharpness hidden beneath what had seemed round and dull.

***

“Infertile.”

“In… infertility?”

“Yes. Comparing it with your previous tests, your uterus was already weak back then, and it has worsened since.”

“It could be due to the high dosage of suppressants you’ve taken, or stress… But you’ve come too late.”

Infertility?

When Haejin asked again, unable to believe it, the doctor across from him answered flatly while looking at his computer.

His voice was dry, devoid of any regretful emotion, as if diagnosing a common cold.

But Haejin, who had just received an infertility diagnosis, couldn’t take it so impassively.

‘I’m infertile? I can’t have children?’

Haejin had never even thought about wanting to bear or raise children when he was younger.

He didn’t particularly like children and had no confidence in raising them well.

But after his parents passed away in an unexpected accident, his feelings changed.

He wanted a family too.

Being alone was lonelier than he could have ever imagined.

But… infertile?

He had only thought pregnancy was difficult because he was a recessive Omega, but… infertile?

As his face instantly turned pale from the unbearable reality, Beomwoo, standing beside him, glanced at his wristwatch and spoke stiffly.

“Let’s do a re-examination. Can we get the results within 30 minutes?”

“T-thirty minutes?! That’s too tight…”

“Is it possible or not?”

“Sigh, yes… We’ll inform you of the re-examination results as quickly as possible.”

At Beomwoo’s words, the doctor, who had shown no emotion while discussing Haejin’s infertility, flinched as if burned.

He seemed troubled by the unreasonable demand but couldn’t refuse.

It was likely because this hospital was an affiliate of H Group, where Beomwoo was the CEO.

Knowing the influence he held here, refusing his demand was impossible, no matter how outrageous.

At Beomwoo’s request, Haejin’s re-examination began immediately.

Once it was over, Beomwoo and Haejin sat side by side on the chairs outside the examination room, waiting for the results.

“……”

“……”

They sat next to each other, but no words were exchanged.

Their relationship was already strained, and hearing the bad diagnosis made the atmosphere even bleaker.

Haejin was infinitely depressed by the infertility diagnosis, but he couldn’t fully focus on his own emotions and found himself watching Beomwoo’s reaction.

Of course, as a couple who had come for a check-up because they were struggling to have a child, he wouldn’t be in a good mood after hearing the results either… But seeing him show no particular reaction beyond requesting a re-examination upon hearing ‘infertile,’ Haejin couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

While Haejin was hesitantly gauging his mood, Beomwoo, sitting beside him, checked his wristwatch.

After checking the time, he clicked his tongue and stood up.

He put on the jacket draped over his arm and spoke to Haejin.

“I intended to wait for the re-examination results. But something urgent has come up, so I need to go ahead.”

“Ah… Yes. Please go ahead.”

Haejin found himself standing up as well as he answered.

The thought of hearing the results alone made him feel uneasy, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Beomwoo to stay.

He was a busy man to begin with, so it had been difficult to even ask him to come to the hospital; they had only come together because they’d heard it was better for couples to attend gynecological appointments together.

They heard the first result together… It should be fine to hear the second one alone.

He was afraid that hearing the ‘infertile’ answer a second time would make it undeniable, but he couldn’t possibly detain a busy man.

As Haejin told him to go, he couldn’t hide his anxious feelings, and his hands trembled uncontrollably.

He clenched his shaking hands tightly, trying hard to hide them, but Beomwoo, who had been looking down at them, stood still for a moment before breaking the silence.

“I never expected to have a child anyway.”

“……”

He never expected a child…?

Haejin looked up at Beomwoo, wondering what he meant.

But Beomwoo only met his gaze briefly before walking away.

That was the end.

Left utterly alone, Haejin blankly watched his retreating back.

Part of him wanted to stop him and ask what he meant, but he feared the answer would be the cold, businesslike response of a contractual spouse, not warm comfort, so he couldn’t bring himself to reach out.

Haejin hesitated and only sat back down once Beomwoo’s back was completely out of sight.

Bowing his head deeply, he clenched his still-trembling hands and muttered softly to himself.

“…He said he never expected one anyway.”

What did it mean that he never expected a child, when they had been intimate on a regular schedule precisely to have one?

Given the effort they’d put in, it didn’t seem like he didn’t want a child.

Did it mean that from the beginning, he had never had any expectations of Haejin himself?

He hadn’t stopped Beomwoo from leaving the hospital for fear of hearing something unpleasant, but even as he pondered the meaning alone, only negative thoughts linked together, one after another.

Feeling stifled, he looked out the window.

Falling leaves and gaunt, bare trees came into view.

Their bleak, desolate appearance, as if they were about to die, somehow resembled his own.

***

There was no miracle.

Haejin received the same ‘infertile’ result from the second diagnosis.

Now, he couldn’t even hold onto the hope of a misdiagnosis.

The re-examination had been a means to grasp a thin strand of hope, but it had instead become a final nail in the coffin, tormenting him even more.

After the infertility diagnosis, Haejin became almost a recluse.

He had no appetite, often taking only one bite of food before pushing it away, and for several days, he couldn’t sleep properly.

‘I shouldn’t have expected a child in the first place.’

‘Was it wrong for someone like me to dream of having a child and building a happy family?’

‘Beomwoo said he never expected one anyway.’

He tried to force himself to stop the self-deprecating thoughts that were only eating him alive, but his thoughts kept chaining together, leaving him unable to do anything.

“Sigh……”

As Haejin let out a constant stream of sighs, burying his face in the pillow, a knock came at the bedroom door, and it opened cautiously.

He had clearly told the staff not to come in… Could it be Beomwoo?

Although he usually didn’t knock, he was the only one who could so easily disregard Haejin’s instructions here.

At that thought, Haejin’s head shot up, but the person who entered the room was the housekeeper, someone he hadn’t expected.

‘What’s this… I said not to come in.’

As Haejin looked at her, unable to hide his disappointment, she bowed her head and spoke as if she had no choice.

“Um… Haejin-nim, the Chairman’s mother has just arrived.”

At the unexpected visit, his subdued spirits, as if doused with cold water, jolted awake.

Haejin sat bolt upright in bed and urgently asked her,

“M-Mother-in-law? So suddenly, without any contact?”

“Yes, she’s in the living room with the Chairman now.”

“She told me absolutely not to come in, but I thought I should tell you… I’m sorry.”

“Ah, no. It’s only right. Thank you for telling me.”

As the housekeeper apologized respectfully, Haejin shook his head quickly.

Haejin got out of bed, hastily threw a beige cardigan over his pajamas, and looked in the mirror.

His face was a mess from days of crying.

His eyes were puffy, his complexion pale.

Having barely eaten, as if on a fast, his cheeks seemed somewhat hollow.

His mother-in-law was notoriously fussy and intimidating, and showing up in this wretched state would surely invite criticism, but he thought it was better to show his face, even like this, than to stay holed up in his room without showing a hint of himself when she had visited.

Having hastily fixed only his hair, he headed for the living room.

As he was descending the stairs, his mother-in-law’s voice reached him.

“I heard all about it. That child is infertile, I’m told?”

“……”

At the word ‘infertile,’ Haejin stopped his foot on the stair.

He felt as if he should hide, like he was eavesdropping on a secret.

Unconsciously, Haejin pressed himself against the wall, even forgetting to breathe, as his mother-in-law’s voice, full of worry, was heard again.

“Sigh, I should have looked into it back when you married a recessive Omega…”

“Weren’t you the one who insisted that I had to marry that child to receive the CEO position?”

In response to his mother’s words, spoken with a deep sigh as if she were deeply distressed, Beomwoo answered flatly.

His voice was so calm it was unbelievable, as if he were discussing someone else’s affair, even when it concerned his own spouse’s infertility.

Hearing that emotionless, indifferent voice, Haejin’s breath caught in his throat.

The reason Haejin and Beomwoo had married stemmed entirely from his late father’s will, which stated that the successor would be passed to whoever married Haejin.

Although they had married without affection due to the will, to hear him react with such apathy, as if Haejin were merely a spouse to fulfill a condition—so it didn’t matter if that spouse was infertile or not—was suffocating.

He was already struggling to escape the word ‘infertile’ when alone, and now others were discussing his diagnosis and making comments, making his stomach churn.

Forgetting his intention to show his face, Haejin was leaning against the wall, about to go back upstairs, when his mother-in-law raised her voice, scolding the impassive Beomwoo.

“That was unavoidable then! How could I have known he was infertile? Your father wouldn’t have known either, or he wouldn’t have set such a condition.”

“It’s only a matter of time before his infertility becomes known outside. The hyenas waiting for their chance will pounce!”

“Before we end up doing everyone else a favor after setting the whole table because of that one child, get rid of him. Quickly.”

As if she had completely forgotten how she had once insisted he marry Haejin at all costs, she now pressured Beomwoo to divorce immediately.

She was anxious that his half-brothers might swiftly take his position because of this.

Not being able to produce an heir was a serious enough problem to threaten his position.

They had taken all the benefits they could get from him, and now only spitting him out remained.

Although he hadn’t been unaware that divorce was a possibility after receiving the infertility results, hearing those words made him realize anew just how low his standing had fallen.

He could hear Beomwoo saying something in response, but as tears welled up, no more words reached Haejin’s ears.

Suppressing the urge to cry, Haejin returned to his room and collapsed onto the bed.

“Sob… I’m having a hard time too, why…”

Just taking care of himself was overwhelming, and now the people around him wouldn’t leave him alone.

Neither his mother-in-law, who didn’t even consider how he might feel after the diagnosis, nor the people around them who would use it as a weakness to target Beomwoo’s position, gave any thought to his pain.

Their only concern was how to dispose of him, how to use him.

But more than anything else, it was Beomwoo’s reaction that weighed heavily on Haejin.

Seeing that cold attitude, as if he didn’t care at all about Haejin’s suffering or what people said, made his heart feel wrung.

He was someone who was inherently indifferent to anything outside of work, who had no interest in Haejin, so of course he would discard him now that he had outlived his usefulness.

Why couldn’t Haejin let go of his feelings and expectations for such a person?

If he hadn’t expected anything from him, it wouldn’t have been this painful…

No, even if he couldn’t let go of his own feelings, if Beomwoo had held even a little affection for him, then… then he wouldn’t have to fight this lonely battle all by himself…

Feeling wretched, Haejin’s depression sank to endlessly deeper depths.