From the moment he was born until the final flicker of his life’s flame faded, Eren was alone.
He had never known a parent’s love, something everyone is supposed to receive, let alone anyone’s affection at all.
It always felt as if he had been forsaken by God, and he had wanted to know why he was born only to endure such a wretched existence.
It was only when he finally stood at death’s threshold and met the man who offered his hand that he found his answer.
‘Follow me, and I will let you live.’
It was a day when the snow fell so thickly you couldn’t see ahead.
The man he met in the woods, with a face like an angel, had spoken those words to Eren.
Staring at the pale hand thrust before him, Eren had realized something.
The reason he was born into this world was to protect him.
For his sake, he could offer up his very life.
So how could his heart be at ease, leaving him behind?
‘Six months, at the most.’
Gazing at the sleeping Kazen, Eren turned the doctor’s words over in his mind.
At first, it felt unfair and unjust.
Why did this have to happen to him, of all people?
But when he thought that his death had only been postponed thanks to Kazen, he felt neither sorrow nor regret.
It only hurt his heart that he could no longer remain by his side.
For Kazen, he could have died, yet now that death was approaching, it was driving him away.
‘It wouldn’t matter to me if you left the mansion this instant. There are plenty of others who could replace you.’
He recalled the words Kazen had often said to him.
So, even if Eren disappeared, he likely wouldn’t pay it much mind.
Eren pulled the blanket up carefully, all the way to his chin, taking great care not to wake the deeply sleeping Kazen.
As he meticulously straightened the covers, he lifted his head and saw his sleeping face.
The Angel of Gehenna.
That was another name people called him.
‘What exactly does “Angel of Gehenna” mean?’
A long time ago, not long after Eren first arrived at this mansion, he had asked another servant.
‘Gehenna refers to hell. In the scriptures, it is said that when a demon appears with the face of an angel, they are called the “Angel of Gehenna.”’
Kazen’s appearance was fittingly beautiful for an angelic epithet.
No, the single word ‘beautiful’ was wholly insufficient to praise his looks.
He had the fine features of his mother, who was once called the empire’s greatest beauty, and the strong lines inherited from his soldier father.
Added to that were bright golden hair and unusually fair, smooth skin that exuded noble elegance.
Perhaps the Kazen who had extended his hand to him was truly a demon with the face of an angel.
Still, Eren didn’t care.
He had saved his life and given him a new chance, that much was certain.
And so, he had vowed to do anything for him.
But now, Eren didn’t have much time left.
Soon, his body and mind would break, and he would become a burden to Kazen.
So, before he could tell him he was no longer needed, Eren decided to leave him first.
‘Yes, I’ll go.’
His hesitant, anxious heart lightened and grew resolute.
Staring at the sleeping Kazen, Eren reached out without thinking and stroked his cheek.
Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have dared to be so impertinent as to touch his face, but the thought that it was his last chance made it impossible to resist.
Ah, so this is how it feels.
The soft skin was smoother than the silk pajamas he wore.
As if a flame had touched his fingertips, a burning heat and a stinging sensation traveled up his hand.
His heart pounded wildly against his ribs as if trying to break them.
Thinking he would never have another chance, he suddenly wanted to be a little more greedy.
His fingertips slid from the pale cheek and lightly grazed Kazen’s lips.
The sensation of that dewy moisture sent a tingling shock all the way to his toes.
“Kazen….”
Eren murmured his name softly.
It felt as if the emotions he had suppressed for so long were about to explode.
He couldn’t even look at him, a being of such noble blood, without restraint.
Yet, every time his skin touched his, every time their eyes met, he couldn’t stop his heart from racing.
Even knowing he was someone he could never dare to covet, he wanted to convey his true feelings to him just once.
He had planned to carry this pitiful, unspoken affection to his grave, but… well, it was the last time.
“Please forgive me, Your Grace.”
The moment Eren whispered softly, Kazen—who he thought was asleep—seized his wrist in a tight grip.
Caught off guard, Eren was so startled he couldn’t even scream, freezing in place.
“What are you asking forgiveness for?”
Kazen asked, his eyes opening slowly.
Since when had he been awake?
Had he been asleep at all?
Afraid he might have heard what he just said, the pulse in Eren’s tense neck throbbed violently.
“Were you going to try and kiss me or something?”
Kazen asked playfully, twisting his lips into a smirk.
It was a familiar expression, but today it felt suffocating.
“N-no, it’s not that…”
Looking into his coldly shining eyes in the darkness, Eren could only move his lips.
“If you think you can handle it, give it a try.
Harold says I may not be good at much else, but I’m a decent kisser.”
The moment Harold’s name was mentioned, his racing heart turned icy cold in an instant.
“That’s not it, Your Grace.
I was…”
Eren struggled to part his stiffened lips and muster an excuse, but Kazen flicked his hand away dismissively.
“If it’s not that, then get out now.
I need to sleep, so don’t bother me.”
Clamping his half-open lips shut, Eren stared fixedly at the turned back of Kazen, who had rolled over.
It was disappointing that their final conversation ended like this, but in another way, it was also a relief.
It seemed he could finally let go of the last remnants of his feelings for Kazen.
“Goodnight, Your Grace.”
Eren whispered carefully, hoping his voice wouldn’t tremble.
Then, he picked up the lamp from the bedside table and cautiously left the bedroom.
“Haa…”
As soon as the door closed, Eren let out a sigh and slumped against the wall as if collapsing.
Still tense, the pounding sound of his heart hammering against his ears still echoed thump-thump.
Pressing his palm hard against his ribs, Eren tried to calm his frantically beating heart and began walking down the dark, silent corridor again at a slow pace.
Today, the path to his own room felt especially long.
‘A kiss… I should have just gone for it.’
The fact that he felt such regret in this situation meant he was thoroughly insane.
Even if he had the chance, he probably wouldn’t have done it.
Staggering through the quiet corridor back to his room, Eren let out a deep sigh.
He pulled out the luggage he had packed days before from under the bed.
After one final check of its contents, he rummaged through a desk drawer and pulled out a single sheet of letter paper.
What should he write?
From the moment he decided to leave, he had agonized over the contents of this farewell letter.
He had resolved to write three or four pages, pouring his heart out in detail, but once he held the pen, no words came to mind.
Goodbye, thank you.
Only such clichéd phrases surfaced.
First, on the very top line, he poured out the sincere feelings he had always harbored.
[Thank you for saving me.]
And on the next line, he included the feelings he had hidden all along, the ones for which he should have apologized earlier.
[I have held feelings for you, Your Grace, ever since that day.]
Since he would never see him again, this much should be fine.
Still, he wrote it in as detached a tone as possible, so Kazen might not even notice the nature of those feelings.
[I wish you well, Your Grace.]
With the final farewell written, it was truly time to leave.
Eren put away the pen and ink and placed the letter conspicuously in the center of the desk.
Then, picking up his luggage, he took one slow turn, looking around his quiet room.
It felt like he had lived in this room for a very long time, yet now that he was saying goodbye, he felt more relieved than regretful.
He felt almost resentful that he hadn’t been able to leave this place sooner.
“Goodbye, Your Grace.”
A faint voice lingered in the darkness that had settled over the room, then faded away.