The Compass in the Abyss

“I brought a book for you. But if you’re just going to stand there, I might as well take it back.”

“…”

Occasionally, Taerin would give Jae-hwi books. The subjects varied wildly—martial arts, mystery, thrillers, sports, even romance—but they were all titles that couldn’t be found in the massive, prestigious library of Banguja.

“Ugh, it’s so hot. It’s sweltering and there are so many bugs; why on earth did she insist on having a pool party? Your sister really doesn’t have a single likable quality.”

“…”

As if she truly intended to take the book back, Taerin tossed the volume she had pulled out back into her bag. After biting his lower lip and agonizing for a moment, Jae-hwi finally took a step forward and walked out into the sunlight.

“You…”

“…”

“What happened to you? My god. What is all this?”

Taerin’s eyes went wide as she stood up. Jae-hwi liked the fact that he could feel her genuine worry for him. Despite his wretched state, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you laughing right now?”

“Just… I felt like laughing.”

“Talk to me. Explain.”

Following her command, Jae-hwi lowered his gaze. He already knew the state he was in, but he wanted to see himself through her eyes one more time.

The massive dark bruises on his injured areas couldn’t be hidden by his short-sleeved t-shirt. Since the swelling hadn’t even gone down yet, he looked utterly disastrous. Furthermore, he was wearing a medical brace that immobilized his entire arm and shoulder.

“I got hurt.”

“I can see you’re hurt. How does a kid who stays inside all day end up like this?”

“I fell down the stairs.”

Two weeks ago, Jae-hwi had been accepted into the Technical University of Munich in Germany. Goo Yoon-han and Goo Kwang-hyun were ecstatic over the achievement he had reached at seventeen—no, fifteen. For the first time, they praised Jae-hwi, saying he had finally found a “use” that allowed him to be presented as the family’s eldest grandson.

Hearing praise for the first time in his life, Jae-hwi couldn’t help but smile. Though he pressed his lips together, the corners of his mouth curled upward uncontrollably. Seeing that, the eldest daughter, Goo Jae-kyung, felt a fire ignite in her eyes.

From the day Jae-hwi first arrived in that house until that moment, there had been coldness and neglect, but never physical violence. He had let his guard down. That evening, unable to contain her rage, Goo Jae-kyung pushed Jae-hwi off the second-floor railing as he was heading to his room after his first-ever dinner with the Goo family.

Crash! As he lay crumpled at the foot of the stairs, writhing in pain, Goo Jae-kyung descended the steps and approached him. It was before the servants, startled by the commotion, could arrive.

“Why aren’t you dead?”

“…”

There was no guilt or fear on Goo Jae-kyung’s face as she looked down at him. Her gaze, filled with undisguised loathing, was like someone looking at a cockroach struggling on its back.

“I might concede things to the real Jae-hwi, but I will never yield to a fake like you. So just die. Someone like you deserves to die. Do you understand?”

“…”

“Don’t you dare come back alive. I’m only putting up with you until you leave for Germany. If you ever set foot in Korea again, it won’t end with just this. Even breathing the same air as you is disgusting. So if you don’t want to die, live in Germany. For the rest of your life.”

The terror was greater than the bone-deep, agonizing pain. As Jae-hwi nodded, unable to stop himself from sobbing and gasping, Goo Jae-kyung suddenly screamed.

“Oh my god! You should have been more careful! Are you okay?!”

That shout was the signal for Goo Jae-eun to come running. Goo Kwang-hyun and Goo Yoon-han appeared from the study. As if on cue, the employees had all been sent to the backyard to clean the pool, delaying their post-dinner cleanup.

At the hospital, Jae-hwi confirmed that he had four fractures ranging from his right arm to his collarbone. The worst injury was his shoulder, where the bone had been completely crushed. He went into surgery immediately and was hospitalized for ten days.

The doctor recommended he stay longer for treatment and rehabilitation, but Goo Yoon-han, worried about rumors spreading, brought Jae-hwi home. A doctor visited daily to disinfect the surgical site, leaving strict instructions for him to remain lying down.

But he couldn’t do that today. He had to see Taerin.

After being pushed from the railing, Jae-hwi had been unable to speak for a while, shocked by the vivid murderous intent someone had shown him. His mouth was silent, but his mind was loud—all because of what Goo Jae-kyung had said.

I am me, so why am I a fake? Where is the real me? Do I truly deserve to die? Is there anyone who wants me to be alive? Should I really die, like she said?

From the moment he woke until he fell asleep, he asked himself these questions. The conclusion he finally reached was that while there might be people happy if he died, there would be no one to mourn him.

Jae-hwi now had two options: die, or go to Germany and never return.

“Ah…”

Standing at that crossroads, a single sentence suddenly flashed clearly in his mind, causing him to break his long silence.

If I do that, I’ll never see Won Taerin again.

Whether he died or lived in Germany forever, he would never be able to see Won Taerin. The only person who had ever smiled at him, the one person who listened and talked back to him—he would never see her again.

At that realization, Jae-hwi squeezed his eyes shut.

No. I don’t want that.

But for the terrified Jae-hwi, there seemed to be no other way. No matter how much he looked around, there were only two paths: the path to death or the path to Germany.

He agonized for days but couldn’t reach a decision. He had to decide before he left for Germany, as she said she’d spare him until then, but it wasn’t easy.

Within his chaotic mind, only one thing became clear: Jae-hwi desperately wanted to see Won Taerin just once more. He developed a baseless belief that if he saw her, he would be able to find the answer, no matter which direction it took.

That was why he had ignored the doctor’s orders and Goo Jae-kyung’s command, clinging to the door leading to the backyard to wait for Taerin. He wanted to see her one last time before he died, or before he hid away like a corpse for the rest of his life.

“Everywhere else is fine.”

“Talking as if that’s a relief… I didn’t realize you were such an optimist.”

“I didn’t die.”

“…You make it sound like you’re disappointed you survived.”

Was I?

Jae-hwi couldn’t deny the inner thoughts she had accidentally uncovered. A hollow laugh escaped him again.

True. If I had died then, at least Goo Jae-kyung would have been happy.

A being whose very existence made breathing the same air unpleasant. A being who could bring joy to no one. Seeing him laugh bitterly at his own lack of worth, Taerin’s brow furrowed.

“Look at me. You… this doesn’t look like you just fell down the stairs. Are you badly hurt?”

“…Yes.”

“…It must hurt.”

Seeing her worried eyes as she bit her lip and examined his arm, shoulder, and neck, the corners of his mouth kept twitching upward.

“Yes, it hurts.”

For the first time in his life, he tried acting like a spoiled child.

“You keep smiling even though you say it hurts. Why did you come out? Shouldn’t you be lying down?”

“I came because I wanted to see you, Noona.”

“…”

“Because I thought today might be the last time… I’m going to Germany soon.”

“Ah… you said you submitted your application, right?”

“Yes. I got my admission letter.”

“Wow… that’s amazing. You’re really smart, aren’t you?”

As Taerin expressed her admiration, Jae-hwi pressed his lips together and lowered his head as usual. He waited for the tender touch that would affectionately ruffle his hair.

Suddenly, the early summer sun beating down on the back of his neck felt exceptionally hot.

I think I’m sweating a little. What if she thinks it’s unpleasant? If she thinks I’m dirty and pulls her hand away quickly… I’d be so sad.

Staring at Taerin’s shadow cast at his feet, he ended up closing his eyes. He was afraid. He didn’t want even her to find his presence disgusting. He didn’t want to see her hesitate.

A few seconds passed—a time that felt infinitely long to Jae-hwi. Just as he was about to raise his head, feeling embarrassed that his clumsy expectation was an arrogant whim, it happened.

“…!”

As her soft fingertips touched his hair, a shiver ran down his spine. But the tension was short-lived. Having experienced similar gestures before, his shoulders gradually relaxed. His body leaned into the sensation, anticipating the firm tips of her nails lightly grazing his scalp and her soft palm sliding between his strands of hair.

“Well done. Congratulations.”

“…”

As her hand unhesitatingly ruffled his hair, all the strength left his body. While Jae-hwi let out a languid sigh, intoxicated by the sensation of Taerin’s hand on his head:

“You’re definitely better than your sisters. You deserve to have GH.”

The praise was unexpected. It was so startling that he almost doubted his own ears.