He Cried… Because I Kissed Him

Smooch—

Like a bird landing and then taking flight, Haejin pressed his lips against Beomwoo’s briefly before quickly pulling away.

There was a mischievous desire to tease him, a wish to change the mood, and a need to reassure him. And more than anything… he simply wanted to do it. A selfish thought, perhaps: ‘Now that we’re truly lovers, surely this much is allowed…’

Haejin was normally so reserved, never proactive about physical affection. Even during that brief time their hearts had connected, like a midsummer night’s dream, he hadn’t been able to take the initiative like this. Perhaps, even back then, even when he thought he was trying to trust Beomwoo and their hearts had aligned, some unconscious doubt had remained.

But now, having let go of all doubt and decided to love him, things were different. He found himself wanting to do things he’d never done, never even dared to imagine. During his long, unrequited love, he had watched romance movies and dramas, building up a longing for love more than anyone. Maybe that was why he wanted to try things like this too.

When Haejin kissed him and pulled away with such intent, Beomwoo’s eyes flew wide open. He seemed more surprised than anything—it wasn’t the right mood, it came out of nowhere, and it was the first time Haejin had ever done something like this.

“Haejin…-ssi?”

“Ah, that…”

Beomwoo stared blankly at him, as if wondering if he was dreaming, murmuring Haejin’s name.

His spirits lifted; he’d thought this much would be okay, that Beomwoo wouldn’t reject him… He’d impulsively kissed him, but seeing Beomwoo frozen in shock, Haejin felt awkward.

It was too bold for him. He worried Beomwoo would think him strange. And no matter that they were now together, physical touch without permission could be problematic. They had gone much further physically than this, and this was just a light kiss, not even a real one—it didn’t seem like something that would cause offense or shame… but everyone felt differently about these things.

Just moments ago, he had felt relieved, letting go of the worries and doubts piled up in his heart. But now, feeling as if he had committed assault, his heart shrank back into its timid shell.

Just as Haejin hesitated, about to apologize, a tear rolled down Beomwoo’s cheek.

“Beo-Beomwoo-ssi…? Wh-why are you crying?”

His expression had twisted strangely after the kiss, as if he were suppressing something, but that something had apparently been tears.

Haejin had seen him cry before, but Beomwoo wasn’t someone who cried easily. Seeing him shed tears right after Haejin kissed him made his mind go blank.

Flustered, Haejin grabbed a tissue from the bedside table, then froze awkwardly. He wanted to wipe the tears away, but his hand wouldn’t move. Beomwoo was so strong and solid that Haejin couldn’t push him away even if he tried with all his might; he was afraid that even offering to wipe his tears might somehow hurt him.

Haejin stared gravely at the crying Beomwoo, frozen in his awkward posture, before a question about his tears finally surfaced.

But… why is he crying? Did he hate being kissed by me that much?

He hadn’t asked permission, and the mood wasn’t romantic, so he supposed it was possible Beomwoo disliked it. But was it so bad it would make him cry? They had done much more than this before. And this was supposed to be the moment they confirmed their feelings, promising eternity—was this really cry-worthy?

It was strange. Haejin, who had always been the emotional subordinate, was now on equal footing. In fact, Beomwoo was now acting more subordinate. Yet, as if the old feelings were resurfacing, Haejin grew timid again.

As Haejin floundered, watching Beomwoo, who was biting his lower lip, stifling sound, shedding only silent tears, Beomwoo took a breath as if trying to stop crying. He seemed to compose himself for a moment, then finally answered with difficulty in a trembling voice.

“…Because I’m happy.”

“What…?”

…What did he say?

Happy? He cried because he was happy that I kissed him?

For a moment, Haejin couldn’t understand what he was saying, but when comprehension dawned, his expression, which had been painted with embarrassment, relaxed into one of disbelief.

He had been so anxious, worried he’d done something wrong, and it turned out to be positive instead?

Relieved it was a misunderstanding, he felt a wave of exhaustion, absurdity, even a hollow laugh escaped him. He used to think Beomwoo was a man without blood or tears, but he was apparently emotional enough to cry from happiness. And he was honest enough to say so… The man before him now seemed so different from the Beomwoo Haejin had admired and loved in his past life.

But even as he found Beomwoo unfamiliar, Haejin liked this version better. Back then, loving him felt like sincerely loving an unattainable celebrity. Now, he felt within reach. Of course, even so, compared to Beomwoo, Haejin was still lacking in many ways… but now they weren’t in a hierarchical relationship, so he didn’t want to think about that.

Watching Beomwoo wipe his tears, still not fully composed, Haejin laughed helplessly. Then, recalling another thing Beomwoo had said to him before, he spoke.

“If you’re reacting like this already, what will you do when I do worse things in the future?”

“…Ha.”

At Haejin’s light, teasing tone, Beomwoo laughed quietly as he wiped his tears. He seemed to remember having said something similar himself.

Now seemingly calm, Beomwoo looked at Haejin with a bewildered expression, then finally spoke with his usual gentle face.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“…What?”

Look forward to it?

To what? To me doing worse things?

They were dating, had promised a lifetime, would eventually marry, and the longer they stayed together, the more a light kiss like this would become mere play. They had already done worse things. Even if he wasn’t the type to initiate, it was a natural progression.

So it wasn’t a problematic statement per se, but it sounded like Beomwoo expected him to take the lead again, like with this kiss.

That wasn’t what Haejin had meant. As he blinked his round eyes, about to protest that he hadn’t meant it that way, Beomwoo spoke first.

“That was a peck, so next time it’ll be a real kiss, right? You know the difference, don’t you?”

“Ah, I know, but what I meant was—”

“Oh, right. Haejin-ssi likes kissing, after all. I bet you’re good at it. I’ll look forward to it.”

“No…”

That’s not what I meant.

He tried to say that wasn’t the point, but Beomwoo, as if knowing Haejin was trying to squirm out of it, pushed further.

The words rose to his throat, but facing Beomwoo’s smiling face saying he’d look forward to it, Haejin couldn’t get them out.

He was a man who probably hadn’t joked or teased much, yet Haejin couldn’t even beat him at that. In the end, Haejin got swept along without even properly explaining himself.

9.

The long-awaited day of discharge finally arrived.

The VIP room was incredibly spacious, clean, and comfortable, the medical staff were kind, and everything was tailored to his needs so he didn’t have to lift a finger, but no matter how nice it was, home was best. He wanted to return quickly and rest in the comfort of his own home.

As he gathered his belongings and went through the discharge procedures, it was time to leave. With slightly lightened spirits, Haejin bid farewell to the nurses he’d grown familiar with during his stay and left the hospital.

Haejin and Beomwoo stepped out of the hospital with light steps and headed to the underground parking lot. After loading the luggage into the car, Haejin climbed into the passenger seat. But strangely, Beomwoo didn’t start the car. He just sat in the driver’s seat with a thoughtful expression.

What is it? Haejin looked at him with questioning eyes, wondering if there was a problem. Beomwoo hesitated, then spoke.

“About going home… How would you feel about coming to my place instead?”

“What? Your place, Beomwoo-ssi?”

“There’s no need to stay at that house anymore, and… if we’re considering safety, my place has better security.”

Move residences? And to Beomwoo’s house?

For Haejin, his current home was more than good enough, and he didn’t see any problem with it, but Beomwoo seemed uneasy.

Thinking of his past life, he certainly lived in a large house with tight security. Considering stability, that house was indeed better, and staying at Haejin’s place likely made him quite uncomfortable. He was a man who had probably slept only in the finest beds his whole life, yet at Haejin’s place, he had to sleep on just a thin blanket.

So Beomwoo’s suggestion to move to his own place wasn’t entirely incomprehensible. But moving residences wasn’t a decision to be made lightly or quickly.

As Haejin hesitated, lost in thought, Beomwoo, seemingly bothered by the lack of immediate response, added,

“Actually, since the incident with Jeongyeon, I wanted to bring you to my place. But back then, I was sure it would be a burden and you’d refuse… But things have changed now, haven’t they? Since we’re dating, I thought I could suggest it.”

“Hmm… I suppose that’s true…”

“I-it’s really not with any bad intentions.”

Beomwoo added that he wasn’t suggesting he move into his place with any shameless intentions. He was only suggesting it because he thought such proposals were now appropriate between them, and he shouldn’t feel burdened or misunderstand.

He said it almost like an explanation, but Haejin already understood well enough why Beomwoo was making the offer. And since they had already been living together, that part wasn’t a big deal; he was only deliberating about the move itself…

If he were worried that Beomwoo might do something bad to him, he would have been negative about the living arrangement itself, and he wouldn’t have accepted it even if it was for protection from Jeongyeon’s schemes. So he wondered why Beomwoo would think he was concerned about that, and his mention of “bad intentions” was almost amusing.

Haejin let out a small, soft laugh and spoke to him teasingly.

“Coming from Beomwoo-ssi… whatever ‘bad intentions’ you might have… wouldn’t they be at a tolerable level?”