The Perks of Being a Girl, and a System Upgrade

After finishing the call with Old Zhang, I felt a sudden surge of strength, my spirits lifting.

What was I even agonizing over?

Damn it!

So this is how well-treated you are when you become a girl!

How could I possibly choose otherwise?

My ultimate goal was to be kept by a rich loli, and now, as a girl, I could be pampered without a shred of guilt, completely justified and at ease. This was clearly the first step towards achieving my ambition.

Ahem, scratch that last part.

Women hold up half the sky! Don’t accuse me of objectifying women; girls need to be strong, alright?

What’s so great about stinky men’s money anyway?

Self-reliance leads to prosperity!

In any case, girls undeniably held privileges in this world, especially cute girls (and cute boys, for that matter).

Cuteness is justice. If justice itself could be redefined, it meant this world belonged to you, and to us, but ultimately, it belonged to the beautiful girls.

Loving beautiful girls was the trend of historical development!

Wait, why was I spouting such bizarre nonsense? Old Zhang’s words must have truly messed with my mind.

That Old Zhang, he almost made my brain ascend!

My point was simple: whether man or woman, living comfortably was the ultimate good.

For a spineless loser like me, completely brainwashed by egoism, minimalism, and liberalism, “don’t do unnecessary things, simplify everything that must be done” was my guiding philosophy.

“If it’s not necessary, don’t add entities.” Old Zhang successfully reminded me that, at the end of the day, I was still a high school student, and there was no real need to agonize over my identity for now.

While I worried about the future, the most important thing was to live in the present. Besides, I should still be able to change back to male.

Didn’t Ling Chen say it? His mission was to change my personality. Once his mission was complete, couldn’t he return to me?

I truly am a genius!

As I slightly untangled the knot in my heart, I heard a voice resonate in my mind:

“Ding, system upgrade complete. Ding, you have completed a new mission. Ding, your experience has increased. Ding, new features are online. Ding, you have received a random skill reward. Ding…”

How annoying, why was it dinging endlessly!

“Open system.”

The system window reappeared before me, and I was almost blinded by its brilliance.

To use an analogy, the system had transformed from a dilapidated Parthenon to the Hagia Sophia; its completeness wasn’t just a little bit higher.

The artistic style had shifted from Eastern Roman mosaics to Italian Renaissance frescoes in an instant!

Ahem, please disregard my strange historical nerd analogies. In any case, this system was constantly changing, evolving from its initial rudimentary state into something incredibly refined.

As expected of the big shots, their programming efficiency was truly impressive!

“Apostle Comprehensive Management System (Apocalyptic Religious User Ver.1.0)”

“Functions: Personal Info, Skill Bar, System Shop, Blessings, Missions, Inventory…”

The first thing I noticed was the “Blessings” function. Could the system really be hopping on trends?

“Blessings: I support Apostle 996, you can hit me now! —-By a certain angel who wishes to remain anonymous.”

“…”

This system is too malicious, isn’t it?

I was beginning to realize that these angels must be quite lively in their daily lives.

Even a guy like me, utterly devoid of piety and a complete heretical horse believer, could become an apostle. Heaven’s selection criteria must be incredibly low now!

I continued to read.

“Current Faith Value: 100.

Explanation: Completing certain special conditions will grant or deduct Faith Value. Faith Value can be used to exchange for special items.”

Emmmm, Faith Value was simply currency, wasn’t it?

I opened the shop…

“What the hell!”

I had expected the shop to be filled with dazzling goods, but it was utterly empty, displaying only a single notice:

“Do not even think of using precious Faith Value to purchase things that can be bought with money. We will refresh items weekly, please look forward to it. PS. Do not expect celestial items to be more practical than earthly ones. These angels are electronic product illiterates; they cannot provide the black technology or modern goods you desire.”

Hmph! If you can’t offer anything useful in reality, what’s the point?

I then opened the missions tab.

“Main Quest: Be a girl starting today! (Completed)

Quest Content: Beautiful angels call to you from afar, brave maiden, go forth and create miracles!

Completion Condition: Acknowledge current female identity.

Quest Reward: Random Skill Book, Faith Value.”

“…”

“Get lost, who acknowledged themselves as female?!”

However, the random skill book piqued my curiosity. My skill bar was empty, so it must be in my inventory.

I clicked on the inventory and, sure enough, found an item resembling a skill book. When I tried to use it, a pop-up window automatically appeared before me.

“Do you wish to use this item? Yes/No.”

This design really was like a game system!

“Yes.”

“Congratulations! You have obtained the skill: Lucky Moment!”

Filled with curiosity, I checked the skill’s description.

“Lucky Moment: Increases luck for one second. Cooldown: three days. Currently usable.”

No way, this skill was incredibly useful!

Did this mean I could buy lottery tickets now? Could I reach the pinnacle of life ahead of schedule?

However, my joy was immediately doused with cold water.

“Restriction: This skill is not applicable for purposes of gaining profit such as lottery, investment, or gambling.”

“Tch, utterly useless.”

I started pondering how exactly to use this skill. Ah, I got it! The mobile game I’d been playing recently had a new gacha banner, and as a monthly card African player, I really wanted the new characters. Could this skill turn me into a European Emperor?

This was definitely doable!

Drawing cards in a mobile game shouldn’t count as gambling, right?

God’s Voice: No, gacha is gambling, but seeing how unlucky you are, here’s a little welfare!

I opened a certain nefarious pay-to-win game, spent money on a ten-pull, and went to draw from the new banner, which no longer had a guaranteed pull.

Did the skill activate automatically just by speaking its name?

“Lucky Moment!”

Come on, my new waifu!

“Ding, skill activated successfully.”

After pressing the ten-pull button, the phone screen filled with golden light, and my hands trembled with excitement.

She’s here, she’s here, my new waifu is here!

I’m going from African to European!

When I heard the new character’s introductory lines, I almost shed tears of bittersweet joy.

It was so difficult!

How much money had I spent for this woman, only for my hopes to be dashed time and again? No matter how much I wanted her, she was always just within reach, yet impossible to truly grasp.

But now, I finally had her!

This was a small step for the game, but a giant leap for my life!

I had even obtained the character I had yearned for day and night. Was pursuing a goddess still that far off?

I was the Master who saved humanity, the Commander beloved by all Heroic Spirits, the Admiral on the Horizon of Dawn, the clever and wise Aerial Split Cleaner, the Doctor and Island Lord of Rhodes Island, the Onmyoji who maintained stability between the Yin and Yang realms, the Sky Knight with a liver full of organs, the ATM’s guiding spirit for Warmth, the Idolmaster Producer, the last Love Liver, and a Touhou fan stripped of my second nationality…

I was also a Tenno, a Witcher, an Yharnam Adventurer, an Overwatch agent, a Summoner, a Monster Hunter, a Space Marine, a KP, a Mercenary, an Operator, a Postman, an Old Popsicle, a Dragonborn, a Hitman, an Archaeologist, a Los Santos Villain, a 2B-type Android, a Gotham City Hero, a Firelink Shrine Keeper, an Archon of Tadam, a Sigma Cultist, a Waste Tribe member…

More than that, I was the great evil who believed “my daughter’s daughter is still my daughter,” the Great Dog-Spreading Emperor, the Lower-Body Fortress of Shinra Tensei, the Enlightened Great Qing, the Anti-Japanese War Hero Principal, the Mayor of Shit Mountain Skyline City, the Fourth Calamity…

Tell me, with a liver like mine, what is there that I cannot achieve?

God’s Voice: Marry a goddess.

Oh, right, I’m a girl now.

Haha.

An eternal sense of nihilism struck me down, just as my excitement had begun to rise.

Forgive me, I need a moment to be introverted.