The Price of Freedom

In the chaotic, ear-splitting din of the bar, Cai Xinyu’s face was a thundercloud as he pulled out a wad of bills and stuffed them into the plunging neckline of a provocatively dressed male server.

He cursed under his breath, his mood foul. “Serve me well tonight, and all this money is yours!”

His friend, who had accompanied him to vent his frustrations, scoffed at his lack of resolve.

“Oh, so the deputy director has truly fallen for that little trash? Didn’t you used to call him worse than a pig or a dog, cursing him whenever you pleased, tormenting him however you wished? Now that he’s run away, even hidden by the great film emperor, you suddenly realize your love is etched into your bones? Aren’t you pathetic? Aren’t pretty boys easy enough to find?”

As he spoke, the friend squeezed the male server who was playfully clinging to him.

This was a gay bar, where every male server offered special services.

Cai Xinyu was a regular here.

He often used to say that a wild flower was always more fragrant than a cultivated one. He even disregarded Lin Yu’s feelings, bringing numerous male servers home for wild revelry. Cai Xinyu would demand that Lin Yu participate, serving him to his satisfaction alongside those servers.

If Lin Yu refused, Cai Xinyu would threaten his grandmother.

“Damn it!” Cai Xinyu exploded, listening to his friend’s teasing consolation. “Lin Yu never cared what I did, or how many men I brought home! That infuriates me! His eyes were only on that half-dead old hag! He was just after my money to pay for his grandma’s treatment! Damn it! It’s good that she died! She should have died ages ago! What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t Lin Yu like me? The more he acts superior, the more I want to break him completely!”

Cai Xinyu grew increasingly agitated, veins throbbing on his forehead. He glared, his body radiating fury. “If he had shown even a shred of intimate affection for me, I wouldn’t have treated him this way! It’s his own fault for not cherishing my goodness!”

“Alright, alright, calm down,” his friend said, pouring him a glass of red wine to soothe him. “Lin Yu’s phone, household registration book, ID card, and high school diploma are all still with you, aren’t they? He can’t escape your grasp.”

“Hmph,” Cai Xinyu snorted, taking a large swig of wine, his eyes still burning with anger. “Exactly. Without those things, he can’t possibly find a job in society! He’ll come back to me sooner or later! Jiang Yan is just experiencing a fleeting novelty with Lin Yu; he’ll toss him aside once he’s had his fun!”

“What’s more!” Cai Xinyu’s eyes gleamed with a roguish smirk. “I have many photos of him, you understand. You don’t know how much I crave that feeling of him being forced to cooperate with me for his grandma’s sake! It gives me such a satisfying sense of conquest and oppression!”

“Damn it! Stop showing off!” His friend had lusted after Lin Yu for a long time, only lacking the opportunity to try out a ‘friend’s wife.’

They had no idea that a despair-ridden Lin Yu no longer cared about photos or household registers. Death would end everything; he would know nothing.

****

At this moment, he stood beneath the shower, the water bone-chillingly cold, dressed in his clothes, utterly still. He allowed himself to become drenched, shivering uncontrollably.

“Grandma, am I such a failure?”

“I couldn’t get into university; I couldn’t bring you honor.”

“I can’t earn money; I can’t pay for your medical care.”

“I can’t escape Cai Xinyu’s control; I’ve become his plaything.”

He fell silent for a moment, his eyes vacant, his entire being wrapped in sorrow and confusion.

“Now, I can’t even manage to die…”

“Grandma… I want to hold onto Jiang Yan, but what should I do, Grandma?”

Lin Yu squatted, hugging his cold body, filled with sadness and helplessness.

“But I shouldn’t hold onto him. I don’t deserve it. I’m so dirty…”

How could a gentle yet domineering light suddenly shine into his utterly miserable life, a life he wished to end?

Through the spray of water, Lin Yu gazed at the several sets of pajamas and robes Jiang Yan had hung on the clothes rack, recalling his earlier tone and expression—irresistibly thoughtful and caring. He truly wanted to weep.

“Jiang Yan, has my grandma’s soul possessed you? Otherwise, why are you so good to me for no reason?”

His emotions crumbled, his eyes reddening.

Just moments ago, Jiang Yan had escorted him into the bathroom, hanging pajamas for him as he spoke: “You’re quite tall, though a bit thin. Still, I bought you medium-sized underwear; if it doesn’t fit, I’ll buy new ones tomorrow. I wasn’t sure what fabric you’d like for pajamas, so I bought both cotton and flannel. There are robes with ties, and also these top-and-bottom sets. See which one you prefer.”

Having finished, he offered a bright, gentle smile and exited the bathroom.

Now, as Lin Yu looked at these pajamas, his mind felt blank.

‘What have I done to deserve this?’

The icy water soon turned Lin Yu’s lips purple; the cold was becoming unbearable, yet he simply did not want to move.

“Knock, knock, knock.” The bathroom door was rapped upon, and Jiang Yan’s puzzled voice came from outside. “You’ve had the water running for a long time. Are you just washing with plain water, no shower gel?”

Suddenly, the sound of water stopped.

Lin Yu immediately turned it off.

Jiang Yan leaned against the door, growing suspicious. “Lin Yu, don’t do anything foolish, okay?”

‘This emotionally unstable child, who only thinks of dying, is probably engaging in some self-harming behavior.’

‘The wounds on his body are the best proof.’

‘Having spent time in the entertainment industry and seen many actors who suffer from depression and anxiety due to various pressures, he had some understanding of the psychological progression of depressed individuals.’

“Lin Yu?” He felt very uneasy and called out again.

Lin Yu had intended to answer, to spare Jiang Yan further worry, but after more than ten minutes of icy water pouring over him, his entire body had stiffened, and his tongue was frozen rigid.

He could only manage a meaningless syllable: “Mm…”

‘What does “Mm” mean?’ Jiang Yan instinctively felt that the child wasn’t doing well. That “Mm” clearly carried discomfort and a slight tremor.

“Lin Yu, I… I’m coming in!”

“No…” The word ‘no’ hadn’t even finished trembling from his lips before the bathroom door swung open.

Lin Yu hugged himself tighter, instantly tensing up.

‘He knows Jiang Yan is going to be angry.’

“Lin Yu? What are you doing?” He saw the faucet was running cold water, and a wave of surprise, then heartache, washed over him.

He strode quickly toward Lin Yu, grabbing several sets of pajamas and wrapping them around the shivering, pale, blue-lipped boy.

“My God, it’s freezing!” He pressed Lin Yu’s head into his chest; the icy temperature of Lin Yu’s forehead sent a shock through Jiang Yan.

“Don’t you know the outside temperature is only 3°! This is the first floor; the water runs through underground pipes, where the temperature will be even lower! How could you—!”

Sighing, Jiang Yan didn’t continue. There was no need for Wang Jian to arrange a psychologist for Lin Yu now. Even as an layman, he was certain this child had severe psychological problems.

‘Self-harm provides a certain release for his extremely suppressed emotions.’

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Lin Yu trembled slightly, apologizing incessantly.

‘He didn’t want to trouble Jiang Yan, but he also needed a way to release his endless, suppressed emotions.’

Jiang Yan helped him walk out, but Lin Yu resisted strongly.

“Need to shower,” his voice was as weak as a buzzing insect, sounding pitiful.

“Fine, I’ll watch you shower.” Jiang Yan would not let this child out of his sight again.

A hot shower would also help him recover.

Lin Yu shook his head.

“No room for negotiation.”

Lin Yu’s eyes reddened.

“Crying won’t help; I’m hard-hearted,” Jiang Yan said, his tone resolute. “I’m seven years older than you; eight years would be a generational gap. I can barely count as your elder. What is there to be afraid of?”

With that, he twisted the shower knob, pulling Lin Yu’s wrist with one hand, a grip as firm as an iron chain. No matter how limp Lin Yu became, he couldn’t break free.

He tested the water temperature, then began to remove Lin Yu’s clothes.

“Don’t…” Lin Yu pleaded, his expression beseeching. “I’ll really wash properly, I promise.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you?” Jiang Yan’s words were stern, yet his movements paused. Seeing the continually trembling boy, he first pushed him under the hot water, letting him warm up for a while.

As the warm water cascaded over his body, Lin Yu’s stiff, icy frame instantly felt waves of warmth.

But internally, a torrent of heat surged, a thousand times more intense than what his body experienced.

He looked at Jiang Yan, whose face was etched with anger but who wasn’t directing it at him, and emotions swelled within him, yet he remained silent.

‘What could he say? “Thank you” felt too light, too inadequate to express anything.’

“What are you thinking?” Jiang Yan asked. “Take off your clothes.”

“How long will you manage me?” Lin Yu lowered his eyes.

“Mm…” Jiang Yan hadn’t considered that question.

“I’m scared.” Lin Yu looked down, his mood sinking.

‘Scared of becoming greedy, scared that after becoming greedy, Jiang Yan would disappear.’

“It’s nothing,” Lin Yu quickly said, adjusting his emotions, a rather nonsensical remark to Jiang Yan.

Jiang Yan: “?”

‘Lin Yu was going to find his grandma. Why would he think about how long he’d be looked after? How ridiculous. Someone like him dared to hope Jiang Yan would always be good to him.’

‘He found his own thoughts disgusting, despicable.’

He turned, his back to Jiang Yan, his tone suddenly devoid of emotion, even tinged with deep resistance. “I’ll wash properly.”

In such a short time, Lin Yu’s fluctuating emotions left Jiang Yan truly somewhat exasperated.

‘With anyone else, he would have lost his patience long ago.’

‘But facing Lin Yu, Jiang Yan had no temper at all.’

‘It was truly baffling.’

“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes to see if you’ve fooled me.” Jiang Yan wasn’t entirely reassured, but he still gave Lin Yu some space.

Returning to the living room, he looked at the birthday cake, shaking his head, still blaming himself for making a mistake.

He pressed the nurse call button, asking the junior nurses to take the cake and share it.

He also inquired why no doctor had come to examine Lin Yu all afternoon.

The junior nurses happily took the cake and informed Jiang Yan that Dr. Wang Jian had come by several times that afternoon, but seeing Lin Yu asleep, he hadn’t wanted to disturb him.

Lin Yu’s physical condition was not an external illness; the self-inflicted wounds on his body were not infected and most had scabbed over, so he didn’t require emergency treatment.

His best state would be achieved through rest and nutritional supplements.

Therefore, Dr. Wang Jian’s plan was natural recuperation.

The anemia was congenital and couldn’t be fundamentally resolved; he just needed to take medication regularly. The junior nurse added that Lin Yu was scheduled for an IV drip that evening.

Jiang Yan nodded. He trusted Dr. Wang Jian’s judgment.

Wang Jian was thirty years old this year, from a family of doctors spanning generations. He had been immersed in medical knowledge since childhood, and in the eight years since graduating from university, he had already earned numerous awards.

He had only attended university to get a diploma; the skills his father had taught him hand-on were the true essence that couldn’t be learned in four years of college.

When Lin Yu emerged from the shower, the festive lights and cake in the living room were gone. Bright lights illuminated the room, and one of Jiang Yan’s historical dramas was playing on the television.

Jiang Yan held a bowl of hot porridge, blowing on it, and smiled. “It’s takeout from a famous old congee shop. Want to try some?”

Lin Yu felt dazed, as if he were still caught in a lingering dream.

This feeling of warmth was something Lin Yu had never experienced in Cai Xinyu’s home.

Before, if he wanted to watch Jiang Yan’s movies, he needed Cai Xinyu’s permission, who would grant it as if throwing scraps to a beggar.

Jiang Yan looked at Lin Yu, with his wet hair, dressed in a light green cotton tie-robe, exuding both an innocent youthfulness and an inherent allure. His delicate and beautiful features perfectly blended purity and seduction.

He couldn’t help but stare at the young man, his heart giving a fierce thump.

‘Damn it, I want to commit a crime.’