If You Were Dying

Love that becomes salvation just by existing.

Jung-rim took out her friend’s story and began writing it down slowly.

To remember that friend, and to fulfill the happiness her friend couldn’t achieve in her place.

Sometimes, pressing down on a sharp heartache with her hand, she would deliberately sink into pain, thinking, ‘What would you have done?’

“Because Espers affiliated with the Center are thoroughly isolated and strictly forbidden from contact with the outside world, it’s inevitable that we wouldn’t know what happens inside. But I was lucky enough to find out thanks to my friend.”

“…….”

“Exposing injustices to root out corruption… Such great, political purposes—at least for me, they don’t exist. I just want to let people know that somewhere, there is a place that fierce, that there are people who live today as if they will die tomorrow, all for us.”

“…….”

“And if I can create a happy ending for my friend in a way I can, that’s enough. That’s really all I want. I hope you’ll think about that, Yoo Hyun.”

Though she started writing with the single-minded thought of creating a story where her friend gets a happy ending, after finishing, she felt even more daunted.

Back then, Jung-rim knew nothing.

Why, in all that time, not a single broadcast or publication had ever dealt with stories about the Center.

She hadn’t even thought to question it.

Afraid it might win under ambiguous conditions, she didn’t even submit it to a contest but instead carried the script around, visiting broadcast stations and production companies at random.

An aspiring writer with no formal writing training and not a single connection—how could she possibly succeed?

Gradually, she realized the reality.

Wherever she went, the rule was the same and strict.

Center matters are to remain Center matters.

It was a time of learning to give up.

Around the time she was about to bury the story in her heart, a call came from an unknown number.

It was Director Baek Hyun-soo.

He said he had accidentally read the script she left with a certain PD at a broadcasting station and became interested.

He introduced himself and said to contact him if interested.

That’s how she joined hands with the blunt, straight-to-the-point Director Baek two years ago.

“I had absolutely no interest in political purposes, but reality turned out to be not a simple matter of ‘as long as I’m innocent,’ right? No investment, no casting… So the director and I wandered around a lot, here and there.”

“…….”

“Trying to find a breakthrough somehow, we compromised as much as possible, and the picture I initially drew changed a bit. Especially the casting part…”

“…….”

“Well, seeing things turn out like this, I started to think this. That this was the only way it could happen.”

Feeling awkward again about the uncomfortable topic, Yoo Hyun just nodded quietly like a good child.

Looking at him, Jung-rim swallowed her regret.

If only he had accepted a bit earlier, the male lead wouldn’t have gone to another actor.

And her following words were a promise that showed her will and backbone as a writer.

“You may not be the most attractive character, Yoo Hyun. Originally, this wasn’t a character I intended to expand this much. Instead, I’ll give you the most impactful entrance scene.”

****

The fine motor movement in his left hand gradually slowed.

Taehwa coldly stared at his left hand holding the chopsticks.

His left hand, which he had used with force during his active agent days, often acted up like this.

He left it alone, feeling the sensation in his fingertips revive keenly, as if he had taken off a thick glove.

“…….”

Taehwa put down the chopsticks and grabbed the water glass.

Every spot with a Name throbbed, making it hard to concentrate on the meal.

Because as the sensations became clearer, the pain also became more distinct.

Suddenly, abnormal strength entered his grip.

Aware of it, he set the glass down on the table as if dropping it.

A noise loud enough to draw ample attention erupted on the awkwardly silent dining table.

Across from him, Yoo Hyun, seemingly startled, flinched his shoulders and asked.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing. My hand slipped.”

Taehwa answered as if it were nothing and lifted the glass again.

His still-unruly left hand was hidden below the table.

He clenched and unclenched his trembling hand, but the discomfort didn’t subside.

Why is this happening…?

This shouldn’t be happening now.

It hadn’t even been a week since he injected the Guiding medication received from Tae-in, even going so far as to make a pitiful plea to Se-jun.

Even if it was for putting out an urgent fire, its duration was excessively short.

In such a case, it was one of two things.

Either the medication was wrong, or his body was wrong.

He leaned more toward the former possibility.

After all, the person prescribing the medication was someone who would be delighted the more he fell apart.

If this continues, he’ll be taken to the Center within a day or two.

Trying to recall the last date he visited the Center, it was barely two months ago.

He had thought the medication’s efficacy wasn’t as good as before, but for the cycle to halve without any precursor was definitely suspicious.

The Center visit cycle and the Guiding depletion cycle generally coincide.

On average, four months.

Each time the seasons changed, he should be able to visit the Center, receive a Guiding injection, and carry on daily life without issue.

Having to visit private Guiding clinics whenever possible to take medication, having to regularly visit the Center as a retired Esper—it was all tedious.

But compared to the days when he overworked his body as if living only for today, Guiding three or four times a year was bearable enough.

However, lately, the period when the Guiding medication’s effects wane has been coming sooner and sooner.

It was the moment when suspicion turned to conviction.

“Uhm….”

Taehwa, who had been gauging how many more days or how much longer he could hold on, looked up.

“Go ahead.”

Yoo Hyun clearly looked tense about what he was going to say.

After the casting was confirmed, he said he had back-to-back meetings with the writer and script readings, both public and private, for days—he looked utterly worn out.

“Before checking the contract, there’s one thing I want to ask.”

So this is what he was waiting for.

Seeing him fidgeting, he had thought it was just about dietary control, but it seemed Yoo Hyun had been timing this moment since he sat down.

A timing before serious contract discussions began, yet not ruining the entire meal.

When Taehwa slightly nodded, Yoo Hyun parted his lips with difficulty.

“You told me. That you take medication because you’re sick, and because of that, your family is forcing the marriage.”

“Yes.”

“It’s not like you’ll die if you don’t take that medication… or anything like that, right?”

Such a question, at such a moment.

It was so coincidental that Taehwa clenched his left hand tightly and grinned.

“Of course not.”

“Then why on earth is your family trying to make you get married?”

“To make obtaining the medication easier.”

“Is the reason you dislike the marriage because you don’t like the other person?”

“Similar.”

“Then what on earth is that medication that…”

“Goo Yoo Hyun.”

“Yes?”

“What I’m asking of you, Goo Yoo Hyun, isn’t to save my life, but to just briefly act as my lover. It’s not complicated at all. Think of it simply.”

Yoo Hyun let out a small sigh and put down the spoon he was holding.

“The conditions are good, but the more I think, the more suspicious I get.”

“About what?”

“You’re in a body that needs medication because you’re sick, you say the marriage is because of the medication, yet you say you hate marriage more than death… So I wondered if you’re determined to die.”

Even with talk of penalty fees, it was a contract that could be ended if he said he wouldn’t do it, with nothing substantial exchanged yet.

Nevertheless, Yoo Hyun had come here to make the contract.

The decisive factor was probably the drama role given as an ‘advance payment.’

That meant he was that desperate for a comeback….

Out of a perverse curiosity, Taehwa propped his chin with his right hand and asked.

“Hearing you say that makes me curious. If I were determined to die, would your position change?”

“It would.”

“Why?”

“…….”

“If I get what I want and you get what you want, it’s ultimately good for everyone, so why would it change?”

Yoo Hyun’s face, pale with fatigue, grew a bit more serious.

The gaze shooting toward him, as if searching for traces of a joke on his face with dark eyes, was meticulous.

“You’re saying you’re so despicable and petty that you won’t even get married, won’t take medication whether you live or die?”

“I never said ‘despicable and petty.'”

“So you’re really trying to die?”

Taehwa twitched an eyebrow and straightened his posture.

It was an unexpectedly close deduction to the truth.

Judging by how he kept questioning suspiciously, it seemed to be quite an important issue for him.

But if Yoo Hyun said he would quit because it didn’t align with his moral standards at all, the one who would regret it was him.

It seemed best to stop this conversation here.

“Of course not. As I said, I was just curious and asked.”

“Tell me to go steal the medication instead. If we’re doing it together, that would be much better.”

The hand Taehwa was using to lift the water glass hesitated.

Pretending it was nothing, he swallowed the water and asked.

“If I really asked you to go steal it with me, would you come?”

“Why? I could follow and watch the mess unfold. I have a duty since I received an advance payment.”

At the honest remark that he wouldn’t give up the advance payment until the end, Taehwa laughed heartily.

At that moment, the cold strength that had been swirling from the tip of his left hand abruptly released.

He moved the hand under the table, clenching and unclenching it, confirming it was no different from usual.

Picking up the cutlery naturally with his left hand, he said.

“You’re even willing to consider a life of crime as a duo thief? How reassuring.”

“But… you’re joking, right? You’re really not thinking of dying?”

“Let me say it again. My goal is to annul the engagement. Not suicide.”

****

Pushed into the crowd pouring out of the elevator, Yoo Hyun followed Taehwa at a distance close enough not to get separated but not so close they’d be seen as a group.

Though he got a free expensive meal, his thought that coming to a hotel just for a meal was excessive remained unchanged.

They finished the meal in a somewhat amicable atmosphere, and Taehwa only pulled out the contract after dessert service was completely finished.

After quickly skimming the document, Yoo Hyun’s impression was this:

That person… is really serious about not wanting to get married.

“It’s a draft contract. You can add or remove things. It’s fine to have a lawyer review it, but it must be a place with strict confidentiality. There are surprisingly many people who blab, ignoring non-disclosure agreements.”

Having heard endlessly about the dangers of hastily signing contracts without expert advice—how a single careless word in a contract could cost you—he never intended to sign right away without a lawyer anyway…

But even to the untrained eye of Yoo Hyun, the contract seemed strange.

It was a contract offering excessive compensation for the work involved.

Seeing that it even left room for negotiation, it seemed Taehwa would readily agree even if Yoo Hyun wanted to modify a few clauses more in his favor.