The Hero’s Grand Departure (or Lack Thereof)

‘I am the Hero.’

After lunch, I pushed open my door and took a deep breath. “Are we really about to leave Newbie Village and embark on our journey so soon!”

“We haven’t even left yet,” Helter said, picking his nose as he walked out. “Twilight Forest is practically still part of Newbie Village.”

“Can’t you be a bit more enthusiastic!”

“Alright… I’ll go home and pack my bags.” Helter hoisted his greatsword and started to leave.

“Hey!”

“What is it now?”

“What do you mean by going out shirtless! You’re only wearing underwear!”

‘Indeed, the fellow had been wearing nothing but his underwear since he woke up this morning…’

“Ah, I forgot. No wonder it feels so cold.”

‘How could he forget something like that!’

“I think it’s great like this, super charming~~”

‘Key, watch your nosebleed…’

“Hero?” The Village Chief actually pushed the door open, carrying a box.

‘At this moment, I was still organizing my belongings.’

“Hm? What is it, Village Chief?”

“You’re…”

The Village Chief looked on in confusion as I meticulously placed items into my backpack: the Hero’s former helmet, a dagger laced with potent poison, and even the “Assassin’s Handbook” I had inexplicably purchased earlier…

“Preparations before embarking on an adventure.”

“Oh…” The Village Chief nodded. “But isn’t this Lu Ren’s house?”

‘The Village Chief’s words pierced my heart like a sharp sword!’

‘That’s right! I’m not Lu Ren! Packing my own things now felt exactly like breaking into someone’s home to rob them!’

“Ah…”

“It’s like this! Lu Ren and the Hero had an agreement! The Hero promised to take Lu Ren on an adventure with her…” Key winked at me, clearly signaling for me to continue the fabrication.

“Yes! Village Chief!” I forced two drops of tears from my eyes. “You wouldn’t believe what happened that night. Lu Ren suffered from food poisoning, and just before he died, he told me, full of ambition, that he was tired of his ordinary life. He yearned for a spontaneous journey! His dream was to one day adventure alongside the Hero, to eliminate evil from this world!”

“Is that so… I recall him saying he’d rather die than leave Newbie Village, and he certainly didn’t want to fight evil…”

‘Village Chief, you’re far too honest… Couldn’t you just turn a blind eye and let me get away with it?’

“Indeed, he might have been as you said, without ideals or ambition. But you see, a dying man’s words are true! That was what he truly, genuinely wished for! I am now taking a few of Lu Ren’s cherished possessions so that his soul may forever follow me, fulfilling his dying wish!”

A tear slid down the Village Chief’s cheek. “Is that so? Good lad, to have caught the Hero’s eye!”

‘His tear ducts are far too active… Village Chief, you’ve at least experienced being cuckolded in life; a grown man weeping so easily will be laughed at.’

‘I know I’m like your son. From the moment you found me, I’ve considered you my own father. Though I sometimes cause trouble, you never blamed me. Each time, you’d just give me a bump on the head with a shovel, and that was that. It’s not like the Blacksmith and Tailor, who would beat me within an inch of my life as long as I didn’t die. You truly are the best!’

“Oh dear, my eyes, the inflammation has flared up again. Don’t mind it, Hero. To be honest, that Lu Ren fellow isn’t worth all this trouble for you. He was just a village hooligan. Let’s leave those personal effects here and send them to him in the heavens with a good bonfire.”

‘That cuts deep, old friend…’

“Lu Ren considered you his own father, Village Chief!”

“But I only saw him as a stray dog. At most, I’ll hold a grand funeral to thank him for everything he did for the village. It’s tomorrow, and everyone in the village will come to bow their heads and spit—no, no, a slip of the tongue—bow their heads in silent mourning! It’ll be a lively affair! Please, you must attend!”

‘My heart has turned to ash because of you, Village Chief. Besides, why would I attend my own funeral? Any normal person standing before their own grave would be furious to death!’

“No need. We’re about to set off, aren’t we, Key?”

“Yes,” Key nodded.

“Setting off so soon?” the Village Chief asked.

“Yes, taking Lu Ren’s belongings and my attendant, Helter.” With that, I tied up my travel bag.

“Helter? The hunter from the village?”

“That’s right.”

“I advise you not to take him. When I found him over a decade ago, he was being carried by a wolf. Travelers passing through said he was a descendant of werewolves; he’s quite eerie.”

‘Although I had heard the Village Chief mention this before, I couldn’t tolerate it now. You can talk about me behind my back, but not my brother! I clenched my fists and took a deep breath.’

“Even if he’s a werewolf, I will take him. Because this is my decision!”

I slung my backpack on and hurried out.

“Wait, Hero, your old equipment!” The Village Chief handed me the box he was holding. “You can’t possibly go adventuring in a flimsy dress, can you?”

‘Even if I, Lu Ren, were to die today, die outside, I would never accept anything from this man!’

‘Hmm… I suppose I’ll just open the box and take a quick look.’

“Wow!”

Dark gold armor, sturdy dark gold boots, a gleaming silver longsword, and splendid clothes and gloves!

“Hero, the weapons and equipment were upgraded by the Blacksmith, and the clothes were improved by the Tailor. The quality is absolutely guaranteed!”

‘Ah… Is all this really necessary…? This outfit must have cost a fortune! And is this really equipment from a starter village?’

“Please, you must accept them!”

“Alright…”

‘Although I was mentally resistant, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt the old man’s feelings, especially since the villagers had all worked together on it~’

‘Wow~ I have to say, this set of equipment is truly excellent.’

“Then I, this old man, shall take my leave.” The Village Chief departed, looking pleased.

‘An hour later.’

“Lu Ren, are you ready?” Helter burst in without knocking.

‘At that moment, I was still admiring myself in the mirror—that is, the Hero’s commanding appearance after donning her new equipment!’

“Look!” With the Hero’s adventure set changed, I spun around. “How is it! Am I handsome?”

Helter scrutinized me.

“It doesn’t look as good as the previous one.”

“That outfit was too effeminate! It had absolutely no heroic aura, you know!”

“Oh.” Helter then shook the mountain-sized luggage behind him… “Hey, hey! That luggage is too exaggerated! It’s at least ten times the size of mine!”

“Helter, are you moving house!?” I exclaimed in surprise.

Helter scratched his head. “More or less. Since we’re going on an adventure, I brought everything I should.”

‘I’m speechless. Why didn’t you just bring your bed too! With this setup, I’d think you were a bandit who just finished looting!’

“Wow, wow, those muscle lines, so imposing!”

‘Key, watch out, your nosebleed is gushing again.’

“Alright… it’s about time to hit the road. Let’s go! To Twilight Forest!”

“Bang!”

Helter, along with his enormous luggage bag, got stuck in my doorway…

“Hey! How am I supposed to get out now!”

“Hmm… It’s stuck. It feels like we won’t get out without damaging the door…”

“So why did you even come in! What precious treasures do you have in there anyway!”

“Alcohol, clothes, medical supplies, basic tools, and my bed.”

‘Good heavens, he really brought his bed!’

“Put that bed back!!!”

“Um… Hero, let’s first consider how we’re going to get out…” Key said.

Thus, the Hero and her companions, after much toil and hardship, finally resolved the issue before evening, and were now ready to depart…

“It’s almost evening, you know. How about we have dinner before we go?” Helter suggested.

“Traveling at night isn’t ideal. Helter is right,” Key echoed.

“Just—go—already! Stop dragging your feet! Are you all suffering from chronic procrastination! As a person who loves to condemn, I strongly condemn you! I despise you all!”

“Then you shouldn’t have set the table with bowls and chopsticks!” both cried out in unison…

‘And so, fine… It’s over. The adventure will never begin…’