The Courage to Change

This path, which I had traversed countless times, had revealed to me its myriad forms. Often bustling with the joyous laughter of students, it occasionally bore the brunt of wind, rain, and scorching sun, making the atmosphere less lighthearted. Yet, it was never truly oppressive, for everyone had companions by their side, allowing them to playfully curse the heavens and share their misfortunes with those walking alongside them.

Now, this path wore the guise of sunset. Everything was enveloped in a layer of golden dust, hazy and antiquated, as if the entire scene had transformed into an old photograph, compelling one to reminisce about the past.

But I found nothing worth reminiscing about.

“Back then, the boys in class would just blindly egg us on, saying if the girls wore maid outfits or cheongsams, the stall would get a lot of customers. Don’t you think that’s too much?”

Yu Tianman, walking beside me at this very moment, continually drew upon her past experiences as conversation starters. Her tone and expressions shifted with each story she told, at times excited, at times playfully indignant, at times dissolving into incessant laughter.

She must have been an excellent storyteller, meticulously recounting memories, weaving in her thoughts and opinions, infusing them with her emotions and feelings. Her pace varied, her tone becoming playful at humorous points and soaring at climaxes. Anyone beside her would surely have enjoyed listening immensely.

“And then, and then, the girls in our class definitely didn’t want to! Why should only the girls suffer? Then one girl stood up and said, ‘If the girls have to wear those clothes, the boys have to wear them too!’ And the result was…”

Yet, I was hardly a competent listener. I didn’t know how to react, how to interject a comment, how to offer an evaluation… Throughout the journey, Yu Tianman continuously tossed out topics, but I caught none of them. All I could do was walk and listen, occasionally making a sound to let her know I was still there. That was the extent of my capability.

‘It must be incredibly boring to accompany someone like me.’

“That’s when the teacher stepped in, so our class combined both viewpoints and found a compromise…”

“Yu Tianman.”

Hearing me suddenly call her name, Yu Tianman quickly paused, turning to look at me. “What is it?”

I dared not meet the expectation in her beautiful eyes, my gaze involuntarily drifting across the road behind her. A boy and a girl, leaving school at the same time as us and walking the same way home, were laughing and chatting, playfully pushing and shoving. They seemed so utterly joyful, completely oblivious to my gaze, their eyes filled only with each other’s merriment.

Then my gaze returned to the path ahead.

“Why… why did you want to be friends with me back then?” I asked. “And why did you agree to let me join the Casual Chat Club?”

I knew what I was asking. I wasn’t deliberately trying to create such a sentimental atmosphere, nor did I wish to make things difficult for her… It was just that, at this moment, I felt a compelling need to ask.

But Yu Tianman showed no solemnity or awkwardness. Instead, she smiled quite naturally, her features softened by tender affection.

“Why do you ask?” she said.

“I’m well aware that I’m a boring person. I’m not good at conversation, and I certainly don’t understand humor. Even when we walk together and chat, I only listen one-sidedly… I wonder if I’ve made you compromise yourself, if you’ve constantly had to accommodate and care for me… I feel like I don’t give you any reason to do so.”

“A reason, you say…” Yu Tianman lowered her gaze in thought, her long eyelashes shimmering in the twilight. “If I told you I’m simply happy just having you listen to me… you probably wouldn’t be satisfied with that reason, would you?”

‘I didn’t believe someone could be happy speaking without a response. I found it hard to imagine.’

“Well… let me think, what’s the best way to put it?” She looked up at the setting sun, then glanced at the road ahead, nearing its end. Yu Tianman stopped walking. “Student Yi Chang, actually,” she looked at me, and I too stopped, silently returning her gaze, “I heard your name a long time ago.”

I had no questions, no curiosity. I waited quietly for her to continue.

“The girls in our class were incredibly gossipy, truly. Those first few days of school, they’d gather together, spreading rumors about others. Some things people did in junior high were still being passed around among the girls in high school.”

‘I didn’t understand their reasons for doing so, but I knew what it was like when they gossiped.’

“Then, also during those first few days of school, I heard them say that a boy in Class E had made a very popular girl cry. After a little digging, I learned that the girl had greeted the boy, and he hadn’t responded, and then she cried. As a result, that boy was condemned by everyone else in the class, and even bullied. When I heard about it, I was furious. The boy hadn’t done anything wrong! But I didn’t defend him among the girls, because everyone else sided with the girl, speaking up for her. I didn’t dare to go against the others.”

In the fading glow of the sunset, Yu Tianman and I were immersed in memories, sifting through old photographs of a past that was neither happy nor brilliant.

“And after that, I heard that same boy had been cornered on the road by other students, subjected to various threats and physical harm. I thought, ‘That’s truly too much,’ to hurt someone for such a reason, and for that boy to be hurt for such a reason. I was so afraid of such unreasonable things happening to me. That night, I secretly resolved to be even more cautious than before. Haha, not very impressive, right?”

‘The image Yu Tianman held in her memory was so humiliating, so shameful to herself. I could discern this from her expression. Each night, when she inadvertently recalled that version of herself, it must have been agonizing.’

“But the next day, I heard that boy immediately told his parents and teachers about the bullying. He led the adults back to class and identified each person who had bullied him. In the end, the parents of those students were all called to school for a talk, and those students received disciplinary action. Do you know how shocked I was when I heard that news?” She looked at me, her expression indescribable. “How could there be such a person? Someone who completely disregarded his reputation, wasn’t worried about his standing in class, and lived so freely. Truly… it was amazing. After that, he didn’t make a single friend in class, yet he still acted as if nothing had happened, attending classes normally, never interacting with anyone, but just living his school life so nonchalantly.”

“And after that, I went to find out his name,” she gazed into my eyes, completely earnest. “Yi Chang. You gave me the courage to change, allowing me to like myself a little more.”

The slanting sun, as if still reluctant to depart, lingered before setting. Yu Tianman took a step forward, heading towards the intersection where our paths would diverge.

“I can answer your previous questions now,” she said. “Why I wanted to be friends with you, why I wanted you to join the Casual Chat Club. The answer to those questions is…”

I followed behind her, the lingering light of the setting sun piercing through the clouds, blurring my vision. Yu Tianman’s figure blended into the halo of light, the double image making it unclear whether I was close to her or far away. Then she stopped once more, turning back to speak to me.

“I wanted to,” I couldn’t clearly see her expression, only hear her voice. “I wished to have you by my side, so I wanted to be friends with you, and I wanted you to come to the Casual Chat Club. That’s all.”

Having said that, Yu Tianman continued forward, and I followed behind her, unsure whether to shorten the distance. At the next intersection, our time together would end again, and my life would return to its usual rhythm. Yet, for some reason, I didn’t want that.

So I spoke.

“So, telling on people to the teacher is such an amazing thing?”

“That’s the main point?” Yu Tianman sharply turned her head to retort.

“Ah, well, yes, because whenever I can’t handle a problem myself, I just go find someone else to handle it. So I often tell teachers and my parents. Is there something wrong with that?”

Yu Tianman burst out laughing, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’ll find it very hard to make friends that way, Student Yi Chang… Ah, but you don’t make friends anyway, do you? Never mind, you don’t need to understand that. Yi Chang, just keep being yourself.”

Once her laughter subsided, silence returned between us. Only a few steps remained to the intersection, yet Yu Tianman and I, by unspoken agreement, stopped walking, gazing at each other without a word. There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do, but we simply didn’t want to move forward.

“Student Yi Chang,” Yu Tianman spoke first again. “In the future, can I just call you Yi Chang, without ‘Student’?”

“Of course. I’m more curious why you always added ‘Student’ in the first place.”

Yu Tianman smiled faintly. “Then,” she said, “thank you, Yi Chang.”

“Thank me for what?”

“Thank you for coming into my life, for helping me become a different person. Although I don’t have the courage to tell you everything yet, one day, I will show you my truest self.”

For the first time, I felt this path was incredibly long, or perhaps we were deliberately extending it. But every path, every relationship, reaches an end. Some things we always believed in never truly existed, yet we stubbornly insist on continuing down the path, even if we don’t know what awaits us.

“Well, see you tomorrow.” Yu Tianman waved, offering her farewell.