The Distance Between Us

(Ling Yan’s Perspective)

I stood there, pressing my hand against my chest, watching Zhou Chen talk with the others ahead. A faint tightness settled in my chest.

Why was this happening? Was it because Zhou Chen had refused my request? I couldn’t understand.

“Little Yan, what are you still doing back there? Everyone’s up ahead.”

Just as I was puzzling over this strange feeling, Xiao Lu ran over from the front and linked her arm through mine.

“It’s nothing. Let’s go.”

I said softly, pushing down the confusion in my heart. I didn’t want to bother anyone.

“Mm.”

Xiao Lu nodded and pulled me along as we quickened our pace toward the others waiting for us. But Zhou Chen seemed to be avoiding me—he wouldn’t look my way.

Had I done something to make him dislike me? All I did was ask to hold his hand.

He’d asked me several times before. I had thought he maybe liked holding hands with me, but was that not the case?

Along the way, I listened quietly to everyone’s chatter without joining in. Compared to Xiao Lu’s warmth and constant consideration for others, I was the type who wasn’t really interested in anything.

So the topics they discussed were things I knew little about, and I didn’t want to force myself in and make others feel awkward.

But what surprised me was that Zhou Chen could talk with everyone so easily—even about things only girls would know.

I listened carefully to his words, his voice growing louder in my ears.

Was it because he had rejected me that I suddenly noticed? Had he always been like this when talking to everyone?

When he was with me, he barely said a word. The tightness in my chest returned.

I wanted to join in, to chat with Zhou Chen. The thought suddenly surged up, but I immediately suppressed it.

Impossible. What I said would surely be boring. Otherwise, Zhou Chen wouldn’t run out of things to say with me after just a few exchanges.

I turned my head to look at Zhou Chen, who was chatting with Ai Xi up ahead. Though only a few club members separated us, he felt so far away.

“Little Yan, did something happen between you and Chenzi?”

Xiao Lu excused herself from the member she was talking to and came to my side, her face full of concern.

Had she noticed that Zhou Chen and I weren’t together? That made sense. No matter what, he always used to stay by my side.

“I don’t know.”

I said softly, staring at Zhou Chen’s back. My thoughts were a mess.

“Huh?”

Xiao Lu looked unconvinced.

“Come on, Little Yan. It’s obvious something happened. When I talked to Chenzi earlier, I felt something was off.”

“I really don’t know.”

My tone turned a bit sharper.

For some reason, Xiao Lu was always so concerned about Zhou Chen. Even if they were good friends, this seemed excessive.

“Ah, I… I didn’t mean anything else.”

Xiao Lu held my arm and gave me an awkward smile.

“If Little Yan doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. It’s between you two, after all. Haha…”

After saying that, Xiao Lu bit her lip and fell silent.

I felt a pang of guilt toward her. This was the first time I’d acted like this. But at that moment, hearing her keep asking about Zhou Chen made me inexplicably irritable, so my tone had come out harsh.

Maybe I should tell her. Perhaps she knew the reason? After all, the three of us were in the same class and had known each other the longest.

“Xiao Lu, I’m sorry about just now.”

“Mm?”

Xiao Lu looked at me in confusion, as if not understanding why I was apologizing.

“I was a bit rude earlier.”

“Ah, that! It’s nothing, really.”

Xiao Lu waved her hands flusteredly.

“No, it was my fault.”

I said to her very seriously.

“Uh, okay. I get it.”

Xiao Lu’s face showed a troubled expression. Was I being too serious? Had I not managed the right distance in my words?

I really didn’t know how to talk to people.

“I asked Zhou Chen to hold hands, but he refused.”

To avoid awkwardness, I got straight to the point.

“… Wait, what? Just because of that? Over something as trivial as holding hands?”

I looked at Xiao Lu’s shocked face in bewilderment.

What did she mean by that incredulous tone?

Was something wrong? Was holding hands trivial? I knew that holding hands between lovers was normal, but could ‘normal’ be equated with ‘trivial’?

Every time Zhou Chen asked to hold my hand, I noticed how determined he looked. So I didn’t think it was a small matter.

“No, it’s not a trivial matter.”

I said seriously to Xiao Lu.

“Ah, sorry. Maybe holding hands isn’t trivial. I’ve never held hands with a guy either. I only know from what other friends have said.”

Xiao Lu scratched her cheek awkwardly, then looked up thoughtfully, her face slightly red.

“So, Xiao Lu, do you know why?”

“Hmm… Can I ask something? Even though Little Yan and Chenzi are always together, I don’t know what happens when you’re alone. Have you… done it?”

“Done it?”

I didn’t know what she meant by ‘done it.’ What did that have to do with Zhou Chen refusing me?

“You know… kissing or… making love.”

Xiao Lu glanced around, saw that the club members were all chatting with Ai Xi and not paying attention, then leaned in and whispered in my ear.

I froze, then felt my entire face burn hot. Kissing Zhou Chen, even making love—those thoughts had never once crossed my mind.

Even though I wasn’t interested in most things, the school had s*x education classes, so I knew the basics.

Back then, it didn’t affect me. But now, imagining doing that with Zhou Chen made my head spin.

“Wow, Little Yan, your face is so red! You definitely haven’t done it, right?”

Xiao Lu looked at me with a hint of excitement.

“Mm.”

I calmed down a bit and replied softly. But when I touched my cheek, the heat still hadn’t faded.

“You two are so innocent.”

Xiao Lu pressed her hand to her forehead in exasperation, but the corner of her mouth curled up.

She seemed happy about how pure Zhou Chen and I were. Why? I didn’t quite understand.

“Other girls always share stories about their boyfriends when they talk to me.”

Xiao Lu said smugly.

“So, what does that have to do with Zhou Chen?”

I didn’t want to hear any more of this. It was making my thoughts feel strange.

“Of course it does! Your relationship is so pure, and you’re the one who asked to hold hands. That must have made Chenzi shy, and he panicked and ran away, right?”

Xiao Lu cupped her chin, looking like she was analyzing everything logically. But I still felt it wasn’t right.

I recalled Zhou Chen’s expression when he refused me. Was that shyness? I couldn’t believe it.