The Weight of Loss and a Desperate Plea

In his dream, Lin Yu held a fruit knife pressed against his lower abdomen, as water cascaded around him. Water droplets clung to his face as he warned Cai Xinyu, who had unbuckled his belt and entered the bathroom without knocking while Lin Yu was showering.

The shower water was frigid, yet as it was late summer, it wasn’t so bone-chilling as to pierce his very soul.

“I don’t want to today, not at all. Don’t force me,” he resisted, his entire body radiating an undeniable reluctance.

“You’re truly disturbed!” Cai Xinyu exclaimed, seeing the sharp blade already piercing Lin Yu’s fair, delicate lower abdomen. He dared not make a rash move. “Who the hell takes a knife into the shower?”

Lin Yu bit his lip, remaining silent. Seeing that Cai Xinyu showed no sign of leaving, he pressed down harder on the knife.

A trickle of blood seeped out.

In the blink of an eye, the dense stream of water washed away the blood flowing from his wound.

Startled by Lin Yu’s fierce resolve, Cai Xinyu quickly backed away, re-buckling his belt. He cursed through gritted teeth, “Fine, Lin Yu, you win. You’re a damn jinx!”

With a dark expression, he slammed the bathroom door shut.

“Damn it!” Cai Xinyu kicked the bathroom door twice more. “Ever since that old hag died, your temper has grown, you little trash! What a buzzkill. If I can’t have you, can’t I find someone else?”

He snatched his jacket and headed to the gay bar he frequented, seeking an outlet for his frustration.

Cai Xinyu would never know that Lin Yu had never resisted him before because he had no means of escape, no money to treat his Grandma’s illness.

In his world, Grandma was his only kin. For her sake, Lin Yu would endure anything, suffer any grievance.

But Grandma was gone now. He had nothing left to lose. He would fight Cai Xinyu with every ounce of his strength; the worst outcome would simply be a life for a life.

To someone contemplating suicide, none of it mattered.

Having forced Cai Xinyu away through self-harm, the knife in Lin Yu’s hand clattered to the floor.

His wound, continuously washed by the water, felt numb. As if impervious to pain, he slowly crouched down, hugging himself tightly, his eyes vacant.

The anguish of losing his dearest relative far surpassed any flesh wound.

Lin Yu’s mind was consumed by the delirious ramblings his Grandma had uttered on her deathbed, her reluctant, worried words, and the large, turbid tears that streamed like a broken dam from her already clouded eyes.

Those tears felt like scorching sulfuric acid, corroding Lin Yu until he was utterly raw.

“Grandma, Grandma, please stay with Xiao Yu a little longer, Grandma, don’t leave, don’t leave.”

Lin Yu was overwhelmed by despair.

Grandma had completely stopped breathing; the electrocardiogram flatlined, emitting that steady, emotionless “beep—” that ruthlessly hurled Lin Yu into an endless, plummeting abyss.

All light extinguished in that instant, everything before him turned to black dust, scattered by the chaotic wind.

He couldn’t piece together Grandma’s image; she no longer existed.

Lin Yu wanted to cry out loud, to scream, but in the end, he did nothing. He simply held Grandma’s body in silence, unmoving, unable to be pulled away by anyone.

Cai Xinyu had cursed incessantly then. “Let go of her, damn it! Aren’t you afraid of bad luck holding a corpse!?”

He fiercely pinched Lin Yu’s arm, trying to tear him away.

Yet, Lin Yu was like a bedrock, his expression vacant, not stirring an inch.

“Shit! Usually as weak as a dying man, but now you’ve got surprising strength! Lin Yu, I’m warning you!”

“I’m going to take my Grandma home, and I’m breaking up with you,” Lin Yu stated slowly, interrupting the furious Cai Xinyu.

Clutching Grandma’s still-warm body, his voice, though soft, was firm and clear.

“Break up? Hmph! On what grounds are you breaking up with me? Do you even know how much of my money you’ve spent these past few years?”

“I won’t pay you back! Not a single cent!” Lin Yu’s eyes finally flickered. He mustered immense courage, standing firm against Cai Xinyu.

Cai Xinyu had a violent streak, though it usually manifested only after he had been drinking.

When drunk, he would fly into a rage, but he always knew to intentionally avoid Lin Yu’s handsome face, choosing instead to strike areas that could be concealed by clothing.

The next day, sober, he would feign remorse, claiming his actions weren’t intentional, begging Lin Yu for forgiveness, and promising never to lay a hand on him again, vowing to drink less.

For three years, Lin Yu had been beaten into numbness.

His promises were utter rubbish. If only he could escape Cai Xinyu’s control, find where that scoundrel had hidden his ID and graduation certificate, avoid being locked in the house, and ensure his phone wasn’t bugged with a tracker, Lin Yu would have undoubtedly taken Grandma and fled far away.

He had hands and a mind; he was certain he could find work and earn enough to support Grandma.

Even if it meant laboring on a construction site, he could endure the hardship.

Splashes of water constantly welled in Lin Yu’s eyes, yet no tears would fall.

Even now, while showering, a chain wrapped with cotton was bound around his neck, holding him captive like a dog by Cai Xinyu.

His range of movement extended only this far: to the toilet, to the shower.

Lin Yu endured, waiting to observe a month of mourning for Grandma. Once he had fulfilled his filial duty, he would have nothing left to care about.

****

Nightmare after nightmare plagued Lin Yu, and Jiang Yan watched him sleep with growing unease, his eyes filled with melancholy.

The kitten in its cage had long been startled awake by Lin Yu’s restless movements. It stared at Lin Yu with wide, round eyes, filled with terror.

Having been harmed by humans before, a deep fear was etched into its bones. It huddled in a corner of the cage, constantly hissing in warning.

Jiang Yan carried the cage to the living room, allowing the kitten to escape its frightening environment and settle down.

“You two poor things,” he murmured. “A traumatized person has frightened a traumatized cat, yet I can help neither of you.”

“Grandma…” the person in the room suddenly cried out loudly. Jiang Yan rushed back, almost colliding with Lin Yu, who was running down barefoot.

“Grandma!” Lin Yu lunged forward, tightly embracing Jiang Yan’s waist. The boy was sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for breath, pleading, “Grandma, don’t leave me, don’t leave me!”

Jiang Yan’s heart ached. He held the boy close.

“Silly child, you’ve woken up from a nightmare.” The IV stand had already been pulled over by Lin Yu.

Jiang Yan tried to pry Lin Yu’s hands apart to check if the IV needle had broken off in his hand, but the boy’s strength was surprisingly immense; he clung tightly to Jiang Yan.

He dared not use too much force, fearing he would hurt him.

“What’s going on here?” Two junior nurses, hearing the commotion, rushed over.

“Quick, check his hand, see if the needle is still there,” Jiang Yan urged, his voice filled with worry.

The junior nurses were seasoned professionals; one glance at the scene told them the patient had woken from a fright, especially a patient in such a fragile mental state. Normally, a family member and a junior nurse would have to stay by their side constantly, but Dr. Wang had specifically instructed that Jiang Yan’s presence with Lin Yu would suffice, so the nurses weren’t entering the room as often.

“The needle is intact,” the junior nurse reported after checking. “It seems the connecting tube has been torn.”

“Click.” Another junior nurse switched on the light, instantly illuminating the room.

Indeed, the tube had been severed, and a small puddle of medication had gathered on the floor.

Lin Yu’s hand began to bleed back, and the junior nurse quickly moved to stop the flow.

The moment the light came on, Jiang Yan distinctly felt Lin Yu’s body press even tighter into his embrace.

“Turn off the light,” he said, sensing Lin Yu’s aversion to brightness.

“Turn off the light?” the junior nurse echoed, puzzled.

“Yes, turn it off,” Jiang Yan repeated, his tone resolute.

“Oh…” She switched off the light.

True to Jiang Yan’s observation, Lin Yu’s body visibly relaxed in the darkness.

“Grandma…”

“Junior nurse, his body is burning hot; he must have a fever. Please give him an antipyretic shot immediately.”

“Fever?” A junior nurse approached to check, gasping softly. “He’s absolutely scorching! Dr. Wang administered preventative medication this afternoon; why has it had no effect on him? I’ll give him another shot right away.”

The two junior nurses went to prepare the injection.

Jiang Yan gently patted the feverish Lin Yu, lifting him onto the bed, but Lin Yu clung to him desperately, refusing to let go.

“Grandma, it hurts, my head hurts so much.”

“Of course, after showering in cold water for so long, and now with a fever, how could your head not hurt?” He felt both heartache and anger—anger at himself for trusting Lin Yu to shower properly. Next time, he vowed, he would personally accompany the boy and wash him himself.

Soon, the junior nurse returned to administer the injection, but Lin Yu absolutely refused to release Jiang Yan. His muscles were so tense that the junior nurse couldn’t possibly give him the shot.

“Grandma… Grandma,” Lin Yu mumbled, his consciousness clouded, repeating the name.

A sudden idea struck Jiang Yan. He turned to the junior nurse, “Find an older nurse on duty, someone who can pretend to be his Grandma.”

The junior nurse looked troubled. “Hospital regulations state that nurses over 40 aren’t allowed to work night shifts. We younger ones can endure them, which is why we’re on night duty.”

“Then a family member,” Jiang Yan proposed, changing his plan. “Find an accompanying family member who could be a Grandma, or an elderly person without a severe illness, to play the part.”

“Looking for family members or nurses?” Wang Jian’s voice came from behind them.

“You haven’t gone home?” Jiang Yan asked.

“With your little darling hospitalized in my care, dare I go home? I must be on standby at my post at all times, my great movie star!”

“Good brother, you’re the best!” Jiang Yan said urgently. “So, what’s your suggestion?”

“Call your esteemed mother and have her pretend to be Lin Yu’s Grandma.”

“That could work. Quick, get my phone out and call her.”

“Your hands seem quite free, too, don’t they?” Wang Jian asked, retrieving Jiang Yan’s phone.

“He needs comfort, and my hands are comforting him right now,” Jiang Yan replied, his reasoning perfectly sound.

Wang Jian smiled. “Exactly, exactly.” Then, with a hint of self-reproach, he added, “I didn’t dare administer too much medication this afternoon, fearing his body was too weak to handle it. The fever intervention failed, and that’s on me.”

Jiang Yan shook his head. Wang Jian had been very thoughtful in his considerations.

–The call connected swiftly. Jiang Yan’s mother immediately teased him, “Your father told me you found a daughter-in-law? You, of all people, with your discerning taste, who never noticed anyone in the entertainment industry teeming with beauties—what, have you managed to snag a celestial fairy?”

–”Mom, don’t say anything yet. When you hear the word ‘Grandma,’ just answer, and try to use an older-sounding voice.”

–Song Liping: “Huh?”

Then she heard a profoundly sorrowful, soft, and aggrieved “Grandma…”

Suddenly, Song Liping’s heart clenched as if seized by an invisible hand.

She hesitated for a moment, then, heeding her son’s words, she deepened her voice and responded clearly, “Grandma’s here!”

At that response, Lin Yu’s body trembled abruptly. His face slowly lifted from Jiang Yan’s embrace, revealing an expression of profound confusion.

Dominated by the high fever, his thoughts were chaotic, with memories of Grandma and Cai Xinyu constantly overlapping, tormenting him.

“Grandma?” Hearing a reply, his consciousness faltered, all his jumbled memories fixating on Grandma’s fragmented, un-piecable face.

–”Hm, I’m here,” Song Liping responded, still lowering her voice.

She didn’t know what was happening, but Song Liping absolutely trusted her son not to do anything that would cause her worry. From childhood, Jiang Yan had been an exceptionally independent, self-aware, and sensible child.

“Grandma… she’s… gone, isn’t she?” Lin Yu, who had been clinging tightly to Jiang Yan’s hand, suddenly released him. He quickly shrank back to the foot of the bed, staring at the dark figures before him with extreme revulsion, then hurled a pillow at them. At the same time, he cried out in utter collapse, “Cai Xinyu, I don’t want to see you!”

Then a sharp pain shot through his head, and a gentle face, radiating a sunny smile like a beacon, appeared in Lin Yu’s mind. It was Jiang Yan, the idol he regarded as his spiritual pillar.

“Jiang Yan, Jiang Yan, save me…” The previously agitated Lin Yu suddenly became incredibly still. He hugged himself, trembling all over, whispering a desperate plea for help.

Song Liping’s mind was filled with questions, but she didn’t voice them, instead waiting quietly.

“Lin Yu, I’m here.” Jiang Yan couldn’t quite articulate the feelings he harbored for Lin Yu now. Beneath his sympathy, he truly felt something rapidly taking root and blossoming in his heart.

Seeing Lin Yu in such a state caused him immense distress.

All this harm was Cai Xinyu’s doing, Jiang Yan told himself; he would absolutely not let that scoundrel get away with it!