Chapter 16: No, if I had never caught this disease in the first place…

Yun Ho’s POV

When I asked her to feed me, Si Eun showed a reaction of, “Why is someone who normally wouldn’t suddenly acting like this?”, but soon, she kindly scooped up a spoonful of rice and gave it to me.

“Here, aah~”

“Aah…”

‘Mmm…!

D, delicious…!’

Si Eun’s food was more delicious than I had expected.

I was surprised to find out that Si Eun was quite good at cooking, since I thought she was so rich that she’d never have had to cook for herself.

“How is it, Yun Ha?

Is it good?”

“Yeah… It’s edible.”

Then, Si Eun looked deeply moved.

Why was she getting moved so often?

I was just showing my true feelings…

‘My… true feelings…?’

Wait, what were my true feelings?

I was definitely treating Si Eun with disgust until just recently.

But after getting drunk last time, I’ve been constantly acting spoiled with Si Eun…?

Why was I being like this?

“Yun Ha, what’s wrong?

Are you perhaps… not enjoying the food…?”

“Ah, no… I just have something on my mind…”

“You seem to have a lot of worries lately.

Are you really okay?”

I nodded, finished all the food that Si Eun had given me, and went into my room.

I told Si Eun that I wanted to be alone, and she willingly stepped back.

‘Why am I being like this…’

So, this started on the day I drank.

The reason I drank was because that day was a tough day, and the reason it was a tough day was because I kept getting rejected at interviews and got beaten up by strangers.

Why was that?

‘Ah, it was because of TS disease.’

The reason this was happening was because of that f*cking disease.

Yes, that TS disease that suddenly spread throughout Korea.

It’s the starting point of all this.

If it wasn’t for that disease, I wouldn’t have almost been kidnapped by that shady guy earlier.

If it just wasn’t for that disease…

“……”

I knew that I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts.

I knew that fact better than anyone else.

But if I hadn’t contracted TS disease, Si Eun wouldn’t have sacrificed her time to take care of me like this, and that shady guy wouldn’t have been getting criticized by people.

Thinking that, I opened the desk drawer next to my bed and rummaged through it.

What came out was a box cutter.

The truth was that I didn’t want to do this.

But suddenly, I was overcome with self-loathing.

Honestly, other people might not understand how I went from thinking about what my true feelings were earlier to self-loathing.

But I had a different set of values than other people.

-Zzzh

I slit my wrist without hesitation.

It hurt, but it felt like the knot I had in my heart was being untied.

How did I end up here?

Why was I really being like this?

-Knock knock

“Um, Yun Ha?

I’m starting to get worried… Won’t you open the door now?”

“Ah, just a minute…!”

I quickly grabbed some tissues and pressed them against the wound on my wrist to stop the bleeding.

The bleeding wasn’t stopping as quickly as I had expected.

I didn’t want to show Si Eun this side of me…

“Yun Ha, I, I’m coming in…?”

-Thump

Si Eun opened the door, and her expression froze as soon as she saw me.

Well, what kind of reaction would you have if your younger sister, who had said she wanted to be alone, was suddenly pressing a pile of tissues to her wrist, and the tissues were covered in blood?

“Yun…Ha..?

What… what are you doing…?”