The Weight of Guilt and a Cold Awakening

After several women relentlessly plied her with wine, Bai Yuan had only felt a slight dizziness during the banquet.

Now, as she quieted and the night wind brushed against her, she finally realized something was amiss.

The wine’s after-effects were proving to be remarkably potent.

Instinctively, Bai Yuan circulated her qi in an attempt to sober up.

Yet, it would have been better had she not. The moment her qi began to flow, she discovered it too seemed tainted by the alcohol, sluggish and listless, utterly incapable of rousing her senses.

‘Had she… been tricked?’

Her mind tried to sound an alarm, but in the depths of her consciousness, she found this hazy intoxication rather pleasant.

It seemed harmless, perhaps even beneficial for cultivation.

‘Perhaps it was merely one of Fourth Madam’s pranks?’

Yang Xuan was right beside her, so there was nothing to fear. She decided to simply let it be.

Bai Yuan thought languidly, abandoning the struggle against the effects.

Her mind grew increasingly muddled. Though her feet still carried her forward, she moved purely by instinct, turning unconsciously towards her own courtyard upon reaching an intersection.

“You’ve taken the wrong path.”

A voice came from beside her.

Bai Yuan looked up at the man next to her, still somewhat dazed. “My lord?”

A large hand reached out, pulling her towards another path.

“The Golden Bamboo Courtyard is this way.”

The voice in her ear held a hint of helplessness as he tugged her along the small path.

Bai Yuan offered no resistance, allowing him to lead her into a rather elegant courtyard.

Several maids and matrons came forward to greet them. Yang Xuan instructed someone to bring sobering tea, then led Bai Yuan into the house.

“This courtyard isn’t quite right.”

Still somewhat disoriented, Bai Yuan’s eyes scanned the elegant decor around her. After a careful assessment, she looked out at the courtyard for a moment before delivering a rather negative critique.

“Not quite right?”

Yang Xuan inquired from beside her, a flicker of interest in his tone.

“No, it’s not.”

Bai Yuan nodded earnestly, raising a finger to point out each flaw. “Though it’s close to the main house, the bamboo grove obstructs the view. While Sister Liu watches over the south side, her pregnancy makes it even more inconvenient.”

“The north gate is quite far from the Imperial Guard Hall, and not far to the east is a wall leading directly to the main street. If I were to cause trouble here, I could easily escape and disappear into the crowd, unless my lord personally intervened.”

“It’s far inferior to my original residence, which was securely locked on all four sides. If one wanted to flee, it would surely cause a huge commotion…”

Yang Xuan stared, then shook his head with a sigh, not bothering to entertain her drunken ramblings.

He simply waited for the maid to bring the sobering tea, dropped a pill into it, and instructed Bai Yuan to drink it all at once.

Bai Yuan was surprisingly obedient, downing two cups consecutively. Soon, her mind felt clearer than before, and then… she remembered what had just happened.

She turned her head to look at the man watching her.

“I lost my composure.”

Such nonsensical talk naturally warranted an apology – even with her thick skin, she felt a trace of apprehension.

“You seemed quite happy tonight.”

The man was silent for a moment before speaking, his words seemingly unrelated.

His tone was flat, devoid of emotion, making it impossible to discern if it was a question or a taunt.

‘Happy? It seems… perhaps a little?’

Humans were, after all, social creatures. After too long in solitude, the joy of returning to a crowd was impossible to suppress. She hadn’t expected the man to notice.

Bai Yuan meticulously examined her inner self, sighing softly.

“Uh… it was a rare occasion to be with Sister Qin and Sister Yin, so I became a little carried away.”

“Sister Qin, Sister Yin… you call them quite intimately.”

The man scoffed.

‘Does this fellow dislike it?’

Bai Yuan pondered the meaning of his words, wondering if she should try to avoid such gatherings in the future. Then, she heard him speak again.

“I’ve reviewed the information collected about you in the Bai family. Since childhood, you’ve disliked drinking, believing it leads to mistakes. You even once executed a family elder on the spot for it.”

‘So the Rumor Hall even dug up such details,’ Bai Yuan thought. In truth, it was a lingering trauma from a drinking incident in her previous life, coupled with an opportune moment to assert her authority by eliminating an ill-behaved elder.

However, she remained silent, listening to the man continue.

“But tonight, when they offered you wine, you never refused.”

“Uh…”

This man truly observed everything. Bai Yuan’s mind raced, searching for a plausible excuse to brush him off.

“You feel guilty.”

The man stated calmly, his tone utterly certain.

Bai Yuan’s head snapped up, meeting his eyes, which seemed to penetrate the depths of her soul.

“You are remorseful. So, even though you have no interest in drinking, as long as they toast you, you drink, without a hint of refusal, nor do you bother to discern if anything is hidden in the wine.”

“Therefore, you have silently endured those servants all this time. As long as they weren’t too excessive, you offered no resistance.”

“Therefore, this afternoon, when Qian Ying was about to slap you, you were prepared to simply take it.”

“Do you believe that by doing so, your heart will feel better?”

His cold, sharp words mercilessly tore open her carefully constructed defenses, piercing directly into the most painful part of her heart.

‘Had she been so obvious?’

‘Yes, guilt… that was certainly it.’

Bai Yuan sat in a daze, a profound, unyielding bitter smile slowly curving her lips.

She recalled the mountain of corpses before the Jade Emperor Temple.

She remembered vivid faces, cursing, roaring, throwing themselves at her without regard for their lives, only to die by her sword, merely to delay her advance.

She remembered seeing Qian Ying later – the once spirited Second Madam, now gaunt and clad in sackcloth, who had even resorted to forbidden techniques, risking her life to contend with her.

Compared to that, what did enduring cold meals or a few slaps truly amount to?

“Ultimately… I made mistakes in the past, injuring Sister Qian Ying. Now that she’s striking back, enduring a little grievance is only proper.”

She laughed woodenly, her voice hoarse, a forced justification for herself.

“Is that so…”

Clearly, the man did not believe her in the slightest.

His lips curved slightly, a hint of playfulness, perhaps even mockery. “Is that all?”

‘Of course – it wasn’t.’

‘But what else could she say?’

“My lord believes… there is more?”

She closed her eyes, abandoning all resistance.

“Me?”

Yang Xuan stared at her for a moment, then suddenly relaxed, leaning back in his chair. He spoke languidly, “I have no particular thoughts, except that if you remain steeped in such emotions, your future path will likely narrow.”

“Uh… hm?”

Bai Yuan’s eyes snapped open, only to see a cold, mocking smile playing on the man’s lips.

“I don’t understand why the exceptional woman once hailed as the foremost prodigy of the Northwest has become a resentful woman of the inner chambers, capable only of self-pity.”

“To feel remorse for mistakes is a good thing. However, if one merely wallows in self-pity daily, even tormenting oneself in the name of atonement, it will likely prove to be a futile endeavor in the end.”

“The Demonic Sect’s method of corruption thrives on such individuals.”

The man’s final words carried a heavier weight, striking Bai Yuan’s heart like an iron hammer.

“Demonic Sect… method of corruption?”

She was startled, staring into the man’s eyes. After a long silence, she finally stood up and bowed deeply to Yang Xuan, her voice tinged with difficulty.

“I, your concubine, thank my lord for your guidance.”

“Guidance is too strong a word. At most, I merely spoke when I couldn’t bear to watch. Whether you heed it is your concern. Your future path must still be walked by yourself.”

The man said coldly, then stood up.

“Well, it’s getting late. You’re sober enough. Help your husband undress.”