The Price of Standing Alone

“I knew Cecil’s writing was different from the rest.”

Praise from the professor poured over me as I sat beside Senior Serman.

“I intentionally read the papers without checking the names first, but after just three lines, I knew this was Cecil’s. How can you write so uniquely and engagingly? It’s a pity you’re an only child; you’ll have to prepare to succeed your family right after graduation. Such a waste. If you studied under me at the Academy for just a few more years, you would surely become a literary great.”

“Thank you. But, um…” I trailed off before continuing. “I was only able to finish this piece thanks to Senior Serman’s advice.”

Is this how I’m supposed to do it? I stole a glance at Serman. He smiled, his eyes crinkling as if telling me I had done a good job. The professor’s eyes went wide.

“Oh? Are you two close?”

“We’re planning to become close starting today.” Serman placed a friendly hand on my arm. “We realized during the tour that Cecil and I get along remarkably well.”

“Is that so? Good to see, good to see.”

Senior Fernando glared at us with a murderous expression, but Serman didn’t even spare him a glance. Once the club activity ended, Serman turned to me with an invitation.

“Would you like to come to my room for a cup of tea?”

I nodded. After waving to the students who greeted him politely, Serman led me toward his quarters.

His room was overflowing with books. He really does love reading. He prepared tea and scones on the terrace and gestured for me to sit.

“Make yourself at home.”

“Yes, thank you.”

I had braced myself, but I still felt like I was sitting on a bed of needles. I took a sip of tea.

“The professor mentioned it earlier, right? That you have no siblings.”

“Yes, I’m an only child.”

“The professor says you can start preparing after graduation, but it’s better to start now. It will be much harder than anything you’re imagining.”

“…….”

When I didn’t respond, Serman apologized with an embarrassed look.

“Ah, was I being too meddlesome? Sorry, it’s just that I feel for you. I’m an only child too, so I’m currently preparing to take over my family’s estate.”

“……It must be overwhelming.”

“It is. Balancing it with graduation prep is frantic. If I’d known, I would have just attended an academy in the Kingdom of Neptune. We have decent academies there, though they don’t have the prestige of this one.”

“…….”

“Don’t just drink the tea, have a scone. A junior I know brought them as a gift, and they’re quite delicious.” Serman pushed the plate toward me. Then he added, “You’re quite a quiet person, aren’t you, Cecil?”

I reflexively bowed my head. “Ah, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. If there are talkative people, there have to be quiet people too.” Serman broke a scone with his fork. “Now, shall we get to the point?”

“Oh, yes.”

“May I ask why you suddenly changed your mind? You seem like the type who truly dislikes taking sides and fighting.”

“……Well, as you said, I can’t say I enjoy it.” I gathered my courage and added, “Does anyone actually like taking sides and fighting?”

Serman said flatly, “Plenty of people do, Cecil.”

“Pardon?”

“A great many people.”

“…….”

“You are the unusual one,” Serman said with an elegant laugh, covering his mouth. “Belonging somewhere, having people to walk beside you—it’s very good for one’s mental health.”

“…….”

Serman suddenly reached out and took my hand.

“It always pained me to watch you because you didn’t seem to realize that.”

“What?” What kind of logic is this now? I quickly pulled my hand back. “I have friends.”

“Not in the General Department, you don’t.”

“……Well, I, uh.”

Serman kept a gentle face while driving a dagger into my chest. “Just in case you’re mistaken, people who tell you about school announcements aren’t ‘friends.’ They’re just kind-hearted classmates.”

“I know that much.”

“Then what were you going to say?”

I clutched my battered heart and replied, “I was going to cleanly admit that I don’t have friends in the General Department.”

“Wow, you’re quick to concede.”

“I’ve found that admitting things as fast as possible results in less mental anguish.”

“Haha, you really are smart.” Serman poured me another cup of tea and called my name. “Cecil.”

“Yes, Senior.”

“I think very highly of you. You’re talented and quite handsome. When I first saw you, I was actually curious.”

“About what?”

“Why is someone like this staying out of the spotlight?”

My eyes went wide.

“You know how it is. Nobles love to stand out, and if they have talent, they want to show it off even more.”

“…….”

Serman’s hand lightly brushed my cheek. I found myself unable to move.

“Cecil, you have talent. You’re good-looking. Sure, you had that little incident in your first year, but you still have a professor who trusts you implicitly. But what does that matter?” Serman lowered his voice as if sharing a secret. “Even if you have talent, if there’s no one to recognize and appreciate it, you can’t put it to use.”

“…….”

“If you want to use what you have properly—if you truly want to live a peaceful life—you have to step inside the circle of people.”

“……Are you saying…”

“That’s right. The more you stay alone, the more you stay quiet, the more you will stand out, and the more people will grow to dislike you. In that sense, you made the best choice today.”

He stood up and looked down at me. The sunlight cast a shadow over his face, making it impossible to read his expression. Just as a chill ran down my spine, he patted my shoulder.

“From now on, I will teach you everything, step by step.”

My conversation with Senior Serman didn’t end until the sky was pitch black. I had already told the others I’d be late due to club activities anyway.

I needed to head back to the dorms, but my body felt heavy. I trudged back toward my room like a limp octopus. Fernando’s verbal abuse and Serman’s advice took turns echoing in my ears.

Is it because I learned too much all at once? I couldn’t take it anymore. Let’s just rest for a bit. I sat down on a nearby bench.

“…….”

I’ve known since forever that everyone has different thoughts and perspectives.

But I didn’t realize they could be this different. My attempt to keep my head down to avoid notice looked like a desperate plea for attention to one person, and a pitiful sight to another. I wished people were just all the same; then I wouldn’t have to deal with these misunderstandings.

I gripped my sleeve out of frustration. Only today did I realize how I should have acted if I truly wanted to remain invisible.

The saying about hiding a tree in a forest came to mind. To truly hide, I should have stepped into the crowd, laughing and chatting as if nothing was wrong—like a perfectly ordinary student.

But how was that possible?

I still remember that day so vividly. What that person did to me, how everyone looked at me.

Because of that incident, it was hard for me to stand in front of people for a long time. Part of me wanted to stay hidden forever, but soon after, I had to do a presentation. No matter how much you hate something, you have to do it to maintain a smooth school life. I thought I had been doing enough by enduring the things I hated.

But today, that was completely invalidated.

I was told I should have approached the people who judged me, smiled more at the people who openly despised me, and offered a public apology to Lian—the one who actually harmed me.

Serman had stood me in front of a mirror and offered advice in a quiet, steady voice.

—The rumors have already spread as much as they can, and people have branded you, but it’s okay. It’s not too late for you.

With his long silver hair braided over his shoulder, Serman had whispered from behind me.

—If you do as I say, you can fix everything. Shall we start by changing your expression?

—My expression?

—From now on, you must use everything you have. Because you have to step into the crowd.

Serman’s fingers had pulled the corners of my mouth upward.

—There, how is it?

—S-Senior.

—Much better, right?

I couldn’t hold it back anymore and shouted, “There’s no way that looks better!”

The image of myself in that mirror still haunted me—the sight of me forced into a smile by Senior Serman. I huffed and sat back down on the bench. Fernando’s words came back to me.

—I hate people like you most—those who do nothing but complain internally.

“…….”

It was infuriating, but Fernando wasn’t entirely wrong. I hadn’t been able to say a single word back to Serman earlier, after all.

But what could I do? In a situation where I’m already disliked, speaking up about my complaints would only make people hate me more.

Then again, Fernando had no right to say that. He only lashed out because I didn’t take his side. I hadn’t done anything to harm him or the club.

Ugh, just thinking about it makes my anger flare up again. Well, at least I got my revenge by immediately talking to Senior Serman. I should just forget about Fernando and go eat something delicious with Michael and Ronia…. I paused mid-stride.

No, but seriously.

Annoying things are annoying no matter when you think about them. Bitter as it is, Serman was right. If I keep going solo, I’ll just keep getting attacked by people like Fernando. And it’s not just him. Lian is still out there playing the part of the innocent victim and the “good person,” making me out to be the villain.