The Weight of Reality

Returning home, I collapsed onto my large bed.

I was so tired.

My body and mind felt as weary as a wounded soldier returning from battle.

Feeling an uncomfortable pressure on my chest, I reached into my hoodie, unfastened the front clasp of my bra, pulled it out, and tossed it aside.

Much better now…

Ah, I just want to rot away in bed like this…

Hiding my face in the duvet, I caught a fresh scent, as if it were the lingering body fragrance from last night.

I sniffed myself. Despite having been out for a long time, I didn’t seem to have sweated much, nor was there any unpleasant odor. Instead, the fragrance, akin to orchids in a secluded valley, seemed even more potent.

Is it because, after becoming a girl, my hormones are at work, making my body scent attractive to the opposite s*x?

How annoying. Why did my body compromise without my consent?

In retaliation, I decided not to shower today, letting my disobedient body suffer!

If I’m not a little ruthless with myself, how can I always remember my original aspirations?

Suddenly, the thought of a beautiful girl smelling of natto because she didn’t shower flashed through my mind.

Perhaps I should go shower first…

When I emerged from my bedroom, Ling Chen was rummaging through the refrigerator for ingredients.

“Sister, what are we having for dinner tonight?”

I pulled out my phone. “How about ordering takeout?”

Ling Chen looked a little exasperated. “I told you not to live such a shut-in life.”

“Then it’s up to you. I’m going to shower first.”

Ling Chen searched for a long time but couldn’t find any fresh vegetables in the refrigerator.

“I’ll go to the nearby market to buy some vegetables. Sister, do you have any spare change?”

“My wallet is on top of the refrigerator; you can get it yourself. But are you sure you’ll be fine going to the market alone?”

“I’m not a blockhead like you, Sister.”

“Why am I a blockhead again?”

Why has my brother suddenly become so rude to me? Didn’t he initially say I was his favorite Elder Sister?

Ling Chen said curtly, “Even when I was still in Sister’s body, I knew Sister was a hot-blooded, hormonal teenager. After today, I’ve come to realize that Sister is a completely rotten blockhead, inside and out.”

“How could this be…”

Struck by my own brother’s words, I felt utterly devastated, as if my soul had been ripped out, and I slumped to the floor.

Ling Chen looked up at me and said, “But I don’t dislike you, Sister. Although Sister is selfish, forgetful, weak-willed, afraid of socializing, and has a terrible shut-in personality, I’ve also found some redeeming qualities in you.”

“I have so many flaws…” Though Ling Chen had relentlessly criticized me, my eyes lit up at the end. “So, what are my redeeming qualities?”

“Sister being a blockhead is your biggest redeeming quality.”

“Huh?”

He smiled at me. “A blockhead like you, Sister, is much easier for me to train.”

In my eyes, this cheerful, bright young man was nothing short of a terrifying Archdemon King.

Just imagine, a person who knows everything about you and is omniscient and omnipotent—there’s simply no way to resist them!

I sobbed like a helpless woman robbed by bandits:

“At least, please be gentle with me.”

“Sister, your innate talent for instantly embodying any role, anytime, anywhere, is also one of your strengths. Since you don’t want to work hard or get married, to avoid wasting resources, why not just become an idol? Go for it! I think a high-quality beautiful girl like you, Sister, will definitely make a big splash in the entertainment industry.”

“I don’t want to go into the entertainment industry. I don’t even know any celebrities, and I’m not interested in it.”

Although I was just an ordinary person, I had to admit, I had already analytically dissected the essence of celebrities from a business perspective.

If I were wearing my glasses right now, I would undoubtedly be emitting a piercing, cold light, much like Commander Ikari.

“In this era, celebrities can’t just rely on simple methods to make a name for themselves in the entertainment industry. Success is actually a game of capital. If a grassroots individual like me wants to climb to the top, even selling myself wouldn’t guarantee success.”

“For instance, our idol campus belle became popular by leveraging the power behind her, along with capital and traffic. Indeed, she’s exceptionally beautiful, possesses an energetic girl-next-door personality, and her well-rounded, knowledgeable demeanor is beyond reproach—it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call her a national beautiful girl.”

“But are the idols who debuted at the same time necessarily inferior to her? It’s just that with the support of a professional team and abundant capital, she was the most dazzling one, thus receiving the most traffic and resources.”

“I’m not someone who makes decisions purely on impulse; I’ve actually thought carefully about my future…”

“I hope, Sister, when you’re starving but still spending money on games, you’ll remember these words and heed them.”

Ling Chen, finding himself too short to reach the wallet on top of the refrigerator, moved a chair over, continuing, “Sister thinks too much but accomplishes nothing. You’re a giant in thought but a dwarf in action.”

“Ugh, that’s why I feel so much pain—that feeling of being the only one awake in a drunken world. Hmph, can’t reach it, can you? Let me!”

I walked over to Ling Chen, intending to help him retrieve the wallet, only to find that even stretching my arm, I barely brushed the edge of the refrigerator’s top.

It suddenly dawned on me that I was a full 15 centimeters shorter than before.

Ling Chen, standing on the chair, finally got hold of the wallet, casting a condescending glance at my dejected form.

“That’s just how you are, Sister. You’re either overly confident in everything you do or you like to run away.”

I twirled a strand of my light golden hair around my finger, openly admitting, “I can’t help it; I’ve always been this kind of person.”

“That’s why I want to change your terrible personality, Sister.”

Ling Chen opened the wallet, pulled out the only two ten-yuan bills inside, and said with resignation, “The refrigerator is full of frozen food, and there’s dust on your wallet. How long has it been since you cooked for yourself, Sister?”

“Normally, I eat at the cafeteria. During holidays, my time is limited; I don’t even have enough time to play games, let alone prepare food.”

Ling Chen tilted his head, looking at me. “Sister, isn’t your cooking pretty good?”

“It is good, but…”

I was quite confident in my culinary skills. Both my parents couldn’t cook and were always elusive at home. They couldn’t even take care of themselves, let alone me.

To prevent our family from starving, the weighty task of cooking fell to me.

I used to think that with my excellent cooking skills, I would surely find a wife. Now, I realize how naive that thought was.

Attempting to win a girl’s stomach with good food is less effective than winning her heart with money. After all, a girl who eats with you at home and praises your cooking isn’t just an ordinary acquaintance.

The ‘good homemaker’ attribute is merely an add-on. Take Hachiman Hikigaya, the ‘Sensei’ character; his wish to be a kept man wasn’t fulfilled by his persistence in wanting to be a house husband, but by his personal charm.

In anime, reclusiveness can be seen as cool and unique. In reality, such people are simply annoying.

In reality, finding a beautiful girl with a compatible personality, who has the life of a princess but not the ‘princess syndrome,’ and is always sharp-witted and emotionally intelligent, is simply a dream.

Of course, I admit my goddess is a truly ideal, perfect beautiful girl, but the problem is, I’m not worthy of her!

Otherwise, why would I have been a simp for so many years?

I just want to maintain some connection with her. As for what she thinks of me, I no longer care.

I know I like her, and even if she just says a word to me, I consider it a win.

Don’t call me pessimistic; this reality is just so cold, relentlessly twisting me into a warped shut-in and a pathetic simp.

Sigh, why can’t I be like a novel’s male protagonist, surrounded by beautiful girls who all adore me?

But I was inexplicably turned into a girl; I don’t fit the protagonist’s mold at all.

If there truly were a protagonist in this world, he’d probably raise an arm, and I’d instantly turn into an idiot and fall into his embrace.

Though the ancients used the phrase, “Heaven and Earth are impartial; they treat all things as straw dogs,” to explain that the heavens treat everyone equally, favoring no one and harming no one.

In reality, I am a straw dog, while some people are the heavens.

Others are neither good nor bad to me; in their eyes, my presence has always been faint.

Perhaps in my goddess’s eyes, I’m like air—she knows I exist, but merely sees me as a part of her daily routine, indifferent to liking or disliking me; it’s just habit.

How heartbreaking. I’m practically just a tool.

“Sister, why are you falling into a self-secluded state again? When you’re like this, you’re as dull as a puppet, not listening to a word anyone says.”

Ling Chen waved his hand in front of my face. Seeing no reaction from me, he muttered to himself, “I’ll go to the market downstairs to buy some eggs and some ham and shrimp to make fried rice. Although I’ve seen Sister make it before, I’m not confident, and cooking it myself makes me a little nervous. It seems Sister still has some excellent qualities in certain areas; having good cooking skills is a nice bonus. If Sister’s personality wasn’t so terrible, she’d definitely be very popular.”

Ling Chen’s gaze, as he appraised me, felt like he was estimating my potential dowry, yet I wasn’t angry at all.

In this world, only my own brother wouldn’t treat me like air; at least he still saw me as a valuable commodity.

This was the feeling of being valued!

“Waaah, Ling Chen, we only have each other! Only you care about me!”

“Sister, why are you suddenly hugging me? You’re crushing me! Wait, Sister, you’re not wearing a bra!”