The Apostle’s Bath and Existential Musings

The bathroom was hazy with steam. Amidst the pattering sound, I closed my eyes, feeling the sensation of hot water flowing over my skin.

Taking a bath often served as an opportune moment for introspection, perfectly suited for contemplating life’s profound questions.

Throughout history, countless groundbreaking ideas and brilliant inspirations have famously sparked during moments of bathing.

I reveled in this solitary, tranquil time, humming ‘Scarborough Fair’ softly to myself. The melodious tune imbued the narrow bathroom with an unexpected sense of luxury, akin to a Roman bathhouse.

When I was a man, I genuinely loved to sing, yet my awful voice and poor pitch made me self-conscious. Fearing the embarrassment of my shortcomings, I always pretended I disliked music.

Now, however, those concerns had vanished. Since transforming into a girl, my voice had become remarkably delicate and soft, a stark contrast to my previous low, hoarse tones.

My vocal cords now produced a clear, ethereal sound, so pure it was deeply comforting.

When I sang ancient folk songs, my voice carried a sacred quality, much like a choir girl’s.

Emmmmm, have I finally discovered the reason my voice transformed this way?

The white-bearded old man must have considered the idea of chanting hymns within his cultural context, which is why I suddenly gained this singing talent.

Yet, my musical tastes were incredibly eclectic; I enjoyed rock, folk, and even appreciated piano pieces and symphonies. My absolute favorites, however, were impassioned leftist anthems.

I was a proud leftist capable of singing ‘The Internationale’ in five languages—Russian, Chinese, French, Japanese, and English. God only knew why I, who sang, ‘There has never been any savior, nor do we rely on gods or emperors,’ was chosen as an apostle.

So, did the true God simply not care about my thoughts? Or was there another reason for my selection?

If God merely wished to help me, why would I be bound to a system?

Ugh, how troublesome. I’m no theologian; I know nothing about these complex theological questions. Could there be an identity description on the system that I overlooked?

“Open system.”

Even amidst the hazy steam, the system’s interface remained perfectly clear. Though it appeared to float in mid-air, I suspected its display actually manifested directly within my mind.

This thought sent shivers down my spine. Could the God I dreamt of actually be a higher extraterrestrial intelligence? Perhaps they used biotechnological modifications on me, then created a brother to monitor me, and implanted a chip in my brain to make me believe the system was real.

It’s over; humanity is in danger!

If I disgrace Earthlings and cause our planet to be conquered and humanity annihilated, I’ll become a sinner for all eternity!

Future survivors would undoubtedly fill history books with my evil deeds, trampling my name underfoot a thousand times, ensuring I could never rise again!

“You have a new message.”

When did it get an email function?

I opened the newly appeared inbox and found a single message:

[Sister, your thoughts are quite dangerous; I can hear them all. It’s strange that you can accept the existence of aliens but not what has already happened to you.]

Sending messages seemed to automatically convert speech into text, yet I still found this system somewhat cumbersome. Was the inability to use voice communication due to technical limitations?

After all, for such a magical system to appear in reality, the programming maestros must have developed an entirely new language beyond mortal comprehension. Thus, this Apostle System felt more like a test for a new programming language, far from complete.

“Does Ling Chen have his own system too? How did you send me that message?”

“You have a new text message.”

[Sister, this is because our souls are linked, allowing us to communicate in this way.]

The concept of a soul link is far too idealistic! And if we’re soul-linked, why can’t he just speak to me telepathically? How does he know what I’m thinking?

Could there really be a chip in my brain, and Ling Chen is an extraterrestrial product?

“You have a new text message.”

[Firstly, Sister, you haven’t learned the skill of telepathy, so you can’t communicate with me in real-time. Secondly, when you let your imagination run wild, you completely open your mind without any defenses. I see your thoughts as clearly as watching a movie.]

[Thirdly, I am not an extraterrestrial product. Beings from outside Earth are targets you need to expel. The angels said that if you encounter followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Four Chaos Gods of the Warp, Cthulhu, or any evil gods, you should treat them directly as enemies.]

So, even in this era, religious conflicts still exist? And why do the names of these religions sound so bizarre!

A flurry of strange and fantastical beliefs suddenly flooded my mind.

I asked curiously, “Then, is Mahayana Buddhism considered a heresy?”

No message arrived immediately. After a considerable pause, I received a new message.

[Unclear. That falls under the purview of Eastern deities.]

“Are the 152nd Cult and the Multi-Turret Cult religions?”

[Matters concerning military enthusiasts should be directed to the God of War. As for which God of War, I’m not sure.]

Though I often encountered the idea of the modern world being in an era of ‘Dharma-ending’ in novels, I now realized that not only did deities exist in this world, but they also kept up with the times.

I recalled reading a book once that mentioned ‘new gods’ and ‘old gods.’ Could this world possibly have a God of Anime, a God of Otaku, or a God of Moe? If so, please let me become a believer!

[Sister, are you pretending to convert only to repent later? While there’s no precedent for an apostle changing their deity, you could be the first brave soul to try.]

“Cough, cough, just kidding.”

[By the way, Sister, would you like some braised dishes? There’s an elderly woman who makes incredibly fragrant and delicious ones. Shall I buy some?]

“Of course!”

Ending my message exchange with Ling Chen, I opened my personal information.

“User Information:

Name: Ling Jiu

Gender: Male ♂ (Female ♀)

Identity: Apprentice Apostle

Experience: 0

Current Ability: Lucky Moment (on cooldown)

Combat Power: 5 (Rating: A piece of trash with 5 combat power)

Status: Angel’s Blessing (effect unknown), Feminization (effect unknown), Soul Link (effect unknown)”

It seemed there were no major changes to my personal information, other than a slight increase in combat power. The ‘Apprentice Apostle’ status still had no explanation, which made me a little anxious.

As a homebody who conserved energy, I found everything troublesome. Hearing that apostles had to expel extraterrestrial beings made it seem utterly unbearable.

So, the existence of aliens was confirmed? This was rather grim. It implied aliens could be lurking among us on Earth at any moment; even our neighbors could be extraterrestrial.

Like the Skrulls from Marvel, had they already infiltrated Earth’s high echelons, ready to invade at any time? Thinking further, did Cthulhu still exist in R’lyeh beneath the sea?

Were apostles simply modern-day investigators? And those Four Chaos Gods of the Warp were even more absurd.

If there truly were such Warp Gods, did it mean God was the God-Emperor who would one day sit on the Golden Throne, ushering in a golden age for humanity?

Wait, suddenly dumping so many settings will cause the power levels to collapse!

No matter what, they shouldn’t contradict established lore. I didn’t want to get caught up in dangerous events, nor did I want to save the world.

I simply wanted to enjoy my time with my goddess! Anyone who dared to disrupt my silly daily life would face my wrath!

Even a homebody had things they wanted to protect.

Finishing my shower-time musings, I suddenly realized the steam had completely obscured my vision. “Oh no, the hot water’s been running too long! The water and electricity bills will exceed the budget!”

At that moment, I somewhat envied those who could have bathtubs at home. My bathroom was too small to fit a large tub, so I couldn’t take baths. Alas, how wonderful it would be to soak in a bath anytime at home. I remembered watching anime where Japanese families shared bathwater, and there was even a tradition of families bathing together. I wondered if that was true.

If it were true, I imagined many exciting plotlines could emerge. The different cultural backgrounds meant that classic tropes didn’t always translate, which was truly a pity.