This Snowy Day is Far Too Cold

“Achoo! …The snow is getting heavier… Achoo!”

By the time Su Yanlan and I returned to the camp gate, the sky had already grown dark.

Night would soon fall.

The snow outside the camp was deep, and with every step, I sank into it.

The thin clothes I wore made the journey agonizing.

My vision was starting to go white at the edges, and I couldn’t feel my limbs.

I just slowly followed behind Su Yanlan.

She hadn’t said another word on the way back, nor had she dragged me.

The atmosphere between us was heavy.

What had happened?

I didn’t know.

It seemed that ever since I had expressed my reluctance to go out this morning, she had grown cold.

“I’m going back.”

Once inside the camp, she tossed out the words and walked off down the street toward her clothing store.

In my line of sight, her pink hair was gradually covered by the falling snow until I could no longer see her.

I didn’t really care.

I just wrapped my arms around myself and trembled as I walked toward my home.

It was so cold.

The roads inside the camp were no better than outside.

The snow, as in previous years, was left uncleared.

The steps in front of many houses were buried, and the low rooftops were covered in a blanket of silver.

The only difference today was the increased number of patrols.

They wore various kinds of cotton-padded coats, but all of them carried guns.

Even these stern-faced enforcers of the leader couldn’t help but chuckle when they saw me shivering in my pink maid outfit.

In the whistling wind, the hearty laughter of the big men was piercing, but I had no intention of talking back.

With my thin arms and legs, I didn’t have the courage to provoke these burly men.

“Ugh…”

My numb legs gave way, and I tripped, falling face-first into a patch of snow that had been trampled by countless people.

So cold… so cold… this snowy day was colder than any I could remember.

In all the past years, I had never been this miserable.

Why?

Because in previous winters, I had been just like those soldiers, wrapped in a warm, padded coat.

My current situation was undoubtedly the result of my past misdeeds, but I would never feel guilty.

I knew I was a scumbag.

A scumbag doesn’t repent, nor should they.

Someone who can truly repent isn’t a scumbag.

Laughter echoed around me, probably at my pathetic fall.

It didn’t… matter anymore.

I struggled to get up, took a few more steps, and fell again.

Another round of laughter.

Had I been falling like this all the way back to the camp?

I wasn’t sure.

My brain was probably frozen.

I should be grateful that the snow was thick enough to cushion my falls, so I didn’t have to worry about breaking any bones.

“Achoo! Just have to… get home… a good sleep will fix everything.”

I felt like my mind was no longer my own.

In a daze, I whispered words of comfort to myself and got up again, staggering forward.

My body wouldn’t obey.

I had been walking in this freezing weather for a long time, for hours, from the medium-radiation zone to the camp.

I was completely exhausted.

I walked a few steps, fell, got up, and fell again.

Gradually, the laughter faded, replaced by the soft crunch of my own footsteps and the sound of the wind.

It wasn’t because the soldiers had found their conscience.

They were just bored.

In this kind of weather, scavengers like me, who kept falling until they couldn’t get up again, were a common sight.

It was worth a laugh, and that was all.

They didn’t have time to waste on someone like me.

A snowdrift by the side of the road might be hiding the frozen corpse of a scavenger.

Every winter, people who couldn’t endure the hunger and cold would die.

Perhaps some of my ex-girlfriends, whom I had kicked out, had also frozen to death on a snowy night.

It didn’t matter.

They were nothing to me.

Once their value was used up, they were better off dead.

“Home… just have to get home… it won’t be cold at home.”

I whispered, the sounds of the wind and my footsteps fading from my ears.

The biting cold was slowly receding.

It wasn’t getting warmer.

It was just an illusion.

I knew that.

I was probably going to die.

“Achoo! No, Qin Yue, you have to die with some dignity. Freezing to death on the street… people will just laugh at you.”

I couldn’t even hear what I was saying.

I could only feel my lips moving.

One step, one fall.

When I finally reached the familiar alleyway, I didn’t know what had kept me going.

My small house was no different from the outside, covered in white snow.

The neighbors had long since brought their firewood inside, and a warm glow emanated from the cracks in their windows.

The grass next to my house was buried, the green and withered blades alike bent under the weight of the snow.

After this snow, the grass would all die, just like the scavengers who had nothing.

The only difference was that the uncontaminated grass would grow back in the spring, while the scavengers, once dead, were gone for good, their bodies possibly even eaten by other scavengers.

“Achoo! Achoo!”

I sneezed twice, then crouched down and dug my hand into the snowdrift in front of my door, fumbling around until I found the key hidden under a rock.

“Finally… back.”

I inserted the key, opened the door, and looked into the dark little room with a sense of relief.

This snowy day was exceptionally cold.

I stood at the entrance, rubbing my still-numb hands, then slowly stepped inside.

Once inside, out of the snow, my body began to burn.

My limbs were still disobedient, and my head was spinning.

Yes, after walking in the snow for so long in a thin maid outfit, it was only natural for my cold to worsen.

Or maybe it was a fever.

It was a small miracle that I had made it home without freezing to death.

With great effort, I pulled my winter quilts from the wardrobe and clumsily carried them to the bed.

They fell to the floor several times, but eventually, I got them where they needed to be.

I had no strength left to take off my snow-soaked clothes.

I stumbled a few steps and collapsed onto the bed.

I managed to pull a quilt over myself, not even bothering to spread it out.

Beneath me was still just a thin blanket.

I didn’t care about the consequences of sleeping in wet clothes.

I was too cold, too tired.

“Achoo! Goodnight…”

In the darkness, the big teddy bear sat silently against the wall, its eyes reflecting a faint glimmer of light.

I don’t know who I was saying goodnight to.

I just drifted off into a deep sleep.

Or maybe I passed out.

I don’t really know.