After finding out what I wanted to know, I suddenly realized that I needed to go out and buy some things.
Although my bust isn’t much different from nothing, the itchy, ticklish feeling of my T-shirt rubbing against it is quite uncomfortable. Plus, my boxer shorts seem a few sizes too big, and I always feel like they might betray me and fall into the embrace of Mother Earth due to gravity…
But I definitely need some suitable clothes. Will my clothes even fit? I worried.
So, I leaned over the wardrobe, rummaging through it. Usually, I only wear a few T-shirts, and when did I last tidy up the wardrobe? I thought irritably, feeling that my temper had worsened since becoming a girl. My usual calm demeanor was surprisingly ruffled by such a small matter?
Well, this will do. I pulled out a light blue hoodie and found a pair of slim-fit jeans. As I put them on, they fit perfectly, and I felt a moment of joy. But it quickly turned into a deep sadness. Of course, I was only 159cm before, and now I’m just 158cm, so it’s only natural that they fit. But they’re a bit too big, and that gave me a tiny bit of comfort and excitement. But I didn’t know that I was only 145cm.
Opening the door, I looked at the familiar sunlight. When was the last time I went out? It must have been three months ago when I signed the contract. Ever since I became a streamer at 13 and learned to shop online, I barely left the house. What’s the point of going out? Shopping alone? Eating alone at a restaurant? Watching a movie alone? It’s depressing just to think about it. Truthfully, the only person I really know in real life is my landlord.
I guess I’m truly a loner, I thought with a self-deprecating smile, and lifted my feet to walk. But I felt uncomfortable in the sunlight. Does staying indoors for too long give you vampire attributes? So, I put on a hat. Actually, I wore a hat because I felt uncomfortable with the stares of passersby. Am I really that strange?
After putting on the hat, the stares did decrease, but it made me look even stranger. It’s not common to see someone wearing a hoodie and a hat in the summer heat.
But under the hat, I didn’t feel hot at all. Maybe it’s because I’m a deity…
Once on the street, I was truly flustered. So many people… My calves were trembling. I’m afraid of interacting with people. Yes, mainly because I haven’t interacted with anyone in five years, and I’ve basically forgotten how to communicate normally. Add to that the descriptions of people’s wicked hearts online, and now I have a severe case of anthropophobia. Not agoraphobia, but anthropophobia. Yesterday, I was just stunned and focused on how to bluff my way through, forgetting to be afraid. Later, when I found out she wasn’t human, I wasn’t afraid. Usually, I don’t say more than a word to my landlady, and now, seeing the crowd, I…
I never realized there were so many people around my house, and I don’t know the way around. Although I’m only 500m from home, the surrounding streets are still unfamiliar.
So, I stood there, dazed, for a while, then gathered my courage and tapped a passing student, probably a middle schooler. ‘Excuse me?’
He turned around sharply. ‘Aww, what a cute little girl! What can I do for you?’
‘Yikes!’ His overreaction startled me, and I screamed and ran away.
What’s wrong with me? I remember that before, I would just be too afraid to speak, not run away and scream. Did my courage shrink after becoming a girl? No, did my courage shrink after becoming a goddess? But I, an 18-year-old man, being called a little girl, it’s a bit…
After some more confusion, I quickly pulled myself together. This time, I must succeed. Taking a deep breath, I approached a woman in her twenties and tugged at the hem of her dress. My mind went blank, and I didn’t think about how inappropriate it might be. Fortunately, I look like a girl now, or I would have been called a pervert.
‘What’s wrong, little girl? Are you lost?’ She turned, looking a bit confused.
‘Um, where can I buy, buy, buy underwear!’ I didn’t hear her question and stammered loudly.
She looked at me with amusement. ‘Go straight, turn left at the next intersection, keep going straight, turn left at the next intersection, then straight again, turn left at the next intersection, and straight again, and you’ll be there.’
I listened dizzily and memorized the directions, not bothering to respond to her continued calls. I walked forward with a confident stride.
Left turn, then left again, um… left again, and finally, one more turn. Huh? After following the directions, I saw the woman from before, smiling mischievously at me. As I walked past her, she looked at me with exasperation.
I was astonished. ‘How did you get in front of me?!’ I was so surprised that I forgot to be afraid.
She looked at me strangely. ‘Think back to the directions I gave you.’
I was a bit confused. ‘Left, left, left, and then…’ This time, I didn’t finish my sentence. A rush of heat surged to my head. Left, left, left, and left again would just bring you back to the starting point!
‘I was just messing with you. I asked a store employee where to buy underwear.’ She looked extremely happy, having encountered such a naturally silly girl. But actually, this is a naturally silly boy, or at least that’s what I think. ‘So, little girl, are you buying underwear?’
I looked at the shop behind me, Pure Cotton Era. My mind was full of question marks. Isn’t this supposed to be a cotton store? How did it become an underwear shop? But to avoid further embarrassment, I obediently didn’t react.
‘Y-yes, of course.’ I tried to sound brave, but inside, I felt guilty. Yes, guilty. Although I look like a girl, I’m actually a boy.
‘Good, little girl, come inside with me,’ She pinched my face, which was trying to act natural, and turned to enter the shop.
Am I really going in? I nervously looked around and saw that no one was watching me. Is this strange? I swallowed hard.
‘Little girl, why aren’t you coming in?’ She stuck her head out of the shop, looking confused.
I quickly acted like nothing was wrong and walked in stiffly.
Once inside, I was completely flustered. There were racks and racks of underwear, mostly in light colors, and they were dazzling to the eyes.
I didn’t know where to look, and I felt guilty all over. But there was a slight, very slight, feeling of excitement. Really, just a little bit…
‘What size are you, little girl?’ The woman’s enthusiastic voice came from behind me. Seeing me flustered, with my eyes darting around, she chuckled. ‘First time here?’
‘Y-yes, f-first time,’ I replied weakly. I suddenly felt a heavy sense of humiliation. A grown man, intimidated by such a small matter. It’s not like someone else has worn it. I gathered my courage, trying to act strong.
‘Oh, I see. Come here, and I’ll measure you.’ She pulled me towards a fitting room. With my newfound courage, I followed her steps and entered the fitting room.
I spread my arms. ‘Go ahead, measure away.’
She reached out to undress me, and I quickly stopped her. ‘W-wait, why take off my clothes?’ I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. My T-shirt was rough and uncomfortable against my chest, so I didn’t wear anything. I couldn’t let her take it off. My manly spirit vanished instantly. I protected my chest.
She rolled her eyes at me. ‘Little girl, how can I measure you with this thick hoodie on? And we’re all girls here, what’s the big deal if I take a look?’
I hesitated. Right, she’s a girl, and it should be okay. And what if a girl sees my chest? It’s not a big deal.
So, I lowered my arms and let her do her job. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, I repeated to myself.
The measuring tape gently wrapped around my chest, and my body shuddered. It was so… itchy. She held my shoulders. ‘Stay still, or we’ll have to do it again.’
It wasn’t intentional, but now it was really awkward. In the small space of the fitting room, we were pressed tightly together. But all I felt was fear, as if the person next to me was a wild beast. This was the closest I had ever been to anyone since I could remember. I had never been this close to a girl, or even a boy.